She, a death note fanfic

This is a story I got an idea of after watching Death Note. This is an AU story, and it doesn't follow the storyline or the Task Force at all. Most of the characters don't make an appearance, and some are mentioned only in passing. This is more of a long oneshot/drabble. I'm considering making this a story, but I also want to leave it as it is so... This is rated MA for sex scenes and the adult situations and mention of suicide. Also the theme of the story overall. So thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it.

~HSS

Before she even fully woke up, she felt it. Something was...off. Maybe it was in the air, or even in the way she was laying in the sheets. It crawled up her spine and left a dry taste in her mouth. Eventually she sat up and looked around. This wasn't her room. She couldn't hear the busy street noise that usually accompanied her mornings, and the stomping on the stairs outside her apartment. Instead, it was quiet. She sat there, wondering. Half of her wanted to snuggle down into the sheets, pretend that it was a dream. And maybe it was. An incredibly realistic dream. Or just maybe... it wasn't.

Looking through a room that seemed to be hers, but wasn't hers was interesting. Clothes that she had interest in, but never could afford were hanging in her closet. The mirror, however, held the most surprise. The face in the mirror wasn't hers. Her hair was black, eyes were brown, and she was shorter than she remembered being. Above all, her race was changed. As she felt her new face with her new hands, she mused the idea of re-carnation. Maybe she died in her sleep or something. The thought should have scared her, but it didn't. She probably should be freaking out, but what good would that do her? In fact, if she was honest with herself, she couldn't quite care at all.

She dressed herself in the clothing in the closet, and decorated her face with the various products lining the counter, and bejeweled her ears with simple pearls and diamonds. Which, she thought, were quite real. Maybe she was a body snatcher. If so, what had happened to the pervious girl? Maybe she was in her former body? She couldn't bring herself to care. So far, this body and its life were looking very attractive. She didn't know if she would be returning, so, might as well make the best of it.

Downstairs, to her surprise, was nice. Examining the photos lined in the room right in front of the stairs, she found her body's smiling face next to what appeared to be her parents and siblings. The father looked older, smile lines across his cheeks, and the mother with traces of beauty still left in her eyes. One of the two boys in the picture appeared to be the eldest, more regal, and more arrogant. The other one was the youngest of her and the eldest, and had the air of a youth that didn't know the tragedies of the world. She wondered through the rooms until she came to the kitchen, where her body's mother stood over a stove.

"Ah, would you mind finish setting the table? Your father is getting ready. No need to set your brother's places. They've already gone to school." The woman finished speaking and turned back to her cooking, not needing an answer.

She sighed and started to gather the necessary items, guided by an unseen help. She was sure now that her life was changed, and that living in Japan, as where she identified it, was her new life. She finished, and her mother brought food to the table, carefully laying it out in an artistic fashion. Soon enough, heavy footfalls alerted her to her father's arrival. As soon as he sat down, her mother served the food, letting them eat when she thought they all had enough. She realized that it was her body's nature to keep quiet, as her parents were unconcerned with her silence as they talked quietly to each other. Soon the meal was over, and she was off to school, as directed by her mother, who had reprimanded her for not wearing school appropriate clothing.

The school was nice, if not more than nice. It was also large, more so than what her previous high school had been. As she wandered to her class, she mused about her luck. It seemed that she instinctually knew what to do, hence her able to speak and read Japanese and her being in the right class. How... lucky. She also learned her body's name, Shinju, when the teacher called roll. Shinju. She could live with that.

The day went on, as she was forced through a second round of high school. Luckily it was her "senior" year of high school, and next would be college. It would also seem that she didn't have any close friends, which was fine with her, but enough to make it seem that she wasn't a loner. However, it was her middle class that stirred the pot, so to speak. Two rows in front of her and by the window was a familiar head of hair. With a familiar concealed look of boredom on a familiar handsome face. It took everything for her not to bust out laughing and crying at the same time. How ironic, how devastating ironic. It seems that her idea of re-carnation wasn't that far off. More so... transporting to another world? Her eyes flicked to his face, and traced over his motions. He was still in high school, and it didn't seem as if he was having a silent conversation. Maybe this was pre-Death Note. Or actually, she thought with a bitter smile as she watched a black book drift slowly to the ground... Perhaps this is D-Day.

