Sometimes We Have To Fight

Summary:

Post battle comedowns. Ontari has some explaining to do.

Notes:

Hey guys! Sorry its been a while. Gotta job that completely wipes me out so I haven't had much time for writing. So excuse the lack of great stuff in this chapter. Good news; I've written the rest of the story already. Bad news; It needs major editing. So a little wait yet. We'll be time jumping again next chapter too guys. I never meant to get stuck on just one part of the story for so long. My bad. Thanks for sticking with me for so long, and, as always, enjoy! :)

"I'm starting to lose count now"

Lexa blinked out of her deep stare at the stained floor at their feet, and peered back up at Clarke who was sat on the throne beside her. She'd almost forgotten Clarke was even there. So lost had she been in her thoughts. Her grief. Together they had been sat still in the silence. Neither woman thought it appropriate to talk when so much death surrounded them. Any words that they shared, however quiet and sincere, might still be carried on to the afterlife by the dead warriors lying on the floor around them.

"Lost count of what?" Lexa husked watching Clarke's fingers move ever so gently along the back of her hand.

Lexa's voice was cracked from overuse in battle. The orders and screams and cries had wrought it almost useless now. Speaking caused a terrible itch in the back of her throat, and brought tiny tears to her eyes. And Lexa knew it wasn't just because her vocal chords were shot from all the screaming over battle. When so much death surrounded her, when so many of her people were lost, speaking was equal to poking her fallen warriors with her sword. She felt their loss too deeply. And more so now than she ever had before thanks to their now-former prolonged period of peace, which for so long had made seeing such a devastating loss of life simply a distant aching memory. As simple and fleeting as a sore wound from the past. Lexa knew it was something she would have to get used to again.

She was Heda.

And this was war.

Clarke's eyes had closed the second Lexa had spoke and she'd heard the raw pain in her lover's voice. She knew how upset Lexa was and how hard she was trying to stay in control of her emotions. Clarke found herself with the same struggle. It felt like the Skaikru massacre again. When they had walked side by side into that field of horror and blood and realised that they had both been betrayed by her people. Her heart hurt the same way it had back then. Her eyes filed with the same sort of hopeless tears that she'd fought to keep face when she'd seen what Pike had done. Clarke wondered if she and Lexa would ever be free of it all. Or if they were cursed to forever walk circles with their people. To forever watch the bodies pile up at their feet.

We bear the burden... Even after all these years it still wasn't a comfort. Just a curse.

With a shaking breath, the blonde reached down for the clean bandage lying ready in her lap. She glanced up at Lexa's faraway eyes before she proceeded to wrap the soft fabric around the bleeding wound on the commander's hand. Her mouth twisted just the slightest taking in the cruel injury as she recalled its terrible and unwanted entry into their lives. It wasn't the first time Lexa had caught a blade with her bare hands, and, frustratingly, Clarke knew it wouldn't be the last. In some ways it made her proud. In others she was terrified. What if one day their came a blade that Lexa couldn't catch?

Thinking about it chilled her to the bone.

"Clarke?"

Lexa's free softly hand touched her ankle, asking that she answer her previous question. Clarke let out a slow breath and focused on wrapping the soft material around Lexa's palm.

"How many times I've fixed this hand" she muttered distracted still by the dark thoughts. She missed it but her answer managed to bring just the smallest of smiles to her quiet lover.

Clarke's eyes returned to Lexa's face. She smiled briefly catching the flicker of amusement leaving Lexa's eyes. But then she sighed deeply and looked about them. Her eyes took in all the bodies and blood. And her heart fell again. So many had died today. Some had been her friends.

Sensing her partner's sadness, Lexa reached up to stroke her blonde's cheek. Her injured hand in Clarke's lap slid closer to her stomach, brushing against the stained leather still keeping their baby safe. Her bloody fingers grazed Clarke's skin, freshly staining it with more red and black. She let them slide down off Clarke's left cheek, dribbling the blood like paint in smeary tear patterns, like the paint that still stained her own face.

Clarke watched her intensely the entire, not knowing or trusting fully just where Lexa's mind had gone. She followed Lexa's fingers drawing against her cheek. She trembled a little feeling the sticky friction of the clotted blood on Lexa's fingertips rub on her skin. She already knew what design was being made there. Her eyes followed its pattern on Lexa's cheeks. So much blood was splattered across Lexa's face. It had run and mixed with the warpaint, causing it to smear and drool down onto her neck. All the red and black shone against the droplets of sweat on Lexa's skin. It looked too fresh and too horrific. Like Lexa had carved her way through an army and had then showered in all the blood after. Her eyes, so distraught and exhausted, seemed to shine the greener against all the dark on her face. Clarke focused on them more than the terrifying image of her lover covered in blood. It was the only way to keep herself from rising off the throne to walk off the scared beat in her heart. Lexa didn't scare her. But what it meant, that she was here now covered like this in so much blood; and what it meant for them all now, thats what scared Clarke.

