Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters. No profit is being made off this story. The story and any original characters introduced are mine.

Rating: T; cursing, self-infliction, drug/alcohol abuse. This may change as the story progresses.

Summary: Yugi struggles with the loss of two very important people in his life, and he's not dealing well. As he tries to find ways of coping and healing, something is trying to force itself back into Yugi's life. The question is on whether or not it will properly integrate into Yugi's life, or break him completely.

Yugi Mutou was standing in front of a river bank, his head pointed to the sky, eyes staring at nothing. He wasn't mentally in the world his body stood in now—he was lost within the depths of his mind. He was recreating his soul room, a place in himself he no longer had admission access to anymore. He imagined the way it used to look—toys, white innocence, no corruption—and what it could potentially look like now. After his loss, he imagined it to be rather broken. Riddled with disappointment and tainted with loss. He was a young adult now, no longer a teenager and in high school. He worked a full-time job and attended a community college, much to the dismay of his mother. His grades afforded him a university with room and board, but the local college had all the classes he would need to obtain his Bachelor's degree. He lived in an apartment with his best friend, Jounouchi Katsuya. They split their bills as equally as possible and took turns buying groceries for each week. In truth, Yugi couldn't ask for a better roommate. Except for…

He shook his head. That was then, when he was much shorter and still being bullied in school by his taller peers. He'd proven he could stand on his two feet and he took the lessons and strength left to him as motivators to help him push through in life. At times, though; he felt like he was falling too far back to truly move forward. Today was one of those days. His depression would catch up to him and the grief he had would consume him. He'd contemplated suicide more times than he would dare to admit to his friends, but he never went through with it. He'd read a book on the theology of dimensions before, and—while he had no idea if it had any accuracy—he didn't dare compromise his ending. It was that long-lasting desire to see him again at the end of his journey.

The waves of river were starting to rise. They splashed Yugi's shoes, but he made no attempt to distance himself. He felt the wetness soak the bottom of his pants, but his eyes remained glued to the sky. The clouds were starting to cover the blue sky, coating it with dark gray. It was going to rain soon. However, he paid it no mind as he continued to think. He remembered that final fight. Even though it killed his soul and broke his heart, he knew in his mind that what he was doing was the right thing. If there was one thing in the world Yugi wasn't, it was selfish. He knew when to let go when it was for the better. He deserved it even if he personally didn't wish for it. He came at Yugi with his best, using the infamous God cards to beat him; and still, Yugi overcame him. In his victory also came the biggest loss he'd ever suffered. That was, until, he lost his grandfather a couple years later. It had been another huge blow to his heart, still slowly putting itself together from his previous loss.

He'd often thought it wasn't fair. But life wasn't fair. Life was cruel and merciless and hard. It threw things at you that you didn't think you had the strength to deal with. Yugi had never felt so weak in his life. The temptation to give in was beyond strong, but his ties to his friends and the strong desire to see him was stronger. He forced himself to come back to reality, begrudgingly lowering his head to face the splashing river, before turning around. The rain would come soon and he preferred not to trudge mud into the apartment.

Yugi didn't quite make it home before the rain came. It started lightly enough, only sprinkling. But then it started to downpour, and that's when he decided to start running. It ended badly, however, when in his rush, he failed to see a decent-sized puddle in his path. His feet splashed into it, effectively soaking his sneakers. Yugi was known for experiencing domino effects, so of course his feet had to find a slippery patch of grass that caused him to slip and fall into the wet earth. His legs, butt, and hands were now covered in mud. He cursed out loud, not caring if anyone heard him, and got up as quickly as possible. He was not having a good day.

Instantly, he thought of someone who could instantly make his pain go away. To make him forget about everything wrong in his day and make it all right again. To a stranger, it would be assumed that he was talking about a lover. Was he? It was never established, and Yugi had never put too much thought into it. All he knew was at that time, his relationship with the other was too important—too significant—to put a petty label on.

