Yuri! At OURAN

Chapter 4:Physical Exams

By Valravn Wyntrs

Make sure you give a special thanks to RobinaRain (on this site) and madeofmemories (on Ao3), who are editing this story for me.

Yuri's POV

"I already told you, I'm not dressing up like the rest of you," I snap at them, turning away.

"But Yuri-senpai-" the twins say together.

"-then you won't match us or the theme today," Hikaru stresses.

"Yeah, and we picked out a great outfit for you too," Kaoru continues proudly.

"I said no," I growl back at them.

"But even Haruhi is dressing up with us!" Honey adds excitedly. "C'mon, it'll be fun!"

I turn back to them, arms crossed over my chest. "I will be perfectly fine in my school uniform. Now fuck off!"

Haruhi groans, "Just leave him alone, guys. So what if he doesn't dress up? You can't force him. And he's making the club money either way."

"And while I do agree that he might make more if he dressed up, the costume would increase the likelihood of him causing bodily harm by a considerable amount. In the end we would most likely be spending all that extra money on hospital bills. I, personally, would rather not have to experience that." Whoa, thanks a lot Kyoya. Didn't know you had it in you. Sticking up for me while also insulting me, I'm so shocked.

Tamaki and Mori nod in agreement, though Tamaki is most likely agreeing out of fear. He's the product of my rage far more often than any of the other hosts after all, so he has plenty of personal experience. Mori probably just doesn't care.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Why is this even a debate? This isn't even that big of a deal or that important. Also, should I take offence to this?"

"Yes, Yuri-senpai. You should totally be offended that we have to take into account how volatile you are in most every conversation and decision," Haruhi says dryly.

I point at her. "I didn't fucking ask you, you sarcastic twit. That was obviously a rhetorical question."

She rolls her eyes and smiles at me. "Whatever."

And I respond with the proper adult thing to do, by sticking my tongue out at her and flipping her off.

"You know, now you're really starting to sound like a teenage girl. How the hell do you confuse people again?" I ask sweetly with a smirk.

"Oooooooooh," the twins say together, before they start chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

God, do they have to be so annoying? They're even pumping their fists in time with their shouts. Haruhi just shakes her head fondly in dismissal.

"Enough," Kyoya snaps after looking at his watch, cutting off the war calls, "Places please, we need to open the gates."

There are different sounds of excitement or discontent from the group as we do as told. As the gates to the garden open we say as one, "Welcome, ladies."

I sit back and watch the rest of the hosts at work around the garden. I don't think I'll ever get used to just how different everyone functions here. There's always so much random shit happening that I don't think I'll ever be prepared for what I see. I'm far more likely to get exhausted and give up on being shocked anymore, which I honestly find myself doing more every day.

I wouldn't say I necessarily enjoy doing this, because it still feels like a lot of work for a pretty pointless reason to me. But most of the girls are decent, and I'm growing used to the other hosts slowly. I think at first I was hesitant to connect with any of them, but they're persistent enough that that's kind of difficult. Haruhi is easy to get to know, we connect easily on so many different things. Though it's mostly just because we're the only people from a non-wealthy background in a school full of filthy rich people. Of course, living kind of near to each other helps as well.

But she is far more willing than me to spend time with the others and get to know them. So you can imagine how much she drags me into it. I'm not saying I don't connect with them on my own, cause I do. I mean, how can I not get to know Kyoya and Tamaki when I spend so much time a day with them? And out of everyone, Haruhi spends the most time with the twins, so naturally I hear about or even spend time with them sometimes as well. It made it far easier for me to bond with them over defending Haruhi through pranks, and from there it just spiralled because we have a similar mischievous nature. What can I say really, other than I like fuckery?

Despite all that, I'm not quite sure if I would call any of them besides Haruhi a friend yet. I've always been fairly anti-social. I don't make many friends, most don't want to stick around me due to my crass and violent attitude. Or so I've been told. I just don't really trust people, or at least it takes me a lot longer to do so. But I don't know, maybe they'll get there eventually. I obviously don't hate them or anything, otherwise I wouldn't put up with them in the first place. But in my head I still kind of see them as acquaintances. Maybe I should feel bad about that, and I might just a little bit, but overall I realize that's just how I operate. For now, Haruhi trusts them, and that's good enough for me even though I think she's far too nice and forgiving. Besides, I don't want to leave her alone with these idiots. That would just be cruel.