She breathed slowly while she looked down into Lexa's eyes. They held none of the light they usually radiated when she was in Clarke's presence. Instead they were all but snuffed of any life at all. Clarke hated to see them so dull. It was clear that Lexa was thinking about all the death and the coming fights and how Clarke was going to be there too. The blonde could see in Lexa's eyes the tired bitterness for having to carry the title of commander. The fear of the danger it put her family in. The desire to be rid of it all if it kept Clarke's face from ever being this stained in blood again. Clarke didn't know what to say to reassure her. To tell her no matter what it would all be fine. And feeling so lost when she knew Lexa really needed that from her simply broke her heart.

Lexa swallowed against the fresh wave of grief making her feel nauseas and gave Clarke a weak smile that was tiredly returned. Lexa carefully slumped her body down after and bent forward to rest her chin on Clarke's thigh. Her eyes dropped with exhaustion and she huffed over the urge to yawn when Clarke tucked her fingers into her hair.

Clarke looked down at her exhausted partner in concern. She felt the strong urge to say something, anything, that could help soothe her lover. And herself. Because all this death had made her tired and angry. In the back of her mind Wanheda was pacing, waiting. She was wanting revenge. Clarke knew the same thought was probably going through Heda's head too. Clarke knew she would need to speak now if she was ever to stop Lexa charging off towards more danger.

So Clarke swallowed down the thick feeling of dread that had taken up home in her throat and decided to just speak, "Lexa, I know that this is-"

Loud approaching footsteps cut over her.

"Heda!" Ryder called out while he strode quickly into the room with Ontari at his side, "I found her"

Clarke felt Lexa tense up once more against her. The body beneath her hand froze and quivered for a moment. She looked down on her lover with sympathetic eyes. She knew the burden of having to hide away personal feelings in order to lead. She knew Lexa struggled more and more with it as she continued to carry the Commander mantle. She knew this interruption especially would be hard for Lexa. Ontari spelt trouble and danger. To them both and their people. Clarke was proud Lexa was able to seem so calm when she herself wanted to leap off the throne and kill the Azgedian nuisance.

Which Lexa knew of course.

Lexa put a hand on Clarke's leg out of sight of their audience, and squeezed soothingly.

Be calm, the gentle touch said.

She moved it away when she felt the tension leave the body beneath her. She let out a deep breath. And gently pulled Clarke's hands away from her neck and stiffly turned herself to face forward. She froze in surprise seeing the Azgedian step around her guard.

Ontari was covered in blood. Smothered. Every inch of her. It clung to her hair and nails. Stained her shirt and pants. Dripped from her fingertips and slid in slow tear like trails from her hairline and down her face. Lexa dreaded to think what savagery the nightblood had brought upon the enemy to have gotten herself that bloody.

Ontari's eyes seemed to sparkle seeing Lexa's reaction. Her brown eyes locked almost threateningly on the commander, daring her to look away. She smirked beneath her gory makeup. Smugly.

"You sent for me?" She asked slouching on the spot bored. It reminded Lexa heavily of Roan. He was another that failed to behave in her presence. But unlike Ontari, Roan often earned forgiveness for his rudeness with his actions.

Lexa's eyes flashed at the Azgedian Nightblood, warning her to show respect. Ontari ignored her.

"Yes" Lexa answered her shortly.

She stiffly rose to stand in front of her throne. Every bone and muscle in her body protested but she refused to do this sitting down. To give Ontari the satisfaction of thinking that she was stronger of them because she still stood after battle.

Lexa raised her chin and fixed Ontari with a cool expression, "You have an explanation to give"

Ontari scoffed back at her, "Most people say thank you when their necks get saved"

"Most people don't continually try to unseat their commander" Clarke spat coldly back at her.

Lexa smiled for her lover's outburst. She turned to look down on the irritated blonde.

"It's alright, Clarke. Ontari did help us. She deserves our thanks" Ontari sneered at the blonde behind Lexa's back. Lexa turned around seconds later and took a short step forward to the nightblood, "But she also tried to kill one of us too. And that deserves death"

Ontari's smug smile faded quickly realising what Lexa was saying. She took in the commander's defensive stance in front of her pregnant lover and she read the tense way Lexa glared at her. Like she was being threatened by Ontari and was readying herself for attack.

Ontari looked back and forth between the two Polis leaders, confused. Lexa seemed to stare hard at her, waiting for something. Ontari laughed when she realised Lexa was waiting for a confession.

"I have a history of trying to kill you. It's no lie" She shrugged carelessly.

Behind her Ryder stomped the splintered butt of his spear into the floor in warning. On the throne Clarke's hand twitched towards the gun on her hip. Ontari almost laughed at them both. They didn't scare her.

She locked the commander's eyes and added, "But not today, Lexa. I came only to help"

Lexa's green eyes stared at her coldly and deeply. Ontari knew better than to try to guess what the older nightblood was thinking. Queen Nia had always warned her against it many years ago and she'd had plenty of run ins with Lexa since then to know she was unreadable. But Ontari hoped Lexa believed her. She hoped her belief that Lexa was foolishly honourable would be supported here. Her life literally depended on it right now.

