Summary: Remember that time in Cold Fire when Chakotay was very clearly staring at the Captain's ass on the bridge? I do, so I wrote a story about it. Not necessarily from that exact episode. Much of this is padd-style. I ended the story at a certain point so that it can stand alone, but I'm thinking about writing more.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did. It would have ended better.
Ocular Affections
B'Elanna Torres had had enough. She had been stationed at the engineering console on the bridge for the entire shift–which meant she had been subjected to watch the very obvious sultry glances of her best friend, Commander Chakotay.
If he hadn't been paying attention to the situation at hand in general, that would be one thing, but the target of his ocular affections was none other than Captain Kathryn Janeway, who had been standing by the conn with her back to the rest of the bridge, hands on the railing, leaning forward every now and then to talk to Tom Paris about some nebula they were analyzing.
B'Elanna knew how Chakotay felt about Janeway. Hell, everyone knew. It wasn't a secret to anyone, except to maybe the Captain herself. B'Elanna snorted out loud; no one heard her. She was just tired of watching the silly spectacle. She pulled out a padd and began typing.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: B'Elanna Torres
Subject: Stop
Chakotay, you p'tak, stop staring at the Captain's ass before I gouge your eyes out with a bat'leth. It's getting old, not to mention a little creepy. Either forget about her or do her already.
It was a bit harsh, but they were best friends after all, so she pressed "send." She just wanted him to be happy, and his pining away for the Captain, especially during work hours, wasn't healthy.
Chakotay's padd chirped. Tearing his gaze away from Janeway's behind, he held the padd in his lap and read. His eyes grew wide and his head snapped around to glare at B'Elanna. Then, he started typing.
To: B'Elanna Torres
From: Commander Chakotay
Subject: re: Stop
That message was not befitting of a Starfleet officer, Lieutenant. I may have to write you up.
Also, as First Officer, I'll stare at whatever the hell I want. The only person who can reprimand me is the Captain herself.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: B'Elanna Torres
Subject: re: re: Stop
I bet you'd like that.
From: Commander Chakotay
To: B'Elanna Torres
Subject: re: re: re: Stop
You're out of line, Torres.
But depending on the type of reprimand, yes. Yes I would.
B'Elanna snickered from the corner. The Captain patted Tom's shoulder and headed back to her chair. Taking a seat, she noticed Chakotay furiously typing away on his padd. The bridge was oddly silent. Instead of causing a disturbance, she pulled out her own padd and began typing.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: Hello?
What are you doing over there, writing a novel? I haven't heard a peep from you in over an hour.
Chakotay saw the incoming message from her. Not looking away from the padd, he opened it and read it until the color proceeded to drain from his face. He had to come up with an excuse, however lame it may be, and then deflect the conversation. Otherwise, he knew, she wouldn't let it go.
To: Captain Janeway
From: Commander Chakotay
Subject: re: Hello?
Just typing up a report. Dinner later? My quarters? I'll cook to spare you the embarrassment.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: re: re: Hello?
Sounds lovely. However, you should know by now that I can see right through you. What the hell is going on? B'Elanna and now Harry Kim are typing on their padds too. Is there another betting pool I don't know about? Wasn't anyone paying attention to what I was saying earlier about the nebula? I am the Captain of this vessel, right?
To: B'Elanna Torres
From: Harry Kim
Subject: What...
B'Elanna, what is going on with you and Commander Chakotay? I see you typing back and forth with each other. Don't let the Captain notice, she'll be furious. You know how much she loves nebulas.
To: Harry Kim
From: B'Elanna Torres
Subject: re: What...
Don't worry about it, Starfleet. Apparently there's a lot of things the Captain doesn't notice.
To: Captain Janeway
From: Commander Chakotay
Subject: re: re: re: Hello?
Nothing is going on. And I was listening, most intently. I always do.
Captain Janeway snorted loudly as she read Chakotay's latest message. The bridge staff all turned to look at her. She cleared her throat and typed another message.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: re: re: re: re: Hello?
I meant listening with your ears, Commander, not your eyes.
Chakotay's smug look immediately turned into a panicked frown. His eyes bulged from their sockets. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead.
From: Commander Chakotay
To: B'Elanna Torres
Subject: SOS
Did you tell the Captain?! She knows! She just sent me a message about it. I am dead meat.
B'Elanna's eyebrows shot to the top of her ridged head as she tried to stifle a giggle.
From: B'Elanna Torres
To: Commander Chakotay
Subject: re: SOS
I did not, I swear! Maybe she's just very perceptive. Or maybe Tuvok told her, the little snitch. He sees everything. But I mean, you don't exactly hide it, Chakotay...any moron on this bridge would know.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: Commander...
I see you typing over there but it's been two minutes and thirty-seven seconds since I sent my last message and you haven't replied. Care to explain?
Chakotay read the last message from the Captain and gulped. Utterly distracted by the fiery woman sitting next to him who was presently burning a hole in his head with her steely eyes, he hastily typed up another message to B'Elanna.
From: Commander Chakotay
To: Captain Janeway
Subject: Bye
She's going to strangle me and then throw me out an airlock. It's been nice knowing you, B'Elanna.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: re: Bye
Commander, please proofread your recipient list before you send a message.
And yes, I am going to strangle you and then throw you out an airlock. After you make me dinner and tell me all the reasons why you love me.
Chakotay didn't move a muscle save for the twitch in his eye. B'Elanna noticed that he looked sort of ill and sat awkwardly at her console, watching whatever strange situation was unfolding. Harry Kim shifted uncomfortably, aware that something was happening but not entirely sure what. Tuvok punched away at the computer, looking blissfully ignorant, even though he probably wasn't. Tom swiveled around in his chair when he decided the bridge had become too silent. No one was talking or typing or maybe even breathing. He looked around from person to person. Everyone's eyes were averted to something else, except Captain Janeway, who was staring intently at Chakotay before she went back to typing on her padd. Tom shrugged and swiveled back around. A few seconds later, Chakotay's padd chirped. He inhaled sharply.
To: Commander Chakotay
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: PS
By the way, I stand behind Tom like that on purpose. Just thought you'd like to know. ;)
FIN