Peace Stained with Blood

Chapter 8

AN: Thanks to everyone for reading and leaving reviews. I hope you've enjoyed this rather angsty journey. This isn't what I set out to write but it is what seemed to work. I kind of like how it turned out.

Whilst I was writing this I found Arthur Darvill singing Falling Slowly on YouTube and it fits quite nicely with this final chapter – go look it up. The guy can really sing. Here's hoping for a Legends musical episode one day.

Sara looked around the room, and focused on Rip.

"What the hell happened to your arm?" she asked. She turned her attention to Barry. "You were supposed to be looking after him." She pointed at Rip.

"I told you so," whistled Cisco.

"Not helping," said Barry.

"I can look after myself, thank you," said Rip, clearly annoyed.

"Okay," said Joe. "That's enough of that." He looked rather unimpressed.

"It was my fault," said Caitlin. "We went out for a walk and got jumped by some of Savitar's worshippers."

"It was not your fault, Caitlin!" said Rip, with exasperation.

"Hey, it's okay," said Caitlin.

"Is it? Is it really?" said Rip, angrily.

Sara frowned. This was not how she'd expected this to go. "I thought you'd be happy to see us," she said. "We came to take you home."

"I am aware of why you're here, Ms Lance," said Rip.

"Ms Lance? We're back to that. So, what did happen to your arm?" asked Sara, getting annoyed now.

"I got shot," said Rip.

"You got shot?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes, and I'm in no mood for a lecture from you. It's really not that bad," said Rip.

"It actually isn't," said Barry.

"I'm not talking to you," said Sara.

Barry rolled his eyes.

"Maybe we should start again," said Ray. "Hi everyone, how are you all doing? Beaten any fun metas lately?"

"Quite a few," began HR. "Did we tell you about the holographic monsters?"

"I don't like holograms," ground out Mick.

HR took a step away from Mick. "Understandable, they were something of a problem to deal with."

"That's not why," said Mick, looking pointedly at Rip.

Rip stared downwards and shoved his good hand in his pocket, looking just a little guilty. "I am going to go and pack."

Rip stalked from the room, not looking terribly happy.

"Yes, well, I think I'll leave you all to your goodbyes," said Joe. "Do you want a lift back to CCPD, Julian?"

"Thank you, retreat seems like the best plan at this juncture. Tell Rip I said "bon voyage"," said Julian.

Barry nodded tiredly.

"Yeah, I think I'll get out of here too," said Wally. "I want to run some laps of the track."

"Great!" said HR, with rather false enthusiasm. "I'll help you." The two left the room in the direction of the speed lab.

Sara got the distinct impression that people were a little scared of her. Well, given that Rip had been hurt on their watch, they might just deserve to be. Sara walked around the desk, looked at Barry and Caitlin and rested her behind on the worktop.

"So, apart from the hole in his arm, how's Rip?" asked Sara.

"Better," said Barry.

"That's all you're going to give me?"

Barry shrugged. "I'm not sure how much he'd want me to say."

"Patient confidentiality applies," said Caitlin. "If he wants to tell you more then he can, but I can't say anything without his permission. Sorry." Caitlin looked a little nervous.

Ray folded his arms over his chest. "I guess we'll have to take "better" as enough then."

"Should have just done it my way and got him drunk," said Mick, unhelpfully. "It always works for me."

Sara gave Mick a disapproving look, before turning back to the others. "Ignore him."

"I'd like to hand over Rip's medical care to Gideon before you go," said Caitlin.

"Sure," said Sara. "We can take you on board and you can talk to her before we leave."

"Thank you," said Caitlin. "It's going to be a little strange handing over to a computer, but since she's the closest thing you have to a doctor on board, it seems appropriate."

"And Gideon has a special place in her electronic heart for Rip," said Sara. "She'll make sure he's okay."

"You know, he's something special, your former Captain," said Barry, glancing back in the direction of the labs. "Crazy, but special."

Sara grinned. "You noticed."

"You got the crazy part right," said Mick.

"You might have warned me that he's a Chess Grand Master," said Barry.

"No, he's not," scoffed Sara. She'd never seen him play chess even once. She wasn't sure that he even owned a chess set.

"Yes, he is," said Barry. "I didn't win a single game, and he once beat me in 4 moves with a checkmate that I'd never seen done before."

Ray's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. "Huh. He's never mentioned that to us."

