"Cross Examination" ── for the MARVEY FIC CHALLENGE #68
Author's Note: I know I am usually a lot pickier with my words. I rewrite and edit, pick at my stories with a fine-toothed comb to reassure my OCD that I did all I could to create a great piece. This time, I didn't. I will rewrite it, one day, will sift through my words and let OCD take control. Right now, though, I feel the need to put this up as it is. I feel like those feelings I tried to include in this will come across only better if I post it in its very first, straight-from-the-flow-of-my-eager-fingers version.
They had never been able to take her name down from the wall, despite the weeks that passed without her tall and lanky figure passing through the hallways, balanced carefully on the highest and thinnest heels imagineable, hips swaying with a confidence that the men had felt abundantly when she had been managing partner but had partially lost as well by the time they had had to fill her shoes together. Harvey and Louis, the two remaining name partners, had been forced to completely re-invent themselves and their collegial relationship in order to make it work. That re-invention was far from easy. It was a process, one that continued each and every day. Despite their obstacles, however, they at least felt less like they had no idea what they were doing or in which direction they were heading. It was a welcome change after their first few weeks on their own, and both hoped it was a sign of smoother sailing on the horizon. The relationship between the two men that had consisted of digs at each other, followed by apologies and coming through for each other when necessary, when it really mattered, would probably never change, but it seemed like they were slowly but surely getting on top of things with Pearson Specter Litt.
Harvey's talent to close a few great deals despite the position of the firm and the lack of belief in it by the general public had allowed for Louis, in turn, to fill the bull pen with a few more associates again, not nearly as many as there had once been and surely not all from Harvard Law School only, but they seemed capable nonetheless and especially motivated, which was really what they needed to be in the end. You could have a dozen of Harvard educated associates who weren't willing to give it all they had, or you could have just a handful of associates from other places with the right mind and attitude, eager to learn, eager to contribute, and still get further in the end. After all, Mike hadn't been educated anywhere at a law school, but his motivation and drive had been impossible to surpass by anyone else with a law school degree.
Whether it was his personal situation or the fact that his beloved bull pen was filling up again or a combination of those two, Louis Litt's moods had been impossible to break by anyone over the past few weeks. Whether it was that or the 'old' Louis' masochistist nature that had given him the luminous idea of setting up one of his famous mock trails, no one could say. Harvey assumed that it was the latter. Whatever had brought it on, Harvey found himself between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, he couldn't rightly say that it was a bad idea to shake the new associates into what was going to be expected of them in a few years' time and help them grow and learn. On the other hand, he felt that he had far better things to do than sit there and listen to half-formed arguments that were typical for first year associates ── a stage that he had, thankfully, long passed. As a name partner, he could hardly ditch the whole ordeal. When Rachel and her adversary ── a particularly nervous-looking and seemingly annoying red-haired kid with glasses he thought was called Bernard ── were called to defend their case, Harvey couldn't help but grow a bit interested. Before he had brought Mike into the firm, he couldn't say that he had ever exchanged many words with the paralegal. Over the course of the last few years, though, mainly through Mike, he had gotten to know her better and seen some potential that he was curious to see unfold.
While not having been informed per se, he couldn't say that he had been surprised to see his former associate walk into the room that morning and state that he would pose as 'Mister Masterson' for half an hour before lunch, before going back to work in the afternoon. He had taken the free chair beside Harvey, and they had sat in amicable silence until then, each thinking their own things about the arguments passing between the associates before them. Evidently, it seemed that Harvey had not been the only one to expect Mike to pose as the witness, though. The very first question posed when the guy apparently really called Bernard was given the opportunity to cross examine him made that clear already.
"Mister Masterson, would you say you're an honest person?"
The moment the words hit the air and the room grew tense and silent, Harvey could barely suppress the intense anger he felt towards the associate he had never seemed to like in the first place. His jaw locked in place as a long moment of silence passed by before Mike simply answered that yes, he liked to believe himself to be an honest person. Harvey could swear he saw a glint of a menacing smile on the associate's face. No sign of the air of nervousness around him could be spotted anymore, but Harvey couldn't bring himself to applaud him for that ── not when he wanted to rip him to shreds. It wasn't the first time he was forced to watch Mike be punished and judged for what he had done, and it wouldn't be the last either, but damn it, did he just want it to stop and have people move the fuck on without having to go back to it all the time. He had done his time, and despite the fact that Mike never spoke much about his time in jail, he could imagine that his own ideas of the place, after one foot inside it, barely scratched the surface.
"Going from the assumption that you are an honest person, can we also assume then that you would never lie about evidence we have procured?" a sure and measured voice came.
Taking a deep breath and steeling herself, Rachel swallowed and forced herself to remain as calm as possible as Bernard questioned Mike in his role as Magnus Masterson. Clenching her fists slightly to force her lithe fingers to stop trembling, she kept her eyes trained on the man she loved. They had both known this would happen, had talked about it and had decided that it was just a mock trial and Mike would talk his way through it the way he had learned to. He had reminded her of the advice Jessica had once given him, and Rachel as well: that you could never reach the top as a lawyer if you were the nice guy. His expression didn't give any discomfort or doubt away as he nodded before saying that no, he would never lie about something like that. She forced herself to trust Mike, to trust that he was stronger than that, that she didn't need to step in and object to the questions asked, even if that was what she wanted to do, even if she knew that it would never be sustained if she did.
Taking in a sharp breath through his nose and squeezing his eyes shut, Harvey raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose to try and keep the headache he felt coming on at bay. As he opened his eyes again and focused on his former associate, he could only conclude Mike was a hell of a lot calmer than he was, and he felt slightly annoyed at that. He felt annoyed that Mike wasn't as angry as he was… or maybe he was just secretly annoyed that he couldn't be as calm as Mike was himself. After all, it was Mike being questioned there, not him.
"So you would say you have never lied about anything of significance to anyone in the past?" Bernard hammered on.
That was where Harvey had enough. He couldn't rightly see the associate's face, but he didn't need to to hate the arrogance wafting off of him as he posed his questions ── an arrogance that he didn't seem fitting with the very little the young man had achieved in life, let alone as a corporate lawyer, so far. Maybe he wouldn't have snapped had he had a better night's sleep. Maybe he wouldn't have snapped if it had been anyone else but the one associate he had frowned upon since day one and told both Donna and Louis wasn't a good fit. He did snap, though. He waited all of four seconds, in which he gave Rachel a half-chance to object to the manner Bernard was pushing her fiancé and saw the brief, nearly-imperceptible, flicker of guilt on Mike's face. He wouldn't say that he was particularly good at emotions or interpreting them, but he was incredibly perceptive, and if there was one person he had learned to read through the years, it was Mike. The man basically wore his heart on his sleeve, and he had seen him go from one emotion to the next in front of him so often. He remembered that look well, and it had killed him back then. It was killing him still, it seemed.