If Yugi wasn't so busy trying not to make a second visit with the mud on his venture for home, he would've put more thought into what kind of relationship they truly had. It could wait, he figured. He was almost to the door of his apartment. He fished out his key while still running and came to a skidding stop as his shoes touched the single block of cement that was put up in front of his door. He shoved the key into place and turned, practically ripping it out when the door was unlocked and opened. Closing it behind him, he shoved the key back into his pocket and carefully took his shoes off. He would have to wash them to keep the mud from caking, but he wasn't compelled to care much now. He desperately needed to rid himself of his wet clothes before he got sick. He thanked whatever higher being existed for his roommate not being home as he ran up the stairs to his room. He quickly stripped himself down to his boxers, haphazardly throwing his wet clothes into a laundry basket before digging through his dresser to find pajamas. Fuck it, he thought, getting redressed. It's too late in the day and I'm not going anywhere anyway. Satisfied with what he was wearing, he grabbed the hamper with his clothes and took them into the hallway where the washer and dryer resided. He shoved them into the washer, poured in a healthy amount of liquid detergent, set it, and slammed the door shut. They were all darks anyway—he hadn't worn any of his brighter clothes in a while. His pajamas were a plaid pattern with shades of red and black. He tossed the hamper on top of the dryer and made his way downstairs.

He dropped himself onto the loveseat—an old, dark green thing that could fit two comfortably—and let himself sink into the cushions. He remembered when he had Jounouchi had obtained it. It was a throw-out piece that was no longer desired by its' previous owners. It looked decent to the boys, so they grabbed it. They found out that it needed to be mended in a couple places, but that was no issue for them. The furniture in their apartment didn't really mesh—the recliner was black leather, the couch with the hide-away mattress was blue with small pink flowers, the tables all from separate sets—but it was cozy and home. There was a decent sized entertainment center with a large section in the center that housed their flat screen television, a space beneath it that held their movies, a section to the left of the television with a clear door to show their stereo, and a top shelf that had been adorned by photos. The newest thing that was on that entertainment center was their television—a fifty-dollar purchase that Jounouchi had haggled off Seto when the man had insisted that it was too outdated for him. "Haggled" because Seto couldn't fathom why Jounouchi would bother paying anything on something as "carbon-dated" as that. Apart from the photos, their furniture and accessories were generally obtained from dumpster-diving and thrift stores.

Finding himself with a little more energy than he thought, Yugi forced himself off the loveseat that was slowly eating him to look at the photos on top of the entertainment center. There was a group photo of the entire gain in the middle, Honda and Jounouchi in another, Honda and Anzu, Serenity and Jounouchi, Ryuji with Honda and Jounouchi, and a final photo with just him alone. Yugi frowned deeply when he looked at it. He remembered exactly when he had taken that photo. He was making silly faces to see the other smile, and when he finally achieved his goal, Anzu took the photo. It used to be his favorite photo. He would admire it, the other often catching him staring at the photo. He would call Yugi by his nickname and tease him for staring at him, when all he had to do was call for the other, and he would come. Why stare at a photo when you could look at the real thing, right?

Yugi suddenly felt very angry. He reached an arm up and gripped the photo harshly. There was a split second where he wondered if the faux wood would break, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. "Bastard," he whispered harshly. "You said forever. You said you wanted to stay with me…" Hot tears strolled down his face and dropped onto the photo. He hadn't realized he held it down so low. He felt like he was towering over him, punishing the other for abandoning him. Stuck as he was in his fit of emotions, he couldn't bring himself to smash the photo. His grip on it became impossibly tight, and this time, the frame did crack. Instantly, he dropped the photo. It landed on its' back, but no further damage showed. His anger was gone, but his depression was full-blown. That smile was unwavering as he looked back from the floor, but Yugi felt no comfort. He silently bent down to pick it up and set it back on top of the entertainment center. He paused when the photo was back in its' place, but he didn't drop his arm. Instead, he positioned the photo lying down, face forward. He couldn't bear to look at his face anymore. He realized distantly that he was still crying, but he made no attempt to wipe them away. Emotionally, he felt too exhausted.

