"I'm hungry," Natsu said suddenly, interrupting the girls' chatter. "Can we go get some more food?"

"What? We just ate!" Lucy exclaimed.

"And?"

"How can you still be hungry?"

"…I'm starving."

Gray chuckled quietly, tilting his head in their direction for a moment before his gaze skittered away and he returned to staring up at the sky, basking in the warmth of the sun and the softness of the grass underneath him. A flicker of discomfort squirmed in his stomach, but he firmly pushed it away. This was the first team job they'd gone on since that earthshattering revelation last week, and he was determined to enjoy it. At least the friendly bickering and whining about food was more normal, when the last week had been anything but.

No one had known how to handle the situation when Gray so clearly didn't want to talk about it, so they had reluctantly let him try to sweep the incident under the rug. Except that Gray couldn't just ignore it entirely, and neither could they. He could tell that the girls were aching to give him comforting words, wrap him in hugs, tell him that everything would be okay. But they didn't, because he wasn't acknowledging what had happened and they seemed to be afraid that he'd go into another panic attack if they so much as accidentally touched him.

And it wasn't really their fault, because Gray wasn't giving them any reason to believe otherwise. As much as he wished things could go back to how they had been before, he couldn't be around his friends without a persistent mantra of they know, they know, they know playing in the back of his mind. Some of his surface acting was pretty good, but he knew that he was behaving differently.

He wasn't talking as much, came to the guild late and left early, was often fidgety and tense. But the worst thing was how he couldn't meet anyone's eyes. Partly it was because he didn't want to see the pity and horror and grief, but mostly it was because he was ashamed, because he was dirty and weak and broken and now they knew it too. He kept on smiling and laughing and chatting, but he could feel himself slowly withdrawing, quietly trying to distance himself from the people he loved the most.

His friends could certainly tell, and even the rest of the guild was suspicious that something had happened. They didn't know any of the details, but he still had a hard time facing them anyway, still couldn't look them in the eye. It felt like now that his secret had been exposed it was written all over his face, visible to the naked eye if anyone looked closely enough. They might not know, but it felt like they did.

A few of them had noticed the alterations in his behavior, realized that they had started after the job where he had lost his ever-present necklace, wondered what had happened. Most of them would drop the subject when he laughed it off and said that he was fine, but Mira was not one of them.

She had cornered him again this morning, asking him why he looked so tired and thin, reminding him that she was always willing to listen if he wanted to talk about whatever was eating away at him. Erza had eventually come to the rescue, interrupting the interrogation and firmly declaring that the team was going on a job. At first Gray had been relieved, but then had started silently freaking out as he realized this meant that he was going to be alone with all the people who knew. At least when he was in the guild there was a buffer of people who were in the dark, an added protection against the people who knew trying to talk to him about what had happened.

But it's not like he could avoid them forever and he'd be lying if he said that he didn't miss the team, so he hadn't protested. He would be selfish and ignore the problem for a little longer, but he could give them this. On the bright side, some of the awkwardness had gradually melted away as they took care of the job. It wasn't perfect, but it was something.

Afterward, Erza had spotted this grassy field outside town and declared that they would have a picnic since she'd never had a proper one before. Her determination and excitement had been hard to resist, so they'd bought some food and sat out in the field to eat and chat. And damn had Gray missed this, being able to lounge around with his friends and laugh like nothing was wrong. He still couldn't forget entirely, but he was trying.

"I could go for another fish," Happy mumbled.

"I don't understand how you guys can eat so much," Lucy said with a sigh.

Natsu huffed. "We could just run back into town and grab something."

"Why don't you just wait until we get back to Magnolia?" Gray asked. "We should probably be leaving soon anyway."

Silence greeted his words, and even though he wasn't looking at his friends, he could feel the sudden tension in the air. He frowned, wondering why the casual atmosphere had abruptly turned so awkward.

"Um, yeah, before we go…" Erza cleared her throat uncomfortably. "We, uh…"

Gray's heart sank and a nauseous feeling settled in his stomach.

Oh God, they want to address it.

No, no, no, no, no.

He sat up, crossing his legs and burying his hands in the grass in front of him, his fingers digging reflexively into the hard ground. Taking a shaky breath, he hunched his shoulders and stared down at his hands.

"What?" he asked, trying to disguise the slight waver in his voice.

Please don't do what I think you're going to do.

"Um…" Lucy sighed. "We want to, uh, give you something."

"…What?"