Lexa's eyes narrowed just the slightest watching Ontari stare calmly back at her. She didn't trust her. Something was off. It annoyed her how hard it was to tell if Ontari was lying. Slowly she looked away and to Clarke who was a much better judge of character than she. But even Clarke looked at a loss when she looked angrily at the nightblood through tilted eyes. Lexa looked away before seeing Clarke with her head tipped in deep angry thought could make her heart bang any louder in her ears.

"Then explain why a nightblood was attacked by your man" Lexa demanded cooly.

Ontari immediately shook her head.

"My warriors stayed at my side throughout the battle. We didn't harm any of your students. I promise you"

Clarke scoffed. A promise from somebody who continually tried to kill them was hardly worth anything. The commander had the same belief.

Lexa stared hard at the nightblood. She knew Ontari was an accomplished liar and that she killed friend or foe without any disregard. She was a true testament to Nia's old ways. And by assassinating Aden, Lexa's strongest and best protege, she would have one less competitor when it came to winning the conclave for the flame. But Lexa also knew that Ontari didn't save her enemies. Didn't side with them unless she had a reason. Could she be needing their help? And if so, did that mean she was telling the truth right now?

Lexa turned again to gauge Clarke's opinion when she couldn't tell if Ontari was being honest or not. Clarke looked angry and unconvinced. She shook her head when she caught Lexa's eyes.

"I don't trust her" Clarke whispered to her, "You said that warrior was Azgedian. And Aden is still missing. She'll say anything to-"

"Aden?"

The two women turned their attention back to Ontari. She shrugged at them both.

"We found him before we found you. He was bleeding and struggling to walk" She gave a short amused chuckle, "Clearly he shared the belief that we were here to kill you because he tried to fight us"

"What?!" Clarke gasped covering her mouth with her hand.

Ontari gave her an unusual soft look. One that looked so foreign on the normally cruel Azgedian that it sent chills up Clarke's back. Ontari rolled her eyes to herself knowing that Clarke didn't believe her try at being genuinely nice.

"We didn't attack him" she sighed bored, "He collapsed before he could attempt to strike me down. My warriors took him to safety and then returned to me"

"Where?!" Clarke demanded hotly. She was angry Aden was hurt. She felt the blame was hers there. And she was angry that Ontari had been the one to keep him safe when for so long it had been her and Lexa's job.

Ontari's eyes flickered down to Clarke's left hand that kept twitching closer and closer to her hip. She knew that if she said the wrong thing now then Wanheda would definitely shoot her. Ontari was not afraid to die. She just rather it happened in battle. Not in conversation with the commander and certainly not at the hands of her hot headed hormonal lover.

"In the Flempekas' temple. Here in the tower" she answered honestly, "It was the closest and safest place I could think to send him"

Lexa's heart lifted in hope. The temple was sacred to their people and by law only the Flamekeepers were allowed inside. Nobody would dare anger the gods by taking war inside there. And it was close. Only several levels below their feet. Aden would be safe. He would be alive.

She hoped.

"Bring him to me" she ordered the nightblood.

"Quickly" Clarke added coldly.

Ontari nodded and gave them both a hesitant and very reluctant bow before she turned to shout a warrior into the room. It was enough to halt anything else the two leaders had to say to the nightblood.

Lexa began pacing while the Azgedians whispered. She understood perfectly what they said thanks to having grown up training under Azgedian flamepekas. She knew Ontari was definitely ordering the man to retrieve Aden for her. Still, she couldn't help but mistrust them.

"Ryder will go with you" she spoke up before Ontari's warrior could leave the room to fetch Aden.

The azgedian looked up at her annoyed but one look from Ryder striding forward to him soon settled any arguments he wished to make. He eyed the taller burly man and seemed to decide to accept the companionship.

The two men left the room quickly, leaving behind the three women in a long silence. Ontari grew bored of it quickly. She turned her eyes away from the throne and the two women staring at her, and looked around the room. Her eyes picked over the bodies as if they were flowers in the woods that held no interest to her. She felt no regret or pain at their loss. She simply didn't care. The blood on her skin dribbled and dropped down her body to hit the floor in soft wet splashes and all she could think was what a shame it was to have it staining the floor beyond repair. Ontari has always liked the color of the flooring in this room.

Lexa and Clarke watched the Azgedian nightblood closely as she looked and wandered about the room. They both looked at her in disgust when she uncaringly trod over a fallen warrior, or used her boot to move their face to the side so she could look at it. Lexa felt a cold tremble reverberate down her spine catching the dreamy look Ontari seemed to have as she took in the carnage of her throne room. It looked hungry. It looked nostalgic. Lexa wondered if this was the exact way Ontari had always dreamed her throne room to look. Drowned in blood with her enemy dead at her feet. Lexa could just imagine the sorts of things Ontari was thinking right now. It had her reaching behind her back for the knife she'd placed back inside her belt during the last moments of the battle earlier. She didn't trust Ontari.

