Author's Note: This note is pretty much going to be dedicated to addressing something from the mate of this fic, the first in the Hair Pair, Wash Day. You are free to completely skip all this and head straight down to the fic and have yourself a good time. There's a little split that will show you exactly where the bullshit ends and the fic begins friends.

Specifically, I'll be addressing this:

Guest chapter 1 . Mar 30

I feel like this fanfic is a little stereo typical because Bonnie (Kat grahm) is only half black. Even in tvd where her parents appear to be African American you can easily see Bonnie's hair is anything but! The longest it's ever been is shoulder length (maybe a little longer) and it looks like she has less hair than Elena and Caroline. So if your gonna write fanfic the least you could do is get your details right do I don't have to read absolute shit.
Thanks.

I could have put this at the bottom of the fic so as not to obscure the reader's screen as soon as they click on this-but that's not what I wanted. I could have, and almost did leave it in the review space so as not to sully this fic, but I chose not to do that either. You, Guest, chose to leave your opinion-and it is very loosely that, an opinion-in a public space, so I will address it as such; publicly. I am very much aware that everyone who clicks on this fic, and the one that came before it, will see what you said and what I had to say in response. Maybe one day I will remove it, and this will only be another fluffy Klonnie fic without the dissection. But today is not that day.

I know you won't understand what that means, Guest, so I am prepared to explain. I actually have a degree in English. I know a thing or two about communication, forming and supporting arguments. And you, Guest, should not seek to engage in any of those things until you actually know how. We'll start with the first sentence.

I feel like this fanfic is a little stereo typical because Bonnie (Kat grahm) is only half black.

It's very telling that you can't even be bothered to properly spell Kat Graham's name in your attempt to explain who she is.

Stereotypical is not two words, and its definition has absolutely nothing to do with sound directed through speakers. A stereotype is a generalization, usually exaggerated, or oversimplified and often offensive, that is used to describe or distinguish a group.

For example, "Even in tvd where her parents appear to be African American you can easily see Bonnie's hair is anything but!"

Persia White, who plays Bonnie's mother, and also married Joseph Morgan, is biracial. Or "only half black" as you put it. African-American hair is African-American hair as long as it happens to be attached to an African-American. How that hair looks is largely irrelevant. Generalizing that "African-American hair" can only look the way you think it's supposed to look is a stereotype. Not "a little stereo typical." Actually a stereotype.

There are products upon products for people of mixed race to properly care for their hair. Things that they use in their own wash days. Carol's Daughter, Miss Jessie's, the one actually named Mixed Chicks comes to mind.

Another example, "The longest it's ever been is shoulder length (maybe a little longer) and it looks like she has less hair than Elena and Caroline."

Jesus keep me close to the cross.

I could write a 10 page paper, in MLA format, with an annotated bibliography of primary and secondary sources on why you're wrong in just that snippet alone. It's not a difference of opinion. It's not an ugly truth to accept. You're just wrong. More upsetting, you're stupid. Even more upsetting than that, you felt the need to be stupid and wrong in my direction.

You, Guest, took a long time, and used the wrong words to try and say, " I don't like Bonnie Bennett." You could have just typed that originally and gotten the same thing across. It would change nothing, as I was writing Klonnie fics before you and I will write them after you. But it would have only made you look entitled and immature. Not entitled, and immature and stupid.

Instead, what you wrote actually means, " I don't like Bonnie Bennett. I don't like it when nice things happen to Bonnie Bennett. I don't like Klaus Mikaelson lowering himself to washing Bonnie Bennett's hair because I don't like Bonnie Bennett. Klaus should only do something like that to the white female characters I like, and not Bonnie Bennett. I don't want to be called a racist, but I have racist ideas that you might make me feel uncomfortable and bad about so I'm not going to say who I am. My name's Blurryface and I care what you think."

And finally,

So if your gonna write fanfic the least you could do is get your details right do I don't have to read absolute shit.
Thanks.

I don't think you know what those words mean either. I'm going to do whatever I want, and it doesn't matter to me if that upsets you, or anyone else. You got into a browser somehow, Guest, you managed to make your way to the site and towards fic, you at least know how to use buttons. Use them to stay away from things you don't like. You only have to read "absolute shit" when you read your own writing.

