He had lost her. Again.

This. This was why he couldn't be open to possibilities.

Every time he allowed himself to hope. Every woman he allowed to get close. They all ended up dead. Because of him. His mother. His sister. Jessica. Now –

No. He couldn't allow himself to think that Lucy might be dead too.

"Where the hell is she!" Wyatt slammed his fist holding that damned crumpled up note into the wall of Carol Preston's home. They had searched every possible spot in Carol's home. They hadn't found her yet. They hadn't found anyone. Only that trail of blood that led to nowhere. His vision closed until all he could see was that smear of blood. Suddenly he couldn't breathe. The panic became over-whelming, digging its claws into his heart and his lungs.

*flash*

He was 6 years old. He could hear his parents screaming downstairs. He crept from his room to the top of the stairs. He could see a smear of blood on the wall at the foot of the stairs. The sight terrified him and he ran to hide in his safe place in the closet, where no one could find him. Where no one would ever find him.

*flash*

He was 7, almost 8. His mom was pregnant and he was so excited to be the big brother to his new little sister. He would protect her from their dad. He was almost 8, almost a man. He could stand up to his dad now. He wasn't a baby anymore.

*flash*

It was his 8th birthday. His dad was drunk and they were screaming again. His dad backhanded his mom and he watched as his mom's lip split and the blood splattered across the floor as she stumbled and fell. He screamed and threw himself at his dad, only to get thrown against the wall. He blacked out.

*flash*

He came to. The world was spinning and he had a hard time seeing anything. But he was aware enough to hear his dad screaming that his mother was a whore and the baby wasn't his. Aware enough to hear the gunshots. And then the thundering silence.

*flash*

"Whoa, man. You alright?" He jolted as he felt Rufus's hand on his shoulder and felt himself stumble unsteadily.

"Sit down," Rufus commanded as he led him to the chair. "Breathe, man. We'll find her. Lucy, she's one of us and we won't stop until we find her."

Wyatt focused on Rufus's words and took a deep breath. He could almost hear an audible pop as his surroundings came back in Technicolor, the images of his past slowly fading away.

What the hell? He hadn't had a flashback to his parents' murder-suicide in years. He thought he had worked through that crap. He shook himself. He didn't have the luxury of wallowing in the past, he had to find Lucy. He forced himself to stand, willed the tremor out of his limbs.

"What do we know?" He demanded from Agent Christopher.

She eyed him with a look that was equal parts skepticism and empathy. "Not much," she said. "We know that the blood type is A positive, the same as about 100 million people in the US, Lucy and Carol included. The blood could be from either one of them or neither. We'll have to send it out to the lab to know more. What does the note say?" She nodded to his fist.

The note. He had forgotten about the note. He had found the note crumpled up and next to the trashcan, as if someone had carelessly tried to throw it away and missed. He doubted he would have found it if he hadn't been so frantic to find any hint of where Lucy might have gone. He slowly smoothed it out and read it aloud.

Wyatt,

I hope you find this note. Rittenhouse has the mothership. Get Flynn. You, Rufus, and Agent Christopher HAVE to get the lifeboat somewhere safe and go after them. You can't let them destroy history.

Stay safe. Trust NO ONE bu

The note cut off abruptly, the last two letters ending in a scrawl. Wyatt closed his eyes as his hand fisted around the note again. In terms of helping them find her, the note provided them with exactly nothing. Typical Lucy, always putting history before her own safety. Always putting everything and everyone before her own safety. It was maddening and yet, it was why they all loved her.

"How can Rittenhouse possibly have the mothership? We haven't even been able to transport the mothership back to Mason Industries yet," he heard Rufus challenge. "Besides which, I thought you had them all arrested."

"I have no – " Agent Christopher began to reply, but paused and walked away to answer her cell phone when it began ringing. Wyatt and Rufus watched as her face paled. After a few minutes, she hung up and walked back towards them with a heaviness in her step. "That was my supervisor. All of our agents guarding the mothership were just found dead and the mothership is missing."

"How the hell could Rittenhouse have stolen the mothership?" Rufus repeated. "They don't even have a pil- Emma," he suddenly breathed. "They have Emma. Or Emma is one of them. Maybe Emma is a double agent. Or triple agent? Maybe they kidnapped her. But wouldn't Flynn have suspected something? And why do we need to get Flynn? Seriously, how can we trust him? Are we forgetting that he had Al Capone shoot me? And why would they take Lucy's mom? Are they holding her hostage to make Lucy cooperate? How could Lucy even have known that Rittenhouse stole - "

"This is all fine and good," Wyatt interrupted Rufus's nervous rambling, his frustration mounting. "But it doesn't help us find Lucy."

"Wyatt," Agent Christopher said patiently. "You read Lucy's note. She's right. We can't let Rittenhouse destroy history. They've already killed five of my agents. We have to secure the lifeboat and go after them."

"No." Wyatt said in a deadly tone. "We're a team. We find Lucy first. She's our historian. We won't stand a chance if we don't know what we're up against. What time period we're going to. We won't even know if Rittenhouse changed anything or not. Lucy is our priority here. Not Rittenhouse. Lucy. Whoever took her already has a 3-hour head start on us, we can't afford to lose any more time."

"He's right," Rufus said quietly. "We can't do this without Lucy. We won't."

Wyatt felt a surreal sense of deja vu to their return from the Alamo, when Lucy and Rufus had so staunchly fought for him to stay on the team. If only it was that simple this time around.

"Alright," Agent Christopher sighed. "But first we need to secure the lifeboat, otherwise we have nothing."

Wyatt needed to hit something. Hard and repeatedly. He needed to be out there looking for Lucy now, not securing a damn time machine, but he knew Agent Christopher was right. If they allowed Rittenhouse to get a hold of the lifeboat, there would be absolutely nothing they could do to stop them from destroying their timeline.