All About Yuuri

Summary: In which Yuuri leads a double life á la Clark Kent, the Victor Protection Squad accompanies their charge to Japan and everybody flirts with the cute waiter, but Victor gets the guy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yuri! On Ice.

Chapter 1: Yuuri Katsuki's double life

Like all bad chains of events, it started on a Monday.

Yuuri was practicing loops when his glasses flew off for the fourth time that week. He scrambled after them, but it was too late- they'd banged against the barrier. Damn it, the frames were loose- he would have to get them fixed.

Phichit took one look at the scene, pursed his lips and snapped a picture. Yuuri's phone vibrated in his pocket.

The Thai's eyes burned a hole through Yuuri's jacket, but he kept his mouth shut.

Yuuri panicked. This wasn't good. Phichit was so done he was dealing with the issue via Instagram, Twitter, or whatever his social media platform of the hour was.

In cold sweat, he pulled his phone out and read the notification.

There it was. The snapshot of his busted glasses with the subscript: getting my son contact lenses #Phichitchu #KatsukiYuuri #MySon #ListenToMotherCinnamonSon #MotherKnowsBest #INeedToFeedMyHamstersShhhhh!

''Phichit, no.''

''Phichit, yes.''

''I mean it, I'm not buying contacts.''

Three hours later

''Where did you find my prescription and how did you convince me to check if it was still accurate?''

''Be silent, my son. Mother will fix this.''

Yuuri buried his head in his hands and retreated into his sweater like a turtle hiding in its shell. It didn't help the raging blush working its way up his throat. ''You are the most embarrassing friend ever.''

''Also your only friend next to your kindergarten crush.''

''…You have a point.''

Phichit was proud their relationship had reached the level where Yuuri could admit that without suffering a heart attack out of sheer embarrassment.

#Frienshipsgoalzzzzzz He hit the send button before turning around. ''How do eye examinations work? I've never been myself so- Woah!''

His phone clattered on the ground.

Yuuri's eyes widened. ''Phichit?! Are you alright?!''

Not bothering to pick up his phone (his baby, his beauty, his… Second best friend but also the love of his life? It was complicated), he stared at Yuuri's unadorned face.

''…Yuuri, you pulled a Clark Kent.''

''Phichit, put on your skates and leave the phone off the ice.''

Phichit gasped and clutched his phone to his chest. ''Ciao Ciao! I knew you were a homewrecker! Yuuri, Ciao Ciao is making me cheat on my bae with the ice! Support your mother!''

Yuuri stopped rummaging through his bag and lifted his head. ''You already convinced me to put the contacts in. You spend the ''mother'' card for today.''

He tried to glare, but he looked like a… no, a kitten was too vicious for sweet Japan-chan.

Didn't he want his parents to stay together?!

Ciao Ciao chuckled. ''If you participate in the next competition without glasses, I doubt anybody will recognize you.''

Oh no.

Why, Ciao Ciao, why did you have to do that?

Yuuri ducked into his sweater. ''Maybe I'll do that.''

But Phichit wasn't fooled. Yuuri's eyes gleamed. This was Yuuri Katsuki when enabled.

And indeed, after a few competitions, no one remembered Yuuri Katsuki once had glasses. When Phichit tweeted a picture of Yuuri sleeping with glasses on, the first comment was: Isn't it confusing, with two Yuuri Katsuki's around?

And so, Yuuri's double life began.