Introduction/Author's Notes

I don't actually care who created SnowQueen. I just know this might end it. This is pure crack and possibly smut. There is nothing serious here. Also, the chapters will be shorter.

Your comments are begged for. The usual disclaimers.

Once more into the breach, dear fellows, once more...

The morning after the night before..

The morning Maine sun is bright and beautiful. Unless, of course, you spent the previous evening consuming GodsKnowWhatTheHellWasThatIDrunk. It shines its light and radiates its warmth on you. Which, if you are a certain Evil Queen, becomes the triggering device of the mother, father, and illegitimate son of all hangovers. Your head weighs 10 tons, and your stomach is doing a recap was doing a recap of the 85th final battle between your army and that of Snow White.

You don't know how you landed in this bed...though it was rather comfortable, all thing considered. You don't even initially remember what happened, though there were vague dribs and drabs about destroying Snow once and for all, something about a magic potion, a flask, glasses clinking and then...blackout.

But none of that really matters. Those disgusting greaseballs that Henry and Violet forced on you earlier that day were about to come out the same place they went in with triple the pressure when you hear a noise.

"Mmmmmmm..."

Then...

"Oh baby..."

It was a woman's voice alright. A very familiar one. Too familiar. You turn around to see that you were sleeping next to a squirming mass under those covers. Its then that you realize that you were only wearing your birthday suit. A suit covered in what could only be described as bites of passion. You looked in a mirror that was close enough to see a hickey about the size of Arendelle on your neck. The stomach somehow settled enough for you to at least function. The fog was clearing and more things were coming into focus: you told someone you were sorry, that person apologized back, that person said you were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. There was a kiss. Then a kiss. And then a KISS. You could not remember anything after that.

And now a fear comes over you. Actually a terror. Was it possible that the person responsible for hickeys all over your body, the one you apparently had sex with sex with...could it be?

You had to find out, didn't you? Slowly you removed the covers. The sun now was working its insidious magic on the other person. It was a woman. She was as naked as you were. She was...

The green eyes of the other woman looked into your blue ones. There was that flash of recognition, and then...

...in unison...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGH...!"

Meanwhile at 108 Mifflin...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGH...!"

A blue-eyed blonde woman awoke with a start at the sound of her brunette lover sitting up in the bed they shared staring at the wall, cold sweats coming down her face.

"Baby , what's wrong?" Emma Swan-Mills, Sheriff and official town savior of Storybrooke, ME was worried about her wife.

Regina Swan-Mills was panting, the aftermath of a very bad dream. "I'm fine darling...more or less."

Emma put her arm around Regina and gave her wife a kiss on the cheek. "I mean, babe, when you scream like that and I didn't touch you..." Regina blushed at Emma, considering they both were doing a lot of screaming a few hours before. "... I'm kinda wondering what was up. Bad dream..?" Emma realized after two years of being together, everything from the death of Daniel to sending Henry off to college triggered a bad dream. In fact, one of the few good things the Evil Queen did to protect Regina was to absorb those nightmare within her so her host would sleep well.

Regina acknowledged the dream, but it wasn't anything about her mother or losing a son to Maine academics. It was a dream that included the Queen and Snow. And it was weird: Regina dreamt that the Queen and Snow were having a knock-down drag out, while taking shots of Snow's Irish coffee...minus the coffee. Then one thing lead to another that lead to the two bitter enemies kissing as if they were lovers five minutes before the end of the world. Tongues and hands were all over their bodies. Much nakedness ensued...and at a certain point...that's when Regina woke up screaming.

Emma continued to hug her wife, but it was clear that the color had gone out of her cheeks when she heard about Regina's dream about her evil doppelganger flagrenting her mom's delecti. She tried to convince Regina...and maybe herself...that it was only a dream

"Maybe you're right, darling. She's wearing that cuff, so she can't do magic on her own. In fact the last time I saw the Queen she was leaving..." Regina's eyes suddenly went wide. She had just remembered two things: "I saw the Queen leaving Gold's shop this afternoon..." That was one. The other was that in very intense moments, Regina and the Queen, being actually the same person, could feel and experience what the other was feeling (Regina knows about this first hand due to one afternoon not long ago when she was presiding over a town council meeting at exactly the same time that the Queen was back in the mansion giving Regina's vibrating rabbit a test run. It took three weeks for Regina to take those phone videos down from YouTube).

"Regina, are you saying...?"

"I think it's possible the Queen wanted to do something to your mother. I just hope it's not too late..." And with that, Regina made two motions, one to fully dress bother herself and Emma, then poof the pair to try to stop the Queen from doing more damage that she already did.

So what DID happen between the Queen and Snow? Come back soon...same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!