Chapter 1

Welcome to Paradise

I've been given the task of helping solve a crime – an assassination, actually. I guess you could say I've got a knack for figuring things out, or so I've been told… probably more often than I'd care to admit. Nevertheless, I do make a confession: I've never done anything like this before; but, as the saying goes, there's a first time for everything. Right? And besides, there's a lot riding on the successful outcome of this investigation for us Decepticons.

Before I go into all of that, though, I want to start by saying that normally, we – Decepticons, that is – would rather shoot ourselves in the foot than be seen negotiating with the Autobots, which is understandable, if you know anything about our chequered history. On this particular occasion, we came upon a unique opportunity to become part of an inter-planetary alliance, something that the Elders of the Cybertronian Empire have always vehemently denied us but, if we are successful, they'll have no choice but to acknowledge our rightful place within the Empire. So, for the sole purpose of this mission, we have agreed to temporarily lay aside our differences (as best we can).

You see, it all started when the Paradisians contacted us to negotiate their proposed use of a section of Decepticon-controlled space that happens to border their planet. By 'us', I mean both Autobots and Decepticons, because, as it turns out, the Cybertronian Elders realized that the Autobots would not be able to negotiate an agreement for that section of space without us so, in an unprecedented decision, they allowed the Paradisians to invite us to the negotiation table.

But some time after we touched down on Paradise Planet, or Paradisia, as the natives call it, one of their elected representatives – Gadrin, his name was – was assassinated. By whom, and for what reason, nobody knows for sure.

Then surprise, surprise – for some reason the Autobots believed that we actually had something to do with the assassination. Before I go any further, though, I want to make it absolutely clear: we did not have anything to do with the assassination. So, they're barking up the wrong tree, as they like to say here a lot. Anyway, I'll get to all of that a little later.

But allow me to introduce myself. My name's Swindle, and I guess I should start right at the beginning.

The very first time I set foot on this Paradise Planet, I saw why it's given that name. It's an oasis of lush jungles that span vast distances, abundant with sparkling lakes and waterways, and magnificent crystal canyons. It really is one of the most beautiful organic planets I've ever seen. The Autobots don't believe that we Decepticons are capable of appreciating such natural beauty, but that's not true; we can, and we do.

"Welcome, to Paradise. Please make your way to the reception desk to collect your visitor passes. We hope you enjoy your stay!" That's what the organic humanoid host told us with a smile as he directed us towards the reception area at the Perfect Paradise Resort, a large complex specially designed for mechanoid species like us.

The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, had already arrived before us, so we watched and waited as they received their individual passes at reception. I guess I should also mention that despite the fact that we were here on a peaceful mission, we Decepticons will always prefer to keep our distance from the Autobots, whenever possible.

At this point, I should also mention the attendees, on both sides. On our side, we have Starscream, Soundwave and Rumble, Skywarp, Thundercracker, Astrotrain, me – Swindle, and my Combaticon team mate, Vortex; and Scavenger and Hook – that's two of the Constructicons. We were the first to volunteer, and Starscream's our team leader.

On the Autobots' side, we have their illustrious leader, Optimus Prime – who else, right? Let's see… then there's Ratchet, Prowl, Jazz, Wheeljack, Hoist, Bluestreak, Brawn… and what's his name – oh, yeah, Beachcomber, and Cliffjumper. Don't quote me on this, but I heard that they selected their top ten karaoke singers. Yeah, I know, it's probably a load of bunk, but I thought it was amusing, anyhow.

Anyway, back to the events as they unfolded. We watched as Optimus Prime and the Autobots were given directions to their guest quarters at the Resort by one of the staff there, when Starscream called out after them, as he is so often apt to do. "Don't forget the rules, Auto-bolts; no fighting, and no weapons. Think you can manage that?" he teased as he leaned against a supporting column, his arms folded in front of him. Details can be important, by the way, however minor. So just bear with me, because I don't want to leave anything out.

"That's something you should ask yourself, Starscream," Optimus replied. I think it was kind of obvious to everyone there that the Autobot leader didn't want to give our Decepticon Air Commander even one inch of satisfaction.

That's when Cliffjumper, the red mini-bot, added his two creds. "Shut your mouth, Starscream, or I'll shut it for you," he called out. He had a kind of scowl on his face, as Optimus instinctively placed a restraining hand upon his shoulder.

"Pay no attention to him, Cliffjumper. Try to stay away from them, if you can. It's only for a week," Optimus told him. He was referring to us, of course.

