A/N- Love all of your opinions and comments that you made on FB with the teaser for this chapter. We can't wait to see how you feel after reading the rest of the chapter. Hope it meets all of your expectations!
*Ana's POV*
It has been a week since Christian and I went apartment hunting and neither one of us has brought it up since Christian had his small panic attack at the last apartment. I really love my apartment now, but I know there's no possible way I could find room for a baby in this apartment. Everytime I think about having to move, it makes me a little sad.
"Ana...are you alright?" Christian asks me as we're eating breakfast at a diner close to my apartment. "You've been quiet this morning."
I stab at my eggs and watch the yolk run over my plate. Ick. It immediately makes me sick to my stomach. I should have gotten scrambled eggs like Christian suggested. Man, I really am stubborn sometimes. Of course, I won't admit it. No self-respecting stubborn woman would.
"I've just got a lot on my mind. A lot has changed in the last few weeks."
He snorts. "That's an understatement." He wipes his mouth on his napkin and sits up straighter. "Ana...you know, if we could compromise on this living situation then that would be a big weight off of both of our shoulders. You could be moved in and we could be talking about baby furniture by now."
I roll my eyes. "I really don't know if we'll ever come to a compromise about my apartment, Christian."
"Why? Why is it so hard for you to let me help? It's our child, Ana. Not just yours. Don't you think that I should be allowed to support my child, too? I'm trying to protect you. Both of you."
I can feel tears wanting to form, but I swallow them back. These pregnancy hormones have me way too emotional. I hate it.
"And I'm just trying to protect myself."
His eyes narrow. "And what does that mean?"
I frown. "I don't mean for you to be offended, Christian...but what if something happens?"
"Like?"
"Like…" I sigh. "What if you decide you want out? What if you decide that you aren't father material? What if you take a step back and I'm suddenly responsible for an apartment that I can't afford? I will not be that woman that chases her child's father. I won't beg you to stay and I won't beg you for money. If you decide that you don't want to be a father, then I won't make you. It isn't fair to you, to me, or to the child if we force it to happen. I just want to make sure that if something does happen, that I can afford to keep a roof over my child's head and food in their mouth."
He shakes his head. "I will never change my mind, Ana. I will never leave you. I had a fucked up childhood, baby. I would never let my child grow up without a father. I'm here to support, to protect, and to love both of you every step of the way. Please. Let me take care of both of you. If you still refuse to move in with me, then let me pay for the apartment and your money can go towards the utilities. Fifty-fifty for our child."
I frown. "I don't know. I'm still…" I shake my head, finding it hard to explain. "I know you want me to trust you, Christian, but you've asked me to trust you in the past. You told me to let you take care of me, but then-"
"Listen, Ana." He cuts me off and I'm too surprised to be angry at the moment. "Our relationship has been one fucked-up rollercoaster from the beginning. We screwed around with each other's feelings and got the shock of our lives only a few months after we met each other...but we got through it. We're sitting here, aren't we? I promise you, there is nothing that's going to take me away now. I will be here for you and for our child. Let me take care of both of you a little bit."
I chew my lip, considering his words. I'll never know if I don't give him a chance…
"Please, don't let what my parents said, get to you. As far as I'm concerned, they don't have a part in this. Their opinions mean nothing." He swallows hard and looks down at his plate.
I know he'll never admit it, but this burned bridge between him and his parents bothers him. I know how much he adores them, especially his mother. He named his boat after her for Christ's sake! I've been praying that they contact him to apologize, not for my benefit, but for him. I know that he's really upset with them and disappointed by their actions, but he loves them. I know he misses them. I've been trying to be patient, but seeing the affect this situation has on him has me rethinking the situation.
I've decided to reach out to them myself. A part of me feels like I shouldn't, that this is a private matter between Christian and his parents and that I should leave it alone and let him deal with it, but I can't. They aren't speaking and it's all my fault. If I hadn't been so ignorant and agreed to come to the house with Ethan and Kate, this would have never happened. I wouldn't be pregnant, they wouldn't think I was some kind of whore, and Christian could have introduced me as his proper girlfriend.
I can regret letting them see me with Ethan and make them think I was with him, but I can't regret this child. Already, I've become so attached and I want this baby more than I've ever wanted anything. I know I'm young and I know I still have some growing up to do, but I feel ready. I feel like it's fate. This baby is meant to be. If that's true, then that means that Christian and I are meant to be. My whole body relaxes at the thought.