"We're, um, not sure if you'll actually want it, but…"

"What?" he asked again, the anxiety growing the longer they stalled.

There was another moment of hesitation, but then Erza reached into her pocket. Gray watched her searching hand so that he didn't have to look at her face. When she found what she was looking for, she started to extend her hand toward him but then paused again.

"You don't have to take it if you don't want to," she said quietly.

Gray nodded and steeled himself. Whatever it was, they were expecting a reaction out of him. That didn't bode well.

Erza leaned forward a little and uncurled her fingers. Gray sucked in a harsh breath, automatically reaching up. His hand closed on empty air and he dropped it again, but he could still feel the phantom weight of a chain around his neck.

"I should give you something for being such a good sport. I pay whores, so I guess I should pay you too, yeah?"

He unconsciously wrapped his arms around himself, staring at the silver chain coiled in Erza's palm as if it was a snake that might strike at any moment. Disgust and fear and pain made his skin crawl, and he knotted his hands into fists to disguise the slight tremble.

Why, why, why?

"I think this was a bad idea," Happy mumbled.

"We know…" Lucy swallowed hard. "We know that the other one was…not good for you. But we thought… I don't know. I think everyone always assumed that it was something really important to you, something with a lot of personal significance, but not…"

"We wanted to give you something with that significance," Erza said, her voice sad. "Something you could take pride in, a reminder that we care about you. Something to replace what the other one meant. But we know that it's still something really…painful for you, so if you're not ready or you don't want that kind of reminder… Well, it's up to you."

"And we could always, like, hold on to it for you if you don't want it now, in case you change your mind later," Happy added anxiously.

'I never wanted anything from you.'

Gray let out a shaky breath. If anyone else had offered him this, he would have turned it down in two seconds flat. He'd just gotten rid of that shameful reminder, was finally free of it for the first time in years, and he didn't want to go back. But these were his friends, his team, the ones who knew, and he felt like he was obligated to at least try for them. He owed them that much.

"You don't have to," Erza said again. "It's your choice."

'What made you think that I wanted you to pay me like I was a common whore? Like I had a choice?'

Gray felt the weight of that, that assurance that he got to decide. He hadn't gotten to decide about the last one. He might have chosen to keep it afterward—although it had felt more like a self-destructive compulsion than a real choice—but he hadn't chosen to be assaulted and have the thing thrown in his face as if he'd actually had a say.

For a second, he reveled in the ability to say no. If he said no, his friends wouldn't throw him against the wall and laugh and do whatever they wanted. They would respect his decision. His 'no' would mean something.

And it was because he had the ability to say no, because they had given him the choice, that he slowly reached out a hand. Erza hesitated, unsure of what to make of his behavior, clearly unable to read his expression, but then deposited the necklace in his palm. He didn't fail to notice how careful she was not to accidentally touch him and absently thought that he should probably address that concern already, but his attention was quickly arrested by the object in his hand.

He studied it, trying to push aside the instinctive disgust. He frowned slightly and ran his fingers over the pendant, feeling the cool metal against his skin. This one wasn't a sword, but a replica of Fairy Tail's guild mark. A reminder of his guild, his friends, his home.

"You don't belong to him," Lucy said in a small voice. "Is that why you kept it? You don't. You belong to…with us, if you want to."

'I'm not your pet, your bitch, your toy.'

Gray flinched back before he could stop himself, the words searing him like fire.

I don't belong to anyone.

But he claimed you.

I don't care. I don't want to belong to him.

So? What does it matter what you want? It doesn't change anything.

"I'm sorry," Lucy said hastily. "I didn't mean… I guess I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine," he said, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of a collar that should no longer be there.

He stared down at the pendant, tracing over its edges absently. If he belonged to anyone, then he wanted it to be to his friends. He had chosen to belong to the guild when he'd joined and painted its mark on his chest, had chosen to belong to his friends when he'd joined their team and let them into his heart. That wasn't a bond of ownership and possession, but one of love and friendship. If he was going to wear anyone's mark, he wanted it to be theirs.

He swallowed hard and bit down on the inside of his cheek. With trembling fingers, he hesitantly slipped the necklace on, preparing himself for the worst. For a second it was like he could feel that old ache start up again, that old burden settle on his chest once more, but then the feeling faded a little. The chain was lighter, the pendant thinner and smoother, and those subtle differences were enough to help differentiate it from its predecessor.