Lexa heard the softest of clicks coming from the throne behind her and knew it was a sentiment Clarke shared.

As if sensing the other womens growing' mistrust, Ontari turned with a sigh to stride towards the war maps in the corner. She felt their eyes follow her.

"I have information" she called out behind her. Almost as if she knew Lexa had drawn her knife a couple inches from its sheath. The nightblood's fingers danced along the ridges of the large 3D map, "You might like to hear it before you decide to kill me"

Lexa's fingers slowly loosened on her knife. She knew Ontari was most likely playing her. Trying to keep herself alive. She would too if their positions were reversed. But she couldn't help but be intrigued.

"What information?" She asked, frowning when movement caught her eye.

Lexa looked down and, just ever so slightly amused, gently lowered Clarke's gun that had at some point risen to track Ontari's wander of the room. She gave her lover a look to be patient and then she started heading towards the other nightblood.

Ontari smirked to herself hearing footsteps quietly approach behind her. She'd known Lexa wouldn't resist. She dragged her finger up the spine of the old mountain that had made Clarke oh so famous among their people. She vaguely wondered why it was still present on the map in the first place. Maybe it was to commemorate Wanheda's rise. Or the pathetic sky girl kept it out of guilt.

Ontari scratched her nails against the painted wood, staining it with the blood on her hand. There, that was much better. At least now it looked like the real mountain.

"Ontari," Lexa growled impatiently, "What information?"

The Azgedian looked to find her commander stood before her on the opposite side of the table. She grinned wickedly.

"You have enemies living among you, Lexa. Friends that aren't friends. Spies. You speak with them. Hunt with them. Train them" Ontari's smile grew when she glanced behind Lexa at Clarke, "Maybe even sleep with them..."

Lexa had been walking around the table when her impatience hit her sudden anger and she reached out to grab Ontari by her bloody jacket. The Azgedian let her with laughing eyes. She carried on speaking while Lexa's grip on her tightened. Behind them Clarke scrambled up off the throne.

"You share your every move with these people. And they go straight to him with it. Now tell me, doesn't a real commander have loyal subjects?"

"A real commander doesn't have subjects at all. Queens do" Clarke answered coming forward with her gun in her hand. She raised her wrist a fraction. Not enough to raise the weapon to shoot but enough to say she wasn't going to hesitate using it if needed, "Enough of the drama, Ontari. Stop talking in riddles and tell us what you know already"

Ontari looked down at Lexa's hands on her jacket. Reluctantly the commander removed them and let the girl free.

Ontari turned confidently on the spot and returned to her position at the maps. She crouched to look at it from eye level. It was impressive. Lexa had a very detailed layout of her entire territory, and some. She reached out and collected the small Delphikru banner that had been placed in what she guessed had been a rather uneducated assumption of where the enemy had been hiding. Ontari felt the other women watching, and deliberately slowed her hand as it moved to reposition the banner piece.

"I know where Sev is" She shared calmly. She could feel the disbelief and hope coming off the the other two. Her nose wrinkled like she could smell it too, "And I know where he's going to be and what he's going to do next"

"How?" Clarke questioned walking to the table to study the map herself. Lexa joined her.

Ontari stood and smirked at them studying the map and where her hands moved over it, "Because I was with his army for a while" She shrugged when their eyes snapped up to her, "He thought we were mercenaries. Come to fight just to fight. And we Azgedians are the best fighters" Ontari smirked when Clarke rolled her eyes, "He was very stupid to have accepted us"

"Why did you join him?" Lexa asked not understanding Ontari's motive. If she hadn't wanted to be on Sev's side, then why fight at all?

Ontari didn't answer.

"You don't want him taking the throne..."

Ontari's eyes snapped to the blonde who was looking at her too closely. For the first time she began to understand what her people meant when they said Wanheda had the power to see through you. It made her fidget just a little. Annoyingly, Clarke seemed to read volumes from it.

"You're afraid he might actually do what you can't. Kill Lexa and take the throne"

Ontari clenched her jaw,"I'm not afraid of anything" she spat at the blonde and turned to speak with Lexa, "You are running out of friends, Lexa. Igranronkru, Blue Cliff. Delphikru's armies are growing every day when they abandon you. And you sit here expecting their loyalty to save you?" Ontari smirked and shook her head, "This is not something that can be dealt with using Skai-tek. That little magician of theirs can't build you weapons enough to simply wipe out the problem. And when Skaikru abandon you next, then what? What will your plan be?"

Clarke quickly strode around the table to face off to the Azgedian. She was furious that Ontari would make the assumption of her people abandoning them. She knew them best. She knew Lexa had their complete support. Ontari was just spitting her poison. Trying to turn Lexa against her own people. It was all a trick and Clarke knew it.