Cliffjumper seemed to relax a little, but was still unconvinced. "The Elders should never have allowed the Decepticons here, Prime," he contested. "I don't trust them as far as I can throw 'em."

It gets kind of tiring hearing about the Autobots' trust issues, you know? We get it all the time from them.

The Autobot leader nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean, Cliffjumper. But they are invited guests here, nonetheless, just as we are. We must respect the Paradisians' wishes, however much we may disagree with them."

I could tell that most of the other Autobots did not really agree with Prime's sentiments, but they all nodded their heads in support, regardless.

"We'll just have to keep a real close optic on them, that's all," Brawn, the other mini-bot in their group, said. "Don't worry, Cliff. We'll make sure they don't get too out of hand. "

"I don't trust them as far as I can throw 'em, either," Ratchet, their repair guy, said. He was watching us as we approached the reception desk to pick up our own visitor passes. "I agree with Cliffjumper. They're only here for their own selfish reasons. I give 'em two days at most before they start causing serious trouble – that's it."

Yep, there they go again.

"No way, two days is too much. I don't give them even half a day," Cliffjumper replied. "You just wait and see."

"Let's just all retire to our quarters and get some recharge. Who knows, they may actually be of some assistance to the negotiations tomorrow," Optimus told his team, although a little uncertainly.

"Wanna bet?" Cliffjumper scoffed.

"Well, since we're here, I propose that the first thing we do is replenish our energy supplies from the Paradisians' abundant deposits," Starscream said to us, once we had found our room at the Resort. We were, ironically, right across the passageway from the Autobots. In fact, their room was so close to ours that we could hear a lot of their shouting and carrying on – and occasionally, bouts of laughter – to the point where it had begun to annoy us, but Starscream in particular. "That way, we won't be left short in case we have to deal with Autobots."

A fair enough precaution.

"Sounds like a plan, Starscream," Skywarp agreed. "Once we can get around a few minor problems, of course."

"Minor problems? What minor problems?" Starscream queried, as the sounds of shouting carried across the hall between pauses of quiet. The actual words were muffled, but the voice was unmistakeably Cliffjumper's. "I wish those Autobots would shut the slag up!"

"Maybe we should just get us another room?" Vortex suggested. Though, I can say with a good amount of certainty that he was thinking of a completely different kind of remedy to the Autobot noise problem. I can also say with a good amount of certainty that he wasn't the only one.

Our Air Commander considered his idea, but then dismissed it. "No, it's easier to keep an optic on the enemy when they're close. We'll just have to put up with them, for now," he said. "Now, where were we? Oh, yes, problems?" He looked towards Skywarp.

"Well, we have the Autobots watching our every move, for one thing. How are we going to transport large amounts of energon safely back to Cybertron without them interfering, like they always do? I mean, it's not going to be easy hiding it from them." The purple and black seeker finished speaking, as we all listened intently to their conversation.

Now, in case you didn't know, Paradisia is a planet abundant in natural resources. The Paradisians have the ability to produce inexhaustible supplies of energy – which, amongst other things, can be readily converted into energon for our use. This is all possible thanks to a unique form of crystallite found only on Paradisia – a well-guarded secret amongst the inhabitants. But the truth is, it isn't that much of a secret. We all knew about it – scrap, even the Autobots and their Elders knew about it. But they think it's a secret, and no one has ever bothered to tell them any different.

"Hmm." Our Air Commander nodded. "You make a good point, Skywarp. Then we'll just have to come up with some sort of a decoy," he suggested. "Any ideas?"

We all fell quiet for a few moments, as we thought about what might make a good decoy, but the Autobots' voices from across the hall continued to distract us. "I can't think straight with all that noise," Rumble, that's the blue cassetticon, said finally.

"One of us should just go over there and–" Astrotrain started, in a lowered voice, and then shrugged. "I don't know."

Hook, the Constructicon – and the best repair guy this side of the galaxy – shared his inspiring thought. "Rewire their vocal circuits?"

"Yeah, though I think Cliffjumper has several backup ones in case his main unit is out of action," said his gestalt partner, Scavenger, as a joke, making us laugh.

"You know, I don't think that's too far from the truth," Thundercracker said. Yep, the Autobots were really asking for it.

"I think they've finally quietened down now," I said. It did seem quieter. For a few moments, anyway, before resounding laughter broke through the silence once again. "Uh, never mind."