Solace

Rated: M

Chapter Summary: After the tragic death of Splinter, April tries to comfort Raphael the only way she knows how…Takes place during "Afterglow" Universe.

After seeing the new episode of TMNT, I had no choice but to write this. I didn't want to put it on Afterglow and ruin the continuation nor did I want to put it on Outtakes for similar reasons.

I thought it best to let it stand alone.

Basically, this is just comfort/grief sex. You have been warned...

"Raph?" April asked; voice a mere rasp as she approached the turtle lying on his bed.

He didn't answer. Green eyes trained to the wall but he was staring beyond the grain, the concrete, and the infrastructure; hopelessly lost in his own mind over the sudden death of Splinter.

They were there - they both were.

April holding Raphael up as his wounds and injuries made it hard for him to stand up successfully on his own just yet. His weight heavy against her but she didn't mind as she bumped her temple against his. Splinter had thrown Super Shredder off the building - he seemingly had won the battle - and they were prepared to celebrate another victory when the unbelievable happened…

There was no time to react, only scream as Shredder reappeared through the darkness.

Sharp blades quicker than anyone could see; without warning, he sunk them deep into Splinter's body.

The blood spurting from the wounds and onto the wolverine-like blades on the Shredder's hands before he flung Splinter over the building.

It all happened too fast.

All April really could recall was boiling hot rage; anger seeping into her skin and mind as she let out a scream. Psychic powers igniting as she pulled away from Raphael to approach Shredder with a high-pitched yell. April was blind to anything but her pain and grief; of seeing Splinter murdered right in front of her eyes that her body took over for her.

Throwing Shredder off the building and into the garbage compressor; Casey happily pulled the switch and crushed their enemy inside of it.

When she turned back, Raphael was already hobbling down the stairs and April chased after him; body a bundle of nerves as they raced to the street below. Hearts hammering were ignored as they busted out the door and ran toward where his brothers had already gathered.

"Sensei!" Raphael suddenly screamed; the pain visceral in his throat and April began crying. Dying to hold her frantic red-banded boyfriend close; to tell him it would be okay even if she knew it was all a lie.

The rest of the day was a complete blur.

The turtle brothers crying; carrying Splinter's body into the Shellraiser much like pall-bearers and them taking off to Northampton for his burial where they still remained.

At first, she believed all of this was a hellish nightmare she would soon awaken from…but as the days drug by, the pain and grief along with it, shew knew that she couldn't lie anymore - Splinter was really dead…

Raphael seemed more spirited than his brothers at first.

No visible tears; calmness that was unfitting of the hot-headed terrapin. A pain had quickly developed and cracks began growing as the days progressed. The burial, a funeral, and finally a memorial after they placed Splinter in the ground by the old oak tree.

Grief, agony, and pain she was not prepared for…none of them were.

Yet, she began to notice how withdrawn Raphael had become. Whenever she'd place a hand on him or try to comfort him with a hug or tender kiss, he'd pull away or scarcely return the affection…he'd never not kissed her back…

At first, she accepted it as the harsh pain of losing a parent; something she knew all too well after the loss of her mother, but this seemed to be far deeper. Raphael began isolating himself, ignoring questions sent his way, refusing to be a part of the group…

It worried April greatly.

She tried seeking him out. To talk to him, hoping in some desperation that he'd break and tell her everything. Allowing him to vent out his grief so that the healing process could begin…but nothing helped. If anything, he became more distant; colder toward all those around him.

April couldn't take it much longer.

It brought her to now where she confronted him in his room; he chose the one farthest off on the bottom floor at Northampton where the rest of theirs were on the second floor.

Yet another attempt at further isolation.

"You need to talk to me eventually." April muttered, a sense of anger filling her as she slammed and locked the door behind her. "I'm not leaving until you do."

April saw him barely flinch at the sudden sound.

He continued to do and say nothing.

"Raph!" April screamed. Her own pain and grief toward Splinter's death pulling her apart and seeing Raphael in this condition only increased it tenfold.

"Why won't you just talk to me?" she asked, steps heavy as she approached his bed and sat down on its edge. "…just talk to me, Raph…"

April stared at his profile, a first glimpse of hope when he blinked, lips slightly pursing before he went still.

