This series of one-shots is a direct response to Lord Demolitions asking me to show more of the other characters in the TF2/OW canon besides just Scout and Tracer. I don't think I can put anything like that into my main story, which I think would take the focus away from those two, so I've decided instead to write a side fanfiction showing more of the others. Scout and Tracer will make few, if any, appearances here.

I came up with this idea a long time ago about making Overwatch seem like a mad house following the addition of the RED Team. The RED Team is made up of insane whackos, while Overwatch is made up of decent heroes. You can tell this based on their catchphrases:

"Too. Much. Caffiene."

"That's how I lost my medical license."

"Run! RUN! I'M COMING FOR YOU!"

"Conga Conga Conga!"

Versus Overwatch, which uses:

"Cheers, love! The Calvary's here!"

"Justice rains from above!"

"I will protect the innocent!"

"Our world is worth fighting for."

That's basically the difference between the two games.

As I thought of this, I said to myself, "Huh. The RED Team would turn Overwatch into a M*A*S*H unit (I hope many of you have seen that show, and thus know what I'm talking about). Because of this, many of the characters will share similarities to characters from that show.

For example, the RED Team, and some select Overwatch members (like Junkrat, McCree, and Reinhardt) are the Hawkeye, B.J., Trapper, and Klinger of the team (that is, they're the insane troublemakers), while Genji and Hanzo will resemble Major Burns, Pharah is the Hot Lips Houlihan of the group, Mei is sitting in for Radar, and Winston is the incompetent Lt. Col. Henry Blake (don't worry, he won't die in a helicopter crash).

Also, the next chapter of the main story is going to take some time to write, so I'm putting these one-shots up to keep you guys satisfied until then. Hope you enjoy!

Ever since joining Overwatch, Demoman, Engineer, and Sniper had spent more time around each other. Due to the tight space at Watchpoint, the three had to share a room together. They didn't mind that, though. Each one always had a blast with the other two. They were like brothers. The room that they shared made them look like they were brothers. When Hanzo first walked into it, he thought a tornado ripped through the place. There were clothes and books lying all over the floor, there was a skeleton hanging by its' neck from the ceiling (and this wasn't a plastic skeleton, this was a real one, from a BLU team member that they had dominated), there were jars of urine in the room (which explained the foul smell), and Genji in particular was disgusted by the fact that they were even brewing their own beer and ale, and distilling their own gin and whiskey.

It wasn't just the Japanese fighters who were annoyed with their antics. Pharah once walked in to give them a status update, only to hear this:

"I must say, this ale is too bitter. Are you sure ya followed yer family's traditional family recipe correctly, partner?"

"Aye! Are ye insulting my intelligence, boy?!"

"No, of course not, buddy. That implies that you have intelligence."

"Well, let me tell ya something, laddie! Mah folks raised me to carry on their name's legacy! There is no way I can possibly get the DeGroot family's own ale wr- wait. Yer supposed to let it brew for forty minutes, not twenty. Forgot about that."

Engineer and Sniper burst out laughing. "Come on, Dell. While we're waiting for dumbass to get his act together, pour us some Jack."

"With pleasure, Mundy."

Engineer poured three pints of Jack Daniel's for the three of them. "Ahhhh," he said. "Just like the kind mama used to make."

Pharah walked into the room, and groaned in disgust at the piss smell that blew in her face. "Don't you boys have anything better to do in your off-hours than to sit around and swill booze all day?"

Mundy looked offended by this. "Swill booze?! Lady, I have sipped, lapped, and taken Jack Daniel's intravenously, but I do not and I never have SWILLED BOOZE!"

Pharah groaned. "You boys are such pigs." This was met with oinking from Engineer. "If it wasn't for your skills in combat, you all would be living on the streets! Thank your lucky stars that Winston is stupid enough to keep you on!"

Pouring some Coca-Cola in the Jack glasses, Sniper said, "Well, we'll drink to that!" The three clinked their glasses together and gulped them down, and that was enough for Pharah to take. She was also disgusted by the skeleton in their room. It was bad enough that the Soldier that she was sharing her room with had his own skeleton, as well as a collection of severed heads, but to think that it was common among them to have a real set of human bones lying around was appalling.

It wasn't just the Egyptian warrior that took issue with them. Hanzo and Genji looked at them as dishonorable gluttons with no dignity. One day, Genji broke down the door to their room, clearly angry.

"Oh hi, Gen!" Engineer mockingly said. "It's open! Come on in!"

"Cut the jokes. You know why I'm here! Where's my copy of Secrets of the Samurai?!"

"Oh, ye mean this thing?" Demoman said, holding a copy of his book Japanese Sword Fighting: Secrets of the Samurai, with some beer stains on the cover. "Ah was just borrowing it fer some light readin'!"

Genji grabbed it back from him and snarled, "Since when are you interested in sword-fighters?!"

"I peaked at the end, mate." Sniper joked. "Yoshihisa did it."

"Oh, ha ha ha. You're such a fucking comedian!"

"Thank you! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! I'll be here all week! And your Princess of Egypt thinks that we would be homeless without you guys!"

