Hello, just some things you might want to know before reading this fanfic. First of all this is my first time publishing any of my works and I need as much feedback and motivation as possible. I beg you for both advise on how to better my writing and story and criticism as well. Please only constructive criticism, I'm new to writing and mentally weak.
Next, a little info on Allen's past.
So, I was trying to make his past as accurate to the original D. Gray Man as possible, but without all the supernatural, replacing it with the mafia. This is what I came up with: Neah is not the Allen's uncle, nor does he inhabit his body, rather he is Allen's biological father, and Allen just happened to inherit a lot of traits from him. Neah didn't like the mafia so he quit, damaging the Noah Clan quite a bit in the process (The Noah Clan is the most powerful mafia). Neah died, leaving a little Allen all alone (his mother had already passed). Because of Allen's deformed arm no one wanted to adopt him, he lived by eating the scraps of food people either left around or "charitably" gave to him. That was until he met Mana. Mana is still the Millennium Earl. What happened was that after Neah's death he grew extremely depressed and ceased all Noah Clan activity, trying to forget every thing that had to do with Neah. Ironically he then met with Allen, felt compassion for him, and adopted him (he didn't know that Neah had any children). However, several short years later, Mana was discovered and attacked. He was nearly killed by the encounter, and lost all of his memories as a result. Poor Allen witnessed the latter bit of the attack believed that his father had died. Allen charged in without thinking, obviously not succeeding, and received the scar over his right eye (sadly there is no pentagon, I couldn't figure out how to make that work). Allen was then taken in by Cross. Cross was originally a member of the Black Order Mafia but defected (more like disappeared) after Neah's death. Cross was a close friend of Neah's and was trusted with his dying will: train his son and make him suitable for the title of Noah Clan boss. Cross followed through with the request, training Allen with the gun, sword, and especially hand to hand combat. He also taught him to play the piano, a hobby which Neah had greatly enjoyed. Three years later, when Allen was fifteen, he presented him to the Noah Clan and introduced him as Neah's son and the rightful heir to the Clan. He also gave Neah's will and a DNA testing as proof. The Earl was slightly hesitant to accept Allen and constantly tested him (keep in mind that neither of them remember each other). Allen immediately impressed the Earl, not because of who Allen was, but by how much he resembled Neah. The Earl then commanded him to attend important meetings, and gave him council that if he had any ideas he must share them. This was to see exactly how close he was to Neah in cleverness.
Wow, that was long. Anyway, I understand that there is probably room for improvement in his backstory, please tell me if anyone has any better ideas and I'll see if I can make them work.
Lastly, you need to understand mafia ranking. At the top there is the boss, who is in the case of the Noah Clan the Millennium Earl (by the way that's just his code name). Next there is the consigliere, who is basically an advisor to the boss, that's Lero. Then there's the Underboss, who takes care of business for the boss when he cannot, and will also become the next boss when the current one dies. There currently no Underboss in the Noah Clan, and the Earl hasn't yet accepted Allen. Next are the Caporegime, capo for short, who are like captains. Those are the 13 Noah's. After them are soldiers, who are, you guessed it, the Akuma. Then there are the associates, who are like the name entails, just people who help them to get money but aren't actually members. Those guys will come into play later.
Thank for reading, I hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 1 : Allen Walker
Allen grimly watched the nervous and guilty eyes of the 13 Noah Capos shift uncomfortably under his gaze. He said nothing, letting his gray eyes bare into them, he knew that was all they needed to let them know exactly how big their failure was. He tapped his finger on the armrest of his chair, anticipating the soon to come lecture.
Right on time, the Millennium Earl entered his office where they sat, just as angry as Allen had expected. He was followed by an equally disappointed Lero, the Earl's consigliere. The boss took his seat at his exquisite desk, resting his stubbled chin on balled fists. "What is the meaning of this?" He asked, voice deeper than usual.
The Capos bit their lips fearfully, hesitant to admit their mistake. "We're sorry sir," Sherrill admitted. "We didn't expect this development. It seems the Black Order was more competent than we believed."
The Earl growled, Allen knew how angry the he must have been. He had tried so hard to protect that territory, only to find that it was captured by Black Order Exorcists. The Earl needed someone to blame, so he chose his Capos. It was the fault of their own incompetence anyway. "So what are you going to do about it?" The Earl continued, poorly attempting to mask his fury.