"My people don't abandon their leader when things get tough" she slowly growled and pulled her arm away from Lexa's grip trying to calm her down. Her anger bubbled hotter seeing Ontari slyly smirk at her, "You might come from a heathen people. But I don't. I will stay by Lexa and my people will stay by me"

Ontari's smirk grew like she knew better, and it made Lexa instantly worry if they did have defectors in Skaikru's camp. Her memory whizzed with what Raven had told her about somebody telling Sev about all their plans. It would have had to have been somebody who had known what they were talking about when they were relaying the information to him. She would need to investigate it. Away from Clarke. Lexa's heart dropped while she stared at her princess still laying into the Azgedian. She didn't want to have to go back to all the lies again.

"And what's more-"

Ontari raised her hand to shush the blonde. She'd lost interest in anything Clarke had to say. She looked to the commander who had been watching on silently with a worried stare locked on Clarke's back. Ontari had never seen fear in Lexa's eyes before. It intrigued her, and scared her. But she saw here an opportunity to be rid of the annoying sky girl.

"Lexa, perhaps Wanheda should rest?" She suggested, knowing from the look on Lexa's face that she wanted Clarke to calm down. But Ontari just couldn't resist pushing the blonde a little further first, "It has been a long day and she's saying things she'll later regret"

Clarke opened her mouth to rage at the other woman but Lexa's hand on her back stopped her. She looked up at Lexa and quickly shook her head knowing that look to leave that Lexa was giving her.

Lexa's hand fell from Clarke's back with her silent sigh of defeat when she folded her arms and refused to leave the room. She moved away and tapped the war map impatiently.

"Tell me everything" She ordered the Azgedian, who'd been watching their exchange with an intense sort of amusement.

Ontari crossed her arms, "And what do I get if I do?"

Clarke scoffed. Lexa simply stared, waiting. Ontari rolled her eyes.

"I'll tell you all I know but first you promise me that I and my warriors won't be attacked or treated any differently than any other warrior in this city. By you or your people"

"Concerned for yourself?" Clarke bitterly spat as she reached past Lexa for the hand radio beside her. She needed to call her people and check in on them. She was worried for their long silence.

Ontari looked honestly into Lexa's eyes.

"I'm concerned only for my people. They're good warriors" she spoke softly, proudly, "They don't deserve to be killed for something you both hold against me"

The commander and her blonde paused to stare at the younger woman in front of them. They could both tell, despite wishing otherwise, that Ontari was being completely genuine. It made them both think maybe they had been wrong about her. Briefly.

The radio crackled in Clarke's hand and Raven's voice called through it for her.

"I've got to take this" The blonde muttered.

She turned to Lexa and touched her wrist before she moved to leave the throne room. Her expression warned Lexa to be careful. To not trust Ontari.

Lexa had nodded in agreement and smiled when Clarke squeezed her wrist before leaving.

Ontari was still waiting for her answer when she turned back to face her. Lexa swallowed the desire to refuse.

"I'll grant your people immunity" Lexa agreed easily, "But," She strode forward slowly, threateningly, until she was looking down at Ontari and softly growling a threat in her face, "You are not immune. Anything that happens as a consequence of your information, anything that endangers my people, you will pay for it. With your life. No hesitation"

Lexa held her arm out to the other woman. That was the best deal she would give and she thought it more than fair given the circumstance. Ontari looked down the commander's arm and, just as Lexa told herself that the Azgedian would never agree to her terms, Ontari strongly clasped her arm.

The two locked eyes and Ontari smirked.

"I can't wait for your apology" She grinned smugly.

Lexa scoffed to herself.

And I can't wait to cut that smile off your face, she thought, fighting the urge to reach for her knife and be done with Ontari already.

Lexa turned her back on Ontari's happy grin to shout a guard into the room. She gave him a brisk order and then sent him away to carry it out. She stole a deep calming breath before she turned back to the other nightblood so she could listen to everything Ontari had to say. In her head she kept repeating one of Titus' old mantras about patience. It was the only way she could think of to keep herself steady enough to hear what the Azgedian had to say.

Ontari simply carried on smiling when Lexa turned back to her. She could see how hard this must be for Lexa, to trust her enough to hear her out. The harsh and curt way she'd spoken to her warrior and now the look on the commander's face said it all. She could see that Lexa was at the end of her tether today. And surprisingly Ontari found herself empathising with her fellow nightblood. So instead of teasing Lexa and pushing her too far, Ontari instead decided to work with her for once.

For nearly an hour they walked circles around Lexa's map, discussing plans and arguing over everything. Locations, information, other clan involvement. Lexa was surprised by just how much Ontari did know. And it made her even more paranoid of her. Because how could she know so much if she wasn't working with the enemy? Simple hired mercenaries never gained this much knowledge unless they worked personally at their employer's side. Had Ontari been Sev's right hand then? It made Lexa's skin itch and her fingers twitch with Ontari's every step around the table.

For her part Ontari remained calm while she spoke. She could sense Lexa's mistrust of her, and really she didn't blame her. She would act the same way. But the continued second guessing her intel did annoy her. Every new turn of conversation, from intel to options, brought forward another time for them to butt heads. It frustrated them both so much that they were both half relieved to see one of Lexa's guards enter the room with a body on his shoulder. Ontari watched with curious eyes as he threw it to the ground.

