TITLE: seventeen

CHAPTERS: 1

WORD COUNT: 4,424 words

PAIRING: RenIchi

SUMMARY: Ichigo had never wanted to lose his powers, even though they had brought him so much trouble and misfortune, because they gave him the ability to protect those dear to him – and also because they allowed him to be with the one he loved.

RATING: M, seeing as how it involves very sweet sex. Those of you who clicked on this intended to read it anyway, so these letters should mean nothing to you!

DISCLAIMER: Kubo Tite owns BLEACH – and too bad the current arc isn't being animated, because it Totally Kicks Ass. Hopefully one day the anime will see the light of day again – this time, without fillers please.

NOTE: Back in 2013,to commemorate the restart of my fanfic writing and my revived interest in BLEACH, I wrote two new pieces for a short collection, "inu to tsuki", that had been lying around in my HD for the longest time ever – this was one of them. For some reason, I just kept writing and writing, and ended up with this monster, my longest thus far. I've included a heavily abridged and reworked version in "inu to tsuki" – this is the original as it was when I finished it in 2013. Why I left it collecting dust in my HD for another three to four years remains a mystery, though… either way, enjoy!

"There is only one thing I'm waiting for in these blue-tinted days

Keeping in time with the ticking of the clock, my heart beats ever so fast and hard

How long has it been since I started chasing after your shadow?

And I'm still dreaming about those sweetest days that are yet to be"

– Leo Imai, "THE SWEETEST DAY"

The seventeen months in which Ichigo had no powers whatsoever had been utter hell to bear for the both of them.

The day the last shreds of his power disappeared completely, Ichigo had insisted on leaving his bed and going outside to say a proper farewell to Rukia, even though he had just woken up that morning after spending a month asleep. His friends were hesitant to let him step anywhere beyond his bedroom at first on account of his condition, but gave in after much persistence on Ichigo's end, Inoue caving in first and pleading on his behalf because she knew exactly what it was like to want to say a proper farewell to someone dear, having been forced into that position by Ulquiorra not too long ago.

And so, supported by Ishida and Sado, Ichigo unsteadily made his way out of his house, first on slow, tentative steps, then more firmly, as he regained the use of his legs and took his arms off their shoulders. Standing alone in the street, with his three friends standing a small distance away, Inoue with her hands clasped before her, he turned back to see Rukia standing behind him, with her head slightly bowed, her eyes downcast as she took a step towards him, but quickly raised her head up again, her characteristic warm smile on her face.

"Don't look so sad."

"Idiot." Ichigo snorted, though in truth the emptiness welling up inside his heart was getting harder to bear, and he swallowed, forcing his tears down. "I'm not, at all."

The shorter, raven-haired shinigami rolled her eyes. Then, her eyes brightened up briefly, and an impish, cheeky smile flashed across her face as she folded her arms across her chest, looking very smug. "I just realised I'll be able to see you, even though you won't be able to see me anymore. Better be on your best behaviour at all times, eh!"

"Ugh," Ichigo groaned. "That doesn't sound good to me at all. You'd better not be stalking me or something, man."

Silence fell between them, as Ichigo realised that Rukia's image was starting to grow faint before his eyes, almost as if she were disappearing into thin air. It's happening, he thought, even as Rukia remained solemn, her face once against downcast.

"…Say hi to everyone for me." Ichigo whispered, a warm smile on his face. Rukia could only mouth yes in response – a moment later, though, she suddenly looked up, her eyes widened as if she remembered she had one more thing to say –

and it was then that she faded into nothingness completely, her form no longer visible to Ichigo's eyes. The orange-head took a step backwards, the sadness he had been trying to conceal now clearly visible in his eyes, a wistful expression across his face.

Behind a lamppost some distance away, though, Renji could only stand and watch as Rukia said her farewells to Ichigo. He had wanted to go out there so badly, wanted to hold the younger man in his arms once more before he, too, was no longer visible to him, but he held back, struggled to keep his emotions in check even as a single tear rolled down his cheek and past gritted teeth.