I blink myself out of my thoughts and watch as Tamaki and Haruhi talk in the distance. I can't really hear what they're saying from here, as they aren't being loud enough. They might be having one of those weird moments by the looks of it. I'm not going to be the awkward third wheel on that again, and I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to break it up either. I would rather stay as far away from that painfully oblivious mess as I can. They really need to get it together.

Suddenly the twins pop up to steal all of Haruhi's attention and I may laugh at how Tamaki's face drops. It's probably rude, but can someone honestly be that clueless? I do however laugh outright when the twins both turn to give him the same smug look and Tamaki basically runs away to mope. God, they're really that uncaring aren't they? So bold, honestly, it may even make me a little jealous. They're going to get punched for shit like that one day. Who knows, it may even be me that does it.

While Tamaki is near crying next to a tree, Kyoya just happens to be nearby and is dragged into things as well, the other three remaining fairly unaware of what's going on around them. Poor guy, at the wrong place at the wrong time. I sure wouldn't want to deal with that shit. When he says something that causes Tamaki to absolutely lose it I can see that he got enough payback already. He really doesn't care what he says to people sometimes… Does he realize just how cold he is and how people can take it? Surely he must, but either way it's something I can respect.

When he pulls out a whiteboard with charts and begins some sort of lesson, I turn away to ignore it all. They're giving me a headache and they technically aren't even near me. If anything important happens, they'll tell me later. I need to recharge by myself from all of this grueling social interaction.

"Wait, so we have to do physical exams?" I ask her as we make our way back to the Host Club room.

"Apparently, yeah," she says, not sounding too bothered by it. Neither of us are too worried about her possibly being exposed and not being able to work for the Host Club anymore. It's not like she was really hiding her gender in the first place, people just assumed.

She would find another way to pay back her debt somehow, and if she needed my help I would gladly do so. I could even pay off the debt for her if I wanted, but I would never do anything like that unless she asked. I know she's a really hard working person and wants to do it herself, which I completely understand. A big reason why I'm still around for the extracurricular activity is so she's not alone. I'm not sure if I would stay should she leave as there's not really anything there for me.

I guess we'll just tackle those problems when they come.

"This is fucking ridiculous," I mumble under my breath in exasperation.

"You got that right," she agrees as we make it to the familiar door.

As she opens it she tells the members we already know are inside. "Hey guys, sorry we're so late-"

Before either of us can even blink Tamaki has assaulted her, grabbing her by the shoulders and insisting, "Don't you worry, Haruhi. We're determined to keep your secret. No one will find out that you're really a girl during tomorrow's physical exams. So please, promise you'll stay our beloved secret princess."

God, that was a lot.

She just blinks at him, face blank. "Sure."

I scoff at that, how does she do that? I make my way over to sit in the windowsill across the room as I somewhat pay attention to the conversation going on between the group.

"Oh my god, they got the board out again for some ridiculous plan," I groan to Haruhi as she comes to join me. "Why are they so extra? It isn't that big of a deal."

She just shrugs, not caring about it too much. "I just let them do whatever."

"It's honestly probably better that way," I admit with a nod, going back to some homework I had taken out while Haruhi just observes them all curiously.

After a while she seems to realize something, hitting her fist on the palm of her hand and getting all of our attention.

"I've got it!" she says, holding up a finger and tilting her head slightly in thought. "You guys are worried 'cause if they find out I'm a girl I can't be a Host and therefore can't repay my debt."

Turning away to start running through numbers in her head and under her breath, she doesn't notice all of us basically sweatdrop at her exclamation. No shit, Sherlock. Sometimes I wonder how she can be so smart yet so oblivious.

"Well, guess I'll have to come up with another way to pay you back." She laughs.

My head thumps back against the wall as the rest of them react in outrage. They really don't want her to leave them apparently, it's kind of cute. I guess she is super easy to get along with, she's probably wormed her way into their hearts by now too. They're trying so hard it's actually more amusing than anything else though. There's no need for all of this mess, it's actually pretty simple.

"Are you saying that you hate being a Host!?" Tamaki accuses with a pointed finger. "That you hate this club!?"