"I guess it just never came up," said Sara.

"And how come you never showed him Doctor Who?" asked Cisco, looking at Ray. "What kind of a geek are you?"

"I've always been more of a Star Wars fan," said Ray, apologetically. "Actually, there's a funny story about that…"

"Not now," said Sara, who did not want to go into how they'd nearly erased Star Wars from history.

"I can't believe that you guys don't watch Doctor Who all the time," said Cisco. "Anyway, we educated Rip for you in the ways of Doctor Who. You're welcome."

"Rip actually watched TV?" asked Sara, with surprise. Rip never watched TV with them on the Waverider.

"Yes, and he even enjoyed it," said Cisco, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"What? He actually sat down with other people and watched TV?" asked Sara.

"Yeah. Didn't he ever do that with you guys?" asked Barry.

"No," said Sara, frowning. "He's always preferred his own company."

Caitlin and Barry exchanged a look with Cisco.

"You guys need to get him to socialise with you more," said Barry.

"Yeah, he likes board games too," added Cisco.

"And hot chocolate," said Caitlin.

"Hang on, you're sure this is Rip Hunter you're talking about?" said Sara, not believing what she was hearing. "The same guy who basically consumes tea, whiskey, and whatever food the fabricator spits out?"

"Also apparently likes hot chocolate…" said Ray, with mild disbelief.

"With whipped cream, and marshmallows," confirmed Caitlin.

"It's like we don't even know him," said Sara, with some incredulity.

"Maybe we don't," said Ray. "I mean how much has he ever really told us about himself?"

Sara shrugged. "He's a very private person and I never wanted to pry. He was mourning his family."

A strange look passed over Caitlin's face as she said that, but was gone before Sara could decipher what it meant. She was wondering what Caitlin now knew about Rip that he'd never told anyone else. What had Rip told Caitlin that would have given her that look?

Barry shook his head. "Time Masters operated alone. I think he's just used to it, and he always had his family to go home to. We didn't give him much of a choice about it here because Caitlin didn't think it was good for him to be left to brood on his own. But it must have been pretty lonely after Miranda and Jonas were killed. He only had Gideon for company."

"I never thought about it," said Sara. "He once told me that he wouldn't wish the guilt of failing to save them on anyone. I knew he'd basically spent all his time obsessing over killing Savage, which I guess wasn't terribly healthy, and then we had aberrations to hunt down and I went after Damien Darhk…"

"We never stopped to notice that all he did was work and drink and listen to that tape of their message…" said Ray.

"Yeah, yeah, we're terrible friends," said Mick. "Let's just grab him and go. Who needs all this stuff anyway?"

"Next time, we're leaving you here with Doctor Snow," said Sara. "You need your head examining more than Rip."

"Do you think he needs a hand with packing?" asked Caitlin.

"I'll go help him," said Cisco, "he's probably struggling with only one working arm."

Cisco headed off to find their errant crew member, whilst Sara silently promised herself that she would do better with getting to know Rip after this. They'd make an effort to get him to leave his quarters between missions and not just for meals and research.

Cisco came dashing back into the room. "He's not there, and he left this." Cisco was brandishing a piece of paper.

Rip's handwriting was beautiful, even in purple crayon. Each letter was perfectly formed, with looping descenders and rounded bowls, every lower case letter the same height, as if he'd written it with a ruler. His signature at the bottom of the page was practically a work of art. However, that was not what Sara was interested in. She read the text in disbelief and then read it again.

Dear friends,

You have my sincerest apologies, but I find myself unable to return with you to the Waverider. Whilst I humbly seek your forgiveness for everything that my counterpart put you through, I know that I cannot expect it. Therefore, I must take my leave of you all. I ask that you return to the ship without me and continue your important work. Please, don't look for me.

Yours sincerely,

Rip Hunter (Capt. Ret.)

"That moron!" said Mick, with considerable feeling.

"For once I'm in total agreement with Mick," said Sara.

"We're not going to let him do this, are we?" asked Ray.

"No," said Barry, "we're not," with a vehement shake of his head.

"Did he even take any warm clothes?" asked Caitlin, always practical. "Speaking as his doctor, he's overdue his next dosage of painkillers and his arm will probably be causing him considerable pain by now. And psychologically, well, without breaking confidentiality, I doubt he's thinking particularly clearly about this at the moment for all sorts of reasons."