"Please…" she begged, the sensation of tears building and falling down her cheeks as she lowered her face to his. Her own need for comfort pulling at her system as she rubbed her forehead over his cheek. Hands caressing his shoulders, arms, and torso as she maneuvered herself on top of his body.

"Raph…" she cried against his skin; tears staining his flesh as she screamed. Hands firm as they caressed his body; straying to more intimate areas and he didn't even shy her away as she caressed his lower plastron. Fingers gingerly delving between his legs to scrape intimately over the thin retractable covering where his penis descended from.

April's eyes slipped closed as she began to kiss his face; the saltiness from her tears cloyingly strong on her tongue as she moved her mouth over his neck, cheek and finally the edge of his wide lips.

Raph shivered under her touch seemingly of his own volition.

A tremble she was so familiar with over the nearly three years they'd been together; an uncertainty she'd known he buried deep beneath his skin. Hiding it beneath his rampant machismo, sarcastic quips, and sexy smirk.

Pushing back her own uncertainties of approaching him this way right now, she continued. Mouth skirting over his own; firm presses of her lips on his firm scaly mouth before her tongue flicked out to taste him and run across the expanse of his lips. April was so lost in her own urgent needs she scarcely noticed Raph's eyes slipping closed and him swallowing thickly. Body slightly turning to rest more on his back and she began crawling further over him.

Blue eyes opening for only a moment, she was met with his closed eyes and her uncertainty faded away. Deepening the kiss and pressing more firm strokes to the plates between his legs.

That seemed to be a partial breaking point for Raphael, who suddenly and none-too-gently pushed her off of him. April was thrown back but was able to stay on the bed and stared at him in shock.

Raphael was now sitting up and curling himself into the corner of the bed doing everything in his power not to look at her.

"Rap-" she started in a rather incredulous tone when he interrupted.

"I should have DONE something, April!" Raph cried and his voice broke for the first time she could ever remember.

"Raph, there was nothing you, or anyone, could have done-" she tried to speak, to quell that self-hate that stained his lips but he just yelled over her.

"Don't you get it!? I should have saved him…I should have moved, pushed him aside…something…anything…but I didn't…"

"Raph, there was no time! What the hell could you have done?!"

"If I wasn't so fucking weak or stupid, I could have figured out a way! I could have stepped in or thought of a plan, but I didn't! I-It was all my fault!" he shouted and a fine mist of his saliva hit her face but she didn't even blink.

"Even if you did, then what?!" April screamed, body quivering with what exactly he was insinuating. "…if you did step in…if you moved toward him…Shredder would have killed you…"

"...Maybe it would have been better that way. Shredder would have been too busy with me, giving dad time to escape or -"

April slapped him - hard.

Raphael was stunned into silence. Teary green eyes staring at her in complete and utter shock.

"How DARE you!" she growled out; the tears falling unheeded down her face.

"It's true!" he shouted back just as loud as a hand went to nurse his cheek. "It would have been better for everyone! If dad was still here, we wouldn't be a complete fucking mess and trying to figure out what to do because he always knew what to do! He taught us to fight; even taught you! It would have been better if I was the one that jumped in and got killed because no one needs me!"

"I NEED YOU!" she bellowed, items around the room shaking underneath her powerful mental capabilities she desperately controlled not to take further in fear she'd bring the whole house down.

Raph suddenly grew silent as he watched her hair flicking about her face with the recesses of mental capabilities flicking and echoing throughout her body. Yet, his eyes never left hers for long. The light blue irises with tears in a constant stream dripping down her reddened face. Her words shaking him to his very core; the certainty she spoke and love she showcased with those three words were enough to break whatever spell he'd been under since his dad died.

Blood coursing through his body, he moved, grabbing her arms and pulling her toward him.

Their mouths colliding painfully but neither cared as they kissed sloppily; tongues delving into each others mouths and roughly sliding over the others. April growled into his mouth, pulling off his mask and throwing it across the room before beginning work on her own shirt. Raphael's fingers deftly worked at the buttons of her jeans and she kicked them aside til she was only in her underwear and bra.