Raising to his feet in a rush, the sound of the chair on which he had sat scraping against the shiny floor loud in the eerie silence that had uncomfortably fallen over the room moments before, he bellowed, "Objection!" Harvey's gaze flashed to Louis then, pinning him, daring him to speak up despite the fact that he had already half-opened his mouth to do so. Whereas Harvey had had no interest whatsoever, Louis had been more than excited to fill Jessica's former role as judge for the mock trial.
Whether it was the crackling fire in his hazel eyes or the way his jaw was set in anger, Louis closed his mouth slowly and swallowed visibly. Assured that the other name partner had heeded Harvey's warning, Harvey's angry gaze then pinned the first-year associate who had elicited his rage. At his outburst, he and Rachel, as well as everyone else in the room, had turned their attention to him, surprised, stunned, possibly scared.
"Have you ever lied to people before, Mister Croghan?" he asked, not at all waiting for or interested in a reply as he pushed onwards, "You've never lied to your parents about where you were or weren't? You've never lied to someone you were supposed to meet and told them you were on the way already when you had barely started to get dressed after losing track of time or letting it slip your mind? Because I certainly have. You see, maybe you weren't aware of this when you chose this profession, but if you want to be a good lawyer, you're going to have to be arbitrary with the truth. You're going to have to learn how to make things seem a certain way when they're not. Maybe Mike Ross took that a step too far, yeah, but he's suffered the punishment. Guess what? I probably should have suffered it with him. Unless you have never made mistakes, I strongly suggest you shut the fuck up. Also, if that's all the argumentation you can come up with with such a blatantly easy case, you're not going to amount to much and I strongly suggest you go home and think very long and very hard about what it is you want to do in your life and what you're willing to sacrifice for it."
One more glare towards Louis to dare him not to call an end to the whole ordeal was all Harvey Specter deemed necessary after that before he turned on his heel and made to leave. He was vaguely aware of Louis' voice booming through the room and the scraping of chairs shortly after that, the anger he had barely been able to let go of making the sound of his blood rushing in his ears nearly all-consuming. He just needed air. It was about time to have lunch anyway, he reasoned.
A touch on his arm halted the name partner several feet from the elevator. He hadn't even realized that someone had been trying to catch up with him. Whoever it was, though, he was not up for dealing with them, and he made to turn towards them, a snap and a curse ready on his tongue, when he noted baby blues staring at him, stormy. He felt his anger fall away for just a second, maybe his defenses just a bit as well, before his expression grew serious again at the look in Mike's eyes. "Mike," he acknowledged.
"Are you fucking insane?" Mike growled at him, his hand gripping the other man's arm just above his elbow still. He spoke low enough so that only Harvey would hear even if no one else was around them yet threateningly enough, too, a stress upon the curse, so that Harvey knew he was serious and it was a big deal. "You basically just admitted to having been a part of my being a fraud for the entirety of Pearson Specter Litt. Do you realize you just jeopardized your entire career and everything that you've worked for?"
Harvey's mouth opened to retort, but he came up with nothing and closed it again, then suppressed the need to roll his eyes. The anger had snuck up on him so quickly, so overwhelmingly that he hadn't really realized the repercussions of his words ── not something he could say happened to him often ── but while Mike's words had some merit, he highly doubted the waters he had waded into were quite as dangerous and full of sharks as his former associate thought. Of course, it was a truth like no other that the world of corporate law was full of back-stabbing and betrayal. That had been the main point he had wanted to get across to Bernard Croghan. However, quick thinking and recollection of his exact words also provided him with the reassurance that he hadn't been clear enough for anyone to take anything for certain from it. "Mike," he began, when the man before him interrupted him.
"I also don't need your protection," Mike said, brow still furrowed in something between anger and offence as he slightly shook his head to emphasize his words, finally releasing the other man's arm and taking a small step back, putting more distance between them. "You told me the day you hired me that you needed a grown man. I told you I was, and when I told you, we both know I was lying. I was not a grown man when I first stepped into this firm, but I am now, and as much as I appreciate you having come through for me in the past, I don't need you to anymore. I can take care of myself. I don't need you to defend me anymore."
A small sigh escaped Harvey Specter as the other man's words reached his ears. Of course he had known that it was a lie when Mike told him he was a grown man the day he hired him, and of course, there was no denying that he was now. He knew that he didn't need to defend Mike anymore, that he was perfectly capable of doing so himself, as he had proven time and again over the last few months, years. He had just grown so accustomed to doing it, to contributing where he could especially when it concerned the matter of their fraudulent practices, that he didn't know if he knew how not to. "Mike, you got into this mess because of a decision that I made for us both the day I agreed to let you work for me. It would be pretty shitty of me to let you fend for yourself even if you're perfectly capable of it."
For a brief moment there, Mike seemed a bit annoyed before a small smile grew upon his lips, a glint in his eyes telling Harvey that something in his brilliant mind had connected to something he had probably deemed insignificant from years ago. "I always thought shitty and Harvey Specter came in one package," he said, the smile on his lips only growing as the response formed in his mind. He lived for the digs he could make at his former superior and best friend. "You're going to have to watch yourself, or you're going to sound too caring very soon. Maybe the next words that come from your mouth are 'I love you'."
As the words hit him, and with them, the truth, Harvey's stoic expression fell for all of two seconds before he built the walls back up speedily, the way he had learned to through the years. Pursing his lips in the most manly of ways, he attempted to tell Mike wordlessly that he was not successful if he was trying to be funny. In fact, he was far from funny.
It had first hit him when he had found himself unafraid of taking the fall and even willing to take Mike's place in going to prison. Many nights, he had laid awake thinking it through and wondering why exactly he felt the way he did when he had never once experienced the need to sacrifice himself like that before towards anyone, even towards his younger brother… whom he had, time and again, tried to keep on the right path. Despite the many sleepless nights he had had in those days ── partially due to this and partially due to his worry for the younger man as he remained imprisoned with Gallo feet away from him ── he had never found an answer, though he had had to admit the oddity of it. He would be lying if he said those thoughts and the lack of an answer never crossed his mind anymore, but they didn't keep him up as much anymore, at least.