Here endeth the lesson.

This is where the fic actually begins. Enjoy.

When you live in close proximity with one such as the Original hybrid, there are certain things you come to notice. There are certain things he does that are unique to being a hybrid. His eyes turn yellow, or amber, on black when he's not at rest. He has two sets of fangs, one behind the other. He does have to shave but he doesn't do it often because he's a lazy thing.

Seriously.

It takes Bonnie 20 minutes to shave her legs perfectly. It'd take him 20 seconds to shave his face-you know what? Not the point.

The point is noticing things about Klaus Mikaelson.

And Bonnie notices, on this particular Friday evening, he's sparkling.

Sparkling?

SPARKLING.

Sure enough, the hybrid is pacing in front of a window. And every time the light hits him, he sparkles. At least, the top of his head does. She thinks maybe it's a trick of the dying light. The sun is sitting, maybe it's just the angle it's coming in.

Nope. Still sparkling.

Now Bonnie has never read Twilight herself. Caroline did and told her all about it, so she didn't see the need. It sounded ridiculous before she was a witch and it's just as ridiculous now. None of that is actually a thing in the real (yes, she knows how that sounds) supernatural world.

So how is it a thing now?

" Why are you sparkling?"

Klaus stops pacing and looks at her. Then runs his hand through his hair and looks at it. Veins creep under his eyes as they flash bright amber. " Still?!"

One of the conditions of her moving to New Orleans was that she would not involve herself in his supernatural affairs. His condition, not hers. In Mystic Falls, he's Klaus Mikaelson and she's the Bennett Witch. In New Orleans, he's the Vampire King and she's Bonnie Bennett. Not even the Vampire King's Girlfriend, just Bonnie Bennett.

Because by nature, he is stronger, and therefore can bare the burden of such responsibilities better than her lovely, but diminutive form can; legendary bloodline or no. Stupid, considerate, stubborn, supportive boyfriend. He thinks he's being charming when he tells her things like that, just because he smiles and touches her lips, or her jaw or especially her nose. And he is, and it works, but that doesn't mean he should do it.

Just like he shouldn't have done whatever he's done to end up with bedazzled hair. " Still? What does 'still' mean? What did you do today?"

The hybrid is busy observing his reflection in first the window, then a proper reflective surface. Original hybrids may not sparkle naturally but they're naturally vain, thus require multiple mirrors in multiple rooms. " Nothing to bloody well deserve this."

She's sure it's quite the opposite. In fact, she's sure it's a magical occurrence. She's so sure, she starts laughing. She tries to cover it of course, but whoever did it it is a true genius. " You upset a witch today, didn't you? One of the older ones that's immune to your charms and she got you back."

" No one is immune to my charms, love," answers Klaus distractedly. He's paying enough attention to keep the whole story to himself, of course. But that's it. The more he touches his hair or ruffles it, the more it seems to sparkle. It's like he's been doused in glitter.

Truly, if Klaus cannot be killed by any ordinary witch, he can certainly be annoyed and/or inconvenienced. Being hexed by apparently everlasting glitter, in your hair of all places, is certainly annoying and nothing if not an inconvenience.

It was funny to begin with, but now she can see he's getting truly upset. It's enough to make her close her book and get up. " Stop, stop, stop, stop," she softly chides while pushing his near frantic hands down. One of them she keeps a hold of to lead him to one of the plush armchairs in the sitting room. " You're making it worse. You're gonna get it in your eyes and then you'll really be pissed."

He only sits down because she's right.

Now that she can see the top of his head though, it doesn't actually look like much. She can't tell if it's reproducing glitter or it's just the same normal stuff being just as impossible. That's probably the point. " Man, she must have been really mad."

" We're nowhere near the river," he starts through gritted teeth. " So stop fishing."

Okay, fine. She deserved that, she is being nosy. But in her defense, he sparkles in the daylight. She does think of something that might solve the problem and end up saving a few lives though. " All right, all right. Am I allowed to fix this for you, or is that against the rules too?"