As hard as it was for him, he didn't want to make it even harder for Ichigo.

Inoue, Ishida and Sado, though, all knew that he was there, and it was Sado who had turned around to look at him while Ichigo was conversing with Rukia. Renji shook his head slightly, blinking his tears away, as if to say it's all right, and waved slightly at Sado, who returned him his trademark thumbs up and a slight smile – and although the taller man's eyes were covered by his wavy hair, like they usually were, Renji could feel the sadness emanating from them. And he was touched, moved by how Ichigo's friends were so supportive of him, of them together, even if Ishida kept sarcastically commenting that he didn't know which of the two could do better at finding someone, since they were both so pathetically hopeless to begin with.

After Rukia had gone and Ichigo was looking up at the sky, Sado exchanged glances with Ishida, and the latter stepped forward, clearing his throat.

"Kurosaki…" Ishida adjusted his glasses a little, the gesture betraying his nervousness and loss for words, a rare occurrence for the young man. "Abarai, he was…"

"…He was here, looking at you the whole time." Inoue cut in, when she realised that Ishida was having difficulty phrasing what was on his mind, the Quincy giving her a small look of gratitude. She added, in a small voice, "I'm sure Renji-san wanted to say his goodbyes as well."

Ichigo kept his head up, so that his friends wouldn't have to see him cry, but he couldn't take it at last, and slowly turned to face them, his tear-streaked cheeks testament to his emotions. "Yeah… yeah, I wish I could've, too." He sniffed, raising a hand and futilely trying to wipe his tears away, a choked sob escaping his throat.

The next few months were easily the lowest points of Ichigo's life. Often, Karin would go up to his room, only to find him seated at his desk, staring aimlessly out of the window at the cloudless azure sky, a forlorn expression on his face, no doubt thinking of his life as a shinigami, thinking of his friends in Soul Society, thinking of Inoue, Sado and Ishida, thinking of Rukia, thinking of Renji. She'd gaze sadly at her elder brother for a while before silently tip-toeing down the stairs again, sometimes quietly closing the door to his room to allow him some time and space of his own. It was during these times that Yuzu would leave his dinner outside his room and go up again later to retrieve the emptied dishes and bowls, although sometimes they were left untouched, which worried her; even Isshin kept his quiet (to which Karin rolled her eyes and proclaimed that the world was ending), occasionally entering Ichigo's room and placing a hand on his shoulder, his son leaning into his father's warmth and the two of them saying nothing, both reminiscing their lost loves.

It hadn't been easy on Renji, too, needless to say. Rukia would sometimes bring paperwork over for her fellow lieutenant to fill in, only to find his desk vacated, him seated on the porch of the Sixth Division headquarters, a heartbroken expression on his face as he gazed sadly out at nothing in particular, his treasured sunglasses on the floor beside him. Rukia had tried to move in to remind the redhead that there were other things to attend to, only to be stopped by Byakuya, who had put a hand before the petite shinigami and shook his head slightly, a sign for her to let Renji nurse his wounded, grieving heart. (Byakuya fond of Ichigo! The world must be ending, Rukia mused, a thought she later shared with Karin, the two of them agreeing and nodding sagely while Ichigo and Renji scowled at them.)

Renji had occasionally made trips down to Karakura then, his destination always Ichigo's room without fail. Although Ichigo couldn't see nor feel him, he could, and most of the time he'd be seated on the edge of the orange-head's bed, watching him as he slept, usually placing a hand against Ichigo's cheek and holding it there as he looked down contentedly; other times he'd give his younger partner a quick kiss on the lips, chaste and fleeting and nothing at all like the hot, hungry ones they had shared with each other just months ago, while sometimes he'd stroke Ichigo's head gently, running his fingers through his bright orange hair – but always with that tired smile on his face, that sorrowful expression in his eyes. Sometimes Isshin would enter his son's room to find his lover there, and he would greet him with a slight smile and a nod of the head, the two of them spending time in each other's company in Ichigo's room, Isshin silently smoking a cigarette, and Renji taking sips from the glass of whisky Isshin would always have with him at these moments, the two of them occasionally exchanging words in low, hushed voices, careful not to wake the orange-head up.