"She seems to be forgettin' about that time we saved 'er from bein' disintegrated by that Taloon (Author's Note: I intentionally misspelled that to show Demoman's illiteracy) bloke!"

"Well, I think this calls for another round, don't ya boys think so?"

"Aye!"

"Definitely, mate!"

At last, Genji lost patience. "You know, I have had just about all I can stand from you dishonorable morons, between your disgusting lifestyles, and your corruption of the Overwatch, particularly the young girls, and your…your…your turning this place into a BREWERY! AND A CASINO!"

"Hey partner, I'm told people don't like you guys. It might do you a favor to brand this place as Overwatch Bar and Grill."

"Poker nights for those 21 and over!" Sniper laughed.

Genji had enough of this. In a rage, he ran around the room, kicking over the Blackjack table that they had set up, using his sword to slice the skeleton off the rope, and then he picked up their still that they used to make gin.

The three RED members gathered around and Engie warned, "Buddy, you put that thing down or where going to do to you what no Swiss doctor will be able to revive you from!"

But Genji just throw it on the floor, and shattered with a loud crash, spilling gin all over.

Demo, Engie, and Sniper all glared at Genji for this, and he said, in a very apologetic voice, "Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I didn't know it was going to break. It was very dishonorable of me to just storm in here and do this to you."

"Oh, it's all right."

"Don't worry about it."

"We'll get a new one."

"Don't give it another thought."

As they were saying this, Engineer put a large bag over Genji's head, and Sniper tied him up with some rope. Then, the three of them pushed Genji out the door. "I thought he'd never leave," Engie said.

However, it wasn't just criticism that these three boys attracted. Even the Overwatch had its' own ragtag band of troublemakers. These often consisted of McCree, Junkrat, and Reinhardt. When these three first met those three, they knew that they found their new partners in crime.

The six now have regular poker nights in The Land Down Under, which was the name that Demo, Engie, and Sniper had given their quarters. Not only did it reflect Sniper (and even Junkrat's) origins, but it was also in the basement of Watchpoint. This was one of those nights. The six were engaged in a round of five-card draw. And they were heavily at it. And they weren't betting with poker chips. They were beating with real money.

It was the perfect game night. It was dark outside (Not that they would know. They were living in the basement with no windows), and the only light in the room was from a single hanging lamp right above the card table. Drinks and smokes were in no short supply, and the sound of coins and cards being shuffled were echoing off the walls.

"All right, fellas," Engie said, shuffling the cards. "Who's in?"

"I'm in, mate."

"Me too, Shelia."

"In."

"High Noon is on."

"Count me in, laddie!"

Each of them placed down their initial bid of five pounds (currency in Gibraltar). Demoman lit up a cigar in his mouth. McCree said, "Pass the lighter," holding up a cigarette in his hand. Demoman did so, lighting it up for McCree. "Thanks."

"Dunnae mention it, laddie."

Reinhardt then asked for the lighter for a joint. By 2077, marijuana was fully decriminalized around the world. So people like Reinhardt could freely smoke it without facing any consequences.

Engie dealt the cards.

"Hmmm…"

"Pair of jacks…" Sniper whispered.

Man, this ain't lookin' good.

"All right, fellas, tens wild. Who wants to trade?"

"Gimme two."

"One."

"Three."

"This hand is more like a foot. Five new ones."

Engie then picked up a couple of his own cards and said, "OK boys. Minimum bet, 20 pounds. Who's in?"

"I'll throw the first horseshoe," McCree said, throwing 20 pounds on the table.

"Yeah, I'll see that and raise you another ten," said Sniper.

"I'm out," said Reinhardt, folding his hand.

"I'm with ya, buddy." Engie followed suit.

"Oi, mates. 30 pounds is nothin'. I'll double that for ya!" Junkrat shouted.

"Call."

"Well, fellow Aussie, I'll see that and raise you another twenty!"

Junkrat looked scared. "OK, ya got me. Fold."

Sniper grinned. "That's right, mate. Learn from the experts."

McCree just stared at Sniper and said, "All right, I call."

"Full house, mate." Sniper said with a grin.

"Oh, please." McCree scoffed. "Straight." He showed him a successive 3, 4, 5, 10 (wild card), 7.

"WHAT?! Gaaaaaaah!"

McCree laughed, scooping up the money from the table. "High Noon has come early today!"

"Oh, go soak your head!"

Engie just laughed. "Good thing I folded early. Course, that means you're shuffling this round, cowboy." He tossed the cards at McCree.

Suddenly his smile vanished. "Oh, fine," he groaned. He shuffled, cut, and dealt out the cards to all the people again. "All right, boys. Deuces wild."

"Oh boy," Sniper groaned. "Another bloody useless hand."

At that moment, Pharah stormed into the room. "Do I smell smoke in here?!" She shouted, then sniffed the air. "I do! I should have known that it- Reinhardt! McCree! You know that it's against the rules to smoke inside Watchpoint!"

"What's wrong with a puffing a little joint once in a while?" Reinhardt asked innocently.

"You know what's wrong with it!"

"She's right, buddy," said Engie. "She doesn't want her beloved Watchpoint to go up in smoke!"

