Reflection

A Shingeki no Kyojin—Mikasa and Eren-fanfiction

Takes place just after the Trost recovery mission but Eren doesn't get arrested right after the mission. He's sitting by himself, reflecting on everything that's just happened until Mikasa joins him. They were bound to get a few things off their chests.

Disclaimer: Attack on Titan doesn't belong to me.

He sat cross-legged with his arms behind him on the wall—above the gate to Trost—watching the sunset, that painted the sky a mixture of gold and orange, gazing at the land that he longed to take back from the titans. His determined blue-green eyes that were usually filled with intensity and fire, held a certain softness to them at that moment. His eyes were always looking forward—Eren Jaeger was in deep thought.

"Eren" he turned his head to the person that had just called his name

"Oh, it's you Mikasa" he said returning his gaze to the golden eye slowly disappearing beneath the horizon

"What are you doing up here by yourself?" she worriedly asked and sat next to him

"Just thinking, I guess. For some reason my mom's death came into my head. On any other day it would motivate me to keep fighting, reminding me of why I became a cadet…" his voice was so gentle, lacking its usual intensity and defiant tone. Mikasa was surprised by this.

"And today?" she asked

"Today it's making me wonder why I ever put on this uniform. Killing all the titans won't bring back all the people we've lost—

"Eren stop it!" she felt tears stinging the corners of her eyes "You put on this uniform to avenge your mom and to make sure that no one else goes through what you went through that day five years ago!"

He sighed then closed his eyes

"You're right, I'm sorry. It's just…after the amount of people we lost during today's mission; I guess I just lost my nerve a little."

She put her hand on top of his but he immediately pulled away

"And you're partly to blame for me feeling like this." He quickly got angry. "What the hell were you thinking, putting yourself in harm's way like that!" he yelled and finally looked at her

"I came to protect you!" she retorted

"Bullshit! You—once again—interfered where you weren't needed. That titan almost crushed you!"

"But it didn't—" he interrupted her

"That's not the fucking point! What you did was reckless!" he just got angrier and angrier

"Don't talk to me about being reckless. You're lack of caution is the very reason that I came to save you."

"I didn't ask you to save me!" he snapped

"I don't care! I will give you my protection whether you ask for it or not!"

"So what you're saying is that you would risk your life just to save mine?" he raised an eyebrow

"That's exactly what I'm saying"

"Well I'm not worth it alright, why the hell would you willingly throw your life away for me—

"Because you're all I have left!" she yelled at him, her vision blurred by the tears dangling precariously at the ends of her eyelids. A heavy silence hung in the air between them. Eren looked at her surprisingly. "You may not care what happens to you but I do. I'm sick and tired of losing everyone and everything important to me, so easily. You're all I have left and I refuse to lose you too" her voice was shaking as she spoke and the tears had already cascaded down her cheeks.

A twinge of guilt struck him from inside his chest. "I had no idea that's how she felt" he thought. He looked away from her and looked down into his lap.

"Look, I didn't mean to question why you fight. It's just…I'm not some vulnerable child that you constantly need to be babying, I am capable of protecting myself even if I am a bit reckless sometimes" he put his hand over hers and she immediately held on to it

"I know and it was never my intention to make you feel that way. I'm just a little over-protective when it comes to you"

"A little?" he smiled

"Alright I'm very overprotective" he managed to make her smile but when she looked at him he wasn't smiling anymore, he had a sombre look on his face. She knew that that meant he was about to say something serious, that something was still bothering him.

"Mikasa I understand that you were just trying to help but doing it without any caution…have you ever asked yourself what I would do if I lost you?"

She froze, wide eyed and surprised. She'd never even considered Eren's feeling when she was at battle. She'd only ever thought about how she would feel if he left alone in this world, never the other way around. She never knew that she was hurting him too.

"Eren I…

"You're talented, there's no doubt about that but out there it's not just skill you need. Titans aren't a bunch of push-overs, one mistake and those bastards could end your life in a heartbeat. And I would know, I was eaten by one of them"

"Please, don't talk about it" she didn't want to revisit the feelings of him not being around

"But then I became a titan and I really believed Armin's words that I could use this power to help mankind—but it turns out that that was nothing but a pipe dream when I almost killed you"

"No, Eren you can save mankind with your powers. You just made a mistake—

She tried to put her hand on his shoulder but he shook her off and turned away from her.

"How fucking messed up is that!" he slammed his fist on the ground "I almost killed the person I wanted to protect most. It might have been an accident but it's one I'll never forgive myself for" he hung his head

Mikasa put her hands on his shoulders and rested her forehead on his back as they remained silent for a while.

"Eren, listen to me…" she turned him around and brought their foreheads together "I already forgave you, in fact I didn't need to because I was never angry at you. I don't blame you for what happened. You can push me away; you can come at me as many times as you want but I will never leave you." She spoke in a whispered tone. They stayed as they were—foreheads against each other's for a while.

She embraced him and after a few seconds he embraced her as well. She breathed in his scent and relaxed, so comfortable in his arms she never wanted to leave. The air between them was finally cleared, they'd said everything they'd wanted to say and let out all their frustrations. The atmosphere between them was relaxed. Mikasa adjusted the scarf around her neck—Eren smiled

"You always do that"

"What?"

"You always fix your scarf after we have one of our arguments that end up being resolved. Why do you still wear it anyways?"

"Because you gave it to me. It will always remind me that I won't be cold and alone anymore, that I have a new life, someone that cares about me. It reminds me that I have you Eren." That last part of her sentence made him blush. He quickly turned away, hoping that she didn't notice. Apparently she didn't for when he turned back; she'd stood up and held her hand out. He took it and stood up with her help.

"The sun's almost gone down completely, we should head back" but just as she was about to take a step away from him, he held on to her lower arm. She turned around and looked at him.

He took a step closer until he was right in front of her. He put one arm around her waist and his other hand cupped her cheek, he held her close and looked into her eyes.

"Eren" she said softly as she blushed

He surprised her when he leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips. They separated after a few seconds.

"I won't leave you" he kept his hand on her cheek

All she could do was smile at those words but deep down she knew he couldn't promise her. For in their world promises were curses doomed to be broken as soon as they were to leave for battle—a battle where too much uncertainty thrived. A promise would only bring her pain. She thought about this for a while as they walked side by side heading back to HQ.

"Oh and by the way…" he broke her out of her thoughts as he stood on the edge of the wall about to take off using his ODM gear.

"I love the way you say my name" he smirked as he leaped off the wall, shooting his cable into the nearest tower and disappeared from sight between the buildings. Mikasa stood— where he had—shaking her head slightly with a grin on her face before she too leaped off the wall and shot her cables into another tower, following Eren—the way she would forever.