"Okay, Christian. Let's compromise."
His small pout turns into a large grin. "You'll move in with me?"
I giggle. "I said compromise."
He rolls his eyes playfully. "Alright, fine. Then, you'll move into the last apartment I picked?"
Smiling, I nod. "Yes, that one was my favorite." Not only is it less money, but it's one floor and more compact, making the utilities cheaper, the baby safer, and the apartment more cozy. Christian's apartment building is only a couple minutes away and it will help keep my control freak of a boyfriend placated for now.
"Great, cause I already bought it." He gives me a Cheshire grin and lifts his glass. "Let's celebrate."
"What? Christian!" I try to be mad at him, but that cheeky smile of his keeps me from it.
"A man can hope can't he? The apartment had two other contracts on it! I knew you liked it, so I took a chance. Aren't you glad I did?"
I sigh and lift my glass, clinking our orange juices together. "Yes, I really do love that apartment. Thank you, Christian."
"I'll come over this week and help you get packed. With a place like that it'll only take what? Five minutes or so?"
"You underestimate my power of cramming many things in small spaces., Mr. Grey."
His eyes widen dramatically. "Should I hire a moving company then?"
I snort into my orange juice. "I'm not that bad!"
XxXxXx
The next day I am staring at my phone, my finger hovering over the call button. I am a nervous wreck. I have been trying to get the courage to call Dr. Trevelyan for the last ten minutes. The last time we spoke wasn't even remotely pleasant...not that I got to do much speaking of my own. That night, she basically called me a whore and a gold digger. Even though we left on bad terms, I am trying to put my pride aside and talk to her so that she and Mr. Grey can make amends with Christian. He is heartbroken about this, even if he tries to hide it.
There is a part of me that understands where they are coming from, worrying about their youngest son, but they didn't even bother to listen to the whole story or take in consideration Christian's feelings. It has really opened my eyes about becoming a parent. My child's happiness will always come first. I might not like who he or she has picked as a partner, but I'm going to try my hardest to. I'm just going to have to raise them the best way I can and hope that they're smart enough to make the best decision for themselves.
I close my eyes, mentally put on my big girl panties, and take a deep breath before hitting the call button.
After a few rings, she picks up.
"Hello?" she answers in a soft, polite voice.
"Um.. , hello. This is Anastasia Steele." I say in a timid voice. There is silence on the other end for a few moments.
"Anastasia? What's wrong? Is it Christian? Is he OK?" Her voice sounds panicked; worried.
"Christian is fine, Dr. Trevelyan. At least physically." I explain. I can hear her sigh.
"What's the purpose of this call, Anastasia? I am quite busy to chit chat right now." Her tone is clipped and cold and it makes my stomach clench. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.
"I was hoping we could meet for lunch and talk." I say, trying to be polite.
"You can say whatever you need to on the phone, Anastasia. Make it quick." She snaps back, even colder than before. I feel my anger rising, but I control myself. She is my baby's grandmother. I don't want to say anything I might regret later. It's imperative that they mend this with Christian.
"Christian is suffering. He is heartbroken that you and Mr. Grey are not talking to him. He may be angry, but he still needs your support and love. This silence between the three of you is really affecting him. He needs you, Dr. Trevelyan. Especially now." I tell her, my eyes burning with tears.
"I don't need someone like you telling me how to treat my son. I know Christian. I know what he needs. I know more about my son than you will ever and I know he is making a big mistake being with you. I have zero trust for you, Anastasia, and I will bet every cent I own that the baby is not my son's. You are a manipulative little girl and I will not allow you to manipulate me. Eventually, your lies will show themselves and my son will see just how manipulative you truly are."
That's it. I've had enough.
It takes every ounce of self control I have not to pummel this woman. I take a deep, cleansing breath and force myself to keep my voice calm. "Dr. Trevelyan. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk to me or my baby like that. Fine, I get it, you don't know me, so there is no reason to trust me, but trust your son. Trust that you raised him well enough to know better. He didn't build a company by himself by allowing others to manipulate and use him. He isn't a fool Dr. Trevelyan.
"Now that I am a mother, I understand the concept of wanting to protect your child, but what you're doing is insinuating that your son is stupid. That he's too ignorant to see what's right in front of him. To me, that shows what type of person you truly are. You've let your true colors show and this conversation is not something I will ever forget. I did this for Christian.
