Flat Line

Summary: When you are starting to feel whole again, you end up loosing the one thing that matters most.

'I would rather die, than become Killer Frost'

Those words haunted Julian as he sat next to Caitlin's lifeless form, the sound of the heart rate machine still echoed around the room, indicating that she was no longer there. He shouldn't have done the surgery. He told Caitlin that he shouldn't have but he couldn't say no to her pleas, her big brown eyes, the way she said she trusted him caused a knife to twist his heart.

He looked at Caitlin, as tears slid down his already tear stained cheeks. He didn't want to believe that she was dead.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't save you.." Julian had tried so hard to save Caitlin, his clumsy hands were never his best qualities, At that moment he wished that he could go back in time. Go back and save Caitlin once more, bring her to a doctor, someone who could help her more than he could.

But he couldn't, all he could do was sit there, he couldn't bring himself to leave the woman he fell in love with knowing that once he left, he couldn't come back. He wouldn't be able to step foot in this building knowing that he watched her die under his hands.

"I should've forgiven you.. when you asked me too.. I should've.. but I didn't.." Julian hid his face in his hands as he tried not to cry out loud.

"I know why you kept the stone.. I knew.. but I let my own bitter judgment get in the way, maybe.. if I had listened to you.. you would be here now.."

"You know.. I always had the hardest time.. admitting my feelings, showing any type of emotions, but then.. when I met you, when I met this team, you guys gave me hope, and light, and everything that I never thought I would've had before." Julian let out a wet laugh as he let the tears fall once more his hands shaking as leaned up brushing some of her hair away from her face resting his hand on her cold cheek.

"Gods, I never got to tell you how much I love you Caitlin.. how much I admire you, how much passion I have for you, I should've told you when I kissed you before.. I should've told you then." He moved his to Caitlin's chin placing his thumb on her blue lips rubbing them slightly.

"There's.. so much that I wish I could've told you.. so much that I want to take back, and start over, start everything all over and make this right the way you deserve.." He pursed his lips as he moved away from her lips, he moved his hands off of her to wipe off his face.

"I'm so sorry Caitlin, " He squeezed his eyes shut as he let out a shaky breath, he knew that he had to make this move and if he didn't do it now, he would never be able to save her.

He reached out his shaking hand grabbing a hold of her necklace that kept her powers at bay, the one that he had given her for Christmas earlier that year as he yanked it off her neck gripping onto it tightly.

"I don't care if you become Killer Frost, I can't live without you in my life Caitlin." Julian said shakily as he let the tears fall down his cheeks once more while he waited desperately for the results.

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A/N: This episode left me in tears. This is mostly Julian centric and his feelings for Caitlin. So please R&R!