"Well, he can't have got far," said Sara. "He's injured and it wasn't that long ago he went to pack."

"I'll go," said Barry, "I can look faster than the rest of you. I'll radio in when I've found him."

"Okay," said Sara. "I'll spend the time you take to find him coping with this sudden urge that I have to punch him in the face for worrying us."

"Good plan," said Barry, and zoomed away, leaving a small gale behind him and a crackle of electricity.

Rip hadn't bothered to pack, he'd just felt an undeniable urge to escape. He did not want to see Sara and the others right now, because none of that felt right. He quickly wrote a note for them to let them know that he didn't want them trying to find him and left. He'd just walked straight out of the labs and through the front door.

He didn't know Central City well, so he'd picked a direction and started walking. He had the clothes on his back and nothing else, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd slept rough or needed to make his way in a strange city with very little in the way of resources. He did regret not taking his painkillers before he left, but even that was manageable.

He was amongst some tall buildings in what appeared to be a business district, when he saw the familiar yellow lightning and felt the draft of The Flash zoom past him, then double back. Barry wasn't running at anything like his full speed, probably because he was looking for someone. Rip sighed, already knowing that he had no time to hide or do anything to stop what was about to happen.

Barry skidded to a halt in front of him.

"Just how far did you really expect to get?"

Rip gave Barry a withering look. "I expected you to respect my wishes, but clearly that was a false expectation."

"Where are you even going to go?"

Rip shoved his one good hand in his pocket. "I assure you that I am quite capable of looking after myself. I've been blending into whatever time period I needed to for more than a decade."

"But you've always had the Waverider to go home to," said Barry. "Why are you even doing this?"

"Because they're better off without me," spat Rip, crossly.

"You can't possibly believe that," said Barry.

Rip just looked at him. He really did.

Barry shook his head in disbelief. "Haven't you got it by now? Your team care about you. Do you think they'd have asked us to help you if they didn't?"

"It doesn't matter. This isn't about what they want."

"Then what is it about? Doesn't it tell you something that you had to sneak out of the building while we were busy? You knew we'd stop you."

"I knew that your sense of duty would mean that you'd feel bound to try," said Rip.

"This isn't duty, Rip, this is because we care about you. I wouldn't let any of my team leave under these circumstances without making sure that they'd thought it out. You've been through something terrible. You need your friends." Barry's eyes were open and honest. He was almost pleading with Rip.

Rip let out an annoyed huff of breath. "So that I can hurt them again? No."

"You'll hurt them more by leaving," said Barry. "Look, I won't force you to come home, but if you don't want to go back to the Legends then you always have a home at STAR Labs. You don't have to be alone. Just don't leave like this, please."

Rip looked down at his boots. "Apparently I'm not even capable of running away correctly." He looked back up at Barry. "Fine, take me back."

Barry didn't give him a chance to change his mind. He was engulfed in yellow, crackling lightning and a couple of seconds later he was back in STARLabs. Barry had deposited him in the middle of the cortex, and he was now surrounded by the members of his team who had come to get him, Barry, Cisco and Caitlin.

Caitlin enveloped him in a hug. And then she hit him on his good shoulder.

"Ow!" he said.

"Don't you ever run out on us ever again," said Caitlin, anger flashing in her eyes.

"Why do people constantly feel the need to hit me?" he asked, with indignation.

"Because you keep doing stupid things," replied Sara, as if it should have been obvious.

Barry grabbed a chair and indicated that Rip should sit. Rip was actually quite grateful, because he was tired and didn't really feel up to standing whilst being interrogated on his decision to leave. He slumped in the chair. Caitlin walked away and came back with a glass of water and Rip's painkillers. She managed to hand him both the glass and pills in a way that conveyed her continued anger.

Rip took the pills without comment, and drank half the glass of water. Caitlin took the glass back, and put two fingers on his neck, feeling his pulse. He let her without comment, feeling any fight that he had left leave him. Caitlin seemed satisfied with what she found. He rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and then his head on his hand. Sara crouched down in front of the chair.

"Why don't you want to come back with us?" she asked, looking up at him.

Rip shrugged and shook his head. It had been at least partly to avoid questions like these and he didn't want to answer them anymore now than he had then.

"Because you'll never look at me the same after what I did," said Rip. "How can you ever forgive me?" He looked up at Ray and Mick. "Any of you?"

