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Asymptote Theory

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- Some myths shouldn't be debunked -

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The morning after Minato's last day of suspension dawns bright and cheerful. Birds sing. Clouds float. Butterflies flutter. You know, all that jazz.

One ghostly Uzumaki Kushina, however, musters all her fortitude for school.

She readies herself for much weeping and gnashing of teeth. She prepares her mind for black clothing and lamenting serenades. The girl had decided she wasn't quite ready to face a day at Konoha High, where people would likely have acknowledged her death. Kushina had already visited her aunt and uncle's home where she was staying in the city, and promptly come floating back to Minato's – demanding he let her stay with him because she was too sad to be with family. When he'd asked why she didn't go visit her immediate family, she'd said that she could only float as fast as she could normally, as a human, and it would take too long. Minato had found her tight-lipped to reveal any more. Nothing would budge her from haunting Minato either.

And so, Kushina waited until the day Minato's suspension was over, to finally emerge from his house's linen closet (we have a linen closet? Minato had said when Kushina had claimed it as her ghostly abode). But he did feel rather bad for her, and even tried to clean out some of the mothballs.

A somber, ghostly face follows a blond teen out the steps of the door.

"Are you sure you want to come?" Minato asks.

"You're gonna meet Inoichi, right?" she returns, gravely. "To revive me. So I'm coming with you."

Privately, Minato objects to the phrasing. Inoichi claimed he has experience in exorcising ghosts, or helping them pass on, rather than somehow bringing her back. Minato doesn't have the heart to tell her this, however. Now that he's come to accept that the apparition is not a dream, he's more interested in helping her find peace.

"We'll meet Inoichi at lunch," he affirms, walking to the side of the garage. There, next to a makeshift bike stand, he unhooks a battered yellow bike, peeling paint and all.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Kushina squints.

"I've never ridden with another person before. It might be cramped," Minato says apologetically. "But at least we don't have to worry about it being unsafe. Because you're already… you know…" He wisely stops.

"That's not it. Your uncle drives a sports car."

"We've been through this," Minato sighs. "His money isn't mine."

"Well, while I can't wait for your fangirls to have a fit seeing you ride to school on this thing," she snorts. "School's like forty-five minutes away. By car."

"Just get on." Minato's already folding back the kickstand.

Oddly, it turns out that ghost-Kushina slides right off the carriage of the bike when it's going forward. It's a gentle slide off, not a physical human's tumble. But still, Minato has to stop the bike several times after treading only a few feet.

"Hold on to me," he suggests.

She harrumphs and loops too ghostly arms around his midriff. Both of them try not to notice their new cuddly position.

"This is… uncomfortable," Kushina fidgets. "I can't do this for the entire ride."

"Won't be long," replies Minato. "I'm pretty fast."

Understatement of the century.

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Vlog 01:

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So as I was saying, the whole school's been taking bets on it. You'd think our football season would be lost, ruined, but Konoha's always been really good, to be honest. Our only rival's probably Kumo, and maybe Iwa, as a dark horse this year. So I wouldn't get your panties in a bunch over—

Oh! Hey!

Ta-da! There he is, by the cafeteria doors! Back from the dead, ladies and gents!

Hey!

You're on camera!

[Clambering noises]

Yo! Minatoooo! Can't believe they suspended you, man!

Wai—wait! Don't ignore us! We're filming a documentar—

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As Minato parks his bike, Kushina eyes him morosely. "What?" he asks her, before they enter the building.

"You're unfair, you know that?"

"Unfair?"

The redhead ghost looks sullenly back. "Like, perfect people like you shouldn't exist. Your hair after… after that… is still perfect. And mine, for some reason, even though I'm a freakin' ghost, is—" And then she indicates her hair, which, mysteriously enough, looks a bit like a tousled eighties hairspray commercial gone wrong.

"It looks… spirited."

"If that's supposed to be a pun, I'm gonna punch you, pretty boy."

He frowns. "But you can't punch right now."

"Imma haunt you for the rest of your life."

The outdoor entrance into the cafeteria is relatively free of people, as the parking lot leads to the front and side doors. So, all in all, Minato riding his sad little bike to school like he was in a Fast and Furious movie turned out to have its perks.

Unfortunately, they're spotted quickly by some students on top of the second floor stairs overlooking the cafeteria.

"Why is that kid with the pale eyes filming a documentary about you?" Kushina asks as they're shoveling their way through a gathering pile of onlookers. Her ghostly red hair after the bike ride resembling a glowing troll doll's, and if anyone could have actually seen her, they'd probably keep their distance.

Minato is perfectly poker-faced as he swims through the hallway of people.

'Ignore it,' he mouths at her, before striding briskly to his locker, where he's unfortunately bombarded with a flood of people who've been alerted to his arrival. Some of them, he'd rather not see.

"Nice punch, Minato," a flaxen-haired man drawls. "You seen the remix music video yet?"

"Jirobo's been suspended for two weeks. Can't believe you made it back so quick," a tall, muscular jock says as he passes by.

"Minato! Can't believe you'd punch a teammate for a girl," whines one of the older Kunai Ladies.

"A dorky new girl," another adds.

This finally causes his poker-face to crack. Kushina doesn't even have time to be touched that it's on her account that he breaks his stone face. She's suddenly putting two and two together and realizing that something's wrong. Horribly wrong.

"Minato!" Kushina shouts in alarm. She can tell by the flicker of his eyebrow that he's heard her when no one else in the crowded hallway can.

"That's…" Minato begins.

"That's what?" another Kunai Lady says suspiciously. "Don't tell me you've actually gone and made friends? Oh god, where is she? I'll have tell her a thing or two about this school."

Minato is about to turn to Kushina's increasingly pale face when the bell rings.

"Break it up, girls and boys," a deep voice notes over the bell. It's the calculus teacher, Professor Uchiha, whose face strikes fear into the most hardened seniors and whose fancy pHD in theoretical mathematics strikes fear into all the other teachers.

"It's time for class."

Minato figures that Kushina's not going to sit through a math lecture with the senior class. She'll probably doze, or float around school doing more interesting things. It's to his surprise that she sits demurely beside his desk, before floating over to one of the empty seats in the back. It's quite a small class that's in Mr. Uchiha's analytical calculus seminar, so there are many free seats.

He does his best to be attentive. Inside, Minato's a mess of questions. Did no one at school bother to tell the students what had happened to Kushina? Was there an announcement that just didn't make it out widely to the student body? Minato thinks of the joke he'd heard announced earlier by the Hyuuga – "back from the dead" – would they make the joke if they knew? Somehow, it felt rather unfair that Kushina was forgotten so quickly.

The bell rings, and Minato bolts out of his seat to get to the bottom of this new surprising find. Kushina's next to him quick as a heartbeat, likely read to pester him with her questions too.

"Namikaze, please stay behind. The rest of you are dismissed."

Minato whips around to where Professor Uchiha is waiting for him, his sallow eyes betraying no hint of emotion. The rest of the students trickle out, a few lingering as if to catch news of any new fault of Minato's, but then decide it's not worth it, with the Professor there too. Soon, it's just Minato, the Professor, and a hovering, impatient Kushina.

"What's his deal?" Kushina pouts angrily. "Did you not do your homework or something?"

The teacher's next words shock both of them.

"Girl. You seem familiar. What's your name?"

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Suzu: I've self-disciplined myself to not update my other stories until after my big ol' exam (yep, it's July, I know). But this has been in my computer for forever, and I wanted to do something fun (perhaps get the REAL plot moving at its precarious glacial pace). And yes, updates to stories that no one asked for is fun. :) hehe