This is my first ever Itazura na Kiss fanfic. I hope you like it. :)

After reading the manga, I guess this is the point where I will give up with Naoki. I am not as strong as Kotoko so Kudos to her! hehehe well here it is. Please please please R&R

Critism is welcome! I want to improve my writing. :)

Am I that awful?

It was past midnight but I still can't sleep. I still can't believe that Irie-kun will ask Matsumoto out. In front of me, no less. It totally shatters my heart. I can almost hear it breaking as Matsumoto happily jumps up and down when Irie-kun agrees in going out with her.

Memories from the past years come flooding back in my mind. The first time I see him. The happiness I felt when I see him at the corridors and when I finally confess to him.I can't help but smile. Even though my confession has been rejected, from that day, its like fate is writing a script to have us always bumping into each other. I was insanely happy when we move in with them. I always see him, get to talk to him, eat meals with him, go on to family occasions with him.

But nothing ever goes smoothly between the 2 of us. He was always irritated whenever I'm around. Brush me off like some dirt on his sleeves. And throw my feelings back at me especially when many are watching.

I pitied myself. Loving someone who will never love me back surely hurts. It hurts so much that even my tears can't even express how sad I am that it ceased to fall.

Perhaps Matsumoto can give him what he truly hopes for. What he truly want. They are both smart, sophisticated, sporty and confident. They can both have an intelligent conversation. They look awfully good together even when playing tennis. Matsumoto is someone I can never compare to and she is the girl who effortlessly won the heart I've been trying to win over for years.

As I look at the glass of water in my hands, I see my reflection and I can see the hurt and sadness in my eyes. That is when I vow to myself to give up on Irie-kun. Not because I don't love him anymore, but because I love him enough to let him go.

If loving him cannot bring him happiness then I will gladly give him up just to see him happy.

"What are you doing here?"

I jump at the sound of Irie-kun's voice. I never expect him to be awake and wonder in the kitchen no less. I look away as fast as I look at him. It almost hurts my neck and the glass to almost toppled over.

"I.. I was just getting a glass of water" I breath.

He eyes me suspiciously and then walks to the fridge. He gets a glass and pours himself a glass of water. I Hastily drink my glass of water and walk to the sink to wash the glass.

"I guess you are planning how to sabotage my date on Sunday"

I stiffened. So this is what he is thinking. Me sabotaging his date with Matsumoto. Fallowing him like a lost puppy. So that is how low he thinks of me. No wonder why he never paid attention to me.

I try my best to ignore his comment and continue washing the glass.

I walk to where Irie-kun is standing to return the glass. I try my best not to look on his face. I know he is looking at me with scrutinizing eyes.

I am heading off to my room when he spoke again.

"No reaction? Bet you are guilty."

I stop on my track. Am I that awful? I single tear escape from my eyes. I have loved a man who just thinks of my efforts disgusting. Suddenly, I feel disgusted with myself. I realize that what he thinks of me was probably what the whole school thinks of me. I'm so ashamed of what I become because of Loving him.

With a small voice, so he wouldn't know I am crying, I say. "Don't worry Irie-kun. I won't follow you on your date" I refuse to look at him and I continue on my way.

"As if that is possible?" He says in full confidence and like he is talking to no one in particular.

I stop on my track again. I really feel low. I face him where I was standing. I saw him stiffen a little. I guess he sees the tears that I'm still unable to wipe.

"Don't worry Irie-kun. I love you enough to let you go and make you happy." I see he was shocked but he recovers fast. When I see that he was going to say something, I ran as fast as I could so no more arguments.

One thing I learned on being in love is, you can be rational and irrational at the same time and in the end, it matures you.