Chapter 1

Jaime

He still remembered the first time he had seen her.

He had been barely six and ten at the time and so arrogant already, so idealistic, so naïve about everything the world represented. He had had no idea how the world worked and that there were evil men in it who would seek to stamp out everything bright and beautiful for sheer cruelty, or worse for power and that his own father was one of them.

The sunlight had glanced off her ebony hair and the wind had caught the tresses and tossed them into the air like they were birds' wings in flight. Her golden skin, perfectly colored by the sun was all but glowing and her dazzling smile was framed by her luminous golden brown eyes.

The way her bronzed garments fell against the smooth curves of her body highlighted the grace of every movement and made her seem even more like a work of art.

Never before had Jaime seen a woman so beautiful.

He was only barely out of boyhood when he had seen her, but in that moment, in his youthful naiveté he thought there would never be another woman who would surpass this one in beauty.

Not even Cersei.

What would it be like, he wondered to himself, to have a woman like that in his arms every night? To wake up to her every morning, to spend his life with her?

Surely there would be nothing better, no man would be able to claim a greater prize.

And yet she was to be given to another man.

It was a thought which grated on him for long after she had been married but he never let it show.

He had always been an idealist, someone who wanted to do the right thing for the right reason because it was right but this was Jaime Lannister's first taste that not everything in life would go the way he wanted it to.

His twin had always told him his pretty fantasies were going to hurt him one day. But in truth, his imagination had been all he had been able to hold on to when his mother died and his father became distant and aloof.

Surely there was nothing wrong with that.

It allowed him to escape from his reality sometimes just as sarcasm and constant jests would as well.

His father would often bemoan the fact that his heir did not consider the legacy and name of House Lannister and thought life a joke to be laughed at in the appropriate and more often inappropriate times.

But Jaime had no desire to be a cold unfeeling man like his father and so that was why he expressed a desire to be as sarcastic and impudent as possible.

There were those who often liked him for his somewhat sardonic nature like his brother Tyrion and then there were others who didn't appreciate it like his father.

But there were people of all types who would appreciate and disapprove of him and the man to whom he was squiring had been one of the latter types, at least until Jaime had saved his life on the battlefield and he had knighted him.

Jaime had been squiring for Lord Crakehall when Elia Martell had first come to the capital to wed the crown prince and he had seen her. After receiving his knighthood, he had returned to the capital where his father was currently serving as Hand.

And that was when Aerys decided that Jaime would fit the status of a knight of the Kingsguard very well.

But it truly hadn't been all the mad king's doing. Jaime had been fully intending to return to the Rock to learn to rule it when he stopped back in the capital to see his sister whom he had not seen for years.

It was then that Cersei asked him to become a member of the Kingsguard to replace the late Ser Harlan Grandison. Though it required him to give up his claim to Casterly Rock, Cersei had convinced him it was for the best as she was certain she would be named the wife of Rhaegar Targaryen and in her words, she never wanted them to be separated.

It had taken some convincing…an entire night of it in fact but in the end Jaime had agreed. She had claimed that she would take care of everything and not long after, Jaime received the news from the king that he was to present himself to him immediately where he would say his vows and don his cloak.

But that was the only thing that had gone according to plan.

The moment the cloak was about his shoulders, the king also announced that prince's impending marriage to Elia Martell who would arrive at the capital within a few months.

Immediately all of Cersei's grand schemes were shot to hell for Tywin, incensed that his heir had been stolen from him, resigned his post as Hand immediately and left for the Rock taking Cersei with him.

It was only after they had gone that Jaime realized serving the mad king was not the honorable occupation he had so ardently heard it was. Though the men serving him were honorable they would not intervene when the king did something horrendous.

Burning people alive and taking out their tongues seemed to be a favorite pastime of his and Jaime remembered with a shudder in the last few months when he had been forced to stand outside the king's bedchamber along with Ser Barristan and listen to the man rape the screaming and pleading queen Rhaella.

Her cries had been engraved in Jaime's mind for ever along with Aerys manic laughter as he completed the deed.

