Summary: Kushina's popularity needs a boost. Minato wants the geek vote for student government President. And Prom is just a week away. You know this story already, right?

Aka, a trashy, self indulgent fic. With a twist. I think. No offense intended to skanky ladies, the caste system or any other allusions made in this fic. Take everything with a pinch of satire, for now.

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Asymptote Theory

- prologue -

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Vlog: 00

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Here are the facts about the world, as commonly acknowledged by the 1452 students of the Konoha Valley High School.

(1453 if you counted a burnout like Nara who is, really, never going to graduate without some serious divine intervention.)

There is no social caste system in Konoha, because, gracious, that would be just wrong in the 21st century. And also, because it would look really bad on Principle Senju's (everyone called her Tsunade-hime) report to the regional superintendant.

But the students know a little better.

Once you're born into the world (aka, the first day of freshman orientation), you're sorted into your rightful rung on the social pyramid.

All castes—oops—all interest groups are made equal.

That is a fact.

Some groups are more equal than others.

That is also a fact.

Generally, those two facts make sense together because one group is simply blessed by a Higher Divine power with better clothes, better muscles, better aptitude for beer pong, etc. You get the picture?

Now, Konoha's social ladder is very hard to climb as a girl, because the girls of the Kunai Ladies (one of them has a predilection for reruns of Beverly Hills Ninja, another for Grease) regularly oil the rungs with their constant plastic makeovers (twice a month, varies). And by oiling the rungs, we mean that other girls who get too far usually end up transferring schools. Conversely, the social ladder is really easy to climb as a guy, but not every guy is cut out to do it.

Guys like Namikaze Minato, for example, whose cheekbones finally came in during ninth grade three years ago, didn't just CLIMB the social ladder, that boy TELEPORTED up.

More unfortunate souls like Maito Gai, with thick eyebrows and an even thicker layer of social-awkwardness-aura, is a new freshman. One look at him and you know he's probably gonna hover around the bottom no matter how good he is in Phys. Ed. class.

Let's dig a little deeper into the social weave at Konoha, shall we?

Wait. What?

My name?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

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Okay, okay, don't leave.

You got me.

I'm one of the Hyuga in school. Yes, okay, I know we have creepy eyes. Oy! I'm not going to tell you my first name—because that would just ruin all the fun, right? I don't serve as this school's top gossip mud-raker for nothing you know. My eyes see all, know all.

Now scram, freshman!

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