In fact, he had gotten very good at tucking it away in the corner of his mind. At least until Mike had deemed it necessary to confront him with it, which had confronted him with another truth: maybe he was not as good at hiding his feelings as he had thought he was. Obviously, something would have had to shimmer through for Mike to respond that way, even teasingly ── something he wished he could have kept to himself. He cursed himself internally for not being the heartless man he often wished he was and most people thought he was.
He forced himself to keep looking at Mike as he felt his insides squirm, the other man's brow furrowed as Harvey's fear became reality and Mike saw right through him. He forced himself not to look away, knowing that that would be an admission he wasn't sure he was ready to give or was even real. Despite the fact that the damage had already been done and he knew it, it was not in his nature to give up and slack. He was not going to put himself, his feelings, on display any more than absolutely necessary. For once, he wished Mike wouldn't push on it, but he knew that hope would be in vain. Sometimes, he could be like a little kid running after their parent demanding 'how' and why' over and over again, until they had a satisfactory answer. He found himself between a rock and a hard place but decided he would rather turn around and walk away than be questioned. He was going to deal with that last.
Making his move towards the elevator, he tried not to cringe as Mike, quite expectedly, moved with him and fell in step with him. "You know, I actually still have a lot of things to take care of. Some of us have a law firm to run and build back up," Harvey said in what he hoped was a firm tone. He refused to let his attention stray towards the man on his left as he smashed the elevator button, Mike's unformed response thankfully interrupted or at least stalled by the quick arrival of the elevator from just one floor above them.
Harvey could barely keep himself from vocally announcing his gratefulness that the elevator was not empty as they stepped into it. It did nothing to ease the intense discomfort he felt at being in such close proximity to Mike after what had just happened, but the presence of the two older women behind them, talking animatedly about their grandchildren, at least kept them both silent. Despite his obvious need to push Harvey some more on the subject, Mike at least understood the need for privacy for it all.
Harvey Specter steeled his mind as he felt the elevator take them down and felt the familiar slow-down motion as they came to the ground floor. Inhaling sharply through his nose, he prepared for the metal doors to open and stalk towards the exit as quickly as possible without drawing unnecessary attention to him. His need for air had just become much more of a necessity than before. It seemed that Mike had anticipated that, though. Of course.
Following through the doors before they were even entirely opened and falling in quick stride with his former superior again, Mike leaned in just inconspicuously enough to say the words he felt he needed to say without drawing the attention Harvey was clearly trying to avoid to them and without giving anyone else the opportunity to hear. His mind was racing, wide-eyed wonder upon his face as it did. "You love me," he stated. He had learned to interpret the other man's reactions very well, and they only pointed at one thing. The fact that the older man halted mid-stride to look at him, half-threateningly, half-caught, spoke volumes.
Harvey felt like he couldn't breathe as those three words reached his ear. Of course, he had gone through several options in his head before as to why exactly he felt such need to protect Mike, and that had been one he had briefly touched upon, too, but he had just as easily dismissed it again. The way he felt like he was either going to vomit or lose consciousness in the next minute, though, was an indication that maybe he shouldn't have. He opened his mouth a few times like a fish above water without actually forming words, before he managed, "I dedicated my life to this firm," Harvey spoke, tried not to cringe at how strangled and breathless his own voice sounded. He tried his very best to keep his words even and cool. "We worked together to keep our heads above water, day and night. We're a family and that usually means you care about each other," he emitted before he pushed past the younger man, who stood there looking at him surprised and appalled at the entire situation.
In fact, Mike Ross was so baffled at what he had just heard and what he had just realized in what Harvey hadn't said that he forgot to run after his former superior but remained standing at the wall holding the three names of the people who had built the firm up to what it was now: Pearson, Specter and Litt. He watched Harvey's retreating back as he stalked towards the doors with firm, measured steps that seemed to be his trademark as much as it had been Jessica's. Blinking, he realized that he was not going to find his answers by remaining standing there and knew it wouldn't be the best option to question Harvey about it again at the firm. Turning on his heel, he made for the elevator to ride back up so that he could meet Rachel for lunch, as they had agreed to, and vowed to pass by Donna's desk on the way.
.
Maybe it wasn't such a strange thing to feel uncomfortable waiting in someone else's home for its owner to return to their place after not having been explicitly invited in general, but the fact that this was Harvey's place surely made it worse, especially in light of what had happened that morning between them. If he could trust Donna, whom he had gone to speak to briefly while Rachel made a last trip to the bathroom and gathered her things before heading down to have lunch together, she on occasion and Jessica on many more had taken the liberty before of waiting on Harvey in the sanctity of his own house, neither of them ever having informed him of the spare key they had to their disposal. He had used the same key to get into his former superior's house that evening, too. He hadn't asked where she had gotten it from or how, but he didn't need to know. He assumed she had had it for a long time, probably originally having been fueled by a completely innocent reason like wanting to make sure there was a spare key in case he lost or forgot his.
Convincing Donna to lend him the spare key hadn't been nearly as hard as he had thought it would be, especially since it hadn't been his intention to begin with, and he could only assume the red-haired woman hadn't made as much of a fuss about it because she knew exactly what was going on, no matter how unreasonable it seemed that anyone knew what was going on between Mike and Harvey when clearly they didn't know themselves. That was the reason why he was there. He needed to know after what had happened at the firm earlier that day. Maybe his expression had given him away when he had walked up to her desk and told her that there was something he urgently needed to discuss with Harvey after work, asking her when he could expect that to be, based on her boss' schedule for the day.
She had stared at him for a long moment before reaching down into a place he hadn't been able to identify from where he stood, retrieving a small silver-colored object before even opening the schedule on her computer. Donna had subsequently informed him that Harvey's last meeting would be at 5.15PM and would probably not take longer than an hour and a half, of course having recognized the name of the client he would be meeting and tailoring her estimate to this. After that, she had completely unexpectedly handed him the small silver object and told him he should probably go ahead and wait for him at his place until he got back. The small gesture of her pursing her lips against her forefinger and the look of warning that she had given him as Rachel walked up to them, ready to go for lunch with her fiancé, had not at all been necessary for Mike. He had known that it wouldn't be a great idea to inform anyone he was in the possession of Harvey Specter's house key, and he had known that it was a privilege and that the spare key would have to be returned as soon as possible.
