Oh look! It's crazy!Phoebe, pathetic!Ross, confused!Joey, stubborn!Monica, humble!Chandler and Rachel when I remember to add her to the story. Must be another totally unoriginal, heavy on the dialogue and light on the plot, story from aem77. Sorry I keep subjecting you all to these. It's a sickness! This one takes place mid season 3 or so and assumes the gang do not know Chandler. Enjoy!

"Monica!" Phoebe exclaims excitedly rushing into Central Perk. Monica just manages to safely move her coffee mug from Phoebe's frantic trajectory as her friend collapses in the chair beside hers.

"Do I have the guy for you!" Phoebe announces gleefully. Monica just looks back at her friend warily. Phoebe has many admirable qualities but her taste in most things, particularly men, tends to run very differently from Monica's.

"It took forever," Phoebe tells her stretching out the word and stressing her time commitment by violently clenching her fists in front of the billowy peasant's blouse she's sporting. "But it was worth it," she tells Monica relaxing once more, "because he is perfect, absolutely perfect. You're soul mates!" She concludes ecstatically.

"There's no such thing as soul mates," Monica states confidently. She's been revisiting the notion pretty much nonstop since she's chosen to walk away from the very best relationship she's ever managed to have. If soul mates are a thing and Richard was hers, than she's a bigger idiot than even her mother has been giving her credit for. "Besides, I'm not ready to meet anyone new yet," she adds when it appears clear that Phoebe won't be backing down from her matchmaking.

"Well you better get ready," Phoebe threatens completely ignoring her friend's reservations, "because I invited him here for coffee. He should be coming any minute now!"

"But Richard and I…"

But she isn't able to expand on her favorite topic of her failed relationship as Phoebe angrily interjects, "No, no, no. No more Richard!" The angry fists are back on display once more and Monica actually recoils a bit from her friend's outburst. "I can't stand to hear you complaining about missing Richard for one more second."

"But it's only been a month," Monica whines. A time when she'll be over Richard seems highly theoretical at this point and if Phoebe is expecting a complete recovery any time soon she's in for some serious disappointment.

"Not one more second!" Phoebe repeats, fists a-blazing. Monica tries to remember the first time she'd met Phoebe and if she'd had any inkling at the time how scary her seemingly friendly if flakey friend would turn out to be.

"Fine. I'll have coffee with him," Monica agrees reluctantly. Though she adds a petulant, "Jeez…", not entirely willing to concede defeat.

"What about me, Pheebs?" Her brother asks hopefully from beside her on the sofa. "Did you find anyone for me?" Poor sweet lonely Ross. He really has had the worst dating luck since his dalliance with Rachel crashed and burned.

"No, no, nobody for you," Phoebe reprimands him sharply, waggling her finger emphatically. "And I'm not looking either. Your soulmate is right in front of your face," she murmurs loudly with a meaningful glance at the counter where Rachel is trying and failing to balance a plate and mug of coffee in her arms. Though the rest of them are ready to cut their losses and move on, Phoebe seems oddly committed to a future for Monica's best friend and brother.

Phoebe continues to glare angrily at Ross for a moment or two before recollecting herself and continuing on with her unintentional yet impressive impersonation of Yente from Fiddler on the Roof, "Oh, but I did find someone for Joey!"

"Right, because Joey needs the help," Ross mumbles with a pout.

"For me?" Joey asks all touched that Phoebe's included him in her mad schemes. "Aw, that's so sweet, Phoebe," he smiles affectionately across the coffee table at her for a moment before dropping his sentimental tone and adding with bravado "But seriously I really don't need any help in that area, if you know what I mean."

"We know what you mean," Ross deadpans, just barely beating Monica to the remark.

"Well, I wasn't looking for you," Phoebe explains. "But when I met this person I just knew they were the one."

"Well alright then," Joey replies starting to get excited, "Tell me about my soul mate."

"They're perfect for you," Phoebe gushes. "You guys have so much in common! They're really into all that sophomoric crap you like too."

"Sophomoric?" Joey asks with a frown. Monica wonders if he's insulted or merely confused. Probably the latter, she decides.

"You know, cartoons, beer and pizza, poker," Phoebe clarifies, ticking the shared interests off on her fingers. "Trust me. You're going to love them."

"A chick that plays poker? Nice!" Joey says nodding his head and waggling his eyebrows at them all. On any other person it would come across as sleazy, but there's something about Joey Tribbiani that actually makes a leer seem charming.

