Woke Up In Vegas (Married To The Enemy)
by Lacrimula Falsa

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and/or any other Marvel franchise. I write to de-stress, not for profit. I do not own any of Katy Perry's music/lyrics.

Summary: Tony wakes up in Vegas, married to Lady Loki. To his surprise, this does not immediately result in death, disaster or divorce. (AKA The Really Silly Idea Fic) [Tony/Lady Loki mostly, Loki/Tony some of the time. AU, WIP.]

A/N: I had a stupid idea and ran with it. Quoted lyrics from Katy Perry's song "Waking Up In Vegas".

Warnings!: Mentions of sex, nudity. Some language.

Please read:
This is comfort fic. From me, for me. It's my "everyone's mostly happy and nothing hurts" head-space. Be prepared to see silliness, tropes, rom-com drama, lots of handwaving/ignoring the issue regarding Loki's redemption or lack thereof and no research about anything ever.

If that doesn't put you off, enjoy.

Chapter One – It's All A Blur

~You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night~

[Tony]

Tony woke up with what he was sure was the worst freaking hangover of his entire alcohol-soaked life.

He also woke up A) without his AI telling him about the weather and B) in a strange bed with pink sheets and heart-shaped pillows.

"Fuck."

Oh god, talking hurt. So did moving. And having his eyes open. Also, he was naked except for a t-shirt printed with 'King Of Vegas'.
The used condom stuck to his tight gave him a pretty good idea of what he'd been doing last night. Multiple times, if the state of the bed was anything to go by.

So. Drunk sex, but at least he'd used protection. He mentally patted himself on the back.

Good job Tony.

Well, no, because he'd gotten black-out drunk. But still. Better than nothing. Small victories and all that.

A small sniffle alerted Tony to the fact that there was another person next to him.

Time to face the music.

His bed-partner was female, curvy and had black hair and white skin that would have made Snow White jealous. Not his usual type, inasmuch as he had one. Deciding he needed more data before he woke her, Tony dragged himself upright, surveying the room.

Ugly-as-sin furniture and pink wallpaper, check. His clothes, check. Okay no, partial check because he couldn't see his jacket but whatever. At least his trousers and underwear were in evidence. A green dress that he was pretty sure belonged to the woman next to him, check. So far, so expected. He also spied a tray full of...golden fruit? Eh, Vegas, moving on.

Or not, since his bedmate was waking up.

Tony turned towards her, watching as the woman blindly groped around for something, then sat up.

He had to admit, he could see the appeal with that one. She was probably really pretty under the smeared make-up. At the moment the smudged lipstick and runny eyeliner rather ruined the effect.

The woman blinked at him. Tony could see the exact moment she recognised him because her face got impossibly paler.

"You!"

Tony just barely hid a wince because A) she was shouting and he was still hung over and B) she was apparently one of those women who were not happy to wake up in Iron Man's bed.

Well, fuck my life, seriously. I'm way too old for this bullshit.

"Morning."

"What do you mean "morning"?!"

"Ow! Ow! Stop yelling, for heaven's sake! Lady, what's your problem?"

She mercifully lowered her voice.

"You don't recognise me?"

Tony rummaged around his brain for a name to attach to the expectant face in front of him but came up blank.

"Err. No?"

"Oh thank the..."

She trailed off, her eyes going from his face to his hand. Then she abruptly grabbed his wrist, yanking it in front of her face.

Oh.

He'd gotten a tattoo. He'd gotten a honest-to-god tattoo. Drunk. In Vegas.

Late midlife crisis, check.

It was and odd one too. It looked like a piece of rope wrapping around his wrist. Now that he was paying attention to it, Tony noticed that his wrist felt kind of tender.

"Wow. That is like every Vegas cliché ever."

The woman (he really needed to get her name) shifted his hand to look at him like he was missing the point by several miles.

"Stark."

"Oh good." Tony beamed at her. "You know my name."

"Stark, we have a problem."

"Uh, yes, I guess we do. Look, darling, don't get me wrong, I'm sure last night was awesome and everything but I don't really know who you are. It's nothing personal just..." He shrugged. "Alcohol. Lots of it. You know how it is."

She blinked at him, still holding his hand up.

"You truly don't remember a thing, do you?"

"Nope. Not one single thing. Niente. Nada. Do you remember everything?"

That would be so embarrassing.

She shook her head.

"No. Some things but everything is...hazy. Disconnected. I wonder what kinds of spirits I imbibed. I haven't felt this hung over in centuries."

Weird sense of humour. He could work with that.

"Yeah. So. I don't remember but I'm sure this was fun. Why don't I call you a cab after you've freshened up? Or if this turns out to be your hotel room, I'll freshen up and call my driver."

Please let her be the kind who doesn't put up a fuss.

"I can't."

A shiver of unease worked itself down Tony's back. But alas, no reason to panic yet.

"What? Why not?"

The woman held up his hand again, waving it in front of his face and wow, rude.

"Yeah, tattoo, gotcha. I don't see why that's a..."

That was when Tony noticed the ring. In gold. On his left ring finger.

Oh. My. God.

"That's not a wedding ring. Please tell me that that's not a wedding ring."

"Ring? Stark what are you talking about?"

That broke him out of his fit.

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"This!"

She thrust her left hand under his nose.

There was a ring on her finger too. Also, they'd apparently gotten matching tattoos. He was screwed.

Jarvis, engage worst case protocols.

Pepper was going to brutally murder him.

"Oh shit."

She dropped her hand and gave him a droll look.

"Indeed."

Tony buried his head in his hands.

"Pepper is going to kill me."

The woman chuckled darkly.

"Oh, you have no idea."

That made him look up sharply.

"What?"

Suddenly, the space around the woman's head...shimmered, before something golden materialised on top of her dishevelled hair.
And then the woman was wearing a helmet. Loki's helmet, that she had apparently pulled out of thin air. Tony's jaw dropped.

"LOKI?!"

She smiled sardonically.

"Surprise."

"Well forget about Pepper. Thor is going to rip me to pieces."

A/N: And so it begins. Thoughts, please?