He forced himself to walk away and sit back down on the loveseat. When he felt it start to eat his body, he simply allowed it. His body was aching from the fall and his mind was blank from his emotional outburst. His eyes were drooping more and more and, even though he willed himself to stay awake, he was fighting a losing battle. Before he realized it, his eyes had closed completely and he was out like a candle being blown out.

Yugi felt someone gently shake his shoulder and whispering his name, trying to wake him up. Slowly, he opened his eyes, finding the process much more difficult than he anticipated. He couldn't remember if he had stopped crying before he fell asleep. If he hadn't, then his eyes had definitely been glued shut by his tears drying in his eyelids. He rubbed at them harshly until he was able to open them more. It wasn't all the way, but they were open wide enough so he could see his roommate, Jounouchi, standing in front of him. Brown eyes filled with concern as he looked at the other man, his lips pursed tightly together. Yugi gave him a faint smile, though he didn't move from his current position.

"What time is it?" he asked, voice hoarse and soft. He mentally winced. Damn.

Jounouchi's eyebrows raised as he took in the sound of his friend's voice. "Yugi… you were crying again, weren't you?"

Yugi lowered his eyes, not even bothering to give the blonde an answer. He didn't react when he saw Jounouchi's torso move out from in front of him to drop down beside him on the loveseat. It ate him too. He flinched slightly when the blonde wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him tightly against him. There was a silence between them before Jounouchi spoke up.

"What did you have today, Yuug?" He kept his voice chipper, hoping to lighten the mood. "Was it school or work? I know you try not to work on days you have class." He looked down at the other and gave him a bright smile.

Although Yugi greatly appreciated his friend's change in subjects, he wasn't thrilled about having to talk, due to his current vocal situation—broken, hoarse, pathetic. He shrugged, moving Jounouchi's arm. "I had class. Just one today. My second class got called off."

"Oh, nice," came the response. "So how did you spend the rest of your day?"

"Thinking," Yugi replied flatly.

Jounouchi gave a patient but inquisitive look. He wouldn't pry if Yugi really didn't want to tell him, and Yugi added that to his long list of reasons why Jounouchi was the best roommate.

"I was…" Yugi faltered. Did he really want to bring this up again? This certainly wouldn't have been the first time Yugi had cried himself to sleep over such a touchy subject, but he felt a nagging feeling in the back of his head that his friends were growing tired with him and his wallowing.

Jounouchi tightened his fingers around Yugi's shoulders, both in an effort to show comforting support and to prompt him to finish his sentence. Yugi smiled appreciatively.

"I was thinking about him again," he answered softly, looking down at his hands. They were clasped tightly together.

The blonde smiled sadly. Even though that particular event happened three years ago, it didn't surprise him that Yugi would still feel as awful as he did. Though, in truth, he'd really hoped that Yugi would have made better progress than this. Everyone dealt with death differently, but he couldn't help but think that an entire half of Yugi's soul had been ripped out when he had been permanently separated from the other man who inhabited his body. He felt terrible for his friend—wished he could suck out the pain and sorrow from his body—but he couldn't. He felt so helpless as Yugi continued to struggle with the loss. Jounouchi sighed and Yugi took it incredibly wrong.

He was struggling to pull himself off the couch and out of the blonde's one-armed embrace. "I'm sorry," he muttered softly. "I know you guys are tired of me moping about it…"

"H-hey now!" Jounouchi pushed himself up much easier than Yugi did and reached for the man walking briskly away from him. He caught the other's arm, stopping him. "I'm not annoyed, Yuug."

His voice was calm and patient, much like how his used to be in times of Yugi's emotional outbursts. It had been so nice to have such a strong anchor to keep him from floating away. Yugi turned his head around to face Jounouchi. "You're… not annoyed?"

The blonde shook his head. "Of course not. I just… I just wish I knew how to make it easier for you." Yugi looked down at this. "You've taken it so hard and it bugs me. You're not dealing, Yuug. I know you're not. You push it all aside and forget about it until it festers."