After lunch, back at the legal clinic, he had wondered the entire rest of the day, why exactly Donna had given him the key. He had barely managed to keep his head on the cases he was dealing with until he had deemed it time to go, to wait for Harvey and meet him at his loft. He had gotten an inkling of the reason why when he had walked down the familiar hallway towards the right apartment door with his heart beat hammering in his throat and his gut full of hope that Harvey wouldn't be there. After the way the other man had basically fled Pearson Specter Litt earlier, Mike was nearly certain that, though he had never done it before no matter the circumstances, Harvey would have most definitely put him at the door and refused to let him in. He had knocked politely and felt more relief than he ever could have imagined when no response had come and he had not heard any sounds coming from inside to indicate anyone home before sliding the key into the lock and letting himself in.
If it had been in Harvey's office, he would have taken the liberty of pouring himself a double shot of scotch, but he felt like he was being held back by an invisible force while he was on his own in the other man's house somehow. His thoughts briefly shot to Rachel and his wedding, and their decision to hold the ceremony at Harvey's place. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. Then again, with all that was going on between Harvey and him, his wedding with Rachel was pretty far from his mind. It made him feel rather anxious. All that. A deep sigh left his lips as he thought of that morning. It was curious how a handful of words and actions could change people's entire relationship and shake their entire beliefs for the future.
He didn't know how long he had sat there exactly by the time his ears picked up on the sound of the key sliding into the lock of the front door to indicate Harvey's arrival home. A brief glance down upon the dial of his watch as he raised his wrist and shook back the sleeve of his suit jacket and shirt underneath just enough told him that it was a few minutes after seven in the evening. This pointed at two things. One, Donna had been incredibly apt in guessing how long the meeting would take. Two, he must have been there less than an hour, despite the fact that it had seemed like several, seeing as he had left the legal clinic around twenty past six.
He felt his nerves cling at him, locking up his throat and pushing his heart up to the back of his tongue again. As he heard the front door slam shut carelessly, Harvey obviously having no clue that he would have an unexpected guest, Mike wondered what the hell he had been thinking and wondered if it might not have been better to leave the entire situation alone. Despite the look of surprise upon Harvey's face, followed by what Mike thought might be annoyance or even anger, it was also the moment the older man came into his loft and found him sitting there on his couch, that convinced Mike it had been the right thing to do after all. The sight of the man before him combined with the conversation they had had at Pearson Specter Litt and the things he thought he had understood brought him to the point of being unable to back down now without knowing the truth.
"What the fuck are you doing here? I'm getting really fucking sick of people walking into my house like it is a chicken pen!" Harvey exclaimed, telling Mike that the main emotion was probably annoyance.
Taking a deep breath to squash down the nerves that still held his vocal cords in a vice, Mike sprang to his feet at his former boss halted at the bar and looked at him questioningly, clearly demanding an answer as to why he was there at seven in the evening, waiting for Harvey to get in after his work day. Opening his mouth to speak and try to explain why he was there exactly in the least threatening but most well-explained way at all, Mike found himself unable to form any words but instead gasped for air as he tried to find them nonetheless.
"You okay?"
Harvey's voice shook him from his impending crisis, and he directed his gaze back to the older man before him, noting the frown between his eyebrows that he had long learned to interpret as concern. The returned display of concern and worry from the man before him towards him gave him the strength he needed to do what he had come there to do. He found himself forcing his heart beat to slow down in his chest cavity as he nodded, then decided to shake his head and confuse Harvey more, the frown that hadn't quite began to clear up once again deepening. "Actually, no," Mike said. "I'm not okay. I haven't been okay since what happened at Pearson Specter Litt this morning, because──"
"Mike, don't go there," Harvey said as he held up a hand that would emphasize his words, which already had a minor threatening edge to them. He had no desire to revisit it. He wanted to let it rest. He needed to let it rest. He couldn't deal with it right now if ever. He needed them both to just let it rest before they delved into something he didn't know enough to stay on top of, and Harvey Specter didn't typically venture in a situation that he couldn't control in every way.
Mike Ross felt his anger flare as the other man dismissed everything he felt he needed to resolve. He took a few steps towards the lawyer and halted but a handful of feet from where he stood. Taking another deep breath, he made the split-second decision to stop overthinking for a moment, as hard as that was for him, and just speak his mind. If he thought too long and too hard, he would go insane and never get the words he needed to say into the open, and he needed them off his chest. He caught the look of bewildered surprise in Harvey's face at his former associate's clear intention not to listen to him; he had not expected for Mike not to back down there despite how well he thought he knew the blue-eyed man. "Harvey," he began, not quite certain where he would go with this. "I'm engaged to be married very soon, and I do love Rachel, but I need to know, if there is any chance at all that we, you and me… Don't try and fool me. I saw you doubt before you responded to me earlier, and I saw the look in your eyes, as if you had been caught."
Mike wasn't entirely sure what he had expected, but maybe at least a small flicker of whatever he had noted earlier. Harvey's expression remained stoic and unchanged, though. Hazel eyes stayed on the younger man as Harvey exhaled deeply, shifting his whole weight to his other leg as he pushed all judgment and any other negative feelings from his mind and his voice before he responded, as calmly and reasonably as he could. His expression nor voice gave anything away that hinted at Mike's statement being true or untrue. "Mike," he began, then sighed, as if he hated what he was going to say next, "I don't know what you believe you saw, but you belong with Rachel. I mean, I'm not gay." He said the last part with a slightly raised brow as if he wondered if his sexuality had ever really been in doubt.
If it was Harvey's way of trying to make light of the situation, it was not working very well for Mike at all. In fact, the lack of any emotion whatsoever in the man's voice or expression unsettled him and made his stomach sink, and if he hadn't had an eidetic memory and been able to bring Harvey's reaction earlier that day to the forefront of his mind, maybe he would have begun to doubt himself, but he couldn't completely commit to that possibility, because he was certain that he had seen something in Harvey's eyes earlier, had heard something in his voice, in the words he hadn't said, that pointed at something surpassing the relationship they had or ever had had. He tried to keep his own feelings in check as he swallowed the bile down, an acid taste on the back of his tongue as a bitter remainder of the way Harvey's words had cut into him. "You don't have to be gay to have feelings for someone of the same gender. I mean, I'm not gay either," he said without blinking, trying to keep the exhilaration from his voice that he felt upon admitting to his feelings for Harvey Specter aloud for the first time since he had realized that he was falling for his boss.