"To be honest, I'd have to say yes," she responds immediately.

I nearly die laughing at the look on his face.

"That was priceless Haruhi, good job!" I manage to get out between gasps where I've slumped over. She just raises an eyebrow at me.

She doesn't see Tamaki retreat to his dark little corner as she continues happily, "I mean you guys aren't bad, but if it gets out I'm a girl then there's nothing I can do, you know?"

As she continues to chuckle about it, I decide to try and go back to my work with an amused smirk on my face. The other boys seem more than a little baffled at how nonchalant she is about the whole situation. Do they really expect anything else out of her at this point? Because if they do I don't think we know the same person.

When they talk about motivation to get her in on the plan, I can see the exact moment when Mori figures it out.

"Fancy tuna," he reminds everyone, causing Haruhi to stiffen in realization.

As the rest of them continue to make little comments to bribe her and pull her into the trap, I can only sit back and think of just how ridiculous this situation is. Why am I around this bunch? I truly cannot wrap my brain around it.

They're too good at this. She caves pretty quickly at the prospect of her desired food.

Later when the meeting is over and Kyoya and I are walking out together, I ask him curiously, "What doctors are the ones running these exams?"

He doesn't even look up from writing in his notebook as we walk, responding easily, "My family's."

I smirk at him. "So you could just give Haruhi a private room or something instead of going through all this trouble."

"Well, I have to get my entertainment somehow," he replies. "Besides, Tamaki said we were all homosexual supporting cast. I simply must repay that lovely comment."

My eyebrow twitches at that. Bitch, like I would ever be a side character?! I am 100% gay as hell, but I am nothing but a main role! The nerve!

I nod, that definitely makes sense. "You're an evil man, you know that right?"

"It's my pleasure," he says, finally looking at me with a closed eyed grin.

That creepy bastard, I think with an evil smirk of my own.

These fuckers lied to me, I realize as I look at the mass of people gathered for physical exams. I have never in my life experienced anything even close to this. "It's just the same as any other school," they said. Yeah right, I should have known it wasn't true. Nothing they do here is normal.

I stand back with Kyoya, Honey, and Mori as I watch everything unfold around me. I know I've got a while before they get to my name anyway, and I want no part in this plan at all. I'm completely fine with just being an observer here.

I can't say I'm necessarily mad at what I see here, they are treating the students very nicely. They're even really good about being positive and working on high self esteem when it comes to your health and your looks. Maybe it just feels odd to me because it's not as private as I think the normal experience likely should be. I mean, there are people carting you off to do all of the different things saying it out in the open. There are only curtains there to protect you and sometimes even then they just aren't closed. I'm sure they've done this enough and are professional enough not to have any accidents or slip ups, but still.

As I see many of the guys freely walking around with their shirts off or some variation of it, I feel a bit uncomfortable. Now I'm not ashamed of my body, I really can't be since I'm a professional athlete. People look at me and are completely free to judge because I'm willingly letting my work and my art be televised through things like the fucking Olympics to the entire world. I don't really know what to say though other than normally I try to keep that kind of thing as away from prying eyes as possible. It's not that I'm against it, it's just that sometimes I like to hold on to what little privacy I have left.

Noticing Kyoya had stopped moving next to me despite being so deep in thought, I look back to see him responding to a brown-haired doctor as he walks away. When he turns back, the odd look on his face makes me curious, but I guess I'll just ask him about it later.

Shortly after the twins are taken away and make another big scene, a nurse comes up to me and leads me away to do a few things for my checkup. It's mostly simple things like height, weight, and blood pressure. I can hear people outside in the main area making quite a ruckus while I'm doing that dumb chest measurement thing, though what for I'm unsure.

I walk out after throwing my shirt over my shoulders. I stop in the middle of beginning to button it as I look at the scene before me. Of course it's that idiot.

"What are you doing? You look ridiculous," I tell Tamaki, putting a hand on my hip. The others around us, mostly the other Hosts though, seem to be enjoying it thoroughly. The twins may just die of laughter over there.

"I-I-I- " he tries to stutter out, but he can't as he finally looks over at me.

I try my best to ignore the stares and the shocked looks, just raising an eyebrow at him. Am I really that intimidating? No, I think it's something else.

