The moment Clark stepped into the office something felt off, everyone's eyes seemed to be glued to him. Obviously it was related to the incident where he was seen following Bruce and Diana on their date, hopefully the pictures were poor enough that with enough denial it'd blow over. As long as he tried to keep a low profile, which given Clark's generally meek nature, shouldn't be too difficult. That plan was shattered when he finally reached his desk and found a gigantic gift basket sitting on it, he was barely able to see what was in it amidst all the pink paper and flowers. He distantly noted that Valentine's Day was coming up, but he'd never taken much stock of the holiday considering his lack of love life.

Even so that didn't explain whatever the abomination he was approaching was, but he had a foreboding feeling that he knew who it was from. A giant card sat atop the basket clearly visible among the gifts crammed into the wicker basket taking up his entire desk. He hesitantly reached out to take it, but before he could open it Lois snatched it from his hands and read it aloud clearly unbothered by his discomfort, "Generally I don't appreciate stalking, but I'll admit I'm flattered. I had no idea you were so interested in me. Jealousy looks good on you, but those ratty clothes didn't. Come back to my bedroom and I'll find something pretty for you. Enjoy your present, Happy Valentine's Day!"

Clark couldn't see his expression, but he was sure it radiated the horror he felt inside. Trying to convince everyone at the office that he had a clone was implausible, none of them would buy the Kirk Kent story. Why would Clark Kent country boy writer have a clone and they all knew he was an only child so the twin story wouldn't pan out. Which meant he couldn't avoid being called out on it especially when Bruce confirmed it for everyone in earshot.

Lois refused to back things better and seemed incredibly pleased, "I knew you had sex with him."

"What?" Clark's head whipped towards her at a speed that might break an average man's neck, though she wasn't paying attention.

"Come back to my bedroom, I'll find something pretty?" No offence, but if you can't read between the lines then you're just being dumb. Lois raised an eyebrow at him, knowing he could be dense about things of this nature, given his country upbringing, but this was blatant.

"No, you don't understand, he only used measuring tape on me," Clark tried to clarify failing to note that his explanation just confused the listeners and of course everyone in the office was listening. Essentially everyone was a rampant gossip and too nosy for their own good, it came with the territory, thankfully they didn't publish private pieces about each other, fearing retaliation. Everything inside the building was kept secret, but outside if he was caught "not stalking" again it was free game.

Lois just made a face and asked, "Is that a euphemism or has Bruce gotten more kinky since the last time we slept together?"

Clark did not need the mental image of Lois sleeping with Bruce so he quickly shoved that thought away along with the irritation that came with it. "No, like he stripped and measured me."

"Why would he- never mind that's not important. Let's see what you got," she carelessly threw away the plastic wrapping and pink tissue paper in a way his mother wouldn't appreciate. "Oh cute," she commented pulling out a cute brown bear wearing a Superman tee shirt and cape, Clark just choked on his own spit at how on the nose Bruce was. A darker Bear wearing leather armor and a bat mask came out with it's partner and this time Clark found himself biting back a smile imagining Bruce as a teddy bear.

The next thing Lois pulled out was a large bottle of undoubtedly expensive whiskey, which confused Clark more than a little bit. He didn't drink at all, which Bruce knew, and Bruce rarely drank. When he did it was usually just a glass, even at parties he only had ginger ale to trick people. A small note was attached, "I'll help you finish this, don't share with anyone else."

"I didn't know you had a taste for whiskey, it really isn't what I imagined you drinking," Lois looked at the elegant bottle and toyed with the crystal stopper.

"I don't drink often," Clark responded evasively, "His note said he'd help me finish it." There was of course the possibility that Bruce might try to get him drunk, but that might literally cause a disaster and harm innocents. He was fairly certain Bruce's games didn't extend so far that he'd let a drunken Superman fly around destroying the city.