He couldn't say when exactly it had started or how, but at one point, when Rachel and he had taken a small break due to the whole Logan Sanders ordeal, when they had sat on Harvey's couch sharing beers and watching guy movies, Mike being allowed a small insight in the man beyond the corporate lawyer persona, he had realized that Harvey and he could very well be what Rachel and he were. He had just dismissed it as an impossibility since, never having thought Harvey would feel the same way… until that morning.
He had never thought of how Harvey would feel towards members of the LGBT community, but somehow, it had never worried him to the extent of thinking Harvey Specter would be judgmental towards people loving someone of their own gender. He might not have been when saying it but became acutely aware in the seconds after that he had openly admitted to one, not being gay, and two, having feelings for his boss, his male boss, nonetheless. In that moment, he felt suddenly anxious and afraid of judgment. He didn't know if he could take it if Harvey were to judge him for this, and maybe that had to do with the fact that he was the man he had been in love with for years, too.
Another sigh. It was obvious that Harvey was struggling with expressing himself in their current conversation. He didn't quite know how to respond to the admission from his former associate. On one side, he was not at all surprised to hear that Mike Ross had feelings for him, for maybe he had seen it coming for a long time if he thought it through, but on the other side, he still felt more than slightly taken aback at all of that spilling from the man with the baby blue eyes right then, right there, in his kitchen on a late Thursday night. He quenched down the embers of the roaring lion that was growing in his chest in triumph at Mike's admission. He was not going to do this. Nonetheless, he knew that he had to tread lightly. "Trump or not, we're in 2017. I don't give a fuck about who loves or dates who, whether they're gay, straight, bi or transgender, as long as the two people who are in a relationship with each other treat each other with respect. I, personally, am just not one of those men who can fall for another man," Harvey reasoned. Though he couldn't say that he was lying exactly, for he couldn't say the opposite were true, he felt strangely dissociated from his own words. "I'm not gay or bisexual or any of it. I love you like a brother I have to keep from trouble all the time, like Marcus, nothing more."
He kept his eyes trained on his former associate as he spoke the words, tried to ignore the way his own insides lurched as he saw Mike's face fall, his baby blue eyes filled with an overwhelming hurt that he had placed there and desperately wanted to take away but couldn't. He mulled over his own words in his head, replayed them over and over again and tried to decide whether or not any part of it had been less than the truth. He had never seen himself as gay or bisexual, and even in that moment, he didn't consider those options. His mind got caught on the loving Mike like a brother part, though, and that just didn't sit right with him as he thought of it in hindsight and realized that that was not entirely right. There was something vastly different to him in the way he loved Marcus and the way he loved Mike. He was trapped in a haze that he didn't know how to snap from as he tried to determine how to separate those feelings and how to define what he felt for Mike then if it wasn't brotherly love. He didn't get too much of a chance to come to a resolution even in his mind, though, as he was surprised by the feel of Mike against him.
He felt the way the air slammed from his lungs with surprise and intensity as Mike stepped into his personal space and brought their chests together before surprisingly soft and pliant lips came down upon his. He couldn't say that he had ever imagined Mike's mouth on his, at least consciously, ever imagined how his lips would feel… but somehow a part of him was not surprised that they were soft. They were entirely what he had expected, deep down, and he couldn't say that it felt unpleasant, and he so much wanted to give in… but he couldn't, because he knew the moment he did, there would be no more denying of anything and he would bring them into a universe that required confrontation and admission he wasn't ready to face.
Mike had felt like it had been his only option when he had felt his insides sink and squirm and his heart ache as Harvey's words hit him. The small shred of belief he had had left in his brain, belief that he had indeed interpreted the man opposite him right, was what made him throw all caution to the wind and pull the last card he had, thinking that, if he couldn't get Harvey to admit in words what he had seen without, that maybe he should try the same approach. It had been like a short-circuit in his brain that jolted him into action, but that was nothing compared to the harsh realization that slammed into him as he moved his mouth against Harvey's and Harvey… didn't kiss back.
It was hard to keep track of the emotions he went through as Harvey rejected him verbally before he took the leap and was smashed back to reality again. His mind exploded further as his lips touched upon Harvey's and they felt better than he could have imagined, slightly rough but incredibly addictive. The explosion turned from exhilarating to lethal as he became acutely aware of Harvey's passiveness, and he ripped his mouth from his former boss' and staggered back, feeling broken. Harvey didn't love him, not the way he loved him.
"I, ah, I'm sorry," he stammered, eyes fluttered closed. He couldn't bear to look at the other man anymore right then. He couldn't bear to see his lips obviously having been kissed and be reminded of what had happened: him not kissing Mike back at all, in the slightest, proving once and for all that whatever he had thought he had seen at Pearson Specter Lett, he couldn't have seen. Maybe it was an insane case of cold feet for his wedding. Maybe he had just been desperate to see something requited from Harvey Specter after years of having feelings for him and having hoped for them to go away. They never had. When he had been in prison, it had been Harvey he had wanted to see first, Harvey he had called for help. Mainly, he hadn't wanted to put more stress on Rachel. Secondly, though, it would be crazy to believe that his personal feelings for Harvey hadn't played a part. "I just needed to know. We have clearly established that I was mistaken." As he opened his eyes again, tears burning in them as he felt like he couldn't breathe, couldn't exist, he tried to gather the last of his rational thought, holding up a hand as Harvey opened his mouth to try and say something reassuring or whatever that was not going to be successful anyway. "Harvey, listen, I'm terribly sorry. Please, forgive me. It won't happen again. I really hope we can move past this sometime. I…" he waved his hand in the air as he shook his head. "Shit. I just need to go."
Before Harvey had a chance to get a word in, to respond to the look of heartbreak on Mike's face, Mike had already pushed past him, opened the door, disappeared through it and let it fall shut behind him. As harsh as it was, maybe that had been for the best. There was nothing he could have possibly said that would have been useful in that moment for either of them. Releasing a deep breath, Harvey Specter blindly reached for the side of the counter, holding onto it with such a fierce grip that his knuckles turned white, and as much as he wished it wasn't true for the complications it brought upon him and his spinning mind, he couldn't forget the touch of Mike's lips on his. It had taken all of his willpower not to kiss back, and as that truth hit him, that he had really wanted to kiss Mike Ross back and take control, he felt that he couldn't breathe. He had never needed a scotch as much as then. "Fuck," he mouthed.