It was on one such occasion that Isshin had asked Renji if he missed his son, the redhead replying, "Yeah, I definitely do" while not taking his eyes off Ichigo, who appeared to be having a good night's sleep that night, a slight smile on his lips even as he murmured Renji's name in his dreams. Isshin had glanced down at the redhead, seated on the floor, and then looked up again, saying nothing more, although something had evidently been stirred within him, judging by his furrowed brows even as he took in another deep breath of his cigarette.

Then seventeen months passed, and Ichigo soon found himself in the company of Xcution, with Ginjo promising Ichigo to help him reclaim his shinigami powers in exchange for him to help them return to being normal humans again, an offer Ichigo was initially hesitant to take up. Sado's admittance that he felt the pain Ichigo does at not having the power to protect his friends, and that he knew Ichigo had been feeling like a wreck ever since, though, goaded the orange-head into accepting Ginjo's offer – first reluctantly, and then with an increasingly giddy happiness as the entire meaning of it all began sinking in.

He could fight again! He could have the power to protect his friends and family again! He could see his friends from Soul Society again! And… he could see Renji again, a slight smile on Ichigo's face even as his gaze grew tender at that thought. Sado, who was standing a short distance away, saw that smile, and thought to himself that it was the first time he saw Ichigo this happy since he defeated Aizen – and he was happy for his best friend, a grin forming on his own face too even as Riruka scowled, wondering just what the two dumbasses were up to.

Of course, things don't go that easily, never do, and all too late Ichigo realised that what Ginjo had been telling him all along were nothing but lies, as he lay on the ground, the former substitute shinigami gloating above him with Tsukishima standing nearby, even as Ichigo's Fullbring powers, the powers he had worked so hard to attain, the powers he had desperately been longing for, now lay within Ginjo's sword.

Ichigo couldn't believe all that was happening, couldn't believe he had been made a fool of, even as his grip around Ginjo's ankle tightened. "Give me… give me back my powers, Ginjo!"

"Fool." Ginjo snorted, kicking Ichigo's hand away. "I spared you your life, you should be thankful for my mercy. Unless you're telling me you don't want even that?"

Ichigo stood up shakily, his vision blurred, but Ginjo's black, jacket-clad figure all too clear in his eyes even as he turned around and began walking away, and the younger man took two unsteady steps forward, desperation in his voice. "Ginjo, return me my powers!"

The orange-head suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, because he felt a sword run through him; glancing down, he saw the end of a shimmering blue blade sticking out of his chest; turning around, he was shocked to see Urahara and his father standing behind him. Ichigo couldn't believe his eyes – betrayed, at the very end, by two of the people he trusted the most.

"…Dad." Ichigo choked, a tear rolling down the side of his face. "Urahara-san… not… the two of you, too…"

"Idiot." Isshin snorted. "You should be able to see who's holding that sword now, can't you?"

And it was then that Ichigo recognised that all-too-familiar reiatsu, once part of his memories past, now very much a reality he was living in, even as the form of a familiar figure clad in black materialised before his eyes again, Ichigo's brown pupils widening at the sight.

"It's been too long, Ichigo." Rukia's smile was warm, reassuring, comforting, even as the last of the reiatsu in the blade flowed into Ichigo, an enormous explosion catching Ginjo and Tsukishima off guard as they shielded their eyes, the dust slowly settling to reveal Ichigo in a shinigami outfit, Zangetsu slung over his shoulder.

Ginjo's eyes narrowed, and he laughed, Rukia raising an eyebrow at his sudden outburst. "What's this joke all about?" He cackled, raising his broadsword and pointing it at Rukia, unfazed by the action. "Your power alone isn't enough to restore all of his shinigami powers!"

