It's Alright

summary: [3x15 companion fic] Joe could feel the pain in his own chest as he watches and hears Barry's own agony consuming him. The bandaged covered wound on his chest was nothing Barry couldn't handle. Joe just hoped that Barry could lie in that bed and fall asleep before he completely fell apart.

genre: Angst, Hurt-Comfort, Family, Drama

rated: T

authors note: title inspiration and lyrics are from "It's Alright" by Fractures. The final moments of the episode broke my heart and I just wanted to hug each of them. Instead I wrote this. I hope you enjoy.

It's alright, it's alright

You see the fault lines, started panicking

It's alright, it's alright

You confide in the low light, you're so kind

You're caught up in the crossfire

It's alright, it's alright.

Don't get dragged through.

Don't be consumed.

"I can't lose Wally, Barry."

Joe barely made it into the hallway after exiting the medical lab, pitching sideways till his shoulder collided with the wall. As he clutched the tattered remains of the yellow suit, grazing his shaking fingers over the red lighting bolt on the emblem, Joe allowed himself a few tears before swallowing them wouldn't grieve. They were going to get Wally back. It was just like when Barry got lost in the Speed Force a year ago and they thought he was gone. They didn't lose him, they wouldn't lose Wally.

"Dad."

Iris.

He wanted to say her name, wanted to comfort her because Wally meant as much to her; he wanted to tell her everything would be alright. When Joe turned to face her though all he could do was pull her close with one arm, the other still clutching Wally's frayed chest piece of his uniform to his own chest.

"Dad, everything is going to be alright," she said to him, rubbing her hands up and down his back, fiercely trying to comfort her father. "We're going to do everything we can to bring him home."

"I know," Joe nodded against the side of Iris' face, "I know."

Iris pulled away slowly, reaching between her and her father to hold onto Wally's suit.

"Dad, I know you're hurting right now," Iris said softly, her sad eyes locked onto her father's pain filled ones, "but your other son needs you right now. He's in pain, and I don't just mean physically. And I can't…I can't be that for him right now."

"It's not his fault," Joe said, shaking his head.

"Dad, this is Barry we're talking about. If you ask him, everything is his fault," Iris smiled sadly. "Please, he needs his father and I think you might need to be that right now, too."

Joe nodded slowly, reluctantly surrendering the uniform to Iris. She was right. He was so proud of how strong a woman his baby girl had become, pulling her in for a quick kiss to her cheek. He took a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face and headed back towards the medical bay. As he neared the entrance he took note of how quiet the room was, nothing but the hushed, distraught presence and voices of Caitlin and Barry.

"My fear's the reason for all of this," he heard Barry say, voice raw, strained and heavy with guilt and pain. Joe quietly entered the room just as Barry raised his sluggish left arm to his face, hand draped over his eyes. Joe could see the body shaking from the doorway; pain, exhaustion, grief consuming every nerve in Barry's body.

"Barry, you should try to rest," was all Caitlin could say. She had no words to offer to comfort him, only barely keeping it together herself after the threat of being buried under her own guilt. Lucky for her she had a patient to take care of and distract her. "You were only out for an hour and your injury is going to take at least six."

"It doesn't matter," Barry said, shifting his hand to dig the heel of his palm into his eye, trying to distract from the pain in his right shoulder and stop the steady flow of tears.

"Barr," Joe called out quietly as he approached, Caitlin's head snapping in his direction when she realized they were no longer alone. She was quick to swipe at her eyes, trying to rid herself of her own tears as she backed away to the far side of the room to give Barry and Joe some space.

Barry made no indication that he even heard Joe, closing his eyes and moving his hand to clutch at his injured clavicle, fingers clawing at the bandage. Joe quickly stepped to the left of Barry's bed where Caitlin had been and reached out for Barry's hand, pulling it away from the injury and squeezing it tightly in his own.

"Barry, look at me," Joe commanded, using the 'dad' voice that he had used so often at the young man lying in front of him. When Barry finally shifted his gaze to look at Joe, the older man watched the levy break and witnessed as Barry lost control of the emotions he'd been trying so hard to keep contained since waking up just a few minutes ago.

"This is all my fault," Barry's voice was barely above a whisper. "I've ruined everything."

"Barry," Joe tried but Barry shook his head slowly from side to side.

"I just wanted the pain to stop. I should have followed Iris into the house but I couldn't think, Joe, I couldn't breathe. I just missed him, I missed her so much, I couldn't take anymore." Barry's voice hitched as he sobbed to Joe.

Joe could feel Barry weakly trying to pull his hand away from his grip but Joe would not let go. His son was drowning and he was not letting him go.

"I just wanted to make it right but I ruined everything. I hurt everyone I love. You, Iris, Cisco and Caitlin and Wally," Barry pulled in a shaky breath, face contorting in what Joe could only describe as agony. "Oh god, Wally."