"There is this one little thing," Phoebe begins, holding her thumb and forefinger closely together to stress the triviality of the one thing that may be wrong with Joey's potential soul mate. Her tone and feigned nonchalance put them all ill at ease as they wait to hear about the possible defect.

"What? What is it?" Joey asks, immediately distrustful. "She doesn't have a wooden leg does she? Cause I am not doing that again."

Monica kind of wants to hear more about this one-legged woman, but before she can press Joey for details, they're all distracted by the arrival of a man making his way into the coffee shop. Phoebe spots him first and begins waving him over energetically.

Feeling suddenly nervous, Monica turns in her seat to get a better look at the guy Phoebe's selected for her. At first glance he's unremarkable, tall with a medium build and sandy brown hair. He's dressed like any one of the hundreds of young men working in the business district, though his otherwise generic look is punctuated by a very loud and colorful tie. She's inclined to think it rather silly till the new arrival's eyes meet her own. They're a really beautiful blue and this feature combined with the shy little smile he sends her a moment later have the strange effect of making his once offensive tie seem suddenly rather adorable.

"Um, hi…again," he greets Phoebe with a small wave.

"Chandler! You came," she says happily, jumping up from her seat to hug him tightly. He seems surprised by this but handles it, Monica notes, with reasonable grace. "I'm so glad. Did you have any trouble finding it?"

"No, no," he reassures her. "Your directions were good. Unconventional," he adds with a pause. "I had to ask a few people before I could find out which taqueria on 5th made the best horchata, but once I had that figured out, smooth sailing," he punctuates this statement with a complicated and unclear hand gesture presumably meant to demonstrate how easily he'd managed finding the coffee shop. "Actually I ended up drinking quite a bit of horchata," he adds in embarrassment a moment later. "Do you know if there's a restroom here I could use?"

With a nod of thanks to Phoebe, who directs him towards the rear of the coffee shop, Chandler turns to leave them momentarily and Monica waits a beat to ensure he's out of hearing range before turning to her friend, "I've got to hand it to you, Pheebs. He's kind of cute. Where did you meet him again?"

"He works at some office downtown, well I think he works there. He was in the break room anyhow," Phoebe pauses a moment to recollect, and Monica shudders a bit thinking of how many random men Phoebe must have harassed over the last few weeks on her self-assigned mission of finding Monica a soul mate. She really can't decide if she's flattered or insulted.

"I think he thinks I'm the boss' niece," Phoebe tells them proudly, preening at her own cleverness.

"Wait. He thinks what?" Monica asks in alarm. If things do work out with this guy, she's clearly going to have a lot of explaining to do.

"Well I had to say something to get him to come down here," Phoebe tells her defensively. "I wanted him to meet Joey!"

"Say what now?" Joey asks in surprise, echoing Monica's own thoughts.

"I wanted you two to meet," Phoebe tells him, unperturbed by his obvious discomfort. "You're going to have the best time together!"

"This is the person you found for me?" He asks angrily. "That guy's my soul mate?"

"Mm-hmm. He's great, right? I mean his jokes are terrible," Phoebe admits begrudgingly, "but they're probably going to be over your head anyhow, no offense, so you don't need to worry about that. Trust me. You guys are going to have so much fun!" She finishes happily.

"Hey, what about me?" Monica asks irritably. Sure, initially she hadn't wanted to do this whole soul mate thing, but now that the guy is actually here she finds she doesn't really want to give him up, at least not to Joey anyhow.

"What? That guy? For you? No, I don't think so," Phoebe scoffs. Monica bristles slightly at Phoebe's condescension. Why were her friends always assuming they knew her better than she knew herself? Was she really such an open book? Her hard feelings are appeased a moment later however as Phoebe clarifies, "Monica you could do so much better than that guy, believe me."

"Why, what's wrong with that guy?" Ross asks curiously.

"I'll tell you what's wrong with him. He's a guy!" Joey whispers furiously to Phoebe, fearfully eying the restrooms anticipating Chandler's return.

"Well duh." Phoebe agrees. "Though he does have kind of a feminine quality, don't you think?" She adds thoughtfully.

"Phoebe, you set me up with a dude!" Joey reiterates frantically.

"Yeah, and you didn't set me up with anyone," Monica adds, again feeling oddly disappointed.