"We already did," said Sara. "It wasn't you, Rip. You know it wasn't you."

Rip gave a half nod. "But he used me, Sara! My body, and my mind. It may not have been me, but he was part of me."

"And you honestly don't think we can tell the difference?" asked Sara. "I knew that wasn't you from the moment you pointed a gun at me. You're not the first person to be mind controlled, Rip. You're not even the first person on the team to be mind controlled this year."

"What?" asked Rip, taken aback.

"You didn't tell him about the Dominators?" asked Barry.

"We haven't really had time, and the mind control bit was for, like, twenty minutes," said Sara. "And I tried to kill Oliver. Again. But he's kind of hard to kill and it's sort of a thing we have now."

"Yeah, and I found out that Barry's lightning really hurts," said Ray.

"Sorry about that," said Barry, "but you fired first."

"At least you didn't get taken down by Baby Flash," said Mick, with a smirk at Sara.

"Yeah, well Baby Flash could hit," pointed out Sara, and then smirked back at Mick. "Whereas you were out for the count from one punch from Barry."

"He prefers Kid Flash," said Cisco, "well, maybe not prefers…"

Rip just stared at them. "All of you? You all got mind controlled, and no one bothered to mention this to me?"

"We just did," said Mick.

"Anyway, it's kind of a long story," said Barry, "and as Sara said, it was only for a few minutes."

"Not really comparable to your situation," said Ray.

"I, er, clearly have some catching up to do," said Rip, feeling somewhat bewildered by this news.

"So, do we get to take you home now?" asked Sara. "Gideon misses you and is getting all pissy without you."

Rip raised an eyebrow. "Pissy?"

"She threatened to shut off life support so that she could have more CPU power," said Sara.

"Ah," said Rip. "Sorry about that."

"That's so cute," said Cisco, "your computer missed you."

"She's an Artificial Intelligence," said Rip, defensively.

"Does that mean you're coming back?" asked Ray.

Rip looked up at the members of his team, and made a decision. "Well, we can't have Gideon being "pissy". I think it may be time for me to go home."

"Good, we can get back to finding the last part of the Spear," said Sara, with a smile on her face, getting to her feet.

"I thought that's what you were going to do when you left here," said Rip.

"Nah, we needed our crew back together, so we jumped straight here," said Sara. "It wasn't much of a detour."

"I suppose not," said Rip, feeling a little emotional that his team hadn't gone on the mission without him.

"Come on," said Caitlin, "I'll help you to pack this time."

Rip pushed himself to his feet, and followed Caitlin back to his room. It wasn't until he was sure that they were out of hearing range that he spoke.

"What did you tell them?" asked Rip.

"Nothing. Barry mentioned that you're better than you were," said Caitlin. "You're my patient, Rip. Everything you said in this room is confidential. None of us will say anything to anyone unless you give us your express permission."

Rip glanced down. "Thank you. I'd prefer that they didn't know all the details of my insecurities."

"You shouldn't be ashamed, Rip. You worked hard to get this far, but you do know that this is just the beginning? I'm going to ask Gideon to prescribe some appropriate antidepressants, and you can come back here whenever you need to. You're still going to have days when you want to break tables or shut yourself away, but hopefully I've given you the tools to help yourself."

"I'm really quite sorry about the table," said Rip, still a little embarrassed by his temper tantrum. He got out the suitcase that he'd arrived with.

"We have more tables, and you needed it," said Caitlin, and handed Rip a pile of t-shirts, which he shoved in his suitcase.

"I am very grateful for everything that you and the others have done for me. I will do my best to maintain the progress that I have made," said Rip, and picked up the things from the new bedside table - his diary, crayons and colouring book. He fingered the edges of the colouring book, trying to decide if these were things that he wanted to bring back onto the ship with him. They were symbols of his struggle, reminders of his weakness and possibly of a time that he'd rather forget. He took a deep breath and put them in the case, on top of the t-shirts. Then he had a small change of heart. He took the pad of paper on which he'd written his diary and handed it to Caitlin.

"I would very much appreciate it if you would burn this for me," said Rip. "I won't judge you if you feel the need to read it first to understand why."

Caitlin frowned. "Okay. If that's what you want."

"Let's just say that there are things written in there that I'd rather forget and I don't feel the need to drag those things back to the Waverider with me," said Rip.

Caitlin took the diary and nodded. "I understand."