What should you do when you find yourself in a world that most certainly shouldn't exist? Make a change? Use what knowledge you have to impact the storyline? As she walked home, she came to decision. She would do nothing. Not that she didn't care, it was just she didn't care enough. She didn't care enough to risk her life choosing a side, or being a pawn in a game between geniuses. As amusing as it was to see them fight, she currently did not want to be caught in the crossfire. That night as she prepared for bed, she laughed. If some creator or god or whatever, sent her to this universe thinking she'd risk her life on Light or L, they were incredibly wrong. She would do her best to stay out of the way, and out of the attention. She would watch how this all plays out with the rest of the world, and laugh, knowing that in the end, no one wins. Not even the Death God that started it all.

The rest of the school year passed quietly for her, except for the new whispers of "Kira" and the conversations that followed it. Only she allowed herself the luxury of watching Light, tracing his face with her eyes, and musing about the conversations they would have if she went as the all-knowing-of-the-future and he as Kira. However, it seemed that the Thing that brought her to this world was disappointed in the lack of interest she had in Light, and decided to interfere. One day she was walking home, thinking as she often did, when he spoke to her. His act was pretty good, this time he was the shy nerd who had a secret crush on one of the prettiest girls in his class, asking her out. However she could see thought it, as would anyone who knew Death Note, and waved him off. As he continued to wax complements, he was stopped by her inquiring as to what the date was. When she heard her answer, she frowned. The FBI man, was following Light. Ah, she remembers. So out of curiosity and plain boredom, she accepts, knowing that a front row seat to this would be highly amusing.

The day comes, and she doesn't dress up or dress down. She looks the way she always does, and she thinks that Light would appreciate it more. He picks her up, and if he expects her to try and impress him, he doesn't show it. They go to the arcade in silence, Light seeming unconcerned with his mask of Mr. Perfect at the moment. It worries her for a while, then she relaxes. Why should she care if he puts up an act or not? They go to shops and just walk in silence. She feels different textures in clothing, and feels his gaze crawl up her back. When they leave one store, she catches her first glimpse of FBI stalker Penber. As they ride home on the bus together in silence, with Penber a seat behind them, Light finally talks. He talks once more on how glad he was she went out with him, and that he would love to see her again. She attempts to respond in a way that would be helpful, and in the end they exchange numbers before the bus jacking. When Light pulls her down to hid, she shivers at the closeness and warmth of him. Not only that, but even though she knows Light has this under control, she is still slightly apprehensive, and doesn't wish to end the day with a bullet in her body. Light seems to understand this, and his breath is warm and soft against her neck and ear as he tries to smooth her tremors.

When he writes a note on a simple lined paper and starts his plan using Penber, she uses this chance to touch the Death Note, allowing her to see Ryuk for the first time. Nothing could prepare her to the sight of a Shinigami, to which she lets out a shriek of fear, which lucky doesn't attract the bus jacker. No, it only earns her another embrace of Light Yagami, who smells delightful, and the attention of Ryuk, who shyly waves his hand, before laughing hard. Oh dear. She miscalculated and may end up paying for it. Oh well.

The date ends with Light apologizing for the bad ending note, and asking if they could go out again sometime. She looks at him, seeing the slightly red tent to his eyes, and his overconfidence. She thinks, and revises her decision. Her eyes flirt up to meet Ryuk's then back to Light's. She nods, allows him to slightly kiss her cheek, and watches from the living room window as Light walks away, Ryuk his ever present shadow. Later that night, she will fully and hotly deny the heat in her cheeks and she runs her fingertips over the area where his lips touched. She will also deny that she went to sleep with a smile on her face, maybe even her first real one in a while.

Months after their date, it is time to take the entrance exam to To-Oh. Of course she wasn't even interested at all of attending the college, her eldest brother, a junior this coming year, convinced her to do so. As she sits in her chair, she sees Light who is a few rows behind her, and L, who is a few rows ahead of her. Ignoring both she takes the exam, finishing just before time is called. As she walks home, Light catches up, reminding her of only months ago. They talk, him apologizing of lack of communication, citing studying and such, and her accepting them, knowing the lies they were. They walk and talk when he springs Ryuk on her. Not even she could hide the fright he gives her, his face shoving in front of hers. With that, her fate has been sealed.