He lost count of the many times he had told Ser Barristan that they should be protecting the queen and was informed that they were not to protect her from the king.

Where is the honor in this cloak and armor if it means that the king's own family is in danger from his monstrous tendencies?

Jaime wanted to rip off his cloak right then and would have if it would not have shamed his father a man whose respect still meant everything to Jaime.

It was then that he truly despised both his sister and himself and the king for the terrible role they had all played in bringing this about.

His loathing for Cersei was slow as he tried to justify what she had done by thinking she could not have predicted that Aerys would choose someone else to be Rhaegar's wife, or that their father would have resigned his post in an unholy rage.

But the more he thought about it, the more Jaime longed for Casterly Rock, the place of solitude that he had loved so much growing up.

And he would never go back there to live all because of his sister, himself and the mad king.

He hated them all.

And that was what he had been thinking of as he walked through the gardens that day that the princess from Dorne arrived.

Later on in his life he would think it was a lucky thing that he had been on hand that day to see the arrival of the princess and the woman that would change his life forever.

She had been sitting by herself at the time and Jaime wondered for a moment where the guards were as this was obviously the new princess.

It wasn't until she had turned her head towards him slightly that he was able to take her in and had been momentarily struck dumb.

Elia Martell and her brother Oberyn had come a few times to the rock when Jaime and his sister had been children so they knew each other somewhat but it had been years since the two had seen each other.

Time had been more than generous to her as Jaime no longer felt in command of his tongue when his eyes settled on her.

Her bronzed skin seemed to have been touched by the sun itself as there was no part of it that he could see was untouched. Her ebony glossy curls cascaded down her back like a waterfall and her arms were bare but for the golden bands that decorated her upper arms.

Her dress was one of a burnt orange color and there were jewelled sandals upon her feet. Upon her brow rested a thin circlet of gold with a small amber at its center.

Standing there watching her, it took Jaime a moment to remember who she was. She looked like a perfect work of art sitting there on the bench that it nearly took his breath away.

He would have been content to stand there for the next few minutes just watching her when she suddenly turned and caught sight of him.

Her golden brown eyes widened slightly and she hurriedly but gracefully got to her feet before walking slowly over to him. "Jaime Lannister? Is that you?"

He blinked, momentarily forgetting what he was supposed to say. Perhaps this was what prompted him to be a formal as possible.

"Princess Elia," he said bowing a little stiffly.

She laughed then and it was soft and musical, prompting a warm feeling to rise in the young lion of Lannister. "You called me Elia once when we were children. You can still do that you know?"

Her smile caused him to falter for a moment before he came back to himself.

"You're going to be a queen someday my princess, it would hardly be proper."

This statement caused another musical chuckle to emanate from her. "You always were so proper weren't you? Whenever we visited and our mothers spent time together you would always call me my lady no matter what game we played."

Despite himself a small smile came to Jaime's face. "That was a long time ago princess."

A shadow crossed her beautiful face. "Yes it was. I never saw you after so I never got to tell you how sorry I was about your mother. Lady Joanna was a remarkable woman. I know my own mother took her passing with difficulty."

A shadow crossed Jaime's face and it was with an effort that he managed to continue his façade of calm. "She died a long time ago your grace. She is not suffering anymore."

The look of sorrow on Elia's beautiful face persisted however. "Still, it is not an easy thing to lose a parent. I remember the pain of losing my own mother and such things are not something that one ever truly overcomes."

Jaime wished she would change the subject. He tried not to think of the pain of his mother's loss too much.

Between him and Cersei he had been the closest to her and his uncle had told him when he was a little boy he was never happier when she had hugged him.

He blinked, not wanting to focus on that anymore and searching for a way to change the subject.

Thankfully the princess seemed to pick up on his desire for a new topic and turned the conversation to other things.

"Please don't feel insulted by this," she began. "But even if you are a member of the Kingsguard, I'm glad you're here. It's good to see a familiar face in what's to be my new home. I've very rarely travelled outside f Dorne and to the Westerlands to see your family was one of the few and rare times. And now here I am about to be the queen and I can't help but feel somewhat afraid. So I'm glad to know that there is at least someone that I know who will be here with me."