It still hurt, still dredged up memories he'd rather forget, but maybe his friends were right and it could be a reminder of better things too. For a moment he let himself open up, thawed out his heart just enough to let in the warmth as well as the pain. And he could feel it then, the love and concern and caring of his friends.

"Thank you," he mumbled finally, his voice thick.

"Of course," Erza said immediately. "It's not much, but if there's anything we can do…"

Gray's gaze slowly traveled across the distance separating them and fixed on the requip mage's hands folded in her lap.

"You don't always have to be so careful about not touching me," he said hollowly. "I'm not going to freak out and try to kill you again."

Even though he wasn't looking at her face, he could practically hear the wince in her voice.

"It's not about that," she said quickly. "It's… We don't want you to be any more uncomfortable than you have to."

Gray sighed. It made him uncomfortable, but not for the reasons they thought.

"You guys don't need to worry about me falling apart at any minute." He sighed again. "I really should have made this clear earlier, I guess. I know it's been kind of weird for you and you're having a hard time figuring out what to do. But seriously, I'm not always five seconds away from freaking out. And I know…I know I haven't really been making it any easier on you and I'm sorry, but I'll work things out and it will be fine."

"It hasn't been easy on us?" Happy asked disbelievingly. "No, it hasn't been easy, but we know it's been a lot worse for you."

Gray just shrugged and frowned at the ground. "It's nothing new to me. It's not the same curveball for me that it is for you."

"Does that really make it any easier?" Lucy asked quietly.

He shrugged again. Not really. He'd managed to mostly force the memories and emotions out of his conscious awareness over the years, but they had all resurfaced again last week and now he would have to work through them once more. It was hard to deny that all the hurt he'd experienced as a child had embedded itself into his psyche, feeding into his insecurities and shredding his self-esteem.

"It'll be fine," he said neutrally, wanting to get this out of the way so that they could go back to pretending like it had never happened. "All I'm saying is that you don't have to worry about being so careful about everything."

No one replied immediately, but then he heard a slight shifting sound and raised his gaze just enough to see Erza lean forward and extend her hand toward him again. He stared at it blankly for a moment, but she didn't try to touch him, just left her hand hovering in the air, palm up, fingers uncurled invitingly.

Gray reached out, needing to prove to them and to himself that he was fine and could do this, but his hand paused just above Erza's. He swallowed hard, hating the sudden tremors of his fingers and the fact that he couldn't seem to make himself cross those last few centimeters.

Stop being so pathetic. Just do it.

Can't. Don't drag them into this.

They need this. It's hurting them too.

They'd be better off without it. Without you.

Stop it, stop it. They care. They want to help.

But they shouldn't.

"You don't have to," Erza said softly, her voice sad. "If you aren't ready, you don't have to."

Gray flinched, his heart jumping into his throat. "Don't say that," he said harshly, hating the edge of desperation and hopelessness creeping into his voice. "You don't understand. I need to be able to do this."

Admitting defeat would be giving in to the twisted voices in his head and their lies. It wouldn't just be saying that he was a little too uncomfortable to deal with physical contact yet. It would be saying that he was still broken and alone and undeserving of that comfort. He couldn't afford to keep thinking like that.

"If you're going to be that uncomfortable–"

"You don't understand," Gray said again, shrinking into himself a little. "It's not about it bringing back memories or flashbacks or feelings. It's not about me not trusting you. It's about me and how I feel about myself."

He flushed, the admission bruising what was left of his pride. He had worked so hard to convince everyone that he was strong and confident, had worked hard to convince himself of that, and it was hard to admit that it wasn't really as true as everyone thought. He had talked such a big game back when he'd faced that bastard, needing to convince him and his friends and himself that he no longer felt weak or disgusted or ashamed, that he had put himself back together even stronger than before and was no longer bothered by such trivial things from way back in the past. But that was only half true at best, and sometimes a big fat lie.

"Gray…"

He shook his head and focused on his trembling fingers, willing them to bridge the gap.

Don't, don't. Pathetic, dirty, broken.

Please…

How can you face them, knowing what you are?

I need them.

You are alone. You will always be alone.

No, I need them.

You don't deserve–

With a shaky gasp, he forced himself to cross the space. He almost wanted to cry in relief, but instead tightened his grip on Erza's hand, clutching it like a lifeline, as if she might slip away if he didn't hold on tightly enough.

Erza didn't move immediately, but then she ripped her hand out of his grasp, lurched forward, and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly enough to leave bruises. Gray squawked in surprise, but hesitantly wrapped his arms around her as well. He could feel the slightest tremble of tension in her body, and realized that she had been waiting to do this for a week now but had been too afraid to try until she was sure he was ready to accept it.