Her excuses are shoved aside. She soon finds himself in his room, on his bed, pinned by his arms. He wants answers. He wants her knowledge. Soon, what he wants isn't what he thought he wanted, and he is hot and thick inside her. While Light may play Kira, he may play God, he is also a man, a hot blooded male, and she? Well, she has no excuse. Not really. Soon he is off her and she almost moans even more at the loss of him. She looks at the ceiling, grateful that Ryuk wasn't still hanging around. She and even he, are panting, both coved in sweat and other bodily fluids. She lays there, tired and satisfied. She hears him moving around his room, getting dressed and cleaning himself up. She hears him disappear into the bathroom, and gets up herself, mopping up with a towel she finds.

As she is almost finished dressing, she freezes. Surely, surely... The cameras. Hopefully L hadn't installed them yet, and hopefully no one had seen them... who was she kidding? She was this universes version of the porn Light read. Not that she really minded. Not that much. Soon he walks her out, and as he leans to kiss her cheek, she whispers into his ear. She then turns and heads not home, but to a drugstore where hopefully they have some version of a morning-after pill. She wasn't ready to be a mother, well, not yet anyways.

Since casting her side, aka sleeping with Light, she feels noticeably happier. Perhaps it is the Thing granting her relief as a reward for helping Light? She didn't know. She didn't care. Or maybe she did? Sometimes she even confused herself.

Time passed. Light called, and he didn't call. She semi-followed the progress of Kira. It wasn't like she didn't know what was going on. In her own house, her mother was the perfect housewife, her father was a perfect business man, and her eldest brother was the perfect college student following in his fathers path. And her? Well, she was in college, being in college. The youngest in the family started high school, and all was well. Except however, her. She was bored. And that boredom let to her standing at the Yagami's doorstep unannounced. She rang the bell, and waited, for the door to be opened by Light. He stood there in all of his tainted perfection. His eyes met hers, and they stayed like that for what seemed to be an eternity. As Light opened his mouth, they were interrupted by Misa Amane. She dutifully suffers the overly sweet talk from Misa about Light, and acknowledges the underline warnings from her. Soon the bubbly form of Misa leaves, and it's just her and Light. Soon it's her, Light and a bed as he thrusts into her, taking out his frustration and annoyance of Misa on her. She mentally laughs as she realizes it only gets worse for him, and all thoughts of Misa are taken away when he bites and sucks her skin, leaving behind only pleasurable pain.

Soon she and Light are something, but are not anything. Officially, Misa is Light's loving girlfriend, whom he cherishes. Unofficially he is with her, as she moans his name and tangles her hands in his hair. He and Misa date, they get coffee and cake, while she and Light wander the busy streets and whisper secrets in the dark. He could kill her anytime, so why not? She could also ruin him at anytime, but she doesn't care to re-inform him often. Soon L snatches him up, and he's working with the Task Force all the time. She doesn't care. She takes the time to bring a few grades up, focus on finding a job. She laughs at herself for getting involved in what she promised herself she wouldn't. But she won't stop. She's in far to deep. Soon he finds her again, sliding into her slowly. This time however, something has changed. He's gentle, not breaking her skin. He presses butterfly kisses all over, and teases her sweetly. Every kiss is seemingly cherished, and every stroke meaningful. That night he stays, and they sleep together, skin touching and breathing in synch. It isn't until later she realizes that it might have been his way of apologizing, for what she cannot imagine, or maybe his way of showing her cares about her? Whatever it was, she knew it wouldn't happen again, or if it did, he wouldn't be the same person he was now.

He then disappears for months, imprisoned by L, and Ryuk appears, giving her pieces of the Death Note. Just now she realizes the plot has changed, and nothing is solid anymore. Soon she meets Light, the Light without Kira, and she hates him. She wants the man, for that is what he is in her eyes, the man who bruises her and gives her ecstasy, who has her moaning and screaming in the night. Not this... boy who wants to catch Kira and bring him to justice. She thinks it's fair turnabout, knowing the hell Misa is putting him though. He'll find her when he remembers.

When he does, the red glint in his eyes is dominate, letting her know that this isn't Light in charge, it's Kira. It is Kira who slams into her so hard that the headboard knocks against the wall. It is he who grasps her hips so hard that it leaves bruises for the next few weeks, and it is him who has her again and again throughout the moonless night. In the morning, Light is there, but he isn't Light anymore. That innocence that he had left is gone, and it scares her. She wonders now if she was right to cast her slot with Light, but she's fallen to deep now.