Jaime blinked, a little surprised by her complete transparency. While it was true that he and Elia had spent a small amount of time together as children, they had never been close for Cersei was very jealous of anyone that Jaime had wanted to spend time with other than her.

Just thinking of his sister and what she had caused to happen with her insatiable desire for power caused confusion and rage to well up in him. He knew he was to blame as well for giving in to her but at the same time, he never would have done it if this was something that she had not planned to ask him.

It had occurred to Jaime sometime after he had donned the cloak and put on the armor that even if his sister had been chosen by Aerys to be the next queen, Jaime never would have been able to be with her the way that he wanted to.

He had begged her after that one night they spent together to run away with him to the Free Cities where they would be able to be together without shame or fear of what anyone else thought.

But she hadn't even considered it.

He knew all his life Cersei had a hold over him. When he was younger he was convinced it was because they were twins and had shared a womb. She had trumpeted that sentiment to him when she didn't want him to have any other playmates and got very angry when he spoke to other girls.

They were two halves of the same person, she was him and he was her.

But it had all been a farce, a lie, a cruel jest by the gods that Jaime didn't believe in that this was happening now.

And here he was standing in the gardens of the Red Keep next to the future queen with the knowledge that he had deflowered his own sister, given up his inheritance for nothing and was sentenced to a lifetime of servitude to a mad king obsessed with fire and magic.

In essence he was livid…..and Jaime had a feeling he would be for a while. His sister wouldn't be queen but she was still getting to go home and be among their own people of Casterly Rock, have a fine match made for her and in essence have the life she wanted.

He would have nothing of what he wanted….but like a fool he only had himself to blame. He hated the fact that he hadn't been able to say no to her and she had used his love for her against him.

She didn't love him all, not really. She saw herself in him and all the things that she couldn't do and she manipulated him. She was damn good at it too, or perhaps he was just craven, bowing to her whims and not having any mind of his own.

Jaime shifted uncomfortably as he realized how long he had allowed Cersei to manipulate him. She got a life by taking away his and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.

He loved Casterly Rock, it had been his home and he had fond memories of swimming in the Sunset Sea and learning how to use a sword there. He had grown up there and been carefully groomed by his father to run the Westerlands when Tywin no longer could.

Jaime knew Tywin favored him and that Cersei resented him for it and perhaps that was why she tried to manipulate him as much as she had and was still trying to do.

Well the only good thing was that his father had returned to the Rock taking Cersei with him and Jaime wouldn't have to see her anymore…see her for what she had become.

She would sleep with the king herself if she had any guarantee at all that it would get her more power, Jaime thought to himself bitterly.

He had come across her similarly engaged with another noble in the keep while they were here and the pain and disgust that had filled him in that moment left an acrid bitter taste in his mouth.

He had always grown up thinking that he and Cersei were going to leave this world together as they had come into it together…two halves of the same person…only whole when they were together.

And now he was filled with an unspeakable pain and rage because he had inadvertently succeeded in allowing her to destroy any life he might have had.

It was like a bucket of cold water had come crashing down over his head when he had come to her chambers to find her in bed with another man.

Now that he had seen what she had truly become, he could no longer hold back his disgust and had refused to say goodbye to her when she had left.

He didn't think in that moment that he would care if he ever saw her again.

Elia frowned at him. "Are you alright Jaime? You're awfully quiet."

The youngest member of the Kingsguard blinked quickly. He didn't realize he was that easy to read.

"Of course your grace," he replied. "I find myself occupied with many things lately."

"How is your sister?" the princess asked as they walked back to the keep.

Jaime barely restrained himself from grimacing. That was another thing he certainly didn't wish to talk about.

"She was well the last time I spoke with her," he replied. "By now she is on her way to the Westerlands with my father."

Elia frowned. "Lord Lannister is not staying for the wedding?"

Jaime shook his head. "Some problems arose in the Westerlands which forced him to resign his position as Hand and return to Casterly Rock to deal with them."

It was a complete lie, but being a Lannister that was something he did know how to do.