While easy to avoid Harvey Specter now they no longer worked together, it had not been as easy for Mike to avoid his fiancée, let alone his own mind that kept repeating that unfortunate day of the mock trial over and over again: the way Harvey had stood up to defend him, the way he had failed to deny it when Mike claimed Harvey loved him, the way Mike had kissed him and the way Harvey had rejected him in as nice yet as brutal a way as possible. Despite his valiant efforts, he himself or Nathan or someone else had often caught him not quite focused on the matters at hand while at work, and Rachel had asked on more than one occasion what was going on and why he had seemed so disinterested and distant while at home. He had had no real answers for her, having passed it off as 'work stress'.
He had only been able to keep that charade up for about four days, though, until his consciousness had gotten the better of him and he had been forced to cave to that tiny little voice at the back of his mind that he had tried to ignore, that he could love Rachel all he wanted, but it wasn't fair of him to continue down the road they were going together with all that doubt in his mind, maybe especially after Logan Sanders. It had felt like betrayal nonetheless, whether there was something happening between Harvey and him or anyone else, male or female, and him.
He blinked a few times rapidly as he looked up at the tall, modern building in which Harvey Specter's loft resided, forcing back the tears he had been holding in for so long already. He had something else that he couldn't push from his mind right now, and that was Rachel's tear-streaked face, her broken whispers and begging in response to the words he had spoken to her. That they had to take a break for now. That he found himself dealing with a lot of things in his mind lately, mainly since prison, which he needed to work through on his own first before moving forwards as a couple together.
He hadn't been able to stay and listen to her pleas to just trust him and let her help him work through his issues, her pleas for him not to go. As he stood there on the sidewalk in front of the first place he had thought of going to, the only place he felt he could go to right then, he felt like nothing but a selfish asshole for the way he had left Rachel behind alone at their apartment, never even having looked back as he hopped on his bike and rode a way the wheels had seemed to ride on their own already. He felt like the most royal of jack-asses for having put them in that position when he had asked her to marry him not too terribly long before and she had said yes to him.
A chill ran down his spine and forced gooseflesh on the exposed skin of his lower arms. He had been in such a hurry to leave, to get away from the disappointment and hurt in Rachel's eyes and voice, that he had foregone thinking about a coat of any kind. Given the horribly late hour and the time of year, it was not too surprising for it to be that cold in New York and for him to feel like he was slowly but surely turning into ice. A brief glance towards his trustworthy bike and the tight lock was followed by a deep sigh and the young man deciding that he couldn't say on the sidewalk endlessly. He felt like a jack-ass for having come down to Harvey's place, too, especially after the way their last conversation had gone, incidentally also at Harvey's condo.
The lawyer hadn't called, and nor had he. It had been the first time in years, since he had set foot into the Chilton that one day, that he had gone that long without hearing from Harvey. It would have been an exaggeration to say that he had checked his phone screen obsessively like a teenage girl who waited for her lover to send her sweet nothings, but he had often caught himself looking and wondering and being disappointed nonetheless, the only reason why he hadn't texted or called himself simply that he hadn't known what to say to the man. It wasn't that he knew what to say now, per se, but he couldn't sleep at his own place for the night, or even for the next few nights to come, and he had nowhere else to go. The next best option would have been Louis.
The look on Harvey's face as he opened the door and found Mike told the younger man that he should probably be glad that Harvey didn't slam the door closed in his face. The concern visible in hazel eyes and perhaps a hint of non-understanding were what stopped Harvey Specter from doing exactly that rather than protect himself and shield off what had been threatened to be laid bare the last time Mike had been there. "Mike," he acknowledged. This time, the lawyer didn't urge him to get the hell inside or step back to let him in wordlessly.
The younger man swallowed as he briefly let his eyes trail across the other man's attires: an unbuttoned gray Henley and loose navy blue sleeping pants. He was on bare feet as well, Mike noted, and that told him that Harvey had probably meant to go to bed sometime soon. Whereas he remembered the lawyer never having gone to bed before eleven while he had stayed with him during the whole Logan Sanders ordeal, he figured that it must be close to midnight already, and he suddenly felt incredibly guilty. He had possibly even woken Harvey up by coming there. Looking down, Mike shook his head, murmuring at his shoes as he already made to turn on his heel, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here."
He had barely managed some steps down the hallway in the direction of the elevator again just to disappear ── away from the place that confronted him like no other of kissing Harvey and the other man refusing to kiss him back in return ── when Harvey called after him to try and stop him. He ignored the first time but halted and looked over his shoulder, turning his body back slightly, at the second time, the desperation having caught onto Mike there. He raised a brow in question as to why Harvey had deemed it so necessary he stop. Blue eyes and hazel met as the owner of the latter stood in the doorway of his apartment, feet away from him, concern shining through in his gaze more than ever. "Mike, why are you here?" he asked, an exasperation in his tone that made Mike's first idea of deflecting the question fly from the window.
"This was the only place I could go to," he admitted. "I told Rachel that we needed some space. I couldn't stay there, and I didn't particularly like the idea of bothering Louis and his new girlfriend."
Leaving his gaze trained upon the other man, Mike noted the way Harvey's nostrils flared slightly as he formed his opinion about the decision Mike had made ── one he would undoubtedly get to hear sooner rather than later, noted the way the lawyer seemed to debate the options until eventually nudging his head to the side nearly imperceptibly to invite the blue-eyed man in, unable to leave him wandering off on his own like a lost puppy. Mike couldn't deny the relief he actually felt at the knowledge that he would at least have a warm bed to sleep in that night, even if he did catch the slight reluctance he saw dance around hazel eyes as well as he retraced his steps and slipped past Harvey inside the spacey loft.
It was as if his feet carried him to the expensive leather couch of their own accord. He was barely aware of the owner of the apartment letting the door fall shut and following in his wake to the living area, too occupied with his own mind and senses as his insides squirmed again and the ache he felt in his chest cavity seemed to increase tenfold. Part of him wanted to run, to get away from the place where he had gotten his heart broken just a few days prior.
