Filling the Void Ch 4
By SoreWaHimitsuDesu
Disclaimer: I forgot it for a few chapters, but anyway, I don't own anything except for maybe the plot and a couple of strange girls I made up. So you can lock Mister Lawyer back up in his little cage for some other tie. Good boy.
Author's Note: The next chapter will be new! YAY! I hope it's a good one!
How could we have gone back to this so soon? Calvin had just come back, and already we were fighting. Something had told me that Calvin was only trying to be nice to me. Had the tables turned? Now it seemed that I was the one being mean. What was wrong with me?? I felt awful throughout the rest of the afternoon. I even didn't say anything to Jade and Milan after lunch, or when I saw them in the hall on my way to fifth period.
Then seventh period came. English. I sat in my regular seat, and then HE walked in. Oh great, not again. Was I doomed or what? Again, he was told to sit behind me. As English began, I was tense. I kept feeling like Calvin was watching me. Or maybe I was only being paranoid. Great, paranoia, add that to my list of problems.
"New assignment!" Our teacher, Ms. Page, announced and I felt like my stomach has gone up into my throat. It was as though I knew what she was going to say. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to like it.
"We're going to write poems!" she clapped her hands together enthusiastically, and everyone groaned. Our teacher ignored us and went on, "I'm going to give you a partner and you will have to write a sonnet about this person."
"What if we don't know anything!" One kid asked.
"Then you should have paid more attention in school." she replied, obviously trying to keep a straight face.
Frustrated and not getting the joke, the kid continued, "I meant, what if we don't know anything about our partner?"
"That's the whole point of our little project! Learn about this person! Your poems are due by Friday." Everyone groaned again. We had less than a week to write about someone we probably didn't even know. Doom....
Ms. Page picked her clipboard up off of her desk and began to read off the partners, "Tommy and Candace, Jessica and Michael..." The list went on for what seemed like forever. Not Calvin. I prayed. Please please please, oh great god of partnered projects! "Calvin and Susan." Do'h! That was it. There was no god... at least there was no patron god of partnered projects. Doom....
Why me? Why me? As if it wasn't bad enough, she forced partners to sit together. I begrudgingly grabbed my things and moved to the desk beside Calvin's, dropping my bag very carelessly onto the floor and slamming my binder down on the desk. We didn't say anything for a while. Most of our time was spent avoiding looking at one another's eyes. We were getting absolutely nowhere.
Finally, I opened my mouth, "Well, we had better do SOMETHING if we want to get this done by Friday."
Then Calvin surprised me. He laughed. It was quiet, but it was a laugh. "What's so funny?" I asked.
"This reminds me of one time when we were forced to do a project together." he said.
"Yeah, we're doing one now!"
"No, back in the first grade. It was on Mercury. Remember?" I thought a moment. Hey, he was right. I'd thought the same thing when I had had to work with him that time too. "Why me?" But it was for a different reason I think.
"I was annoying then, wasn't I?" he mused.
I grinned, "Then? You mean, you aren't annoying now?"
"Well... Am I?" he asked, and I shrugged.
"I really don't know you." I said, "I mean, I haven't seen you in, what, five years? People can change a lot in five years." I know I did.
He nodded and went back to quietly staring at nothing, thinking about something, probably. I never knew what was going on in that head of his. I shrugged and when I looked down at my desk, I found that I had been doodling. Little hearts and tigers covered the sheet of paper I had meant to use to write notes for our poems. Ack, how did that get there?? I asked myself as I began to destroy the evidence with an eraser I fished out of my back pocket. What was I thinking? No one could see this. Then it hit me. Maybe Jade was... Right... Oh, like that was big news.
I hated when Jade was right.
The bell rang and I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.
"Hey Susie?" Calvin said and I turned around. Normally I would have corrected him, told him that I was ALEX, not SUSIE, but for some reason it didn't matter what Calvin called me. Actually, it made me feel oddly good that he called me that.
"Yeah?" I said as I stood in the doorway. Calvin suddenly looked really shy.
"Um... Could I... Uh... Walk you home? Er, I mean, walk home with you? I mean, not cuz I LIKE you or anything, but... I kinda live in your neighborhood, and I wouldn't wanna walk home alone with all the muggers and drug dealers and stuff running around... and..." He was babbling. It was cute, in a way.