Lois looked at the bottle for a moment before giving Clark a sly smile, "He's basically giving himself an invitation to drink with you. He knows you won't finish it on your own, so he's going to pop in to share a few glasses and drag you off to ravish you." Clark desperately tried to stop the heat that was likely rushing to his cheeks, but Lois' grin made him think he was failing.

Clark had no idea when Lois became such a fan of him being with Bruce, especially since she had been on a date with Bruce not long ago and had been serious about him at one point. Although he didn't know what he wanted to hear he decided to ask, "Lois why do you seem so supportive about Bruce and I spending time together? I thought you liked him."

Lois looked wistful for a moment and took a breath before speaking, "I think there was a time for me and Bruce to find happiness together, but that chance passed and in some ways we're both to blame for it. He's someone I'll always respect and I enjoy spending time with him, I like to think it's mutual, but I learned some things about him and I couldn't handle it. He never said so, but I think I hurt him and he deserves happiness with who will accept all of him, you both do. Underneath his showy nature, he's a good man who could really use someone like you." Clark was actually touched by what she said, she knew about Bruce's identity as Batman, but she was still unaware of Clark's own secret. She had to ruin the moment by adding, "Plus hopefully he'll tell me what you two do alone and I want to know all the details."

Clark just groaned, "You are the worst." Though he was sure if he truly asked Bruce not to say anything he'd be willing to hold information back from Lois. As much as Bruce seemed to enjoy teasing him, some things weren't meant to be shared.

Lois only laughed before replying, "You know you love me and I bet you'll love this." she attempted to pull a wrapped box out, but couldn't lift it. Clark tried to use his X-ray vision to see what was inside, but it was lead lined hence Lois' trouble lifting it. "What is this? A metal box?"

"I'll unwrap that later," Clark said waving off her attempts to actually lift the box. It would look more than a bit odd if everyone saw that it literally was a lead box, and Bruce wasn't around to explain it away.

"Alright I see some candy, a package of cookies," she paused for a moment, "a bottle of lube-"

Clark cut her off and put everything back in its place before pulling the basket under his desk at a speed that was worthy of Superman, thankfully it seemed Lois was more interested in his intense blush than his fast speed. "Please, don't say anything," he said a pleading tone bleeding into his voice.

She closed her mouth which had opened to say something that would probably embarrass him more, but she knew his limits and didn't want to truly upset him."Alright, Smallville, I'll leave you alone. I still have work to do anyway," she patted him on the shoulder and started to walk by, in a louder voice she called to everyone, "show's over let's get back to work." The office slowly slipped back into its usual frantic pace. He shoved the basket under his desk and resolved not to think about it until he was back at his apartment for the evening.

As much as he might want to burn the gift basket his parents had imparted enough manners to know destroying a gift probably wasn't the best way to show appreciation. He also didn't know how Bruce might retaliate if he destroyed something that the other man specifically prepared for him. Bruce might be playful right now, but he'd seen the Bat snap more than once and knew how dangerous he could be.

He meant to drop the basket the moment he stepped through the door into his apartment, but he could tell someone was inside. They were making no effort to hide so when he glanced into his kitchen he found Bruce tapping away at his phone with a half eaten slice of apple pie, looking the absolute picture of relaxed in an apartment that he didn't own. Unless he decided to buy the entire complex on a whim.

"Welcome home," he greeted without looking up, "Did you get my gift."

"You mean the basket you left on my desk in the middle of the office, the one that made the entire office tease me all day, and that I'm currently carrying?" Clark asked gently placing it on the floor once he'd stepped into the kitchen and stood on the opposite side of the small island Bruce was seated at.

Still not looking up Bruce answered, "So you did get it, wonderful." As per usual Clark couldn't entirely read his tone, he always seemed to be oscillating between Brucie teasing him, Bruce being serious, all the way to Batman's special brand of aggression. Now he sounded like he was being standard Bruce, but with a slightly teasing lilt. "Why did they tease you?"

"Possibly because there was a bottle of lube inside," Clark answered sarcastically and even without the lube people would have teased him.

"You didn't have to open it in the middle of the office," Bruce pointed out helpfully.