As he turned on his heel either to sit down on the couch or to go back the way he had come, though, and faced Harvey, saw the look of concern in those hazel eyes ── one that he was certain he was not mistaken about, for he had seen it and had it confirmed on multiple occasions before ── he found himself falling back on the expensive leather. He didn't want to go back into the cold, but instead, he felt he could do with the blanket of compassion that Harvey offered him, even if that was all he would ever receive. In that moment, he just, to put it bluntly and selfishly, needed to take what he could from him. He needed Harvey in whatever way he was allowed to have him before facing the reality in which he had rejected the woman who was supposed to marry him for a man who had rejected him and would never return his feelings.
Mike Ross looked down as he watched Harvey pass by him in his peripheral vision to take the chair opposite the couch he was occupying. It struck him that this was one of those very rare times where the other man hadn't offered him a glass of his best scotch. Any of the other times where they hadn't say in amicable silence, sharing a love for the amber-colored liquid, there had been anger and yelling that he wasn't particularly up for that night.
The creaking of the leather when Harvey sat down was all sound that broke through for the next moments to come, and the silence between them grew both tense and awkward quite quickly, eventually unbearable. "Why would you do that to Rachel and to yourself?" Harvey eventually mustered, his voice a mixture of exasperation, veiled concern, anger and clear non-understanding.
If anything, though, Harvey's voice was calm even if there was an edge to it, and the sound of it made Mike raise his head to let their gazes meet. He swallowed. "I just… I felt that it wouldn't be fair to her to marry her when I have feelings for someone else, whether or not those feelings are returned. I need to get my mind together again before committing to something that is supposed to be for life, because I don't take the vows lightly and don't believe in divorce," he released breathlessly.
As Mike kept his gaze upon the other man, he saw Harvey's Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed, saw the look in his eyes change for just a second before the guard was back in place to shield the brief emotion that might have flickered through, but not long enough to be mentioned. Reminding himself of how wrongly he had interpreted Harvey's responses all but a few days prior, Mike forced himself to look away and stared at his shoes once more. He didn't want to look for things that he now knew for sure weren't there anymore.
"It didn't feel right, even if there's no chance of you and me," he muttered to the slightly matt blotch at the tip of his otherwise shiny shoes, shaking his head left to right more to himself than to Harvey.
Harvey inhaled deeply as he watched Mike on the couch opposite him. A part of him wanted to push away from the chair he was in and walk over to him and pull him in an embrace, another told him not to. That part told him that the sanity he had forced himself to build back up over the four days since their last conversation would crumble as soon as he did, and instead advised him to stay as far away from Mike as possible for the time being ── at least until his defenses, which the other man had attacked so innocently but effectively, felt more sturdy again to him.
He could see that Mike was hurting, and he hated knowing that he was at least in part responsible for it. He hated himself even more for denying the other man the small shred of comfort he would be able to give him. Nonetheless, Harvey Specter remained seated. He hated himself the most for pushing him a bit deeper into his misery as he tried to make the boundaries between them clear again, if only to selfishly reassure himself that he didn't need to decide what he felt or didn't for Mike if it didn't happen. The great Harvey Specter, who was known for taking on any challenges that he faced head-first, was taking a step back from this one.
"There can never be a you and me, Mike," he spoke. At least he had the decency to say it in as calm and soft, yet audible and clear, a whisper as he could muster, if not to soften the blow for Mike alone, then for himself as well. If he were completely honest with himself, the thought of just taking things slowly as they came, together with Mike, ignoring the rest of the world as they did, had not been unpleasant. Reality had settled in as soon as those thoughts had dared to flit through his mind and shaken his distorted belief that that was even a possibility, though.
As Mike's head snapped back up, there was no denying of the layer of tears that had filled the younger man's baby blue eyes, clouding them, and Harvey felt like a jack-ass. His stomach plummeted as he saw the cracks near the edges in the man before him. This time, he was more responsible than ever for Mike's emotional turmoil, even compared to when he had been thrown in jail for working for Pearson Specter Litt, a job that Harvey had offered him despite his knowledge of Mike's past. "I know…" Mike emitted, the two words sounding hollow and broken. As he blinked next, the tear duct in his right eye overflowed and leaked a small trail of wetness before he took a long shaky breath that was supposed to be reassuring but wasn't and continued, his voice as haunted as before, "I know there can never be a you and me. You made it pretty damn clear that you don't share my feelings when I kissed you and you didn't kiss back."
The words and the clear heartache in them hit Harvey with such a force that he felt like he had truly been punched in the gut. It did tickle him, somehow, when Mike claimed that they didn't share the same feelings, though. Of course that was what Mike would have derived from the entire situation. In fact, that was what Harvey had wanted Mike to see. Wasn't it? He had no answer as to why he felt a very real anger, however inexplicable, creep up to him right then, though. He thought of the way the other man's lips had felt on his and how much of his willpower it had taken not to capitulate but dive in head-first without thinking instead.
Unable to stay seated any longer and hide behind the calm lawyer persona, Harvey got to his feet, shoving his hands deeply in the pockets of his sleeping pants and beginning to pace across the expanse of floor between the chair he had occupied and the couch on which Mike was sitting. He kept his eyes trained upon the ceiling, trailing the tiny little cracks in it that he only noticed because he knew they were there. He was very aware of how quickly his heart was racing, of how it appeared to bob in his throat, threatening to suffocate him, pushing the words he had tried to hold in towards the tip of his tongue until he could do nothing but put them in the open and admit.
"Do you know how hard it was for me not to?!" Harvey all but screeched, halting in his tracks a few feet from the couch, his head snapping back as he pinned Mike with his hazel eyes. He couldn't blame him for the confusion the other man felt; after all, he had been the one to put it there to begin with. In hindsight, he shouldn't have bothered trying to deny the things the younger man had accused him of. It had only made things more complicated, more so than they had already been. He guessed he should have known that all of the manners in which he had so expertly shut down anyone else's advances towards him in the past would have been immune with Mike Ross. The man had always managed to bring the worst and the best in him to the surface, since that very first day at the Chilton. He wasn't quite sure in which of those two categories he would have to place this whole ordeal, though.
Mike blinked. At first, he wasn't entirely sure he had heard Harvey right. Had he just admitted to how hard it had been not to kiss Mike back? Feeling diminutive in his seated position, Mike rose to his full height so that they were properly face-to-face. Confusion made his brow furrow as he tried to make sense of the past four days, most particularly the previous Thursday and the past few minutes. He was unable to connect the pieces, feeling like he was trying to fit a far too large square through a circle. "What are you saying?" he wondered aloud, voice breathless as his mind slowly but surely began to reel off of the tracks.