I smiled, "Sure Calvin, but not cuz I LIKE you or anything, I just need someone I can use as a shield in case one of the muggers or drug dealers has a gun."
Normally, I would walk home alone, or get a ride from Jade or Milan's parents. That day, I had planned to go with Milan, but instead I saw her off and started to walk with Calvin.
At first, we said nothing at all. Calvin just always seemed like he was off somewhere in his mind, daydreaming about something or thinking about something. You know how, with a lot of people, if you stand around them without saying anything, it gets really uncomfortable? Well, for some reason it didn't feel at all like that. It was like Calvin and I were old best friends. Silence between good friends is never awkward. I kind of liked just walking with Calvin and not saying anything at all.
"So, why did you move?" I asked, almost afraid to break the silence after we crossed the street.
"Well, after... You know, my parents just got tired of it all, I guess. I was always such a brat, and then I wasn't doing anything at all. I wouldn't come out of my room or say anything to anyone. So my parents, whom I think were planning to send me away from the beginning, sent me to live with my uncle Max. According to Dad, a few years away from home with Uncle Max would "build character" and would be good for me. In other words, I was nuts and the didn't feel like paying to put me in the loony bin, so they sent me as far away from themselves as they possibly could."
"That's terrible." I said.
"That's my Dad, for you. Anything I wouldn't like was sure to build character. But, could you blame them for getting rid of me? I was an terror. Who in their right mind would have wanted a brat like me in their house?" he asked, smiling sort of sadly. I would, I thought, and immediately pushed such thoughts out of my mind.
"But, I'll admit, living with my uncle did do me some good. And I suppose it did build character. I like to imagine I'm not as horrible as I was."
"Why..." I began, trying to say it right without giving him the idea that I cared "...Didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
His eyes went wide for a moment, "Well, I guess I didn't think too much about you. I was being too selfish feeling sorry for myself and complaining about how I would hate going so much... and I guess I didn't think you cared." he said, the smiled sort of evilly, "Did you MISS me, Susie?" he teased.
The comfort I had felt just moments before was gone. It was replaced with panic. My palms were sweating, and I could scarcely breathe. I had to think fast. Say something, anything, as long as it wasn't the truth. Nothing good would come of the truth, Calvin didn't need to know that I... No, I couldn't even think it... I hoped he didn't notice my hesitation; sometimes silence gives away more than words.
"Me? Miss YOU? You've got to be kidding!" came from me as I laughed nervously. I hoped that he bought it. I stopped laughing abruptly and made the same evil face that he had, "Why, did you miss ME, Calvin?" he looked amused for a moment before responding in a way similar to the way I had.
After we were done being stupid (Were we ever? Ah, good point. Wait, I'm talking to myself! Must... Stop... Now!) I asked him why he was back.
He shrugged, "I guess I was just bored. My uncle's a great guy and all, but there isn't much to do up there. Besides, I couldn't just let my parents miss out on my teen years- they are the best ones, after all." He said, and I laughed.
We stopped walking and I realized we were in front of his house. He sat on his front porch and sighed whimsically. "It's good to be back." he said, but for some reason I didn't think he was telling the whole truth. I sat down beside him and looked at the neighborhood from the porch. I saw what he saw back when we were kids. The world seemed different from Calvin's porch, but why? I took a deep breath. It was kind of nice. Smelled like autumn, and kind of like it does after it rains. I loved that smell, and that feeling.... The world seemed so much bigger from Calvin's porch... Brighter and clearer too... Was this how Calvin saw the world? I was daydreaming, I suppose, and it wasn't as though I had anything interesting to say. Suddenly it just same out, "Do you miss him?"
"Miss whom?"
"You know who," I said, trying to get him to figure it out on his own. I didn't want to say it.
He thought a moment and his eyebrows raised with realization, "Oh."
I nodded, please don't let me mess up again...
He sighed again, but sadly, "I guess so... I mean, he was my best friend."
"Why couldn't you have just been normal and had a REAL friend?" Where did that come from?? Again, stupid stupid me! Stupid stupid stupid stupid....
"What do you mean, 'real?'" his voice raised, "Hobbes was real."