"If you think for one minute that keeping you around is for my benefit, then you're the one who is ignorant. If I was truly that manipulative, don't you think that keeping you out of Christian's life would make it easier for me? I'm not asking you to be in my life or even your grandchild's life...but don't abandon your son. How much more does he have to suffer? He's been abandoned and hurt too many times. If I were you, I'd take a moment to mull over this little chat we had in your head and decide if all of this is worth losing Christian over...losing the son that you swore from the beginning that you'd love and protect." I hang up, not even bothering to say goodbye.
I take a deep, cleansing breath to try to calm my heart rate. The surge in adrenaline can't be good for baby bear. Looking around the room, I see a dozen empty or half empty boxes thrown throughout. It makes me anxious.
Deciding it'd probably be best if I take a bath to calm down before I continue to pack, I head toward my bathroom. While the tub fills, I busy myself with throwing the stuff in the cabinets into one of the moving boxes. I really do have a lot of crap.
I've considered going through it all and tossing a bunch of it, but this new apartment is so much larger that the extra stuff might make it less expansive and more cozy. I bet my little nick nacks will look darling in the new apartment. Although, my opinion might change when the apartment is full of baby gear.
I slip into the warm bubble bath and relax back against the side. I sigh. So much better.
I really hope that Christian's mother reassesses the situation and considers another option besides this silent treatment. I was honest when I said that I didn't mind if she didn't want anything to do with me or baby bear. I just want Christian to have his parents back. I'm hoping that if she does decide to reach out to Christian and has made the decision not to include me in their life, that I can convince Christian to have some type of relationship with them. I know he doesn't want to admit it, but he needs their love. He doesn't get enough love and affection as it is. I'd do anything to salvage my relationship with my mother, but unfortunately, there's nothing left to salvage. I don't want Christian to get to that point.
He's suffered through neglect, abandonment, abuse, and trauma all his life and the sweet man deserves a break. No wonder my poor Christian is so controlling. He grew up unable to control anything in his life. It's only natural for him to cling to every ounce of control he can get. His need to protect the baby and me also stems from his traumatic childhood. If something did happen to our baby, I can't imagine how he would react. The results might be catastrophic.
Perhaps I really have been too hard on Christian. He needs love. He needs attention and affection and to know that he's needed and appreciated. For once, I admit that my stubborn self might have been a little too stubborn.
"Ana?"
I scream, startled, but quickly realize that it's Christian.
"Shit! You almost gave me a heart attack!" I grab my chest and feel my heart pounding hard against its ribcage. Damn it. I had just gotten my heart rate back to normal.
He looks a little taken aback, as well.
"I'm sorry, Ana. I thought you heard me. I knocked before I unlocked the door and came in." After his mini breakdown while house hunting last night, I gave him my spare key as a peace offering. At first, I thought that him bursting in whenever he'd like would bother me, but it hasn't really been an issue. I love seeing Christian.
"Oh, I must have been daydreaming. I'm sorry."
"Daydreaming?" He quirks an eyebrow at me. "About what?"
I give him a salacious grin. "You."
His eyes widen a little and I'm delighted by the fact that I caught him off guard.
"Is that so, Miss Steele?"
I bite my lip and nod. "Would you like to join me?"
Now his eyes are as big as saucers. "Seriously?"
I giggle. "Yes. I miss you. I want to be with you, Christian." My Christian needs love and affection and that is exactly what I'm going to give him. I'm going to make it my responsibility to make sure he knows he's loved and appreciated.
"Fuck." He swears under his breath and begins to pull off his clothes as quickly as he can.
His jeans get stuck around his feet as he kicks them off and he almost stumbles.
"Smooth."
He gives me a playful scowl. "It's been awhile. Sorry if I seem a little anxious to be with you." He finally kicks his bottoms away and he's standing before me naked and hard.
I hum at the sight of my Adonis. "Come join me." I move enough for him to climb in behind me and I settle back against him, letting him run his hands up and down my body. "You don't have anywhere to be tonight, do you?"
He nuzzles into my neck and nips at it. "Nope. I'm yours all night long."
I let out a soft moan as he leaves a trail of soft kisses down my neck to my shoulder. "Good. We're going to need that time to get reacquainted."
"Let me wash you, Ana. Let me take care of you." He urges, pressing his lips to every inch of skin he can reach.
I hum. "Yes, Christian. Please." I turn toward him and his penis rubs against me, making me moan.
"Not yet, baby. Just wait. I want to savor this moment as long as I can.