He bowed his head, bit down on the inside of his cheek because he was not going to cry, and let her hold him. Lucy cautiously inched closer to join in on the weird hugging thing, and even Happy crept over to press himself against Gray's side.

It felt good and hurt at the same time. In some ways it made Gray feel even more vulnerable and exposed—his friends were comforting him because they knew, and he was still ashamed to have that secret uncovered and to need that comfort—and in others it made him feel protected and safe to be surrounded by the people he loved. He submitted to the gesture despite his mixed feelings, allowing himself to open up to them just a little bit. Just for a few minutes, before he could go back to ignoring this whole issue again.

"Get over here, Natsu," Erza said.

Gray winced. Group hugs were already awkward enough, and this was definitely not the kind of thing Natsu would like.

"Nah, that's okay," the dragon slayer said, speaking up for the first time in… Well, the first time since this whole issue had been brought up. He sounded a little flippant, like it wasn't a big deal, but Gray could hear something lurking underneath the surface.

"Natsu…"

"Let him be," Gray mumbled. "He finds this stuff just as awkward as I do."

"But–"

"I'm not sure it's a good idea," Natsu said, suddenly sounding a lot more tired and regretful.

"Why not?" Lucy asked, puzzled.

Gray could hear Natsu shifting uncomfortably in the grass, but the dragon slayer didn't respond. It took him a few seconds to realize what the likely cause was, but then he sighed and hunched his shoulders, staring down blankly.

"I already said that it had nothing to do with you," he said quietly. "We've had how many fights over the years? I only freaked out once—it was a total accident and it wasn't your fault."

He hadn't failed to notice that Natsu hadn't tried to start a single fight since last week's revelation. He was sure that part of it went along with this new no-touching policy his friends had adopted, but he'd be lying if he said that he hadn't suspected a good part of it had to do with that one panic attack. He had the feeling that learning the real reason behind that attack hadn't actually made Natsu feel any better about it.

Gray really had meant to try fixing that, but he had kept putting it off because addressing the issue meant acknowledging, even indirectly, what had happened to him last week and as a child. He should have just done it, but the hurt had still been too raw, and shame made him selfish.

"And you know… Part of the reason I wanted to be your rival was because you used fire magic and I needed to be able to know that I could hold my own against it. Those fights did a lot more good than you realize. They helped build my confidence back up and made me feel like I could defend myself again. And they're kind of fun, aren't they? Don't…Don't let me ruin it because I freaked out once."

After a few seconds' pause, Natsu scooted closer. He didn't join in the weird hugging thing, but he punched Gray lightly on the arm and settled at his side.

"You aren't ruining anything," he said with a sigh.

Gray just shrugged halfheartedly. Sometimes it did feel like he was ruining things now. He was pushing his friends away, and now they were worried and uncertain of how to respond. Things certainly weren't the same as they had been before, and he was the one who had changed them.

Deciding that he'd tolerated the hugging long enough for the girls to be satisfied, he worked on wriggling his way out of their grasp. They released him almost immediately and sat back, still wary of pushing him too far.

Gray cleared his throat and picked at the grass awkwardly. "Can we go now?"

"Gray…" Erza sighed. "We know that you don't want to talk about it, and we aren't going to pressure you. But if you need us, if you decide later that you need to talk or you just need support or whatever, we're always here for you, okay? I said that we'd be here for you no matter what, and that's still true. Nothing is changing that."

Gray swallowed. "Yeah."

"But it would be nice if you could at least look at us again," Lucy said quietly.

"You're a little young for my taste. Usually I like them older, but I'll make an exception for you since you've got such pretty eyes."

"I…" Gray stiffened and frowned down at his hands.

How was he supposed to explain that he couldn't? It wasn't even so much that he was afraid of what he'd see in his friends' eyes, even though he really didn't want to see their concern and sadness and sympathy. It was more that he was afraid of what they'd see in his eyes. He was afraid that they'd be able to read all that self-loathing and disgust and shame.

"Gray, please."

He just shook his head helplessly. But apparently this was of greater importance than the no-touching thing, because Lucy was clearly unwilling to let it go on any longer. Reaching out, she gently guided his face upward. Gray swallowed hard, his gaze fixating on a point just left of her eyes.

"Please," she whispered.

