WARNING - Spoilers for both Hetalia and Harry Potter along with cursing! Enjoy!

New Zealand gazed up at Hogwarts in awe, nostalgia washing over him as he watched shapes dart from behind the windows and lights flicker on and off. He was standing right in front of the majestic castle in the middle of the night, not caring about the mosquitos landing on him or the chilling air flowing around him. He was finally here. After hearing about Voldemort's return—he had been eavesdropping on some laughing witches and wizards—he had decided he would travel to Hogwarts and attempt to kill the wizard himself. Laugh at him if you want to, he was determined to be a hero. The New Zealander shook his head and snapped back to reality, tucking some of his chestnut brown hair behind his ear. Thankfully, his spiral-shaped ahoges stayed in place. His emerald green eyes widened as he thought his hairstyle might come off as unusual to the students. He relaxed however after being struck with the realisation that the kids were all wizards and witches. They have seen much more peculiar stuff, right?
He quickly fumbled around in the pockets of his rather plain black robes to make sure that he wasn't missing anything. New Zealand smoothed his clothing out once he was sure he had brought all the necessary things. He turned around and bent down, picking up his luggage and heaving it onto his shoulders. It was time. Inhaling deeply, he knocked on the large, intimidating wooden doors of Hogwarts. Not even a minute later, the doors swung open, revealing a vast hall behind it and two people. New Zealand sighed gratefully. 'Hello, Albus, Minerva.' The witch greeted him, still rocking a familiar bun which kept her black hair in. Beside her, a great wizard with a gleaming silver beard smiled warmly.
'Hello, Toby!' Albus beamed. 'Come in, come in. Ah, it's so good to see you.'
'Same to you. How have you been, Minerva?'
'I've been better,' she sighed, jerking her head towards the hall behind her, 'how about yourself?'
'With Voldemort back, not so good,' New Zealand admitted, walking inside of the castle. He heard a heavy slam from behind him, indicating that the doors were once again closed. The Entrance Hall was alight with torches yet filled with a desolate feeling of emptiness as he continued to make his way through and towards the double doors to the right. Minerva and Albus trailed alongside him, quickly updating him on the latest events within the school. At the mention of a death, the New Zealander's eyes stretched wide. Poor Cedric, he thought, sending a quick prayer to the deceased Hufflepuff.
'Anyways,' Minerva coughed as they entered the Great Hall, filled to the brim with students and floating torches alike, 'the feast is about to start. Would you care to join?' As if on cue, New Zealand's stomach grumbled, attracting the attention of curious students. The nation flushed in embarrassment, before nodding timidly. Albus laughed, his eyes sparkling its common twinkle. The trio made their way up to the rest of the staff, the Kiwi allowing his gaze to remind him of the four house tables, which were stretched across the hall like usual. Once again, memories of Hogwarts evoked like explosions in New Zealand's mind. Once the wizards and witch reached the staff table, Minerva flicked her wand and a chair appeared next to a woman, one New Zealand did not recognise. She had white hair and silvery blue eyes, though she was dressed like any other professor, her witch hat sitting on top of her head.
'Who are you?' New Zealand asked politely as he sat down next to her, avoiding her gaze as he watched Albus make his way to his tall, golden chair. His fingers accidentally plunged into a turkey, which had unknowingly been there the entire time. He instantly snatched his hands away, embarrassment radiating off of him for the second time.
'I am Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank,' the woman answered. If she had noticed New Zealand's food mishap, she did a good job of hiding it.
'Ah, I see. What class do you teach?'
'I shall be taking over Care of Magical Creatures. Now, who are you?'
'I'm Toby Kirkland,' New Zealand replied, reminding himself he must get used to the fact he had to use his human name. 'Uh, what happened to Rubeus Hagrid? I was informed I was going to be his assistant.' Toby tried his best to not come off as rude, but his mind was being overwhelmed with questions as he spotted another unfamiliar professor.
'I'm not sure. If I did, I would tell you,' the witch apologised.
'Thanks. One last thing, who's that?' The Kiwi pointed to the squat woman standing beside Albus with a face which strongly resembled a toad. And Toby already knew of a frog. She wore an azalea shaded Alice band on top of her curly penny brown hair. She wore a distasteful pink cardigan over her robes. The witch appeared to be practically interviewing the Headmaster of Hogwarts, a frown stuck upon her flabby face. Toby stuck his tongue out. 'Ugh, her fashion sense would've driven my friends mad . . .'
'That's Dolores Umbridge,' Wilhelmina said, appearing to have missed the Kiwi wizard's disgusted comment. 'Anyways, it's nice to meet you, Toby. I'm sure I'll enjoy working with you,' she continued happily.
Toby stayed partially silent throughout the feast, only opening his mouth to either eat or respond to the greetings of the staff. When he wasn't being welcomed, he shrunk away from the watchful eyes of curious students, his cheeks bulging adorably with food. Despite his cute, shy, oblivious appearance, the Kiwi's mind was whirling with questions. Where's Rubeus? Why is this toad here? Is she France's daughter? Toby laughed softly at his last question, only picked up by Argus Filch, the caretaker. The irritable man's bulging pale eyes narrowed, showcasing his cranky personality once again. Argus turned back to his food (well, more like the students eating and talking before him). After the few moments of awkward silence, the noisy chattering swarmed the hall once again. Toby managed to spot a ghost gliding towards the Ravenclaw table, and another towards the Hufflepuff table . . . The Kiwi smiled. Most of his life, he had experienced obnoxiousness and stupidity from nations. Whether he had to endure the yelling of a furious German, the unrealistic ideas of an American or the sheer annoying antics of an Australian. During these times, he was either arguing or watching the entire ordeal in the background with other relatively calm personifications. However, here in Hogwarts, he felt as if he was in a family gathering. A warm fuzzy feeling crawled up into his chest, allowing him to lean back into the chair in relaxation. His tense shoulders slumped, embracing the commotion of the students and staff. Though . . . he still didn't like this Dolores. Just the way she talked to Albus, hunched while silently whispering, it just annoyed the New Zealander. He turned away.