"Barry, please," Joe pleaded, "this isn't your fault." He couldn't bear to see his son do this to himself. They'd all forgiven him for creating Flashpoint, knew how broken he was that night. They'd all lost something and none of them could blame Barry for doing what he did; except Barry himself. There was nothing to be sorry for then and he had nothing to be sorry for now.

"This is worse," Barry's eyes were clenched so tight, head sluggishly lolling back and forth on the pillow as he raised his right arm, face scrunched in pain. Joe watched Barry not bring his hand to clutch at the injury but instead claw at the bare skin above where his heart was. "I just wanted the pain to stop but this is worse."

The monitors in the room started to alarm, the screen indicating that Barry's heart rate and blood pressure spiking up. Barry's breathing became frantic, hand's shaking. It reminded Joe of the panic attacks Barry used to get; they were common when he first moved in with Joe and Iris as a result of his trauma but became far less frequent as time passed.

Joe knew it's not just the grief, not just the physical pain, but the combination of the two that was sending Barry spiraling. He couldn't imagine the type of physical pain that Barry was suffering, knowing how terrible a wound like that was when your body could actually handle painkillers. But for Barry it wasn't possible. The only saving grace was that in few hours it'd be healed and the pain a distant memory; just another scar in the far too many he'd received in the last few years. But it wasn't just physical pain. Barry's scars and trauma ran deep, from the time he was 11 to only just an hour ago. There was no telling the time it would take for this new wound to heal when the old ones were constantly being torn open, constantly reminding Barry of all he'd lost. Joe just prayed that the two crushing weights of the physical and the emotional wouldn't consume him now.

"Barry, you need to calm down," Caitlin rushed over to Barry's right side as the alarms from the sensors started. Pulling the edge of his hooded sweatshirt aside, she noticed the spotting blood on the previously pristine bandage, the movement of his right arm jarring the injury.

"Caitlin?" Joe questioned, holding still tightly to the hand of his panting and shaking son.

"He's experiencing a lot of pain, I cant give him anything. His anxiety is lowering his pain threshold and he's going to risk sending himself into a tachycardia episode." Caitlin peeled back the bandage. "He's pulled his sutures. He needs to rest so he can heal."

"I can't breathe," Barry pushed his head back against the pillow. Caitlin ran to the far side of the room, prepping an oxygen mask.

"Barry, look at me," Joe lowered his face to hover just above Barry's so he didn't have to strain to see him. Barry's eyes remained closed. Joe reached his hand out to massage smooth circles in Barry's scalp like he would when Barry was young and experiencing a panic attack. "Look at me, son."

Pain-filled and tear brimmed green eyes finally met Joe's own distressed brown ones.

"Joe," Barry inhaled, his name a desperate plea to save him, eyes clenching closed again.

"Barry, it's alright," Joe brushed the sweat soaked hair back as far as the pillow would allow. "It's alright." He repeated the two words over and over as he sought to calm and comfort the suffering hero.

"It's alright." You're safe.

"It's alright." This is not your fault.

"It's alright." We'll get through this.

"It's alright." I got you.

The alarms stopped ringing as Barry's heart rhythm slowed to a normal rate for the young man, his heaving chest beginning to shallow as he regained control of his breathing, sobs dying down to quiet tears.

"I'm sorry," Barry exhaled as he opened his eyes, slow and tired, blinking up at Joe. He hadn't counted how many times Barry had apologized in the short time he'd been awake, but Joe knew this wouldn't be the last one.

Joe wanted to tell him that all things he needed to hear but knew he wouldn't accept just yet. Barry was safe, he would be okay, that Iris still loved him even though she was hurt, and that Joe didn't blame him for Wally.

"It's alright," was all Joe could respond with. He leaned forward to lay a kiss atop his son's hairline, smoothing the hair back a few more times as he pulled away to look down. "Rest."

Joe was relieved when Barry's eyes finally closed as he succumbed to his exhaustion and pain. His breathing evened out and Joe thanked the universe for small miracles as Barry fell into painless slumber. Despite Barry's own belief that he probably deserved the pain, god knows he deserved the peace. Joe was grateful he had been able to stop him from dragging himself through any more, that he'd been able to pull him through this battle with himself.

As Caitlin moved forward to redress Barry's wound, Joe gave her a grateful nod, trying not to stare as her own tears continued to fall. Joe looked back down at his son and knew they all were hurting. Today had been hard for all of them but they were strong together. Once Barry healed Joe knew he wouldn't give up on Wally, that together they would save him. His gut told him that it wouldn't be the hardest part of their next battle; that more heartache and pain was to come for their family.

But they'd face it together like always. And maybe for once, everything would finally be alright.