I knew I was going too far, and yet I continued, "No, he wasn't. Hobbes was a stuffed animal! He couldn't talk, he couldn't DO anything!"
He jumped up, "Yes he could! He was real! I didn't make him up!"
"If he was real," I said, jumping to my feet also, "Then how come no one else talked to him except for you? And, another thing, real tigers don't go in the washing machine."
He glared at me for a long time, his eyes moving back and forth as he stared at my face. He was thinking frantically trying to come up with a logical explanation. And I kept going.
"Real tigers belong in the zoo, they don't talk to crazy little boys! They don't come to school, they don't have tea parties, they don't just lay on the ground with blank little beady eyes! Hobbes wasn't real!"
Calvin continued to glower at me; continued to think.
"Hobbes was a toy, a doll, a stuffed animal! And you, Calvin, were just a pitiful little crazy boy who was so desperate for a friend, he just made one up!" Oops. I went way, way too far.
"Maybe I am!" Calvin shouted, "But you're just a stupid girl, so what would you know! I may be crazy, but I know Hobbes was real! And you were just jealous cuz we wouldn't play with you!"
"Oh yeah? Well... well..." I was too angry to think of an insult, I picked up my book bag and started to leave.
"Yeah, leave!" Calvin shouted after me, "Who needs you!" he ran into his house and slammed the door.
I sniffed and rid my eyes of the tears that were forming and flooding my vision. Why did I always ruin everything with my big mouth?
I stopped at the corner and looked back at Calvin's house. I wondered what he was doing in there. If he was upset as I was. Should I go apologize? No way. He wouldn't even appreciate my apology, he'd probably start yelling at me. Like it was my fault... but wait, it WAS my fault, wasn't it?
I walked over to his side yard and looked up at his bedroom window. I couldn't see anything from the ground, so I put my book bag on the ground, and climbed up the tree which wasn't too far away from the window. By the time I was where I wanted to be, I was covered in scrapes and bruises, but I didn't care... Too much.
I squinted my eyes and peered into his room. I could see him, sitting his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest as he stared at his closet door. Was he crying? I couldn't tell. I sort of wished I could talk to him, but I figured he was too angry with me.
Just then, there was a loud CRACK.
By SoreWaHimitsuDesu
Disclaimer: I forgot it for a few chapters, but anyway, I don't own anything except for maybe the plot and a couple of strange girls I made up. So you can lock Mister Lawyer back up in his little cage for some other tie. Good boy.
Author's Note: The next chapter will be new! YAY! I hope it's a good one!
How could we have gone back to this so soon? Calvin had just come back, and already we were fighting. Something had told me that Calvin was only trying to be nice to me. Had the tables turned? Now it seemed that I was the one being mean. What was wrong with me?? I felt awful throughout the rest of the afternoon. I even didn't say anything to Jade and Milan after lunch, or when I saw them in the hall on my way to fifth period.
Then seventh period came. English. I sat in my regular seat, and then HE walked in. Oh great, not again. Was I doomed or what? Again, he was told to sit behind me. As English began, I was tense. I kept feeling like Calvin was watching me. Or maybe I was only being paranoid. Great, paranoia, add that to my list of problems.
"New assignment!" Our teacher, Ms. Page, announced and I felt like my stomach has gone up into my throat. It was as though I knew what she was going to say. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to like it.
"We're going to write poems!" she clapped her hands together enthusiastically, and everyone groaned. Our teacher ignored us and went on, "I'm going to give you a partner and you will have to write a sonnet about this person."
"What if we don't know anything!" One kid asked.
"Then you should have paid more attention in school." she replied, obviously trying to keep a straight face.
Frustrated and not getting the joke, the kid continued, "I meant, what if we don't know anything about our partner?"
"That's the whole point of our little project! Learn about this person! Your poems are due by Friday." Everyone groaned again. We had less than a week to write about someone we probably didn't even know. Doom....
Ms. Page picked her clipboard up off of her desk and began to read off the partners, "Tommy and Candace, Jessica and Michael..." The list went on for what seemed like forever. Not Calvin. I prayed. Please please please, oh great god of partnered projects! "Calvin and Susan." Do'h! That was it. There was no god... at least there was no patron god of partnered projects. Doom....
