Author's Notes: This is the last chapter. I mean it! I swear! But I'll miss this fic…*sniffles* Goodbye, HP&TPP!

Disclaimer: I don't own nuthin! Except for my pride, my insanity, and my budgie! !^_~!

Harry opened his eyes, glancing around at what looked to be a hut built by a retarded carpenter. Hermione and Ron were snogging in the corner.

"AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!! What's the matter with you!" Harry yelled. Hermione and Ron were so startled that they fell off of each other and onto the 70's shag carpet with rainbow colours. "In front of your best friend! You should be ashamed!"

"Geez, Harry!" Ron said. "You're how old now, you'd think you could stand a little kissing."

"I'm much too innocent!" Harry squeaked, covering his ears.

"Grow up," Hermione said. They all leapt to their feet and looked around suspiciously. "Any sign of our captors?" she said, flipping her now Farah Fawcett style hair.

"None," Ron said, his robes now changed into a stylish 60's sophisticated outfit. "See anyone coming, Harry?"

Harry looked out the window, his fluffy, poofy hair gleaming in the sunlight. "No one. Come on, Angels, let's blow this joint!"

Holding their imaginary guns, they backed up together and side-kicked the door down.

"Let's find Bosley," Hermione concluded,

"Wha' are yer tryin' ter do!?!" yelled Hagrid.

"Bosley!" Harry cried, hugging him around the middle. Hagrid hit him on the head.

"I'm not Bosley, yo' dolt! Wha' is this, Charlie's Angels?" Instantly their hair and clothes changed back to normal.

"Hagrid, how come we woke up unconscious in your hut?"

A sinister look came over Hagrid's face (or what they could see of it).

"Hermione, I've bin wantin' ter talk with yo' three," Hagrid said, "an' so do a lo' o' people. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –HACK! HACK! HACK!" The half giant abruptly started to choke on a hairball from his beard.

A bunch of characters started to pop out of nowhere – Dobby, Cornelius Fudge, Susan Bones, Amos Diggory, and Monica Lewinsky.

"HEY!" Ron shouted. "You're not in Harry Potter! Get out of here!"

"Awww," Monica Lewinsky trudged off to join the group of rejects in the Forbidden Forest. More and more people popped onto the scene.

"What do you want?" Harry squeaked.

"Dobby is sick and tired of being ignored in fanfiction!" Dobby said, his big eyes watering. "Dobby wants to be a main character for once! Harry Potter must be sick of the slash and other plots he has to act out in stories. Dobby did it for Harry Potter's own good!" The suspense music played softly in the background.

"You and your groupies always hog the spotlight!" Susan Bones said. "We wanna be recognized for a change!" They cheered. "We want there to be fics about us! Not just the Boy-Who-Lived!" More cheering. The music grew louder.

"But I thought you were our friends," Harry sniffled, on the verge of tears.

"We're only your friends when it's convenient," Lavender Brown explained. "You'll get over it."

"But why did you kidnap us?" Ron asked. The music grew even louder.

"Pu' a sock in it!" Hagrid shouted. He shot the conductor with his crossbow. The music abruptly stopped.

"So you can't interfere!" Fudge explained. And then he farted. Hermione was absorbed in a fit of giggles in the "Master of Disguise" rip-off joke.

"We'll let you out after a while, don't worry."

"We must go to free our fellow member, Fleur Delacour!"

"And to kidnap Ginny, Malfoy and Snape!"

"Yeah! Let's go!"

They shoved the trio into the hut, locked the door, and went off to do their evil deeds.

"How are we ever going to survive!?" Hermione wailed, flipping open Hagrid's Maytag refrigerator. "All Hagrid has is Kraft Dinner!"

"Dear God, are you serious?" Harry said. He saw it was stocked full of the Macaroni and Cheese. How Hagrid managed to live everyday on the stuff, he never would know. "Quick! Check the cupboards!"

All of the cupboards flew open, and everywhere, and everything they found, was Kraft Dinner.

"Bloody hell, I never knew he was that thick!" Ron said. "He must have a stomach that can digest iron to swallow this stuff!"

"Maybe the closet has something," Hermione said.

Harry opened it and-

-was immediately bombarded with plushies of every conceivable kind.

"Help! I'm suffocating!" Harry choked. He flapped his hands helplessly, which were the only parts of him sticking out of the mound of stuffed toys.

"Awww! Plushies!" Hermione said, cuddling them.

"Running out of oxygen, here!"

They (as in Ron. Hermione just gathered more into a group hug) cleared them off their friend, who was blue in the face and had nearly swallowed a Cabbage Patch doll's leg.

"Say," said Ron. "I have an idea! Why don't we dump all this macaroni in the lake, and make Kraft Dinner! We could solve world hunger!"

"Or launch it at our captors," Hermione said.

"Yes!" Harry exclaimed. "More fame for me!"

"What!?"

"Shht, Ron. I'm famous, you're not."

So they all went down to the lake to follow through with Harry's ("Hey!") plan. Only to be thwarted by a most complicating obstacle.

