Italics indicate thinking

Decided to take a spin at a KONOSUBA Fanfic, enjoy!

NO POV

The guild in Axel was fairly quiet but there Kazuma and Aqua had placed their flyer looking for party members.

"Hmm…" a man walked up to it.

He was average in height, the man was wearing a blue and gold tunic paired with white pants, covering his shoulders and back was a blue cloak, the hood was up and covered his face with a dark shadow, the only part of his face that was visible was his mouth and chin like along with a pair of rose red eyes. His hair was a long bone white ponytail that was draped over his right shoulder and peaked out of the hood, strapped to his back was a large bow, but now quiver was present.

"This is a pathetic attempt at writing…" His eyes were draw to a poorly drawn version of the people asking for party members "This is…Aqua."

An evil toothy grin crosses his face "Now what are you doing here?"

The man looked over her shoulder and saw two people, a boy with brown hair in a track suit and a girl with light blue hair in a dark blue dress.

"HMPH!" he slammed the flyer down before them "Now what's all this? "If you're looking for party members, I'll join you as an Arcane Archer."

"Wow, a strong one showed up." The boy said "Kazuma."

"Hello." The man smiled shaking his hand and reaching for the woman "And you."

"Don't play dumb with me." The girl slapped his hand away "What are you doing lurking here Herrs, I figured you died by now still haven't learned your lesson?"

"Still sending foolish humans to this world." The former god smirked back.

"You know this guy?" Kazuma asked.

"Herrs." She pointed at the man with the lazy smile and leering eyes "He's a former God, he fell from the Pantheon after-."

"Now, now no reason to share those details Aqua~." The archer covered her mouth "That stuff happened like 600 years ago."

"MHPH!" Aqua flailed around before being let go.

"Besides…I wouldn't even be stuck here if it wasn't for you!" he snapped before "How did you even end up here."

"That's not important." Aqua looked away.

"She's my item." Kazuma nodded.

"BAHAHA!" Herrs laughed "That's even worse than what happened to me! What an idiot!"

"Shut up!" Aqua cried.

"Hmph." The other God suddenly crouched down and looked up her dress "Still letting it all hang out huh?"

"You pervert!" she kicked his face "No wonder you can't get back into the god realm you can't stop being a creep!"

"Who exactly is this guy?" Kazuma blinked.

"God of love and light." The archer bowed "Herrs at your service."

"Former." Aqua snickered "Fell from grace after he lost the ability to curb his desire for human women. What was it that got you kicked out again, oh that's right making a whole church of women who worship you walk around naked!"

"Hey keep it down!" Herrs snapped "If people starts thinking the God of Love is a total perv they'll stop worshipping me."

"Not that it matters." Aqua rolled "You were told you can't come back till you learn to seriously respect women so instead you've wasted away here for the last 600 years! And what's with that dumb get up, hiding your face?"

"Well I'm just that handsome." The man smirked "Revealing my face would enthrall women to me, sides I wouldn't be forced to hide here if you hadn't ratted me out to the others Gods in the first place."

"Take it off!" Aqua started pulling at his hood.

"Aqua stop you're going to ruin my cool mystique, I've worked decades to get this look down!" Herrs complained.

Eventually the fight between the two former Gods was broken up.

"So you're stuck here unless you can defeat the Demon King." Herrs hummed "So how'd you get sent here anyway?"

"Eris." Aqua huffed.

"Overthrown by her!" Herrs laughed again "You are path tic! Still…my sweet, dear, divine little sis is in charge now!"

"HMPH!" Aqua pouted again.

"Alright, I'll help you." Herrs nodded.

"Huh?" Kazuma blinked.

"Why bother?" Aqua glared.

"Because…" Herrs smiled wide under his hood "If I help you defeat the Demon King they'll have no choice but to take me back into the Pantheon of the Gods! Plus the human women will adore me as their savior."

"Selfish pervert." Aqua glared.

"Come on I've been around on this world the last 600 years." The archer said "I know way more than you, face it Aqua, you need me."

"Wait you've been here 600 years right!" Kazuma said getting way too happy "SO you've got like a ton of cash right!"

"You might actually be useful for getting us out of that stinky barn!" Aqua cheered "So where do you live."

"Uh…nowhere." Herrs whistled "I kinda just sleep at the inn, I'm broke."

"HOW?!" the other two snapped.

"I may or may not have wasted all my money…on girls." He looked away "Brothels, gifts for some, fines for looking up skirts."

"You damn pervert!" Aqua yelled.

"Look I'm better than nothing." Herrs said with a huff.

"We need more allies than this moron." Aqua looked away.

"I don't mind." Herrs smiled "So long as their girls, I'm cool with this guy but that's it."

"Why him?" Aqua asked.

"Hmph." Herrs smiled "I sense the aura of a fellow pervert in him."

"HEY!" Kazuma yelled.

"Recruiting more members should be easy, Aqua has a highly-coveted class so people will beg to work with her, I'm an advanced class and Kazuma…you're here." Herrs nodded.

"HEY!"

"For once you've said something smart." Aqua smirked "The people will flock to me."

"You're flyer is still up I'm sure someone will show up." Herrs noted "I can't tell you if their good or bad since I don't interact with the other adventurers that much."

"I saw your flyer." A girl walked up to them.

She was short wearing red and orange with a large witch like hat, she had a long wooden staff and her body was rather unremarkable.

"Hmph." The girl waved her hand "It's fate to meet like this, I've eagerly awaited the arrival of adventurers like yourselves. I am Megumin an Arch Wizard who weilds Explosion Magic!"

"Uhh…" Kazuma blinked.

"Do you too desire my forbidden powers?" she smiled.

Herrs' POV

"Are you making fun of us?" Kazuma asked.

"NO!" Megumin yelped.