"Do you mind if I keep this? I find that I'm missing a jacket and there is a slight chill in the air," said Rip, indicating the hoodie that he was still wearing. It was comfortable and he sort of wanted something to remind him of his stay.

"Of course, we have lots," said Caitlin, with an understanding smile.

Rip successfully completed putting all his belongings back in the case and Caitlin helped him get the lid closed again. He looked around the room once and turned to his doctor.

"Caitlin," he said, "please take care of yourself. If I can ever be of assistance, and repay some of the kindness which I have been shown here, then I believe you know how to get in touch with the Waverider."

He reached out and grasped her hand with his, took a step closer to her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He hoped that Julian would forgive him this small show of affection, but he felt it was necessary after everything that they had shared.

"Remember who you are, Caitlin, always, just as you've taught me to remember who I am."

Caitlin covered Rip's hand with hers. Her eyes closing at the kiss. "I promise," she replied.

Cisco gave Rip the entire Doctor Who back catalogue in digital form so that he could keep watching it on the Waverider, as a going away present. This amused Sara no end, but clearly Rip was very happy to receive it and she wasn't going to spoil the moment for him. If he'd found enjoyment in something then she wasn't going to take that away from him by mocking it. He had very little in his life that seemed to actively make him happy. Rip smiled so rarely.

"Next time you guys are in town, we can have a serious discussion on best Doctor and best episodes," said Cisco. "Assuming that you've watched them all by then."

"I'm sure I'll find the required time to at least get through the rest of Ten, maybe onto Eleven," said Rip, which sounded like code to Sara, but apparently Cisco understood.

Goodbyes were said, Rip actually hugged Caitlin and shook hands with Barry and Cisco. Caitlin spoke to Gideon and Rip was escorted back on board the Waverider to medbay so that they could fix his arm properly. Rip hesitated in the doorway, looking around a little apprehensively.

"What's wrong?" asked Sara.

"Unhappy memories," said Rip, as he sat down on the chair nearest the door and let Gideon get to work.

"Welcome back, Captain. I trust you are feeling better," said Gideon.

"Indeed I am Gideon," said Rip.

"Your injury appears to be healing well. I should be able to speed up the process and then you will no longer require the sling. Dr Snow also suggested that I should administer antidepressants and my medical program concurs. Please collect them from the fabricator," said Gideon, as the blue light played across Rip's arm.

Rip sighed. "Of course."

Sara's eyebrows raised, and Rip noticed.

"What? You thought I was completely fine and back to my old self?" said Rip. "Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that and it has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my mental health for some time now. I promised Caitlin that I would continue to make what progress I can on my own and that is what I intend to do."

"Why didn't you tell us that you like hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows?" asked Sara.

Rip frowned at the non-sequitur. "I don't think I've ever had occasion to mention it."

"What's my favourite drink?"

"Alcoholic?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Bourbon," said Rip, with a light huff of a laugh. "I hope you haven't drunk all of mine in my absence."

"Favourite food?"

"Sweet or savoury?"

"Savoury," said Sara.

"Anything with more chilli than the rest of us are prepared to eat, but curry especially. A hang over from your days in Nanda Parbat."

Sara nodded. "And I bet you could tell me what everyone on the crew likes to eat and drink. It's why there was always a box of cupcakes in the kitchen for Ray, and you started buying sugary snacks and chips for Rory whenever we're in the right era. I only really noticed when you weren't around to do it anymore."

"What's your point, Sara?"

"You never tell us anything about yourself," said Sara.

"You know about my past. There isn't really anything else to tell," said Rip.

"Well, that's a lie. I'm certain that there's more to Rip Hunter than being a former Time Master who wanted revenge on Vandal Savage for killing his family. Barry told us that you're really good at chess," said Sara.

"I am, but it isn't a skill which is of much use whilst dealing with temporal aberrations," said Rip.

"Not everything has to be about the job, Rip," said Sara.

Rip stared up at the ceiling. "It does for me," said Rip. "I'm already far too attached."

"To us?" asked Sara. "That's a good thing. We're a family as well as a team."

"Regeneration complete," said Gideon.

"Thank you, Gideon," said Rip, giving his arm an experimental flex. "Much better." He hopped down from the medical chair, and went to the medical fabricator to collect a bottle of pills that were waiting for him there. He looked at them, let out a long breath, and shoved them in his pocket.

"Shouldn't I keep those?" asked Sara.