Why me? Why me? As if it wasn't bad enough, she forced partners to sit together. I begrudgingly grabbed my things and moved to the desk beside Calvin's, dropping my bag very carelessly onto the floor and slamming my binder down on the desk. We didn't say anything for a while. Most of our time was spent avoiding looking at one another's eyes. We were getting absolutely nowhere.
Finally, I opened my mouth, "Well, we had better do SOMETHING if we want to get this done by Friday."
Then Calvin surprised me. He laughed. It was quiet, but it was a laugh. "What's so funny?" I asked.
"This reminds me of one time when we were forced to do a project together." he said.
"Yeah, we're doing one now!"
"No, back in the first grade. It was on Mercury. Remember?" I thought a moment. Hey, he was right. I'd thought the same thing when I had had to work with him that time too. "Why me?" But it was for a different reason I think.
"I was annoying then, wasn't I?" he mused.
I grinned, "Then? You mean, you aren't annoying now?"
"Well... Am I?" he asked, and I shrugged.
"I really don't know you." I said, "I mean, I haven't seen you in, what, five years? People can change a lot in five years." I know I did.
He nodded and went back to quietly staring at nothing, thinking about something, probably. I never knew what was going on in that head of his. I shrugged and when I looked down at my desk, I found that I had been doodling. Little hearts and tigers covered the sheet of paper I had meant to use to write notes for our poems. Ack, how did that get there?? I asked myself as I began to destroy the evidence with an eraser I fished out of my back pocket. What was I thinking? No one could see this. Then it hit me. Maybe Jade was... Right... Oh, like that was big news.
I hated when Jade was right.
The bell rang and I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door.
"Hey Susie?" Calvin said and I turned around. Normally I would have corrected him, told him that I was ALEX, not SUSIE, but for some reason it didn't matter what Calvin called me. Actually, it made me feel oddly good that he called me that.
"Yeah?" I said as I stood in the doorway. Calvin suddenly looked really shy.
"Um... Could I... Uh... Walk you home? Er, I mean, walk home with you? I mean, not cuz I LIKE you or anything, but... I kinda live in your neighborhood, and I wouldn't wanna walk home alone with all the muggers and drug dealers and stuff running around... and..." He was babbling. It was cute, in a way.
I smiled, "Sure Calvin, but not cuz I LIKE you or anything, I just need someone I can use as a shield in case one of the muggers or drug dealers has a gun."
Normally, I would walk home alone, or get a ride from Jade or Milan's parents. That day, I had planned to go with Milan, but instead I saw her off and started to walk with Calvin.
At first, we said nothing at all. Calvin just always seemed like he was off somewhere in his mind, daydreaming about something or thinking about something. You know how, with a lot of people, if you stand around them without saying anything, it gets really uncomfortable? Well, for some reason it didn't feel at all like that. It was like Calvin and I were old best friends. Silence between good friends is never awkward. I kind of liked just walking with Calvin and not saying anything at all.
"So, why did you move?" I asked, almost afraid to break the silence after we crossed the street.
"Well, after... You know, my parents just got tired of it all, I guess. I was always such a brat, and then I wasn't doing anything at all. I wouldn't come out of my room or say anything to anyone. So my parents, whom I think were planning to send me away from the beginning, sent me to live with my uncle Max. According to Dad, a few years away from home with Uncle Max would "build character" and would be good for me. In other words, I was nuts and the didn't feel like paying to put me in the loony bin, so they sent me as far away from themselves as they possibly could."
"That's terrible." I said.
"That's my Dad, for you. Anything I wouldn't like was sure to build character. But, could you blame them for getting rid of me? I was an terror. Who in their right mind would have wanted a brat like me in their house?" he asked, smiling sort of sadly. I would, I thought, and immediately pushed such thoughts out of my mind.
"But, I'll admit, living with my uncle did do me some good. And I suppose it did build character. I like to imagine I'm not as horrible as I was."
"Why..." I began, trying to say it right without giving him the idea that I cared "...Didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
His eyes went wide for a moment, "Well, I guess I didn't think too much about you. I was being too selfish feeling sorry for myself and complaining about how I would hate going so much... and I guess I didn't think you cared." he said, the smiled sort of evilly, "Did you MISS me, Susie?" he teased.