"Of course, we'll get it back, no matter what!" Jasdero and Devit cried in unison.
The Earl narrowed his brows. " Oh really? How are you going to do that?"
"Um..." The twins thought out loud. "We're stronger than they are. Well just fight them head on."
The Earl's yellow eyes bored into the foolish duo. "Oh, and we saw how well that worked when you lost my territory in the first place."
They jumped up in their chairs and squeaked in terror. "We're sorry sir."
The boss sighed, "Who has any better ideas?"
Silence lingered over the room for a few moments before Tyki calmly replied, "The Black Order has less members than we do, and most of them aren't actually that strong, only the Exorcists and a few of the Crows are worth anything." The Earl and Road nodded in agreement. "The problem is their technology, we don't what they can do. We can't just rush in, that would put us at a huge disadvantage. Our only option is to find out what they have. That leads us to the real question, how?"
The room quieted again, the Capos either thinking or simply waiting for someone else to respond. Allen swallowed fearfully, and spoke "There are two options I can think of. One, is we launch a sneak attack on them. Right now the territory is fresh and more vulnerable. However, I'm sure they're already suspecting something along those lines, and it's likely they will have some sort of extra precautions in place. The second is that we simply let them be." Most of the Noah capos stared at him, confused yet intrigued by his proposal, only Tyki, Wisely, and the Earl hummed in sudden understanding. Allen continued, "right now the Black Order has just successfully captured one of our most powerful and beloved territories. What do you think they're doing?"
"They'd be drinking and celebrating of course," Lulubell responded almost immediately.
"Really?" Allen asked provocatively.
"No," Wisely interjected, playing with his thumbs. "They'd be reinforcing it and making sure that we can't get it back."
"Exactly. It's unlikely that we'd be able to get it back without severe consequences."
The Earl's angry energy suddenly returned, remembering how big of a deal their loss was. The room grew steadily more uncomfortable for the capos. If Allen didn't feel it as well he'd probably laugh at them.
Allen cleared his throat, "right now the enemy is focused on making sure that we can't get back our land, leaving their own land almost completely unguarded, making this a perfect chance for us to steal what they have."
Road's eyes glistened with excitement. "So basically this is a bigger opportunity for success than it was a loss for us, isn't it."
Allen nodded hesitantly. "Yes, but it would've been better if you hadn't lost it in the first place." Road nodded guiltily.
The Earl thought in silence for a moment before standing up, drawing everyone's attention. "We'll go through Allen-kun's suggestion." He spoke. "I'm giving you all a new job, capture new territories from the Black Order." The Earl's voice became grim and threatening again, "don't you dare mess up this one." They all sweat-dropped. "Now, I'm not forgiving you for your failure, not until you make it up to me. Got it."
"Yes, sir," they said in unison.
The Millennium Earl signaled for them to leave his office, and Allen stood up to follow when the Earl gestured for him to remain seated. Allen complied, perplexed by what his boss wanted.
"Allen-kun," the Earl began when everyone had left. "I'm constantly amazed by your success and prowess since you brought here by Cross." The Earl nearly growled Allen's master's name. He couldn't blame him, Cross wasn't really the best of guys out there.
The Earl's features softened. "I'm ready to accept you as the Underboss, and heir to the Noah Clan."
Allen's eyes widened in surprise and horror. He never wanted to be to be part of the mafia, he had just been dumped here by Cross -curse the man's name- under the pretense that he was the son of Neah, the previous Underboss of the Noah Clan. He hated the mafia. They were cruel and selfish, stealing from and killing the innocent for their own gain. He could hardly withstand the agony of being a mere member, but to lead them. Allen though t he might cry.
"Do you accept?" The Earl continued.
Allen wanted desperately to deny the offer and spit in the man's face, but he knew that the best way to achieve his goal was to gain a higher rank, and in this case the status as Underboss. So hesitantly he swallowed his pride and spoke, his voice quieter than he had expected. "I accept."
The next chapter is longer, I promise. Please review for my sake and yours, and feel free to give me any idea's on how to make the story better. Thank you.