His father's pride had been hurt both by his daughter being denied a queen ship and his son being placed on the Kingsguard.

Tywin had declared he would never serve another Targaryen and had packed up Cersei and left.

Jaime was torn between missing his family as he was the only Lannister in the capital now and complete bitterness for all that had happened to them.

He was apart from his twin whom he had vowed after that night to love for the rest of his life and that love had now turned to ashes in his mouth.

He was bitter and he was angry and at the moment that didn't feel like it was going to go away.

Elia frowned at him. "Are you sure you're alright Jaime? You've never been this quiet before."

The knight laughed and then wanted to grimace at the bitterness and the gall in it. "A lot of things have changed since we were children your grace."

She looked carefully at him. "So it would seem. Sometimes I do wish that we could go back to that time when we were young. We had such fun when we were children. There were no cares of life, no alliances to be made. We could be ourselves and it didn't matter. I miss the simplicity of it all."

Jaime snorted quietly. "We were living a dream your grace. And sooner or later it had to end."

Mine just ended sooner than yours.

Elia's searching look continued. "Now you sound as pragmatic as your father. I remember thinking him the most no nonsense man I have ever met. I remember my brother making it his mission when we were children to break his face that seemed to be made of stone.

Despite himself Jaime smirked. In all of his life he couldn't remember his father ever smiling and after a while he had stopped trying to make it happen.

Tywin Lannister would never smile again after the death of Joanna and Jaime had accepted it.

Elia smiled at him and he blinked, suddenly getting the sensation of sunshine. Her smile was absolutely dazzling and seemed to light up her whole face.

He was suddenly reminded that had things been different this might have been his wife who was smiling at him.

Jaime suddenly felt a wave of bitterness for what might have been and swallowed hard. "We had better get you back to the keep your grace. The prince will no doubt be wondering where you are."

She nodded and they slowly began to make their way back through the gardens towards the keep.

Elia suddenly turned to him and smiled. "Do you recall that game we played when we were children?"

He frowned at her. "Which one?"

"I don't recall the name of it," she said furrowing her brow in concentration. "But Cersei and I would play princesses and you would always be the knight."

Jaime chuckled. He did recall that game and whenever he wanted to be Elia's knight as opposed to Cersei's his twin would wait until after they had left before she would become upset with him.

Somehow most of his memories constantly led back to her.

Jaime's smile soured then. He didn't want to think about Cersei.

Any memory of her that he had now was too soured by his anger over what she had asked him to do and how he had given in like craven. By her own actions they were now separated and it was her fault.

He didn't know if he would forgive her or himself for doing it.

By this time they had arrived back at the keep and Jaime could see servants hurrying through the halls in the distance. "You had better return to your chambers your grace. No doubt your servants will be looking for you."

She nodded but before departing, she turned to him once more and smiled. "I'm glad you're here Ser Jaime. After the wedding my brother is leaving and it will be nice to have at least one familiar face in the capital when all my family have gone."

Elia hurried off then, leaving Jaime to stare after her in speculation before returning to his duties.

His heart had warmed slightly when she had said that and to know what he would be able to provide some small comfort to the girl he had known before the mess his life had turned into pleased him a little.

She certainly has grown into a beautiful woman, he thought. The Dornish are known for their exotic looks…but I never thought I would see a woman so beautiful. The Prince is a lucky man.

As he left, he felt a certain amount of bitterness that there were others who would get to do what he never did.

All he had wanted was to be with the woman he loved and by her and his machinations it had been ripped away from both of them.

He didn't know if that was something he would be able to forgive.

At the moment he didn't have to though. All he had to do was ensure that he did his duty to the royal family and not succumb to bitterness.

It seemed a daunting task but it was one he would have to do.

There would be a time coming however when his bitterness would be replaced with an unholy rage that would compel him to act and to return some semblance of his honor.

He just didn't know it yet.

Ω

Okay, so I know I said I would hold off on this idea for the time being, however this was one story I felt so completely strong about that I had to post it. In the meanwhile, please check my bio for my other story ideas so you can see what will be worked on after my other projects are completed. Don't forget to review and happy reading everyone!