"No…" Yugi said quietly, shaking his head. "Not forget. Never. I think about him all the time, Jou. All the time. Whatever isn't work or school or friends, it's him. Always him. I think about… how I could've forfeited the match somehow. I knew him so well. I knew what he'd play to beat me. And… I bested him. I know he put in his best effort. I mean, what self-respecting King of Games throws a duel over a petty friendship?" The question was rhetorical, but it was enough to piss off the blonde still holding his arm.

"Shut up," he spat, though the anger didn't reach his hand. "You know damn well he didn't think so poorly of you. You really couldn't see just how proud he was of you? You were everything to him, Yuug. When you sacrificed your soul to save him, he was devastated. I don't think I'd ever seen him so broken."

Yugi whipped his head away, forcing himself to look ahead at the photo he'd placed face-side down on the entertainment center. He knew Jounouchi was right, but he just wasn't ready to accept it. There was still so much about it all that he still needed to deal with. He was so exhausted, so tired of always crying and his depression. Slowly, he turned his head to face his friend. Jounouchi waited patiently. "Jou…" His voice sounded more broken than he anticipated.

Jounouchi's face fell into one of sorrow as he reached forward and gave Yugi a full-blown hug, keeping him tightly against him. "It's okay, Yuug."

Yugi shook his head. "No… it's not." He lifted his head to meet with the other's brown eyes. "I want it to stop. I want to feel happy again. I'm tired of feeling like this. It's exhausting…"

"You'll get there, Yuug," the other reassured. "I'll help you. Baby steps. Promise. You just gotta let me in. Promise you'll talk to me when you start feeling miserable?" He smiled when Yugi nodded. "Maybe when I can't talk to you right away, you can keep a journal with you and write your thoughts and feelings down? Cheesy as fuck, but I think it'll help. Like, show it to me when you can or something? I just hate seeing you deal with this all by yourself."

"Yeah," was all Yugi could bring himself to say. It seemed like a lot to expect from Jou, honestly. Frankly, Yugi was more worried about tiring out Jou, than he was of himself not listening to Jou's idea. He decided to voice his opinion. "Are you sure this is a good idea? It's not taking on too much?"

Jounouchi scoffed. "No way! If you can work and go to school, then there's no reason why I can't go to work and help my best friend in the process. I'll even buy you a really nice notebook and some pens so you can write your thoughts down. How's that?"

The other man smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Jou. I don't know what I'd do without you."

The blonde blushed a light pink at Yugi's words. The other really knew how to make him turn into a sap. He wanted to see Yugi get better and be happy again. He was always so determined and free-spirited. He always thought of others before himself. Truly, he was a selfless person. He deserved to be happy. He knew that's what Yugi's other self would want. When Yugi yawned, Jounouchi was brought back to reality. He'd woken the other from an emotionally induced slumber, and he could see that the other could really go for some rest. He smiled warmly at him.

Yugi gave a sheepish smile. "Sorry. I'm really tired." He anticipated much more than a simple release of his arm, but that was all he got. He looked up at his roommate, who simply said:

"Goodnight, Yugi."

"Goodnight, Jounouchi."

With nothing else said, Yugi walked up the stairs to the bathroom to brush his teeth before walking into his room. It was another aspect of his life that he had gotten used to sharing. Even if the other hadn't physically taken up any space on his bed, it was like sharing with another person. That warmth was gone—had been gone—and the cold wasn't letting go. He sat down on his bed and looked at a purple cloth. It wasn't lying down straight, but Yugi knew why. What used to house the Millennium Puzzle now contained the deck his other self had used to duel against him. Also inside was the cartouche the former Pharaoh had sneakily stuck into Yugi's pants' pocket. He couldn't bring himself to lift he cloth, though. Not yet, anyway. He settled in bed and no sooner did he cover himself, did he fall asleep. He was utterly exhausted.

Please review. They are great motivators.