The comfort I had felt just moments before was gone. It was replaced with panic. My palms were sweating, and I could scarcely breathe. I had to think fast. Say something, anything, as long as it wasn't the truth. Nothing good would come of the truth, Calvin didn't need to know that I... No, I couldn't even think it... I hoped he didn't notice my hesitation; sometimes silence gives away more than words.
"Me? Miss YOU? You've got to be kidding!" came from me as I laughed nervously. I hoped that he bought it. I stopped laughing abruptly and made the same evil face that he had, "Why, did you miss ME, Calvin?" he looked amused for a moment before responding in a way similar to the way I had.
After we were done being stupid (Were we ever? Ah, good point. Wait, I'm talking to myself! Must... Stop... Now!) I asked him why he was back.
He shrugged, "I guess I was just bored. My uncle's a great guy and all, but there isn't much to do up there. Besides, I couldn't just let my parents miss out on my teen years- they are the best ones, after all." He said, and I laughed.
We stopped walking and I realized we were in front of his house. He sat on his front porch and sighed whimsically. "It's good to be back." he said, but for some reason I didn't think he was telling the whole truth. I sat down beside him and looked at the neighborhood from the porch. I saw what he saw back when we were kids. The world seemed different from Calvin's porch, but why? I took a deep breath. It was kind of nice. Smelled like autumn, and kind of like it does after it rains. I loved that smell, and that feeling.... The world seemed so much bigger from Calvin's porch... Brighter and clearer too... Was this how Calvin saw the world? I was daydreaming, I suppose, and it wasn't as though I had anything interesting to say. Suddenly it just same out, "Do you miss him?"
"Miss whom?"
"You know who," I said, trying to get him to figure it out on his own. I didn't want to say it.
He thought a moment and his eyebrows raised with realization, "Oh."
I nodded, please don't let me mess up again...
He sighed again, but sadly, "I guess so... I mean, he was my best friend."
"Why couldn't you have just been normal and had a REAL friend?" Where did that come from?? Again, stupid stupid me! Stupid stupid stupid stupid....
"What do you mean, 'real?'" his voice raised, "Hobbes was real."
I knew I was going too far, and yet I continued, "No, he wasn't. Hobbes was a stuffed animal! He couldn't talk, he couldn't DO anything!"
He jumped up, "Yes he could! He was real! I didn't make him up!"
"If he was real," I said, jumping to my feet also, "Then how come no one else talked to him except for you? And, another thing, real tigers don't go in the washing machine."
He glared at me for a long time, his eyes moving back and forth as he stared at my face. He was thinking frantically trying to come up with a logical explanation. And I kept going.
"Real tigers belong in the zoo, they don't talk to crazy little boys! They don't come to school, they don't have tea parties, they don't just lay on the ground with blank little beady eyes! Hobbes wasn't real!"
Calvin continued to glower at me; continued to think.
"Hobbes was a toy, a doll, a stuffed animal! And you, Calvin, were just a pitiful little crazy boy who was so desperate for a friend, he just made one up!" Oops. I went way, way too far.
"Maybe I am!" Calvin shouted, "But you're just a stupid girl, so what would you know! I may be crazy, but I know Hobbes was real! And you were just jealous cuz we wouldn't play with you!"
"Oh yeah? Well... well..." I was too angry to think of an insult, I picked up my book bag and started to leave.
"Yeah, leave!" Calvin shouted after me, "Who needs you!" he ran into his house and slammed the door.
I sniffed and rid my eyes of the tears that were forming and flooding my vision. Why did I always ruin everything with my big mouth?
I stopped at the corner and looked back at Calvin's house. I wondered what he was doing in there. If he was upset as I was. Should I go apologize? No way. He wouldn't even appreciate my apology, he'd probably start yelling at me. Like it was my fault... but wait, it WAS my fault, wasn't it?
I walked over to his side yard and looked up at his bedroom window. I couldn't see anything from the ground, so I put my book bag on the ground, and climbed up the tree which wasn't too far away from the window. By the time I was where I wanted to be, I was covered in scrapes and bruises, but I didn't care... Too much.
I squinted my eyes and peered into his room. I could see him, sitting his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest as he stared at his closet door. Was he crying? I couldn't tell. I sort of wished I could talk to him, but I figured he was too angry with me.
Just then, there was a loud CRACK.