Hello there. It is I, Mapleshade1018. Desperate to escape the heat of Phoenix, the WoF characters are on a bus heading to Denver. Of course, this would take a really long time, and would be really boring to write about, so I decided to add something exciting…By the way, I am now a betareader, so if you want me to betaread your story, just ask!
Mist swirled around a pale green stage as twenty spotlights turned on, revealing twenty microphones. By each microphone a dragon appeared, looking around confusedly.
"Hello, and welcome to the KILL IT WITH FIRE Pairing Show! Twenty of you have been selected to play this game, and you were each assigned a number. I will roll two numbers on my d20 of doom and see what random pairings I get. Don't worry, when this is over you'll all be teleported to Denver. Greatness, could you please show me who is assigned to each number?" I explained.
"Certainly." Greatness replied, unfurling a whiteboard on the back wall of the stage containing the following data:
1. Moon
2. Qibli
3. Sunny
4. Darkstalker
5. Fathom
6. Indigo
7. Diamond
8. Blaze
9. Blister
10. Burn
11. Scarlet
12. Peril
13. Anemone
14. Glory
15. Deathbringer
16. Jerboa
17. Morrowseer
18. Clay
19. Whirlpool
20. Mapleshade1018
"How did I get on this list? What happened to Tsunami?" I asked frantically.
"Doing Tsunami would've been too boring, so I decided to do you instead." Greatness giggled. "Anyway, let's have a look at the audience!" Spotlights flickered on, revealing every single dragon in Pyrrhia sitting in cheap plastic chairs around the stage (Except the royalty, of course. They got leather armchairs.), as well as a few special OCs and fanfiction writers, who got to sit in the VIP section (meaning that their chairs were actually beanbags because reasons).
"Fine." I snapped, moving to stand behind a microphone. "Let's play."
"Okay…I rolled seventeen and sixteen, Morrowseer and Jerboa!"
"KILL IT WITH FIRE!" roared everyone except for Jerboa.
"Hmmm…you're evil, but you're not an animus. I guess you could do." Jerboa said. Everyone glared at her. Secretkeeper threw a French horn at her.
"Well, that's new! I never thought of French horns as weapons. Trombones always looked more sinister." Jerboa muttered.
"Okaaaay. Moving on. I rolled three and five…Sunny and Fathom!" Greatness yelled.
"KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Indigo screamed.
"Sunny, as your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle, I'm telling you that Fathom is a horrible dragon." Darkstalker said. Fathom gasped.
"DARKSTALKER?! How'd he get out?" Fathom shouted. He turned to the audience. "I don't want to freak you out, but this giant evil animus named Darkstalker is here. I'll stall him, you run!"
"I think they already knew that. And I'm not evil. Ask anyone except for Jerboa…and Indigo…and Diamond…and-," Darkstalker began, but was interrupted as Indigo pulled a throwing star out of…somewhere and threw it at him. It bounced off of his scales and fell to the ground.
"I think the best way to settle this is to have a duel after the show ends." I suggested. Darkstalker and Fathom reluctantly nodded.
"Okay. Let's move on. I rolled three and ten…Sunny and Burn!" Greatness said.
"KILL IT WITH FIRE!" everyone screamed.
"Next, I rolled four and two…Darkstalker and Qibli!" Greatness yelled, putting on earplugs so her ears wouldn't be affected by the cry of KILL IT WITH FIRE that ensued. Several of the audience members raised pitchforks and torches.
"All right. Settle down. Darkstalker and I have no intention of going out. Put your weapons away. Who brings pitchforks and torches to a show?" Qibli explained. The dragons reluctantly put down their weapons.
"You two are perfect for each other!" a random MudWing gushed. She was banished from the room.
"All right. Next, I rolled twelve and five…Peril and Fathom!" Greatness said, already putting in her earplugs again.
"KILL IT WITH FIRE!" everyone shouted. A few dragons picked up their weapons again.
"PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN OR I WILL BURN THEM FROM YOUR TALONS!" Peril shouted. The weapons were lowered.
"Fourteen and seven! Glory and Diamond! Please don't shout, or we'll all go deaf!" Greatness stammered. Several dragons pulled out signs saying KILL IT WITH FIRE!
"Let's move on! I rolled six and twenty! Indigo and Mapleshade1018!" squealed Greatness.
"KILL IT WITH…fire?" Indigo and I yelled, trailing off as we realized that only a few dragons were yelling it with us. Several shot me accusatory glances.
"You brought Fathom here just to frighten him, didn't you? You must hate him. And I saw you wink at Indigo five minutes ago." Glacier growled.
"I like Fathom! Honest! And I was just blinking, not winking! Learn the difference!" I protested.
"You like Fathom? I should've known! Indigo, Fathom might be cheating on you!"
"No! Not like that!"
"Oh, yeah?"
"STOP IT! Let's move on to our last roll. I rolled seventeen and fifteen…Morrowseer and Deathbringer!" Greatness yelled. "And if any of you yell KILL IT WITH FIRE or raise any weapons I will burn your faces off!"
"STAY AWAY FROM MOR-MOR!" Jerboa screeched.
"Mor-Mor? Don't call me that! I already have a mate, Secretkeeper!" Morrowseer snarled. Moon gaped.
"Well, our time is up for this show! If you would like to watch Darkstalker win, stay in here and yell CHICKEN! If not, you will be teleported to Denver in three…two…one…zero!" Greatness explained. "CHICKEN!"
"CHICKEN!" several dragons and writers yelled.
BONUS FEATURE: DARKSTALKER VS. FATHOM
"Okay. Animus magic has been turned off in this room, so you cannot cast any spells or benefit from the effects of older ones. Darkstalker is currently being temporarily shrunk back to normal size. The walls are there so that you don't ruin the velvet curtains." Greatness explained. Mist swirled around the stage, and walls appeared around the part with no curtains. Fathom nervously picked up a trident, while Darkstalker picked up the spear of oVercAPiTaliZatIOn.
"Okay! One! Two! Three! Attack!" Greatness ordered. Darkstalker lunged at Fathom, who dodged and did a completely unnecessary backflip, landing behind Darkstalker, who he hit with his trident. Darkstalker whipped around and hit him with his spear, knocking him into a wall. Fathom somehow dashed up the vertical wall, with Darkstalker right behind him.
"I didn't mean to put you to sleep!" Fathom cried.
"Yeah right! And you didn't mean to hit me, either? Your trident attacked me on its own?" Darkstalker growled. Fathom turned around, whacking him with his trident. Darkstalker tried to hit him with his spear, but Fathom blocked it with his awesome ninja skills.
"All right, STOP! Fathom's ninja skills are just too awesome!" Greatness yelled. A force field appeared, trapping Darkstalker. With a bang, all of the dragons from the past disappeared, and the rest followed, leaving only the writers behind.
"Well…that was…weird." an anonymous author said.
"That's what I'm going for." I replied.
"Was it just me, or did that fight seem like a fight from one of those unrealistic Chinese warrior movies?" another anonymous author asked.
"Oh, that was how I planned it." I said. "And this is getting boring, so goodbye!"
And then everything disappeared.