Rip turned around to face her. "I'm not going to take them all at once if that's what you're asking. I'm not suicidal. Anymore."

"Well that's good to know, but I'm more worried that you're not going to take them at all," said Sara.

Rip rolled his eyes. "Sara, I'm a grown man."

"Who has constantly neglected himself ever since I've known him," said Sara.

"As if you're any better," said Rip.

"I don't forget to eat!" said Sara, with accusation.

"No, you just train so hard that Gideon has to fix your broken bones afterwards," replied Rip, flatly.

Sara frowned, taken aback by his retort. "How do you even…?"

"Know?" asked Rip. "Gideon informs me when anyone accesses the medbay. But who am I to stop you breaking things if you want to? Even if those things are you, and it pains me every time Gideon has to put you back together again."

It was Sara's turn to look guilty, then guilt turned to annoyance. "I thought you didn't care about us. Didn't you just say that this is only about the job? You can't lecture me and then tell me not to return the favour!"

Rip threw his hands up in the air. "That is my entire difficulty. I do care about you all. I didn't mean to care, I didn't even want to, but you are important to me. So, now imagine what I felt when I realised that I had turned on all of you and hurt you, tried to kill you… plotted against you." Rip's eyes were dark, and he turned away from Sara.

"Imagine how we felt when we'd rescued you and had you back, and you put a knife to your own throat. Caring goes both ways," said Sara.

"Yes, well, I admit that it was an error in judgement, but in my defence, I wasn't exactly well," said Rip. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "I am inexperienced in caring. I'm very much used to working alone and without anyone to rescue me if something does go wrong. I realise that I should have some kind of handle on it by now, but I'm still finding it difficult. Miranda and Jonas used to be the only people I cared about or needed. I had them and I had being a Time Master and I thought it was enough, for all I know, maybe it was. But then I lost them and gained all of you and I am still coming to terms with that. To be honest, I don't know how I come to terms with that."

"You let us in, Rip," said Sara. "You have to stop pushing us away, and keeping us at arm's length. And you have to start realising that you're just as important to us as we are to you. Which means no more attempts to sacrifice yourself for us. And, please, would you stop hiding stuff from us?"

Rip took a deep breath. "I will try."

"I mean you were happy enough to tell Team Flash all that stuff," said Sara. "Why couldn't you tell us?"

"I don't really know," said Rip. "Here, we have an important task to complete, and I've never been inclined towards mixing my work with frivolity. However, I never really expected to call the Waverider home either, or share it with…"

"A bunch of reject superheroes?" asked Sara.

"Now, you know better than that, Sara," said Rip. "You have proven that you are all worthy of the name Legends." He looked up at her. "My point, I think, is that I could have hobbies and play games whilst I was with Team Flash because they weren't my responsibility. Whilst you may be the Legends' Captain now, it will always be me that brought you together. You are mine to protect because of that."

"So, because you assembled the team, you can't be one of us?" asked Sara. There was more than a little disbelief in her tone.

Rip nodded, with a slight shrug of his shoulders as if it was something just to be accepted.

"Well, that's stopping right now," said Sara. "Team dinner, tonight in the galley, 7pm. Don't be late or Mick will eat it all before you get there."

"Sara…" began Rip, with annoyance.

"No excuses. I will drag you there myself if I have to," she said, and turned on her heel and walked away. "We'll be assembling on the bridge in thirty minutes to get underway. You've got until then to get settled back in and report to the bridge."

It was his coat. That was what nearly made him lose his rather carefully honed calm exterior. He'd decided to change out of his STARLabs hoodie and back into his everyday clothes. He hadn't even really thought about setting foot on his bridge in anything else, but when he picked it up he had remembered the moment two weeks ago when he'd left it here. He'd left it behind because this was part of him. This was Rip Hunter, and two weeks ago, he hadn't been that man. He'd been broken and hurt and afraid. None of that was the man who wore this coat.

Not that he was completely whole again, as he'd told Sara. He would take the antidepressants, do his CBT exercises and probably arrange further trips to see Caitlin in 2017. He knew that he had work to do. He knew that he'd never properly dealt with the grief he carried for his wife and child, but he had started that process now. He had started to heal the injuries that had been done to him over the years, including his most recent one.