After what felt like a few hours, Albus raised. Toby noticed Dolores sitting patiently in her seat, her hands tapping her knees as if waiting for something. The wizard admired how the students immediately fell silent, looking the old man with proud respect. The elder's eyes twinkled at his students' anticipated faces before speaking.
'Well, now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast, I beg a few moments of your attention for the usual start-of-term notices.' Toby's ears perked up, wanting to make sure he hadn't missed anything. 'First-years ought to know that the Forest in the grounds is out-of-bounds to students—and a few of our older students ought to know by now, too.' The New Zealander nodded, remembering the time he had sneaked out of Hogwarts to gaze at the Forbidden Forest and almost whacked by the Whomping Willow. Now that wasn't fun.
'Mr Filch, the caretaker, has asked me, for what he tells me is the four-hundred-and-sixty-second time, to remind you all that magic is not permitted in corridors between classes, nor are a number of other things, all of which can be checked on the extensive list now fastened to Mr Filch's office door.' The nation raised an eyebrow. He hadn't remembered so many students breaking the rules when he was in Hogwarts.
'Now, allow me to introduce Professor Kirkland, who shall be assisting Professor Grubbly-Plank—who shall be taking over Care of Magical Creatures lessons for now—during the year. We are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.'

The hall was filled with an excited applause—and it didn't take long for the Kiwi to realise that the most enthusiastic clappers were female. A group of Hufflepuff girls were giggling, grinning widely at Toby, who now felt a little creeped out.
'Isn't he cute?' one of them whispered loudly. 'So young to teach, though . . .'
'Are you complaining?' another gasped. 'Be grateful we have such a cutie! I can't wait for our first Care of Magical Creatures class!' The New Zealander wanted to tune out, but his unfortunate ears were filled with the gushing of the dozens of girls in all of the houses.
'Ahem,' Albus coughed, earning a thankful sigh from Toby. 'Tryouts for the house Quidditch teams will take place on the—' Toby gazed at Albus, baffled. The wizard was staring at Dolores Umbridge, eyebrows raised questioningly. Once again, another bout of confusion filled the man's mind. It was only when Dolores cleared her throat, 'Hem, hem,' that Toby realised that she wanted to speak. Her coughs sounded horrible, just like her sense of taste. The professor looked taken aback before sitting down and turning back to Dolores, inclining his head as an approval. Like Toby, the other staff members looked surprised at Dolores's audacity.
'Thank you, Headmaster.' Toby was visited with the instinct to cover his ears to protect himself from her girlish, high-pitched voice. 'I'm sure all the new members here, including myself, will appreciate those warm words of welcome.' She cleared her throat again—Toby noticed a few loathing glares from students—and continued. 'Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!' Dolores smiled a breathtaking smile - not the good kind. More like the negative kind. Toby couldn't help but whisper to Wilhelmina about her attitude, who only nodded in agreement. The new professor began to talk about whatever. The youngest (by appearance) wizard propped his elbows onto the staff table and rested his bored head onto the palms of his dirty hands, his eyes closing drowsily as his strict attentiveness started to fade.
Toby sighed. This woman was getting on his nerves. He hadn't managed to catch whatever she was blabbing about—Dolores had successfully managed to be the first one to bore the New Zealander and throw away his attention. The personification glanced down at the students to see if they were paying attention either. Half of their heads were thrown back against their chairs in boredom while others had their heads leaning on their respective house table, drooling absentmindedly.
The assistant turned to three Gryffindors, the only three who appeared to have control over their bodies. Toby instantly recognised one as Harry Potter, the boy who was rumoured to be crazy, thanks to the Daily Prophet. The Kiwi clenched his fists, looking away quickly. However, he didn't fail to notice the ravenette's suspicious eyes staring at him, swiftly joined by two other pairs consisting of blue and brown. A quiet tension filled the air between the students and the assistance, unknown to the rest of the wizards and witches in the room. Eventually, Toby felt the trio's glares fade off his skin.
It took a few seconds for Toby to realise that Dolores's speech had ended. Before he could properly applaud her like the rest of the staff were, Albus stood up again. The optimistic man acknowledged her speech and began to talk about Quidditch once more. Not even a minute later, bangs and shouts flooded the Great Hall as all of the kids began to stand up and weave their away around. The first-years followed some older kids—Perfects or something? Toby couldn't remember—to their respective common rooms.
'Toby!' Minerva called, beckoning him over to her. The New Zealander practically leapt out of his chair and hurried towards the woman. 'You have some drops of pumpkin . . . never mind. Anyways, we—the staff—have decided you shall be sleeping in the staffroom for now. Follow me.' Toby followed the Transfiguration teacher out of the Great Hall, able to see students of different houses disperse into different paths. The two wove hastily around corners and statues, finally entering an empty hallway, a few doors lining the walls. Minerva aimed straight for the first door on the left, opening it without a second thought. Toby ran in after her, making sure he shut the door. A familiar wardrobe was leaning against the wall next to a fireplace, which was alight, filling the room with warmth. On the opposite side of the staffroom, a small bed—which looked rather comfy—stood, a fluffy pillow awaiting with a tempting blanket. 'I hope you don't mind. You can set up your office tomorrow.'
'I love it!' he beamed, flinging himself onto the bed. 'Thank you!'
'You're welcome.' The professor grinned at his childishness. 'Have a good night.' And with that, Minerva left the room.