"Are you a Crimson Demon?" Aqua asked.

"Indeed! I, Megumin, am one of the strongest finest magic Crimson Demons possess! It can smash boulders and crumble mountains and…" she kinda just fell onto the ground midsentence.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

*Rumble*

"I haven't eaten in three days." The girl mumbled.

"What's with the eyepatch?" Kazuma asked "If your hurt she can treat you, it's the one thing she's good at."

"One thing?!" Aqua snapped.

"Hehehe." I snickered.

"You shut up!" she glared.

"It suppresses my mighty magic power." Megumin said standing back up "A great calamity would befall this would if I were to remove it."

"So it's a seal?" Kazuma asked.

"No it's a toy." I pulled it off.

"Hey stop it!" the girl pouted trying to grab it back.

"I vote to deny her." Herrs raised his hand.

"Wait why?!"

"Because…" I slowly moved my hands up and down in a straight verticle line "She's flat as a board."

"W-What?!" Megumin yelled as I looked behind her.

"Tsk…even her ass is flat too." I groaned "What a useless body."

"HRA!" she punched my in the face "I'm gonna grow them, rest assured once I stop being malnourished."

"Hmph." I stood up "A chance to watch a maiden bloom before my very eyes…oaky she can stay, anything's better than having to look at Aqua all day."

"Why you-!

"Haa…" Kazuma handed Megumin a menu "Order something."

Later

We headed outside of town to the hills where the Giant Toads were stomping around and making a fuss.

"So we just have to kill them right, I don't see what the problem is." I blinked "Oh wait that's right Aqua is totally useless."

"HEY!"

"Explosion Magic takes time to prepare, hold that one in place." Megumin told me.

"Don't order me around" I pulled my bow out and held my arm up "Light's Arrow!"

The air concussed and ripped as my arrow soared through the air and jammed into a Frog's eye.

"WOW!" Kazuma and Megumin clapped.

"Thank you." I bowed.

"But it's not dead." Aqua noted.

"Oh yeah." I blinked "Well it must be a female frog, my arrows don't work on females."

"See this is why you can't trust him with anything!" Aqua ran in to fight.

"Throwing your body to get us time, how sweet." I teased.

*NOM*

"And she got eaten." I sighed.

"Hmph." Megumin stepped up "As expected from a weak Arcane Archer, now let a true wizard showcase the power of magic!"

She pulled her staff back "Darkness Darker than Dark and Blacker than Black, Justice rain and fall upon this now as an intangible distortion! Explosion!"

The air glowed a bright blue before a spark twinkled and set off a massive explosion, the shockwave it generated was enough to nearly knock my hood off and we were almost a half mile away but when the dust settled the frog was dead.

"Wow, you actually are useful Loli Wizard." I nodded.

*RIBBIT*

The ground rumbled a bit and then some more frogs…err excuse me toads awoke from hibernation.

"HM!" Megumin fell forward limply.

"Uhh…she's broken." I pointed out to Kazuma.

"My Explosion Magic possess tremendous might." Megumin said lying face down and not moving "It also takes tremendous magic to wield. So in short I exceed my magical limit to cast it and now I can't move."

"So you're stuck like this?" I asked.

"Yes…" she hummed.

"So you can't move at all?" I asked standing behind her.

"Yes…" she hummed again.

"So you can't stop me from doing this?" I asked lifting her skirt "Cute panties by the way."

"When I move again I'll kill you." She said in a tired voice.

"Maybe I was wrong you butt is kinda round from this angle." I nodded continuing to scope out the sight.

"How about you help me out or we'll both get-."

*NOM*

And then the toad that just woke up ate us.

"This is what I get for appreciating something this feeble." I shook my head "My brethren in heaven are punishing me again."

Eventually Kazuma did free us, but we got all slimy and gross, totally unbefitting of a God like me.

"You don't have to drag me." Megumin noted as we got back to town and I pulled her along by the collar "Let me ride on your back."

"Don't feel like it." I said "I'm not gonna scuff up my sculpted back on that washboard chest of yours, I'll give you a piggyback ride when you have some more cushioning."

"I'm going to kill you." She said blankly.

"With what?" I asked "I saw your card, all you know is Explosion Magic and you won't waste that on me now will you?"

"You only know one magic." Kazuma blinked "For real?"

"For Real." Megumin huffed.

"…" we all just kinda stood there.

"If your level is high enough to use Explosion shouldn't you know some other things?" Aqua asked.

"I only use Explosion Magic, that's it." Megumin huffed louder.

"Stop squirming." I complained as she waved her arms to demonstrate her frustration "Still, nice determination Loli Witch."

"I admire your romantic pursuit of magic no matter how inneffcient it may be!" Aqua clapped.

"Well I'm sure your path ahead will be tough but best of luck!" Kazuma tried to run off.

"I'll work for free." Megumin said "All my power could be yours at the low cost of food, what choice do you have but to make a long-term partnership with me?"

"No such power would be wasted on the likes of us." Kazuma tried shaking her off.

"Wow this is just sad." I lowered my head "Abandoning a little girl while she's covered in slime.

"Hehehe!" Megumin smirked "I'll endure any erotic acts you plan to do with those frogs again!"

"Alright shut up!" Kazuma begged.

"So we're keeping her?" I asked.

"I'm not a cat!" Megumin huffed.

"Oh I get to stay too right?" I asked Aqua "I mean you let her stay and at least I'm good for something."

"HEY!" Megumin yelled.

"Do whatever you want useless pervert." Aqua said.

"Yeah, let's celebrate by looking up a dozen skirts!" I smiled.

"How about we don't!" Aqua yelled.

AN

Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns.

Normally I do fairly nice guy characters, I figured this time I'd go with a more weird pervert one for fun.

Till Next Time!