Gray closed his eyes and exhaled shakily. He couldn't just run away forever. Putting artificial distance between himself and his friends was hurting them just as much as it was hurting him. It was embarrassing how hard it was to open his eyes and force them to meet Lucy's.

She smiled sadly. "See, it's not so bad."

Gray was inclined to disagree. He felt even more exposed than usual, half convinced that she could read his darkest thoughts in his eyes. It was impossible to look at her continuously, and despite his best efforts, his gaze kept flickering away before he forced himself to refocus on her. He dutifully glanced over to meet Happy's eyes, then Erza's, and then even Natsu's, for the quickest of seconds. Obligation complete, he went back to staring at the ground.

Unfortunately, that didn't seem to satisfy anyone this time.

"Is it really that bad?" Happy asked.

Gray shrugged.

"Why is it so hard?" Lucy pressed.

He shrugged again.

"I mean, I guess I get why, but…" She trailed off.

Another shrug.

Erza sighed heavily. "I don't think you really understand exactly how much we love you."

Gray choked out a strangled laugh and buried his face in his hands. "You're wrong," he said, his voice wavering slightly. "You're wrong. I do know. None of this has anything to do with you—it's about me. It's not that I don't understand how much you care, just that I need to convince myself that…" …that I really deserve it.

Well, he certainly couldn't say that. Aside from having a vested interest in convincing his friends that he was perfectly fine and they should stop worrying already, he couldn't bring himself to voice all the screwed-up thoughts bouncing around inside his head.

They love me.

What possible reason could they have to love you?

…I don't know.

Pity isn't the same as love.

They love me.

But they shouldn't.

It's been nearly ten years—why is this still an issue? Why am I still so messed up?

Because you're weak. Because you're weak and pathetic and you don't deserve love after what you did to Ur and how disgustingly weak you proved yourself to be in letting yourself be assaulted like that.

I didn't let–

But you were weak and that's why it happened. But maybe it's just as well, because you'd already done enough terrible things by that point to have deserved it.

"It's not that you're doing anything wrong or that I think you don't care enough or whatever," he said finally. "If I seem like I'm uncomfortable with you, it's because I'm uncomfortable with myself, and it makes me even more uncomfortable to know that you've been figuring out all the different reasons why that is."

He could be pretty genuine a lot of the time, when all his issues were hibernating somewhere in the back of his mind, but whenever they flared up again he had to immediately throw up a mask to make himself seem more okay than he was. Now that his friends had looked behind that mask and glimpsed what was hidden underneath, he didn't know what to do with himself. The mask was crumbling in his hands, and he was just desperately trying to hold together as many broken pieces as possible to maintain some semblance of his normal façade.

"You have so much to be proud of," Lucy said after a moment. "You're the only one who is ashamed of yourself, you know. You're the only one who thinks you're weak and broken. We don't think that, and it's really sad that you do. We've always been really proud of you, Gray. You should be proud of yourself too. He shouldn't be able to take that from you."

Except that you did let him take it.

Gray tried to smooth out his grimace. "Mhm."

"And you're really brave," Happy added anxiously. "In lots of ways."

No, you're really not. You let him take that too.

"Yup."

"Happy's right, you know," Erza said, noting his lackluster response. "You've proven it many times over. But maybe what proved it the most is that even though you faced so much adversity in your life, you still got up each morning and put on a brave face and didn't let any of that stop you. And really, walking away from that man instead of just breaking down or killing him like he undoubtedly deserved and like I'm certain you wanted to… That took a lot of courage, Gray, to face down your demons like that and still stay true to yourself."

Brave? She must be joking.

"Yeah."

"You're a lot of things," Natsu said suddenly, "but broken isn't one of them. You wouldn't make a good rival if you were weak. I wouldn't say that you're stronger than me, obviously, but… You're still pretty strong, yeah?"

Don't you wish? You really just let him take everything, didn't you?

"Sure," Gray mumbled, wishing this intervention would come to an end already.

It's not that he didn't appreciate what his friends were trying to do, because he did. But in the end, it made him feel worse because it reminded him of just how screwed up he still was, and that he really should be over it by now. It was pretty pathetic that all this was still plaguing him so long after the actual incident.

He let out a shuddering breath. "Can we go now?" he asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

There was a long pause as everyone realized that things weren't going as well as they'd hoped. Then Natsu draped an arm over Gray's shoulder. It was done in a casual fashion, not quite matching the dark atmosphere, but it was hard to miss that this was about the closest he would ever come to demonstrating a physical show of affection and support for his rival.