"Who is it?" Lexa asked her without looking up from her map.

Ontari strode forward to the body and pushed it to its back with her foot. She tilted her head at the scars on his face and then moved her eyes down to his clothes. Lexa listened hard as the nightblood rolled the body again, this time to its front.

"They look like Azgeda scars" She started, trying to get Ontari's answer already.

"They're fresh" The Azgedian answered back, "Made within the last few months so you would believe he was one of us" A ripping noise made Lexa turn. Ontari had a knife in her hand and was cutting the man's shirt open. She pointed at the scar beneath it, "This is Sev's mark"

Lexa moved to kneel beside the other nightblood. She felt anger flush through her staring at the body of the man that she'd watch attack Aden so brutally. She glanced at the red mark Ontari's finger rested on and reached out to peeled his shirt back further. She stared at the mark. It looked fresh, only a day or so old. The skin around it was still melted and healing. Branding, Lexa had never approved of it. She took in the strokes and curves of the brand. It looked like a skull of a bird inside a triangle. She looked down further on the man's back at his lifetime of kill marks and a tattoo linking him with Delphikru. Ontari wasn't lying then.

"Why was he dressed as an Azgedian?" She thought aloud to herself.

"Isn't it obvious?" Ontari chuckled shaking her head, "He wanted you to believe Roan had betrayed you. So that you'd attack Azgeda and be surrounded by war. It would make it easier to catch you off guard and kill you" Ontari stared down at the dead man thoughtfully, "Its what I would do".

Lexa glanced up at her. She didn't disbelieve her at all. But she did think maybe Sev had been given the idea of making the commander paranoid enough to start attacking her own allies. It made her mistrust of Ontari spike again.

The commander stood and ordered the body be taken away. She returned to her map and ordered Ontari to continue with her intel. Another hour of messengers and orders and plans dragged by before Clarke re-entered the room with a tired looking Raven limping along at her side.

"I'm telling you, Clarke, those guns were working perfectly yesterday" Raven was saying as she hobbled into the room with a worried looking Clarke, "Somebody tampered with them before the battle"

Lexa's ears pricked up for a moment listening to the women talk as they neared her. Clarke seemed to want to keep whatever they were discussing private because she stopped Raven short of the war table to whisper with her. Lexa couldn't hear what was said but she trusted that Clarke would tell her later.

The blonde turned after receiving an agreeing nod from her friend to be quiet on the matter for now, and continued on towards Lexa.

"We have bad-.." Clarke broke off as her eyes took in the new placements on the war map. They darted up to Lexa's back and then to Ontari and back again.

"This looks cosy" Raven muttered to herself.

Clarke walked another step forward when Lexa turned to her. Her eyes searched Lexa's green ones, "What's going on?"

Ontari smirked while Lexa let out a long breath. She'd been dreading this moment.

Staggered footsteps clicked hastily into the room saving Lexa from answering her lover, "Heda, you sent for me?"

Gaia's usually gentle voice seemed to boom through the strong silence as she entered the room behind the two Sky girls. She limped to a stop at Clarke's side and gave her Heda the same questioning look Clarke had when she took in what was happening.

Lexa turned away from them all and leant forward against the war table. Her hands pressed hard into the stained chipped wood, her nails dug into the soft ridges of Delphikru's borders. She stared down at them hard.

"Is somebody going to share the big secret here, or...?"

Lexa rolled her eyes at Raven's ever present need to break the tension and be sarcastic. She rolled her shoulders and reached across the table for her knife. She stared at the blood staining it then held it tight and angry in her palm. She hated the following silence. It felt heavy. Everybody was looking to her to tell them. To take their hope that this battle had been the end of it all, and crush it.

"Ontari?"

Clarke's plea for an answer to her most hated enemy made Lexa look up. She stabbed her knife into the Delphikru insignia on the map in front of her before she stiffly turned to face her worried lover. Her eyes ran across the three women looking to her for an explanation. She drew a deep breath.

"We're going to war" She told them coldly. The words tasted bitter in her mouth. She loathed to say them aloud.

Raven scoffed, "Thought we were already there"

Gaia threw her a scolding look and stepped forward to ask when. Clarke's blue eyes had locked Lexa's, knowing the answer already and begging for it to be a joke. Lexa couldn't say it was. Couldn't break Clarke's heart that way.

Thankfully, Ontari was only more than happy to.

"Tomorrow" she said a little too cheerfully.

The entire room was silent. Looks of surprise, shock, and utter disbelief were thrown about the women. All of which ended up eventually on Lexa, who made herself stand still and take such looks from them all. The one from her Fleimpeka and Raven mean nothing to her. They were her advisors and to some extent her friends. But their opinion wasn't important. It held no sway in Lexa's choice. But Clarke's look, and Clarke's opinion, and Clarke's hurt and scared plea for another way; that had the power to kill Lexa.