It was then that Ichigo heard his voice, its brashness sending a ripple of joy down his spine and right into the core of his being as his throat grew tighter even as he looked up into the sky from where it originated, his eyes growing wide with surprise, his heart skipping a beat as the Senkaimon slid open, revealing five shadowy figures.

"Dumbass! That sword doesn't contain just Rukia's reiatsu – everyone in the Gotei 13 poured their strength into it!" One of the figures stepped forward, revealing a mane of crimson red, vivid against the black of the shihakusho, a maroon bandanna where a pair of sunglasses would normally be perched, and Renji's very bright grin flashing at Ichigo.

"Renji!" Ichigo was overjoyed to see his partner again, now looking more confident and muscled (and a hell lot hotter) than he remembered him to be, and he couldn't help but blink suddenly, tears starting to well up in his eyes. Renji gazed down at him, the proud gaze in his eyes softening at the sight of the orange-head.

"It's good to be back too, Ichigo", he says, a bit softer than he would've intended or liked to at that moment, and would've continued had it not being for Yukio interrupting their reunion, and immediately they were all thrust into battle against the Fullbringers, their haughtiness and arrogance at having gained a portion of Ichigo's powers quickly knocked out of them as they were all too easily beaten into submission, Kenpachi snorting and grumbling at how they were sent to the human world to clean up fucking ants, even as Yachiru pulled his ears and smacked his head and reminded him that they were all supposed to go back together and for Ken-chan to wait for the rest unless he wanted Gramps to get angry with him, to which Kenpachi retorted, half in annoyance, that she was hurting him.

Ichigo was the last to emerge from his battle, the former substitute shinigami giving him and Ishida quite a run for their money, having learnt Ichigo's abilities as well when he had absorbed his Fullbring, but they had won, Ginjo now lying dead on the ground, his eyes blankly staring at the sky, his last what-if half uttered on his lips.

The orange-headed teen had cast Ginjo a look of sadness, his eyes half-closed, before he heard footsteps behind him, turning around to see Renji approaching him with a grin on his face, Rukia, Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Kenpachi and Ikkaku standing in the background.

"Renji." Ichigo strode forward and caught Renji's extended hand, taking it in a firm handshake, a smile on his face. "It's good to be back."

The older shinigami returned the handshake, smiling back at the shorter man before his expression softened yet again as he pulled Ichigo into a tight embrace, one arm around the orange-head's waist, the other reaching up and between his shoulder blades as he murmured, "I've missed you", and buried his face into the crook of Ichigo's neck, his quiet sniffle inaudible to anyone else but his partner. Ichigo returned the embrace and whispered, "I've missed you, too", resting his nose in Renji's hair and closing his eyes, taking a deep breath in, along with it the sweet, musky scent he'd longed for so terribly the past seventeen months, the familiar warmth he'd craved for on bitterly cold nights which chilled him down to his bones, the-

Ishida cleared his throat rather loudly, and adjusted his glasses. "Um, Kurosaki…"

Ichigo swung backwards, clearly irritated at Ishida for having ruined their moment. "What?!" He growled, before realising that the other shinigami were trying their best not to gape, and turned to look at them as well.

Rukia was trying her best to look away and not appear as if she had been looking very intently and interestedly at them (and failing rather miserably, the faint blush on her cheeks and slightly embarrassed expression on her face giving her away), while Byakuya simply stood there and looked as emotionless as he always did. Hitsugaya had a frown on his face, his arms crossed before his chest even as he tapped the ground with one foot, while Kenpachi sneered, a cackle on his face, and Ikkaku leered and wolf-whistled very loudly, immediately earning himself a huge smack in the face from Yachiru. "Ow, damn it that hurt, fukutaichou!"