Gray started in surprise, his gaze automatically darting up to meet Natsu's before he could stop himself. Natsu was smiling faintly, although something tired and sad colored the expression. His eyes were nothing but sincere when he spoke.

"Been a while since we've had a good brawl. Second lunch is more important, but after we get back to the guild and I get something to eat, we could totally have a fight. Whaddya say, ice block?"

What else are you going to let him take from you? You have to draw the line somewhere.

Gray half wanted to laugh, half wanted to cry. It was funny, but he'd maybe felt even more awkward around Natsu than anyone else. Maybe it was just the nature of their relationship. Maybe it was that showing weakness in front of his rival was even more intolerable than displaying it for everyone else. Mostly it was because their friendship and rivalry was built on them being strong and confident and never showing weakness to each other, so it was more heavily damaged than other relationships when all those things crumbled. Because Gray didn't feel strong and confident, and was certainly showing weakness along with all those secrets. Because all of that had crumbled away and none of the broken pieces fit together, and what was left of that relationship then?

It wasn't so much that Gray had expected Natsu to look at him with disgust or condescension or pity, any more than he'd expected the girls or Happy to. It wasn't that he'd expected to be abandoned when it came to light how screwed up he was. But maybe he had expected to see some knowledge of those flaws in Natsu's eyes—some dawning realization that Gray was, in fact, weak and pathetic and not nearly as strong or brave or confident as he'd always made himself out to be.

But there was none of that in the dragon slayer's eyes and, come to think of it, it hadn't been in anyone else's eyes either. No, Gray had only seen acceptance and love.

'You already took so much from me—you don't get to take this too.'

Gray understood the significance of the offer Natsu was making. It wasn't the first offer he'd gotten over the past week, or even just today. His friends had all been offering him support and he had, for the most part, been rejecting it all. Maybe it was time to step up and take the proffered hands and let his friends help him really recover.

Maybe it was time to fight.

'I took all those broken pieces and glued them back together stronger than before. You might have won round one, but I have every intention of winning the war.'

And he'd already started, hadn't he? He had already started figuring out how to piece himself together again, had been doing so for years. He had never found the perfect solution, maybe there was no perfect solution that would magically make things better, but he had still come a long way from being a scared little kid in an alley, hadn't he? He had made a start, and that was something.

This wasn't a war that he could afford to lose.

You lost this war before it even started.

No… I don't think I did. I think I'm too strong to have lost just yet.

Oh? And how do you figure that? You're so weak it's laughable.

Because I survived. I survived Deliora and I survived him and I survived everything else the world threw at me. I survived it all.

But you're still so, so broken.

Maybe, but I never gave up. I survived and I fought and I rebuilt my life. And I did that all on my own. Imagine what I could do with the others.

In the end, it won't matter. How can they help you when you can't even help yourself?

Taking a deep breath, he let his gaze roam across the gathering of faces, taking a few seconds to meet everyone's eyes despite the discomfort. Underneath the worry and sadness, the love was palpable.

They love me.

But they shouldn't.

Gray leaned into Natsu, slumping over like a marionette with its strings cut. After a moment of hesitation, the dragon slayer tightened the casual gesture into a real hug.

But they do.

But they shouldn't.

Why not?

Because you're weak and pathetic and disgusting and broken.

Am I? Am I really?

Yes.

Gray unconsciously reached up to tug at his necklace, but instead of feeling the all-too-familiar sword, his fingers closed around a perfectly smooth, flat piece of metal. He traced around the edges, letting the pride and love of his guild sweep away the pain and shame. The burden was still there, it would be there for the rest of his life, but this love and acceptance would always be there too. It was something. It was a start. A reminder that he had all the support and care he ever needed, if he could just let go of the rest and let his family in.

Hm. Even if that was true, they love me anyway.

So?

"Yeah," Gray whispered, finally letting the tears he had been fighting back spill down his cheeks. "I'd like that."

…So maybe I should love myself too.

Note: For some reason that last line always made me cry, and I never really understood why. I mean, I've written really tragic things before and they rarely make me cry. And I was looking at this line the other day, and it finally hit me that the reason it always gets me is because this is the underlying theme of a lot of what I write, and it was hard to realize that that's what I've been writing all along. And you know, if it wasn't an important message, then I doubt I would have been subconsciously writing it to myself for a year and a half. So if you're ever going to take any kind of message or whatnot from anything I write, I hope it's this.