*Christian's POV*
Ana and I have spent the last forty-five minutes in the bath, slowly getting reacquainted. Our mouths were fused together for half of that time and it's taking all of my control not to just fuck the living daylights out of her.
We haven't had sex since I found out she was pregnant and, even though my whole body is in overdrive, I refuse to let this moment go to waste. I want to take my time and worship her beautiful body. I am so looking forward to the skin-to-skin.
I really hate that the first and only time we didn't use a condom was not only the night that I got her pregnant, but the only night that is a complete haze for me. I remember her feeling incredible, but I let my jealousy and need for control rule my body. Although, we both came that night, I hate that we didn't get to take our time and make love the right way. Tonight, I am going to make it up to both of us.
I don't know why she's suddenly changed her mind on sex. If it's her hormones, the fact that we finally agreed on the apartment situation, or if she's finally come to realize that my feelings for her and our baby are completely genuine.
As I lay my girl against the white linens of her bed, I can't help, but think how lucky I am. We've had such a rocky start, each of us having our own demons to deal with, but it's only going to get better from here.
"Christian…" My girl whimpers and shimmies her hips impatiently. I duck down and kiss her lips, making her relax.
My lips continue down her body and I can feel her heart beating heavy in her chest. Her body is running in overdrive and watching her whimper and wiggle below me is so fucking sexy. I'm the only man lucky enough to see her like this. The only man that will ever see her like this. The only man who will father the children she carries. The only man who can give her everything she wants.
"Mine." I mumble against her breast before taking her nipple into my mouth.
She whimpers and presses her breast further into me. "Yes, Christian. Yours. Please...please. I'm going to burst."
I smirk around her pretty pink bud. That's exactly what I'm planning on making her do. I take my time with her top half, playing with her breasts, but I stop each time she gets close. Beg me, Ana.
She growls out in frustration and pushes my head down her body, making me chuckle.
"Problem, Anastasia?" I ask, looking up at her.
"Christian! I swear to God-" She's cut short by my lips coming in contact with her wet center. "Oh, yes…" Her legs part even more for me and both hands grip my hair, making sure I'm not going to go anywhere.
She moans and grinds her hips against my face as I work her up and push her over the edge quickly. Her thighs shake against each side of my face and I nuzzle into her center one more time, breathing deeply. Mine.
As she relaxes, I slide up her body and she's got a soft, relaxed smile on her face and her eyes are closed.
"You like that?" I ask, nibbling on her neck.
"Mmm, yes. You make me feel phenomenal."
"So do you, baby. Are you ready?"
She pulls her knees up and wraps her legs around my waist. "More than ready, Christian."
I take no time lining myself up and I press myself slowly into her, enjoying the feel of her tight, wet, swollen center.
"Fuck, Ana." I rest my forehead against hers. "You feel so fucking good." There is nothing like skin-to-skin during sex. Nothing can be better than this.
"Just don't stop, Christian." Her fingers cling to my shoulder blades, trying to pull me closer. She has tears in her eyes.
"Baby…" I'm confused by her sudden emotional state.
She shakes her head and lets out a light laugh. Her pregnancy hormones must be getting the best of her right now.
"Christian, I'm so close…" Suddenly her muscles begin to tense and her fingernails bite into my shoulder blades.
"Let go." I encourage, knowing I'm right behind her. I know as soon as she tightens around me that I'm a goner.
We come together, a mixture of grunts and moans and I relax on top of her, making sure to keep most of my weight on my arms.
"Wow." I pant, nuzzling into her neck.
I hear her sniffle and when I look at her, I see that her tears have started up again.
"Ana, please...tell me. What is it?"
She lets out a small sob and grips onto my shoulder blades. "Just please don't leave me tonight."
My eyebrows knit together. "Baby, no. I'm not going anywhere. We're sharing a bed tonight. I'll never leave you." Now I understand why she feels so emotionally raw.
"I love you so much, Christian." She states, letting out another sob.
My heart swells three times its size just hearing those words. "Oh, Ana...really?"
She sniffles again and nods. "I have...for a long time. Probably since you gave me your jacket. When you made that comment about letting someone take care of me for a change. It really meant so much to me."
I nuzzle my nose with hers and press my lips to her mouth. "I love you, Ana."
She smiles. "I love you, too."
"Say it again."
She giggles. "I'm in love you, Christian."
I hum. "Tell me every day."
She bites her lip and nods. "Every day. I promise."