A feeling curls up inside her, burning her and she knows what it is. It is love. Love, an emotion that should not exist. But it does. The few morals she has left are gone, and she is fully his. Like Misa she has fallen under the spell of Light Yagami, but unlike Misa, she has fallen in love with the Kira side of him. It is her he comes to when L is dead. It is her who holds him when he falls into a dreamlike state, mourning the man who was probably the closest thing he had to a best friend.

Privately she herself will mourn the passing of L Lawliet, a man who she did admire. She would never tell Light this, but if soulmates ever existed, He and L... There's no use in thinking in that anymore. Lawliet is dead, and she cries though the day. She never met the man, but she could have. Could haves run through her mind. Sometimes she sees him eating sweets at her table, or strawberry shortcake next to her as she eats dinner with her family. For the first time she curses the Thing for bringing her here, and giving her visions of what could have been. The visions stop when Light's around, and stop altogether after the first full year of his death. She never truly thinks of him again.

When Light moves into an apartment with Misa she follows, buying a place close to him, but far enough that Misa would never know. She doesn't mind being the other woman, but she hates herself for doing this to Misa. No woman or man deserved to be cheated on. But whenever Light would look at her in that way, she would soon put Misa Amane out of her head.

She gets a job in accounting. She's always been good in numbers, and she's able to flip from job to job. When Misa leaves to film movies overseas or out of the city, she moves in with Light, doing the job of a wife. She hates herself when Light takes her on top of their bed, or thrusts into her onto their couch. But soon the fullness and heat of Light takes those thoughts away, and she moans and screams his name, worshiping him.

It isn't Misa who figures her out first, it was the most unsuspecting person. To an outsider. To her, well, she was always expecting Mrs. Yagami on her doorstep with a box of sweets and a threat to serve with it. It is Light's mother who threatens her, calls her a whore and a slut, and ends up begging her to leave her precious Light and his happy relationship alone. And of course, being the parent pleaser she was, she agreed, and Mrs. Yagami left thinking that the infidelity of her son would stop. That night Light came to her place for the first time, and they did exactly what she said they wouldn't do. And she laughed.

Soon her life became boring. The thrill of sleeping with Light was wearing off, even the days were Kira made an appearance. So she moved on, dating restlessly. She loved Light with every core of her being, but he would never give her what she desired. Or so she thought. Near was pushing everyone, so much that Kira made a nightly appearance in her room. She almost considered giving Light his name, but changed her mind at the last minute.

She soon swelled with child, her belly resembling the full moon. Light convinced Misa to take a television series in the US, leaving him freely to spend his time with her and the Task Force. She spent her days looking for items that would fit her precious son (or at least that is what she thought the baby was.) and thinking of names. It was not meant to be.

Two months before her due date she went into labor suddenly. She came out with a nameless dead son in her arms, and truly understood the meaning of loss. Hours then turned into days, days to weeks, weeks to months, than months to a year. Light ignored the tragedy, and worked even harder. More criminals died that day then any other day, showing that he too was still capable of human emotions. Soon she and Light were two separate stars. After the loss of their child they never slept together again. Light started to plan his wedding with Misa.

Now most of the time she stood looking out the window. She remember her life. She also remembered her life before. Not that it mattered. Sometimes Ryuk would visit her, and to her surprise, and to his excitement, she wrote a name down. One. But it was enough. She knew she wasn't going to Heaven, but Hell didn't sound quite nice, so to nothingness she would go to. Soon the standoff between Kira and the Task Force happened.

She watched the sunset while standing on a bridge overlooking the water. She could hear Ryuk's scream of rage when he realized he couldn't write Light's name down. Smiling to herself, she unfolded the paper she kept all these years, and carefully traced the name on the paper.

Light Yagami

She knew when he would die. At the hand of the Death Note. Only this time, it would be her who wrote it down. She loved him. And because she loved him she would follow him wherever he went. Into nothingness. With that she let go of the paper and watched it drift down and be swallowed by the raging water. She spread out her arms, closed her eyes and felt the sun for the last time. As she fell, her memories flashed by her, quickly yet so slow. When she hit the water she felt it. The heart attack. Ryuk hadn't waited too long to jump to a conclusion, so as he wrote her name down she fell.

Her original name. Darkness closed around her and for the last time in her life, she smiled.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you thought.

~HiddenShadowSoul