"It says that we need 3 tablespoons of butter per box of Kraft Dinner, and we have 54 378 290 boxes of Kraft Dinner, so it would be 3*2+pi-8 squared*1, which would equal – 0.1428125 tablespoons of butter!" Ron said triumphantly.

Hermione, the genius beyond Einstein, with an IQ of 2, cut out the exact measurement of butter Ron had predicted (which looked rather small) and tossed it in. Harry dumped in the noodles, and Hermione poured the powdered cheese in. And somehow, it just didn't look natural. Harry scratched his head.

"It doesn't look like it does in the commercials, does it?" Harry said.

Suddenly three little goldfish rose to the surface.

"It could be worse," said the little boy goldfish, "it says here we have to boil the water!"

"See! Now it does!" Hermione pointed out.

Ron snickered. "Heh-heh, goldfish."

It was then decided that the Kraft Dinner was far too runny to be efficient, so they took Hagrid's plushies and proceeded to throw them at their captors.

"NOOOO!!!!" Dobby screamed as a Pikachu came flying at his face. "DOBBY IS SURE THEY WOULD BE COMING BACK! DOBBY WILL HAVE TO GO TO THERAPY ALL OVER AGAIN!"

"It's working!" Hermione said.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Ron said.

Soon they had bested all their enemies, save the man with the mac & cheese.

"WHA' AR' YEH DOIN' WITH MAH PLUSHIES!" Hagrid boomed.

"Stay where you are, or the bear gets it!" Harry warned. He began to twist its head.

"NO! Don' hur' Mr. Quiggles!" Hagrid sobbed.

"Do you surrender?"

Harry twisted it more, the fabric started to rip.

"Yeah, yeh frigid witch! Jus' leave 'im alone! 'E never di' nothin'!"

They tossed the plushies back to Hagrid, who immediately blubbered over them. "Don' worry, Mary Moogle! Yeh'll never 'ave ter see them again!"

"Now," Ron said, "we have to get rid of the Mary Sue!"

"Yes! Let's!"

They found her snogging Malfoy.

"EWWWW!!!!!!!" Hermione screeched. "How can you stand that!?!?! It must at least taste like garlic!"

"So, Harry, have you decided to give in to destiny?" Mary Sue asked.

"I thought you said I was your destiny!"

"Well I'm changing my destiny to be with Harry. Get over it."

Malfoy ran away, sobbing, "You always use me!"

Harry stepped forward. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my fanfic. Prepare to die." He drew his sword. "On guard!"

"I've been fencing my whole life, and I'm the youngest and bestest swordsmaster-person in the world," Mary Sue said egotistically. Hermione giggled at her obvious lack of word power. Oh, how those Sues are evil!

"Damn. It's time for Plan B!" Harry motioned to Ron. "Bring it in!"

Ron dragged in the last thing you would ever expect. Such a rare breed, so often overlooked, it could only be a –

"Marty-Stu," Ron directed, "Go get her!"

The 2 OC's stared at each other for a moment. Then they rushed into each other's arms.

"Finally, my search for the perfect man is over!" Mary Sue squealed.

"I can't believe I was looking for this love in a canon character all along!" he chided, embracing her.

"OH YEAH? WELL YOU WERE LOUSY IN THE SACK ANYWAY, MARTY!" Cho yelled from across the school.

"Cho Chang?" Hermione said in disbelief.

"Man, that girl gets around!" Harry said.

Marty Stu took Mary Sue by the hand and started to lead her away. "Shall we go make our own perfect universe that will be more popular than all other fandoms?"

"Oh, yes, Marty, yes!" she said breathily.

"Okaaay," Harry said, "moving on, now…"

"There will be no more moving on!" cried a girl with a keyboard and a monitor in her lap.

"Who are you?" Ron demanded.

"You never saw me!"

"…What?"

"Go, little boy, go!" Ron, completely against his will, ran away to the Gryffindor Common Room, to sulk about whatever issues he has.

"That wasn't nice," Hermione said.

Hermione suddenly felt herself running to the library.

"Harry," the girl said, "this has ended. Here. Now. No more. Kaputz. Period. Bang. The end."

"But there are so many stories you haven't done yet!" Harry whined. "My parents coming alive! AUs! Torture! Song fics! You can't end it here!"

"I'm bored, and I'm losing my touch. And there's so many clichéd stories out there that it would be impossible to write them all."

"That's it?"

"And I'm sobbing over the character in The Order of the Phoenix that died."

"OOOoooo! Who?" Harry giggled.

"It shuts its mouth!"

"Wait – a – minute, haven't I seen you before?"

"Nope!" she lied.

"But-"

"It turns around!"

"But-"

"It does what it's told!"

And so Harry turned around.

Just Kidding!

And so Harry turned around, and lived out the rest of his days with Ron and Hermione, trying to get rid of the Kraft Dinner in the Lake. Oh, they had their challenges, because, let's face it. This is a story by me, you know. And I have one ^*&%ed up mind.

There was only one person who escaped my wrath at Hogwarts…

"You murdered Julius Caesar!"

"I didn't!" said Sailor Moon. "It was all Jackie Chan's fault!"

The end!