Of course, Klaus takes his time thinking about it. Even though five minutes ago he was furious about the same thing, he's still a brat. " I suppose I'll allow it. This time."

Yeah, that's what he said downstairs.

Once she begins her cleansing ritual, he's a much different hybrid.

" I take it back. I bloody well deserve this."

Of course, that's because it requires him sitting in the hot water of his rather opulent claw-foot bath tub. With candles lit all over the room. Bonnie's hands wrist deep in his hair. And a big, pleased smile on his face.

" You would get hexed with something that ends up with you getting pampered for it."

That big, pleased smile turns into a self-satisfied grin in the bathroom mirror. Klaus might detest someone else trying to save him from something, but having a shampoo of geranium and bergamot (among other things) massaged into his hair feels pretty damn great.

The cleansing oils and burning candles have undone whatever hex he got put on him. But since she didn't want to make anymore of a mess than he already made, she directed him to the bath tub. Initially, Klaus did bristle at the notion that he needed to take a bath to free himself from the sparkly hex. He immediately took it as a slight against his werewolf side until she explained, " I don't have to wash you, just your hair. I figured the tub would be more comfortable than you bending over the sink for thirty minutes."

She was right again. But this time he's content to admit it.

Hell, he's just plain content.

Klaus doesn't even fuss when she tells him to dunk himself to rinse everything out. And low, and behold, the water is clear. No sparkling or glittering, or anything remotely fitting of Edward Cullen. He is a fearsome half-vampire of the non-Twilight variety.

And he certainly takes issue with her taking too long to resume his massage. The back of his head butts up against her hands rather impatiently. " You're not finished."

Of course, there's still the werewolf half that takes rather kindly to this grooming process and isn't ready for it to be over. Silly Bonnie. You can't wash without conditioning. What are you trying to do, tangle and dry out his hair?

" You're so cute." She leans up enough to plant a kiss on his forehead. " And so spoiled."

'Cute', he lets slide. 'Spoiled' just makes him grin again. " Finish."

And demanding. She didn't say demanding but it should be implied because it's Klaus.

Bonnie can't complain too much though, because she does drag it out a little bit. It isn't every day that she gets to groom her hybrid so. That might change now that he likes it so much, but in case it doesn't, she's decided to enjoy herself.

And before long, she has a drowsy hybrid on her hands. Literally, she's still playing in his now clean hair and he's nodding off. Which is a precious and rare thing. Bonnie knows that she only gets to see this because he's comfortable and trusts her enough to do so. And whatever Klaus did today that he won't tell her potentially took more out of him than he thought.

So she keeps her voice soft when she noses his cheek from behind. " You wanna go to bed?"

It speaks volumes that he just nods his head and climbs out of the tub without a word. She gets quite the view of water sluicing off his naked body as he walks into the adjoining bedroom. That is not so much a rare thing. If it weren't for designer clothes, she thinks he'd wear no clothes at all. Nudity is just not a thing for immortals. Not that she's at all complaining. If anything, it's a perk.

By the time she's put out all the candles and drained the tub, Klaus has already pushed the covers off his side of the bed and dozed off again. He's on his stomach, so it's a light sleep (deep sleep usually has him on his side instinctively and facing the door in case of a threat) but she'll take it.

Such a light sleep, in fact, when she starts taking her clothes off to join him, there's a pair of blue eyes watching her do so.

" Really?" Bonnie can't even pretend to be mad. She's too close to laughing even as she balls up her shirt and throws it at him.

He only catches it because it would otherwise ruin his view. " S'a pretty good show from here, love."

" A massage and a strip show?" Look at him. Just look at him. Won't even move out of the way, just lets her climb over him to get to her side. Pampering and a naked witch, he couldn't be happier. " I better get a pretty good tip for this."

He's trying not to laugh because he's better than such a terrible pun. But it's worse because she didn't even mean to say it and they both know it. Instant amusement on his face, instant regret on hers.

He should be grateful to have a girlfriend that cares enough about him to help him out-by putting a pillow over his smug face. " No, no, no! Don't you dare!"

Going to bed early on a Friday night and it's the highlight of her day.