"Didn't know you're the lovey-dovey type, Abarai", Kenpachi snickered. "The influence of the princess here?" He jerked his thumb at Byakuya, who narrowed his eyes but said nothing in response, merely turning his nose up in disdain at Zaraki's choice of nickname for him (which, Renji noted, didn't do anything to help his case). "Seriously though, go get a fucking room somewhere, 'cause it's damn bloody obvious you wanna fuck the living daylights outta him and into another universe already."

"Aww c'mon guys…" Renji buried his now very crimson face in his palms, muttering, while Ichigo could only flail his arms about as he tried to stutter, the redness of his face exactly the same as that of Renji's hair, but Byakuya silenced him with a wave of his hand.

"We shall make a move back to Soul Society first, then. I trust you would prefer to stay here for a while, Renji?" The captain said dryly, even though Ichigo thought he saw a slight twinkle in Byakuya's eyes (which scared the heck out of him, he didn't even know Byakuya had an interest in affairs of the carnal nature!).

"Fine, let's." Hitsugaya turned his back on Ichigo and Renji and started walking away, then stopped and looked back over his shoulder. "But don't take too long, Abarai. Come quickly", he added, before realising, belatedly, the unintended pun in his words and quickly turned away, his face flushed with embarrassment. (Rangiku would've been so proud of him for that one – and indeed, she was amused to no end when Ikkaku told her about it later, ribbing her captain mercilessly about it for days afterwards.)

"Look whaddya did, got the little boy talking dirty." Kenpachi snorted, even as he slung Ginjo's body over his shoulder. Ikkaku followed closely behind his captain, sticking his thumb out at the two shinigami standing behind him and yelling, "Go for it, tiger!" His enjoyment of the moment was all too short-lived, though, as Yachiru bit down on his head, something she apparently never gave up doing. "Stop disturbing Icchi and Ren-chan, pachinko-ball head!"

Rukia sighed at the ruckus Ikkaku and Yachiru were causing, and turned to face Renji and Ichigo, a very broad grin on her face. "So don't let us keep you two waiting any longer!" She wiggled her eyebrows, evidently something she had learnt from Isshin during her time in Karakura, before leaning in and, in her best imitation of his voice, said, "And remember, Ichigo, be safe and use protection! And close your door behind you this time!", before skipping away with a smirk on her face, all-too-easily avoiding the swipe Ichigo had made, stopping to high-five Isshin, who gave Ichigo a very salacious grin and a rude gesture involving both hands before scurrying off with Urahara, the latter giving Renji a huge wink as he took off.

The orange-head sighed very loudly and buried his face in his palms in frustration. "Geez, the whole lot of them…" Renji just chuckled and took Ichigo in his arms again, this time burying his nose in Ichigo's hair. "Sorry about how I wasn't, uh… being very subtle?"

"Like you've ever been, red pineapple, c'mon", Ichigo snorted. "And besides, like you can resist having the hots for me, because I'm smokin'", he finished, smirking. The redhead rolled his eyes and smacked the shorter shinigami on his head lightly, even as he smiled. "Damn right 'bout that."

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Their first time making love after so long, there was something almost virginal about it to the point it was almost as if they were doing it all over for the very first time again, both of them taking their time to check each other out slowly, leisurely, thoroughly, completely, obviously in no hurry to rush through anything, but also because they wanted to catch up on what they had both missed so terribly, wanted to re-familiarise themselves with their other's spots all over, wanted to see if there was anything that had changed in their partner.

"Ya've grown taller, haven't ya?" Renji remarked as he paused and looked up from Ichigo's chest, the younger man opening one eye to return the look. "I mean, I have to reach up a bit more now just to reach here", he continued, a finger idly tracing the contours of Ichigo's collarbone, causing the orange-head to bite his lip, even as he shuddered in the sensations of the older shinigami's touch.

"A little, though not as much as when I was in the Dangai training with the old man", Ichigo clarified, Renji making a non-committal "hmm" in reply. "And you", he continued, his fingers reaching up to Renji's chest, "You've become more muscled, no?" as he fingered the redhead's left nipple, one of his sensitive spots, Renji closing his eyes and emitting a low moan of pleasure.