"I'm saying──" Harvey began, his own voice hoarse and breathless. Two words was enough for him to know he would not be able to rely on it, though.
As they stood there face-to-face, both men were acutely aware of their proximity, their heaving chests but inches apart from each other. He had been right all along, was all that Mike could conclude. He had not imagined things, he told himself as he traced every line and crinkle in Harvey Specter's expression. There was a turmoil in his hazel eyes that he had to admit he couldn't interpret, and he had not let his guard down for him entirely, but part of it had been shredded and dissolved very clearly. His eyes fell upon slightly parted well-formed lips that he knew to be slightly rough and addictive, and all he wanted to do was lean down and capture them again after Harvey's admission that he had wanted to kiss him back the last time he had done so. Alas, that moment and the lawyer's lack of response then also made things more complicated for them in that moment, and it made Mike incredibly apprehensive. The struggle between mind and heart was incredibly real.
Slowly raising a hand, Mike brought his fingertips down upon Harvey's jaw line, feeling the day-old stubble there that he would shave away with ease come morning, mere hours away. As he felt the other man tense up at his touch, almost immediately, Mike swallowed and made to pull back, deciding at the last second not to when he felt Harvey begin to relax and saw a brief shimmer of acceptance in hazel eyes that he knew he had interpreted correctly. Slowly and lovingly dragging his fingertips along the patch of beginning roughness, he acquainted himself with the feel of that firm jaw that he had seen lock in place with fierceness as Harvey Specter prepared for his closing argument in court. The two men kept their eyes solely upon each other. Mike wouldn't say that Harvey was exactly welcoming the touch, but he wasn't fighting it, and Mike thought that was a good place to go from, seeing as he obviously struggled to accept what he was feeling at the moment and possibly had for a long time. He filed the question away for later, for a moment where he was not afraid it would shut Harvey down entirely again.
As he felt the other man exhale slowly, Harvey's warm breath expelled on his face and a big portion of the tension that had begun to decrease already falling away completely though not entirely, Mike Ross grew bolder, though he remained moderately apprehensive. Stretching his thumb slightly, the younger man touched the pad of his fingertip to Harvey's bottom lip, ever so slowly tracing it. As he did so, he felt the lawyer's breath hitch, uncertain what exactly fueled that response. As he had when Mike had first touched his face with his fingertips, though, he felt Harvey's body sag and relax against his bit by bit, allowing the touch, forcing himself not to reject it though he might feel like fleeing, feeling pushed past his comfort zone. Taking it slow seemed to be the key there.
Sucking his own bottom lip between his teeth, Mike became acutely aware of Harvey's pupils dilating in response to his touch, innocent and sensual at the same time. He felt the anticipation raging through his body, and he wanted nothing more but to lean down and capture those lips with his again and feel Harvey kiss him back, giving it all he had. Leaning in slightly and bringing them closer, their upper bodies met and allowed them to feel the way the other's chest heaved against theirs. The younger man realized that Harvey's breath had quickened considerably, too, as had his own.
In his peripheral vision, he noticed Harvey slide both of his hands from his pockets, one more slowly than the other as it fell to his side, the other coming up a few inches before stilling mid-air, where Mike grasped it tenderly with his free hand, bringing it down to their sides again as his fingers slipped between Harvey's and he entwined their hands firmly but effortlessly, as if they were made to fit, as a pair. That gesture in itself already conveyed so much tenderness and love even before Mike's eyes fluttered closed and he let his thumb slide from Harvey's mouth to let his lips take its place.
The touch was gone before he had fully realized it was there, it seemed. As he opened his eyes, which had fallen shut from the intensity of the moment they were sharing, Harvey looked right into those baby blue eyes that could melt him in all the right and all the wrong ways. He wasn't certain if he could be the one to initiate it, but he knew that he wouldn't object to more where that had come from, that he wouldn't be able to hurt Mike again by trying to fabricate a lie that was so far from the truth that it was ridiculous. He wasn't strong enough to fight what he was feeling anymore. As Mike tilted his head slightly to change the angle and leaned down again to resume their kissing, his lips seemed to move of their own accord, meeting Mike's and sliding against them as if that was what they had always done, always wanted. In that moment, it was like a damn that had been broken, letting whatever it was between them flow freely as he knew he needed to if only to remain sane. Nothing would be able to bring him closer to insanity than denying any of this ever again.
Squeezing the other man's hand fleetingly with an appreciation and gratefulness that he felt he needed to get across, Mike's fingertips continued to trail Harvey's jawline freely, his mouth kissing him as if his life depended on it, soft moans of want and need he had contained for so long escaping, swallowed by Harvey's eagerness. He smiled into the kiss as he felt Harvey's free hand upon his hip in an effort to convey his need for them to remain close together and for Mike not to pull away this time. He wasn't sure how he had imagined Harvey kissing him, but there were no words that sprang to mind that were accurately wonderful enough, and for once, he loved his mind and its ability to put the pieces together.
It was an overwhelming lack of air that drove their kiss to an end and made them disengage, the need to continue evident in both of their hungry gazes and labored pants. Seeing a deeper feeling of uncertainty swim within Harvey's hazel eyes as soon as his own blue ones fluttered open, though, Mike allowed his hand to slip down to Harvey's neck, the other still entwined tightly with Harvey's as he gently ran the tip of his nose along the bridge of the other man's as a sign of affection. He needed to stop him from going down that downward spiral quickly and effectively. He had felt the very real, very intense fervor with which Harvey had kissed him back and was sure as hell not going to let him back down anymore. "We'll take it slowly, and each step we go takes as long as it takes for us both to be ready for the next. Okay?"
The turmoil within Harvey's stormy gaze seemed to pick up again as Mike's words reached him. The older man opened his mouth to respond, even if he didn't quite know what to say to that clear profession of love, want and desire, for them to be together in every way and for him to be okay with the pace they were setting, too. "Mike…" he began, but that was all he managed before he noted the anxiousness in those baby blues once more, and he stopped himself from trying to escape into a lie as he had.
He found himself nodding instead, and the warm feeling that overtook him as he saw Mike's half-smile cast back at him in response instead of the panicky heartbrokenness from mere seconds before told him that it was worth the leap, even if he didn't know where they were leaping to quite yet. Cross examination at the end of the road would have to tell them, for sure.