The blonde strode forward and stood a breath away from her lover. She looked Lexa fiercely in the eye and she swallowed thickly before she breathed a, "Please", at her. She wanted to know why. She wanted to know how Ontari had convinced Lexa into such a reckless decision in such a short space of time. And she wanted to know why Lexa let her, without Clarke.

Lexa had to turn away from her. She couldn't stand that broken look on Clarke's face.

Different footsteps trod softly after her, "Heda," It was Gaia, come to try to persuade her against this decision, "Heda, I do not think it wise to march after Delphikru"

"Why not?" Ontari asked before Lexa could answer. She folded her arms over her chest and looking meanly at the flame keeper, "Delphikru are weak right now. And we know where they are right now. We should attack while we hold the upper hand"

"From your information I assume?" Raven barbed beneath her breath. It just made Ontari smirk wider.

"We do not hold any hand. Just because we had them beat today does not mean that they have not planned for this!" Gaia spat back at her. She didn't trust the nightblood and she made it clear in the way she glared at the ice warrior to stay silent, "It could easily be a trap" She warned gravely.

Ontari just scoffed at her. She'd almost forgotten how soft these people were. They spent too long locked away in their towers hiding from their enemies that they'd forgotten what it meant to be a warrior. To fight when necessary.

"You just escaped a botched plan of a trap" Ontari told the fleimpeka, "Do you honestly believe their leader is smart enough to make another? He'd have more luck waiting for you all to choke to death on your evening meals tonight"

"Are you seriously that arrogant?" Raven asked back in genuine curiosity.

Lexa closed her eyes to the argument that followed. She'd become too used to warriors shouting around her lately. What was once words of wisdom that she'd prized had become bitter words of hatred spat between them all. It was like being surrounded by children all the time and she was more than sick of it.

The commander looked down at the blood on her hands and breathed calmly to herself. This was the right choice. It had to be. It was the only way she could think of to save her people. There was nothing else. So why did she feel so guilty and unsure?

She continued breathing slowly and counted every stitch Clarke had sown into her palm, and every droplet of blood seeping out of them. Over and over. It was the only way to stop herself yelling at the women behind her to be silent.

"Enough!" Gaia burst furiously at the antagonising Azgedian. She back turned to her commander, "Heda, as your fleimpeka I must strongly advise you against going after Delphikru"

"And as your war commander... I... Uh..." Raven lowered her hand and took back the brave step forward she'd taken after the flame keeper to add her opinion when everybody's eyes turn to her. She nervously looked around at them all and then ducked her head, "Ditto?"

Lexa rolled her eyes. Clarke did too. She turned to back her lover and took a firm hold of her hand. It hurt and made Lexa's wound bleed some more. But neither woman cared. Lexa let herself be walked her up past her throne and out onto the balcony. Her eyes swept quickly over her city. Over the smoke from the fires still waiting to be out out. Over the red smudges and little black dots marking the bodies laying on the ground many metres below. Her heart thudded angrily in her chest. But she was too tired to let the emotion hold her long. Her gaze instead moved over and up to the sun setting low and dark ahead of them. Its dark orange glow flared like blood through the wispy clouds. It was beautiful, she thought, and depressing.

Clarke let go of Lexa's hand. She walked to the wall of the balcony. Unlike Lexa she did look down at it all. At their city, their home. All the destruction made her sad. All the death made her angry. She wanted to scream because what did any of them do to deserve this?

She didn't scream. Clarke closed her tired eyes and took a long deep breath. Her baby gently nudged her rib as she did, and she took it as a sign of comfort. It stilled the chaotic swash of emotions for a second.

"What happened to together?" She husked finally opening her eyes. She watched the sun going down while Lexa closed the space between them. Her heda's body brushing her back usually a comfort now filled her with dread. Because Clarke knew what Lexa was going to tell her.

"Clarke, look around. Look at all of this death. Do you expect me to let it go?"

Clarke shook her head, "I expect you to know better, Lexa" Clarke turned to look up at her lover. She gently pressed her palms to Lexa's chest, "You know that he came here because he was testing us. Sev wanted to know how we work together. How easy it is to break us apart. If you go out there, take the battle to him where he's probably prepared?" Clarke shook her head and turned away, "All this death here is just the start"

Lexa reached out and slowly turned Clarke back to her. She looked down at her blonde with hard hurting eyes.

"I can't just stand here and wait for Sev to bring his armies back. I can't wait for more of my krus to abandon me, Clarke, It will make me look weak. It will say to them all that Heda cannot protect us. And then there will be a real war that nobody will win. This is the only way"

Clarke began shaking her head, "Its not the only way"

Lexa let out an impatient huff and moved away from the stubborn blonde, "What would you have me do?!" she snapped angrily, "This needs to end. I have to end it"

"Marching off to war isn't how you end things. Its how you get yourself killed!" Clarke shouted back at her.