"Yeah, I've been training with Hisagi-san to fight Aizen", Renji replied breathlessly, Ichigo smiling a little.

They're usually fairly loud in sex, because they love to make each other beg (and the other does it oh so willingly and whiningly), and Renji makes a lot of noise, grunts and moans and the yelling of Ichigo's name when he comes, but tonight they're unusually quiet, being exceptionally tender with each other, warm caresses, gentle strokes, and light touches. Ichigo started it first, setting the pace, and Renji followed – also because he's really missed Ichigo and wanted to take it slow and sweet himself, definitely in no hurry to be anywhere else – but it's when he's inside the younger man and the latter held on to him in an embrace tighter than normal that he looked into the orange-head's eyes, seeing trepidation and fear amidst the pleasure and happiness, and suddenly realised what this really was all about –

that Ichigo wanted to savour this moment for as long as he possibly could, partly because it's been such a long time since they were like this, but mostly because he's afraid Renji will suddenly disappear into nowhere once more and he'll be left all alone and hurting again and wants to feel his lover's lingering warmth and touch for as long as it'll last before.

An aching pang pierced Renji's heart as he looked down at the younger man again, appearing so very fragile and vulnerable bathed in the pale moonlight streaming in through the open windows of Ichigo's bedroom, the ghostly white glow highlighting the expression on his face, reflecting the tangle of emotions in his eyes, the redhead having to remind himself that for all Ichigo's gone through so far, he's still only seventeen, barely an adult yet, and he unconsciously moved his right hand up, from where it rested on the bed, to Ichigo's left cheek, stroking it tenderly, causing Ichigo to look up at him. "Renji…?"

"Ya idiot." Renji's tone was just as tender as he spoke softly, gazing into Ichigo's eyes, his right hand now cupping the orange-head's cheek. "I've never gone anywhere else but ya side, haven't I? I'm not going anywhere, Ichigo – I'm always here. Have been, and will always be." He'll tell Ichigo later about how he kept coming to visit during the last seventeen months, and how he thinks what he had said to Isshin about missing Ichigo prompted him to move to get Ichigo's powers restored, despite his having wanted his son to lead a normal life (something which Isshin neither admits to nor denies), which will end up making Ichigo feel even worse about how he was so stupid to have doubted anything, and how he was completely unable to sense Renji's presence in those moments, causing him to shed tears and Renji pulling him into his chest with a smile, letting him cry all of his frustration, relief, sadness and happiness out – but for now, this was enough.

"Renji… thank you." Ichigo stifled a sob and smiled in gratitude, even as the older shinigami began to thrust in and out of him with slow, steady strokes, his left hand reaching down and taking his cock in it, moving in rhythm with his hips, the younger man's breathing starting to become ragged even as he takes all of Renji in, his own hips shifting upwards to meet his partner's, his eyes never leaving Renji's face for one second even as they narrow in pleasure, his arms reaching up to the older shinigami's shoulders for support.

Ichigo came first, white splattering messily all over his abdomen, his chest, the bedsheets, his muscles tightening about Renji's member as he hoarsely whispered his name, his right hand moving from Renji's left shoulder to his cheek, mirroring the redhead's hand. Renji followed very soon after, his entire body tensing, ecstasy written all over his face as he murmured Ichigo's name, slumping over the orange-head's body after he pulled out. They remained like that for a while, pleasantly exhausted, basking in their combined warmth and saying nothing.

It was Ichigo who moved first, raising his right hand and gently separating Renji's left from his cheek, his fingers curling into the older shinigami's in a grip, squeezing gently.

Renji returned the squeeze, tightly, even as he leaned in for a slow, long kiss, which Ichigo complies to willingly, readily, their lips locked tightly, their tongues dancing languidly like lazy butterflies.

He has never let go of Ichigo, and never will.