Raphael tossed her on her back where she hit the comforter with a soft thud before he crawled atop her and attacked her mouth again. Large, rough fingers delving into her smooth, silky hair as he pressed his mouth firmer over hers in a bruising kiss. His other hand pressed behind her back, elevating her from the mattress slightly so he could get to the clasp of her bra. Fingers quickly undid it like pro before the straps fell from her shoulders and the article was tossed to the side.

He wasted no time in breaking the kiss to lap at her breasts before going lower and removing her panties and tossing them to the floor to join the rest of her clothing. Raphael was full on ready to press his mouth to her but a quick caress of his hand on her wet vulva told him she was already ready for him.

April stared up at him, her legs opening further in invitation - and he took it.

All of his anger, frustration, and grief he poured into her body.

Pounding hard and rough and she accepted it with nary a peep. Losing himself to the sensation of her body surrounding him. Warmth, smell, the light sheen of sweat building on her skin. Without realizing it, his face buried in her neck, lips and teeth sucking at her tender skin; teeth pressing hard and even drawing slight blood which he licked.

April was silent, just soft moans as she became undone under his ministrations. Coil tight around him as his plastron brushed over her swollen clit as he continually fucked her into the mattress. Other than slight sighs and moans, they were silent. The squeak of the bed harsh in the near muteness of the dusty room.

Raphael moved hard and quick; hips sharp and frantic as he penetrated her. Various times either shallow or deep as he continually became undone.

She held onto him, fingernails digging into his deltoids as he moved inside of her. Body accepting his vigorous movements easily; her body wanton underneath him as he pounded into her tight sheath. Every thrust filled with clouded frustration, pain, and grief all boiled into one movement. Frantic or slow and she watched as all the varying emotions played into his eyes as he made love to her.

April suddenly gasped, eyes slipping closed after a particularly hard thrust brought her over the edge and how her body squeezed around him, Raphael was right behind her. A few more frantic pushes before he was finally still inside of her; the warmth of his seed filling her as they both slowly came down from their highs.

Blue eyes opened a second later and she was shocked when she saw Raph. His eyes were peering through her and the tears that were building earlier were now dripping down his face and landing upon her chest.

Moments later, he let out a devastating cry that shattered her heart.

She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to lay atop her. Weight partially crushing her chest but she didn't care. Only focusing on the warmth of his tears and sobs that leaked out from his raw throat. His pain and grief visceral as he released it all into her loose hair that was strewn about the pillow.

"I'm sorry, dad…" he cried brokenly and April lost it too.

Tears skirted down her cheeks as she buried her face into his thickly-muscled shoulder. Hands gentle as they massaged his shoulders and neck; hoping to God she was giving him the comfort he…and her indirectly…so desperately needed.

April allowed him to cry for as long as he needed; cries that shook her in their power had calmed after a few moments. Sobs that trembled his shoulders had stilled until he was left sniffling into her neck. April just cradled his head. Her own pain dwarfing with what he and his brothers were dealing with. A piece of their lives and souls was gone.

Their master, Sensei - father.

The one that adopted and raised them since they were babies; cared, fed, nurtured, taught…loved…was gone forever.

This wasn't like before - no Fugitoid to turn back time. No redo button or Renet to change the span of time and bring him back. Splinter was gone permanently. He would never be in the dojo meditating or drinking tea. Being a listening ear or an encouraging word; no strenuous training under his careful guidance. No cries of "Yamato" or his other Japanese commands that filled the lair on a daily basis.

A permanent hole was ripped into all of them that absolutely nothing could fill…

Raphael's cries ebbed to a stop and she pulled away just a bit to get a glimpse of his face. A part of her relieved when she realized he had fallen asleep; an almost smile ticking her lips upon seeing his cute slack face. It was a nice change from seeing his brow ridges constantly furrowed in stress these past few days. Leaning forward, April kissed his slack mouth; taking a few seconds to brush her cheek on his snout.

Yet she knew when he awoke, it might change. There was a lot of grief and healing still ahead but she hoped at least tonight lessened it if only slightly.

With that thought, April closed her eyes and fell asleep; praying desperately that tomorrow would be a little better…