The heaviness of her words catches like fire in her throat and it gets her heart beating manically. Clarke span around and muffled her instant crying while Lexa watched on in shock. The commander's fierce facade breaks the moment she sees the blonde crying. She rushed forward and wrapped her arms around her lover. She held her tightly and kissed her temple.

"I am not going to die, Clarke" she husked strongly in the blonde's ear. She tightened her hold on Clarke when she started to tremble in her arms, "I'm going to find him and I'm going to kill him and end all of this. Then I will come home to you"

Clarke froze up in Lexa's arms. She turned and stared up at the commander. She started shaking her head when she realised what Lexa intended to do, and without her.

"You can't" she whimpered holding tight to Lexa's neck, "I can't let you go alone"

"I won't be alone. I've already sent out messengers to our allies. My armies are coming" Lexa reassured her and kissed her brow, "But I cannot take you with me, Clarke. I need somebody I can trust to watch over Polis. That's you. You're the only one"

Clarke shook her head, "Lexa-"

"I need to know you'll be safe. Both of you" Lexa's hand crept up over Clarke's armour. Her fingers pressed into the warmth radiating through the cracks in the torn leather. Her lips lifted feeling a bump under her digit, "You have to stay here so I have something to come back for"

Clarke stared up at the Lexa. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to tell Lexa she'll stay behind while her whole world goes off to war. But Lexa needs her to. She's far too determined to see this through and Clarke knew nothing she can say will change her mind. She looked down and closed her eyes. She felt Lexa wipe a tear from her cheek. Heard the shaky breaths leave her lover. She knew Lexa didn't want any of this. Not really. But sometimes they did things they didn't want to.

"Sometimes we have to fight" She whispered to herself. Her mind went back to the night Lexa had whispered it to her. In the war tent at the Borderlands during their last war. Hours before they had to separate and lead different armies into attack. She'd begged Lexa to stay with her then too.

Clarke opened her eyes and stared at a bloodstain on Lexa's shirt. She started picking at it absentmindedly, "Why can't we talk with Sev? Why is it always blood?"

The commander's hands rubbed comfortingly along her arms. She breathed deeply and nodded into a half collapse against Clarke's neck. Her body was too tired to keep a strong stance any longer. And with Clarke she knew she didn't need to pretend she could.

"Sometimes its not enough" she replied in a soft tired voice, "Sometimes we don't want words or promises. They can be broken and thrown aside. Sometimes the only way to make it lasting, to ensure peace, is to show we mean it. With weapons and strength and-"

"Blood" Clarke finished numbly.

Lexa sighed exhausted. She nodded and turned her eyes from her upset lover to the sun on its last dip on the horizon ahead. It was beautiful. And especially when it was reflected in Clarke's eyes when she looked up at her. Lexa dipped her head and kissed her lover softly. When she breathed against Clarke's lips she felt a little energy come back to her, like life had been breathed back into her body. She wondered as they kissed just how many more sunsets she would see. She was not foolish enough to believe she would come back from this war. She was hopeful but Sev had already shown some of his strength, and it was worrying. Especially when he had the ability to make her clans turn against her. Lexa could only hope that by stopping him now, she would ensure peace for her people.

Lexa moved back and kissed clarke's brow and held her gently against her chest. Her heart thudded slowly against the blonde's ear while she took in the light dying around them. She questioned herself why they did it, over and over and over again. Sometimes she believed it would be easier for them to just turn their backs on it all. To run away and start over hundreds of miles away from Polis and anybody that knew them. It was a tempting dream, and one she'd had on so many occasions. But that wasn't who she or Clarke were. They didn't abandon their people. But sometimes it was nice to dream.

"When do you plan on leaving?" Clarke's voice broke halfway through the question. She knew from the way Lexa had kissed her and was now was holding her that it would be soon. Soon she would go and soon she might not return. Soon was too soon for Clarke.

Lexa was silent for the longest time. The world around them had grown dark. The cries of anguish and loss far below had quietened down. Their people had stopped attempting to fix the city for the night. Even the voices of the women in the throne room behind them had gone quiet. There was nothing but silence. Calm, heavy, exhausting silence.

Until Lexa's arms tightened to the point of pain around Clarke and her breathing got heavy in the blonde's ear. Clarke could almost mistake it for pain.

"First light" Lexa miserably breathed.

Clarke closed her eyes and breathed calmly as a single hot tear dripped down her face. She nodded after a while. And looked up at the stars above them. She had a brief thought to how nice it'd be to be up there still, away from all the fighting. She wondered if their lives would be easier if she and Lexa lived in space and not on the ground where they had to continually fight for their survival and their peace. She thought bitterly how maybe she'd taken life up on the Ark for granted before.

"First light" she agreed reluctantly.

Lexa's head leant heavy against her own. She held the commander's arm as it constricted gently around her shoulders. Lexa felt like she was collapsing against Clarke but Clarke held the extra weight anyway. Lexa didn't want to leave her, and Clarke knew that. She could feel it completely. Neither of them wanted to leave each other to the uncertainty of war. But both knew they had to.

"Sometimes we have to fight" She sighed.