Everyone around the table laughed at that joke. But not Pharah.

"Ever since Winston hired you guys, you have been corrupting my beloved team of heroes! You have single-handedly turned some of the nicest men I have met into complete scoundrels! We need to have some strict orders around here saying tha-"

"Hey, lady, will ya shut up?" Sniper snapped. "I'm trying to lose some money here."

Pharah stomped her foot. "That's Pharah to you."

"Hey, Pharah lady, will ya shut up? If I could yawn with my mouth closed, you'd have no idea how borin' you are."

Pharah, offended turned her back, spat out, "We are not finished yet," and stormed out.

"Crikey. I'm glad that's over."

"Ah, don't worry, mate," Junkrat said. "She's just mad because you guys are too much fun for her. She's really nice once you get to know her."

"Yeah, I doubt that," Sniper muttered. "Now where were we?"

"I believe you were going to lose another 80 pounds?" Reinhardt joked. Everyone laughed at that. Except Sniper, who just growled and looked at his cards.

But not long after that, Hanzo burst into the room. He was pissed.

"Oh, fiddlesticks, what now?" Engie groaned.

"I would like to have a talk with about what you did to my brother," Hanzo snarled.

"Yeah, that sort of thing is not cool, dude." Lucio walked in. "I honestly don't care about what you did. Hanzo just asked me to tag along as support."

"According to him, you stuffed a bag on his head and tied him up, and then you-"

"Hey, Reinny," Engie said. "In this future, is there some technology to allow you to record someone's voice and play it back later?"

"You're in big trouble, Texas man."

"I don't think so, Hanz. I can easily beat a pair of twos."

"Don't you try to end this conversation right here!" Hanzo snapped. "You have wronged my brother, and as a Samurai, I cannot let this go unnoticed!"

"Look, mate," Sniper said. "He came in here and invaded our personal space. All we did is give him what he had comin' to him."

"Yeah," a drunken Demo slurred. "We woulda left 'im alone if 'e left 'us alone. Now leave 'ere before I kill ya and keep killin' ya, and…" he crashed onto the table and snored.

"Oi, wake up, dumbass!" Sniper elbowed him.

"Eh? Wha? Oh, I bid twenty pounds!" He slurred.

Engie spoke up. "He's right. He got what he deserved. We're done here, buddy."

"Call," said McCree.

"So you dishonorable ingrates aren't going to do anything?"

"No, of course I will do something," Engie said. "I'm gonna see his twenty and raise him twenty more."

"Hey man," Lucio said. "You should probably do what he wants. I don't wanna be in the middle of a huge fight with-Oooooh, you guys have food here?"

"Yep," said Sniper. "Just some sandwiches, though. We're expecting a pizza to come here any time soon now."

"Wow, cool! I've never played poker in a long time! Mind if I join?"

"Ya got cash on ya?" Demoman slurred.

"Yep. Always keep a full pocket!"

"Well, we're a little in the game right now, buddy. But we'll deal you in next round. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great!"

Lucio sat down in an empty chair in the room. The Down Under Dogs, as the six-man group liked to call themselves, found their seventh member, they knew.

Hanzo was furious. "It's amazing! Anyone who comes in here gets infected!"

"Oi, will ya leave now, ninja boy? I can't even hear myself losing over here."

Angry beyond words, Hanzo stormed out, breaking down the door that Engie had just fixed that morning.

"Aw, hell. Now I gotta fix that again."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Winston was in his lab, working on his portal machine. He then heard his announcement buzzer ring. That meant that somebody was at the front entrance and needed to speak with someone.

"Yes? What is it?"

"Uh, hi," the voice at the other end said. "I have some pizzas here for Down Under Dogs?"

Winston sighed. "All right, I'll get them in a just a moment." He turned it off, and then turned on another intercom. "Mei-"

"You wanted to see me, Winston?"

Winston chuckled in irritation. "Yes, but let me say that I want to see you before I see you. Now-"

"You want me to get those pizzas inside?"

"Could you get those pizzas inside? Please? Thank you," noticing that Mei had already left. "I swear, I will never understand how she does it." He flipped on the intercom again. "Now, Mei, when you grab those pizzas, take them-"

"Take them to the boys playing poker," she said, arriving back.

"To the boys playing poker, and check if my-"

"Your package has arrived. The one who've been waiting for."

"package I've been waiting for has arrived-"

"And you need to sign these papers, too."

"-And tell me if there's any papers I need to sign-"

"Just put your initials here."

"-And tell me where I need to sign, and-"

"This one, too. And you'll need me to sign here, too-"

"And sign whatever you need to sign-"

"And you forgot to sign these papers for the anti-mass spectrometer shipment last week."

Winston looked irritated. "Why didn't you have me this while I was signing all those other things I was signing as well, that I don't know why I was signing them either?"

"You were too busy signing those other papers as well."

"Ah yes, how could I forget?"

"It's all right, sir. Now I'll just get you some peanut butter flavored-"

"Could you get some peanut butter-flavored coffee for me, please? Thanks." She was already gone.

Winston sighed. "I hope I didn't just sign away my private jet to her."