He still wasn't certain that he'd ever really, truly forgive himself for his betrayal of the team, but he did know that he wasn't the man who had done those terrible things to the people he called friends. This man here and now was Rip Hunter. This man, who stood in the middle of his quarters shrugging the tan duster onto his shoulders, and was now a former Captain of the Waverider (and the "former" would take some getting used to), was Rip Hunter. And he would protect his team no matter what.

"Gideon, how did you know about our kiss?" asked Rip.

"I simply entered your mind with Captain Lance and Mr Jackson via the Cognitive Intrusion device," said Gideon. "And assumed my own avatar."

Rip looked up at the ceiling. "I'm fairly certain that isn't part of your programming."

"You are well aware that my programming is flexible. However, protecting my Captain is my primary function. I could not leave that to Captain Lance and Mr Jackson."

"I don't deserve you, my friend," said Rip, with a shake of his head.

"On the contrary, given the amount of trouble you get into, I am exactly what you need."

Rip had no idea what he said to that. He and Gideon had been a team for many years and he was still finding out new things about her.

"Gideon…"

"Yes, Captain."

"Thank you for informing Mr Rory of my intention to end my life. I have come to realise that I have a great deal to live for."

"I concur, Captain," replied Gideon.

Rip gave only a thoughtful nod in reply.

"Could you please fabricate me a larger copy of the picture of Miranda and Jonas that is in my watch, in an appropriate frame and size to keep on my desk."

"It would be my pleasure," replied the AI. "I will inform you when it is ready for collection."

"Thank you. And put a standard lock on your database for the next few weeks around this period of 2017."

"The crew are already strongly advised not to look at this period and require your verbal confirmation to access it," said Gideon.

"Yes, I realise that. This is for me. I don't believe I can now be objective about making alterations to this time period so it is better for me not to know what the possible future here is. Please remind me of that if I ever attempt to access data for this period," said Rip.

"Yes, Captain."

He drew himself up to his full height, straightened his back and strode out of his quarters towards the bridge.

Julian walked into the Lab to find Caitlin sat alone and quietly crying to herself over a pad of paper.

"What's wrong?" he asked, with concern in his voice.

Caitlin quickly wiped at her tears. "Sorry," she said. "I thought I'd have time to do this before anyone else got in to the lab."

"Do what?" asked Julian.

They had been on their first real date the night before, and he thought that it had gone reasonably well. He definitely was feeling something towards Caitlin and he hated to see her upset.

"Rip asked me to burn his diary," said Caitlin, "but gave me his permission to read it first."

"Ah," said Julian. He was well aware of the things that Rip had struggled with and imagined that any diary written during the period that Caitlin had been helping him would be hard reading.

"It's not what you think," said Caitlin. "I mean all of that stuff is in there. He wrote a list every morning of all the ways that he could think of to kill himself. He wrote about his inability to separate himself from the things he'd done…"

"But that isn't why you're crying?" asked Julian, gently.

"No," said Caitlin, finding it hard to even get the words out. "He wrote a love letter to his wife... It's beautiful. He really, really loved her, and she's gone, and he couldn't save her." She put her head in her hands and sobbed.

Julian went to Caitlin and gathered her into his arms, kneeling beside her chair.

"Yeah, but he's not on his own," said Julian. "That anger from Sara when she saw he'd been hurt? That was because they care about him. He's in good hands."

"I know," said Caitlin, "but we care about him too now."

"And I will always be grateful to him for keeping you safe," said Julian, planting a tentative kiss on Caitlin's lips.

She smiled through her tears as he pulled back. Julian took out his pocket handkerchief and offered it to Caitlin. She dried her eyes a little.

"Tell me about your sister," said Caitlin. "Tell me about Emma."

Julian frowned. "Now?"

Caitlin nodded. "If you want to," she added, clearly wondering if she'd just said totally the wrong thing. She hadn't. Until this moment, Julian hadn't really considered that he needed to talk about Emma.

"Why?"

"Because you miss her and loved her, and I want to help you remember. But most importantly because you are someone I care about, Julian, and people that are important to you are important to me too." Caitlin's eyes held a deep sincerity that he'd rarely seen in them before.

Julian frowned, he found himself sitting down in the other lab chair, scooting it over so that he could still hold Caitlin's hand.

"Grief is a funny thing," said Julian. "There are days when I struggle to remember her face, and other days when I can't forget it."

He took out his wallet, and removed the picture of Emma that he carried there. He tentatively handed it to Caitlin, who took it with reverence.