"Yes, I did," Phoebe tells her. "I found you Don. He's coming any minute now. He's mature and British and imports wine and cheese, really pretentious. I mean, he is perfect for you. You are going to owe me so big time for this."

"Yeah?" Monica asks hopefully, ignoring Phoebe's slight jab and starting to come around to her match making. She likes the sound of this guy already. Don. Maybe short for Donald? British? Even Richard wasn't British. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all. "Okay, great!"

"Well I'm glad you ladies worked that all out," Joey interrupts in frustration. "But I've still got a date with a dude!"

"Listen. Don't think of it that way, alright?" Phoebe consoles. "Why don't you guys just go to the Knicks game and see how things go."

"I'm not going out with a guy!" Joey repeats. His anger almost instantly disappears a moment later however as the meaning behind Phoebe's words dawn on him. "Wait. Did you say Knicks game?"

"Mm-hmm." Phoebe nods.

"As in Knicks playoff game? As in game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals Knicks playoff game?" Joey's emotions have done a full 180 shift now as he gleefully bounces back and forth in excitement.

"I don't know," Phoebe tells him distractedly rummaging in her enormous purse for the tickets. "It's baseball I think?"

"Show me those tickets," Joey demands, snatching them from her hands the moment they appear from her bag. After turning them over for inspection a few times he returns them asking in an awed whisper, "Phoebe, where did you get these?"

"Some guy gave them to me as a tip for a massage today," she tells him irritably. "Can you believe that cheapskate? Some people…" she mutters shaking her head in disgust.

Joey just looks at her in amazement for a moment, before yelling out "Chandler!" to the other man who has returned from the restrooms and now stands awkwardly behind the well-worn sofa of Central Perk.

"Yes?" Chandler answers, clearly taken aback by being so forcibly addressed by a total stranger.

"You like the Knicks?" Joey asks bluntly, without preamble.

"Um, the New York Knicks?" Chandler repeats, well and truly confused. Monica feels a wash of sympathy for him as he looks around at them all before answering. "Yeah, I love them." They all continue to stare, which must make him even more uncomfortable, because a moment later he continues rambling nervously, "Though I do think Riley should mix up the offense a little. We're depending too much on Ewing to do everything."

Monica has absolutely no idea who this Riley or Ewing are, or if this analysis has any credibility at all, but when Chandler's baffled gaze lands on her face, she sends him a reassuring smile. He returns it, which makes her own smile grow.

"Yeah, you're right." Joey agrees, clearly following Chandler's assessment. "I mean you got Oakley all by himself out at the three point line. Kick it out once in a while, you know?"

"Yeah," Chandler agrees looking around at all their blank stares for confirmation. "The Bulls bench is just so deep," he tells them as if to convince them of his point. "We can't just throw the same five players out there for 48 minutes and expect to beat those guys." His nervous and impassioned critique comes to an abrupt end and he pushes his hands almost violently into his pants pockets looking for all the world like he might die of embarrassment.

"Told you" Phoebe murmurs boastfully out of the side of her mouth, nudging Joey meaningfully.

"Will you quit?" He demands, stepping out of range of her elbow before turning back to Chandler once more. "Do you want to go to the game tonight?"

"You've got tickets?" Chandler asks in astonishment before recollecting himself and adding, "I mean I'd love to, but I kind of thought… Because Phoebe said...Who are you, again?" He fumbles on for a bit, clearly unsure of how he's managed to unintentionally stumble into plans with both his boss' crazy niece and this stranger bearing playoff tickets.

"Don't worry," Phoebe tells him. "Uncle Dan won't mind if you go to the game with Joey instead of taking me out tonight."

"Do you mean Doug?" Chandler asks in absolute confusion. Once more his eyes seek out Monica for reassurance and she finds she's oddly pleased that he's chosen her as the probable sane one of the group.

"Give me those tickets, woman," Joey huffs, snatching the them from Phoebe's hands once more. "C'mon man," he tells a baffled Chandler, leading him away by the elbow. "We're going to the game. I'll explain everything in the cab."

Monica sends the poor guy another reassuring smile, which seems to convince him to go peacefully along with Joey and the two men are out the door a moment later.

"You know, Phoebe. I like basketball too," an aggrieved Ross pipes up a moment later.

"The Knicks are a basketball team?" Phoebe asks curiously. "Huh."