Clark just sighed, "Did you really believe Lois wouldn't immediately with or without my permission?"

Bruce shrugged, "How could I possibly have known, I'm only a simple man."

"Plus you had to mention the stalking incident," Clark was actually annoyed about that. That might have been the reason behind a lot of what happened, but he really didn't need it rubbed in his face in front of people he knew.

Bruce's patented smirk appeared, "Stalking incident? I thought it was Kirk Kent who did that, why on earth would you get in trouble?" He managed to force his expression into something more inquisitive and cocked his head to the side like a puppy. If he were a child it might have been cute from Bruce it was honestly off putting.

"Because nobody would believe I have a clone stalking you," Clark answered as if it was obvious. Clark wanted to ignore the fact that the implausible story was largely his fault and he still didn't know what was going to happen to Kirk Kent.

"Well I thought it was an airtight story," Bruce replied his voice clearly betraying his purported belief, "I mean a clone appearing out of the woodwork just to stalk me directly after our date, you should be a writer." Clark wasn't even going to dignify any of that.

Instead he gestured to Bruce's plate, "What're you eating?"

"Alfred baked you an apple pie for me to bring over, when I visited," Bruce explained punctuating his sentence by eating another bite.

Clark blinked twice before pointing out somewhat petulantly, "So you broke into my house to give me a pie and proceeded to eat it before I could get my hands on it?"

Bruce chewed slowly not being the type to speak with his mouthful, "I'm only eating one piece and it was only because you took so long to get home."

"I was at work," Clark was exasperated at the man's reasoning, "I didn't know I had a guest, or in this case a criminal in my home."

"Vigilante," Bruce corrected automatically. He continued, "Besides what's a bit of breaking and entering when you're as close as us? Now cut yourself a piece of pie and we'll have a nightcap," Bruce gestured to his basket where the whiskey was nestled inside and the pie which was sitting next to Bruce, with one piece missing.

Despite himself Clark grabbed the whiskey before cutting himself a slice of pie and sitting with Bruce. "You know I don't drink," he shook the bottle gently not wanting to damage it.

"I'll pour myself a glass and you can try just a sip, for taste," Bruce took produced a cup he'd taken from Clark's cabinets and filled it partially. He took a small sip and gestured for Clark to take it, but Clark was adamant. Bruce might have been able to bully him around, but Clark didn't want to drink it wasn't something he was interested in trying. "You sure?" Bruce asked when Clark made no attempt to take the glass. He finished the glass fairly quickly and placed it down. Out of the blue he pulled Clark into a deep kiss.

Clark could taste the whiskey on the other man's tongue and despite hiss shock he allowed himself to sink into the searing kiss. As quickly as Bruce began he pulled away letting Clark chase his lips in a way that he would find incredibly embarrassing when his sense came back to him. "It's good right?" Bruce asked his amusement present, but it wasn't mocking like Clark feared.

"Yeah," Clark wasn't sure how to respond and he was sure his voice was a bit breathless.

"It's always a pleasure, Clark," Bruce said with a small dip of his head and left through the front door, which Clark hand't bothered to lock behind him. Clark didn't try stopping him still wrapped up in what happened. It was only once he heard the roar of an engine and Bruce's departure than he finally was able to shake himself back to normal.

It wasn't like he'd never been kissed before, but that was something very odd and trying to decipher Bruce's feelings was useless until he'd sorted himself out. He never got the chance to ask what was in the lead box, though he supposed he could figure that out on his own.

He blamed Kirk Kent for everything and still didn't like whiskey.

So chapter 7 introduces a slightly more romantic theme which a lot of people seemed to want, but I also went that route since this was the equivalent to a Valentine's chapter for these fools. I didn't post it last week because I released two chapter for my other story Public Service Announcements of Justice.

Let me know if this was the kind of thing you'd been hoping for. I feel like it was a bit less funny than my other chapters, but I don't imagine characters falling in love if the entire time is about fake clones and fake dates. (Not that they don't have their place)