"Let me tell you about my brilliant, beautiful sister," he said, and he did, starting with how they used to drive their mother crazy by pretending to be daleks.

"I really am very sorry about everything," said Rip, to his assembled team. The team dinner had been a good idea. It felt like everyone needed this moment to bring Rip back into the fold properly. They'd eaten and drunk and now were attacking a large mound of ice cream for dessert. They were arrayed around a large round table in the galley, with Sara on one side of Rip and Martin on the other.

"It wasn't you," said Sarah. "This is you," indicating the whole of Rip with a hand.

"I am aware of that, but I can't help but shoulder some of the blame," said Rip, finding it impossible to meet the eyes of his team. "My duty was to protect the Spear and I have failed very badly at that."

"You haven't failed yet," said Ray. "I think we're winning if anything. I mean, we got you back and survived the Jurassic. Again. And as long as we've got one piece of the Spear, they can't put it back together."

"Yeah, we're going to kick the Legion's ass. We'll protect Nate's grandfather and get the last part of the Spear," added Jax, with more enthusiasm than Rip really thought was required.

Martin's eyebrows raised at his other half's pronouncement. "Unfortunately, I doubt the Legion will make our job easy."

"Quite," said Rip, reaching for the double chocolate chip.

"Henry is a very resourceful individual," said Amaya. "If we can make contact then we'll have another ally to help us."

"I really hope so," said Nate. "I'm just worried that they've already found him."

"All they know is that I dropped him off in 1965. They don't know exactly where. I had to maintain my usefulness to them somehow after all," said Rip, with disgust at himself.

"Don't do that," said Sara.

"What?" asked Rip.

"That thing where you blame yourself for stuff that wasn't your fault," said Sara. "I'm actually kind of glad that you were useful to the Legion, because they'd have killed you if you weren't."

Rip frowned. "Well, I suppose that's one way of looking at it."

"Less talking, more eating," said Mick. "Rip's back, we're all happy. Hand me the rocky road."

Ray passed Mick the required ice-cream, and the arsonist proceeded to eat it straight out of the tub. Nate let out an audible groan.

"Really, Mick? Some of us might have wanted that too."

"Your problem, not mine," replied Mick and carried on eating.

"So, Cisco said that you've been watching Doctor Who," said Ray, looking at Rip. "I thought maybe we could have a movie night, well, a TV night anyway."

"Doctor Who?" asked Amaya, sounding out each word as if they were foreign.

"It's a television programme," said Nate.

Amaya looked a little puzzled. "Television is kind of a new concept where I'm from. There wasn't much on at all."

"Well, I haven't watched much of it either, but Cisco is a huge fan and it's about time travel," said Ray.

"Yeah, I've seen some of it," said Jax. "It's British, right?"

"Yes, and the time machine is an old, blue police box," said Ray. "It's bigger on the inside than the outside."

"Which is the most unbelievable bit of it," interjected Rip, gesturing with the hand that currently did not hold his ice-cream spoon. "Time ships do not defy physics in the real world."

"That actually sounds like it might be quite interesting," said Martin.

"A bit lightweight for you, Professor," said Mick.

"Maybe we need something lightweight," said Sara. "I think a distraction might be just what we need."

"Please, don't feel you need to do this on my account," said Rip, feeling a little embarrassed by his team's interest in such a trivial matter as a television programme that he'd been watching.

Sara sighed and leaned back in her chair with an amused smile on her lips. "I bet you were going to shut yourself away in your room and watch them on your own."

"The thought had occurred," replied Rip. It had actually been quite a nice thought too, but apparently he wasn't going to be allowed any peace and quiet. He might as well embrace it. "But obviously you'd all miss the joy of poking holes in the time travel of Doctor Who if I did that, so I suppose we will have to make an evening of it."

"And tomorrow we will rescue Nate's grandfather and get the final piece of the Spear," said Sara.

"Go us," said Ray.

"We shouldn't underestimate the Legion," said Rip.

"We won't," said Amaya.

"But first," said Sara, and grabbed her glass holding it up for a toast. "Welcome back, Rip Hunter, assembler of Legends, designated adult and friend."

The team raised their glasses and there were enthusiastic agreements, followed by the downing of drinks.

Rip gave them a small smile, trying not to blush as he looked at the much broader smiles of his team. "Thank you. It really is very good to be home."

And it really was.