"What are you looking at!?" I snap at everyone, combing them over with my harsh glare. Many seem stuck blinking brokenly at me, but many flush and look away, trying to pretend they didn't see anything.

I sigh heavily and go back to my original task of buttoning up my shirt. I mean seriously, I always work out and run off to practice all the time, these people know this. Is it really so shocking for me to be in shape? I know very few of them actually seem to realize what I do for a living, but come on people.

"How did you get so in shape?" Hikaru asks.

"Yeah," Kaoru says, "You may even me more muscular than Honey and Mori."

"Is that really any of your business?" I growl at them as I finish and tuck my shirt in, grabbing my school coat to throw on over it. It really wasn't a question, and thankfully it shut them up.

As I go back to Kyoya he mutters a quiet, "Good job."

My glare intensifies as I switch my gaze over to him, snarling out, "You planned that didn't you!?"

He is one of the few that knows what I did, and he obviously had enough control over the situation so far to be able to pull it off.

"Well, we needed a longer distraction," he supplies as if it were common sense and he had done nothing wrong. I'm half-tempted to hit him when he actually walks away while everyone is still recovering. I'm assuming he's finally going to talk to Haruhi and get her to that private room we mentioned in our previous talk, so sadly I do not follow him to beat him up.

He totally deserves it though, I'll pay him back later. Doing that without asking me is a big no in my books, not that I'm actually that upset about it. It's more the principle of the thing at this point.

I'm distracted by that as a few of my normal guests come up to talk to me while the others gather at the edge of my vision. I'm not going to be rude and tell them to fuck off or anything just so I can join in on their nonsense. I'd honestly rather talk to the girls at this point. Never did I think I'd say that in my life.

They finally break me free as we begin to leave as a group, but we're stopped by a disturbance among some girls nearby while we're in the hallway.

"I'm telling the truth," a very upset female student on the floor insists to her nurse and the other girls surrounding her, "One of the doctors grabbed me by my shoulder. He was trying to make a pass at me. I've never been so terrified."

I narrow my eyes at that.

"Wow, how scary!" one of them says.

"Do you think it was a pervert?" another asks worriedly.

I wince at that. Well this isn't good. Someone has to deal with this before it gets out of hand.

"I had a feeling this might happen," Kyoya admits quietly as the group continues to speculate.

We all look at him, a bit shocked.

"What do you mean?" Honey asks, just as curious as the rest of us.

"A bit earlier today, I saw a strange man wearing a white lab coat but clearly not one of our hospitals' doctors," Kyoya admits. My mind flashes back to the brief encounter I saw when I had looked behind at him earlier. That would explain the look on his face at the time. I'd honestly forgotten about it. "And I thought he was a little odd."

"Shouldn't you have said something sooner?" the twins demand as one. I had to admit, I was a little frustrated by that as well.

"Oh well, it's no big deal," he assures them, "I'm sure the security guards will catch him."

"Yeah, whatever," I grumble. "But where is he now? That's the important part."

No matter how good the security is, I don't feel comfortable letting someone like that just roam around. I don't know how much damage I could possibly do against a grown ass man, but I bet I could at least do something until the proper people came to take care of him. Not that that's my plan, but still. People should at least be keeping their eyes on him to make sure he doesn't do anything else he shouldn't or something far worse.

"Tell me, Miss," one of the doctors behind us begins. "Did you happen to see where the pervert doctor was headed?"

"Yes sir, he ran off to the special boys clinic."

Oh no, I think to myself, immediately turning around and bolting that way before the others can even unfreeze themselves from their spots.

Even though I beat them there, I don't want to just barge in. When the doctor finally opens the door I attempt to try and explain the situation before I'm roughly shoved aside. I see blonde hair fly past me and near the curtain Haruhi is likely behind with a shout.

As the others quickly rush in, as much as I would like to help them and make sure Haruhi is okay I think they've got it. I should probably stand back and clear things up with the doctor as well as get the proper people at the very least on their way over right now.

As I finish up with that, I join the others to see Haruhi covered in a school uniform shirt and the very upset male intruder apologizing and basically spewing his life story. No one asked for that like at all. Choosing to ignore it for the most part, I make my way over to Haruhi to make sure she's okay. I don't ask her anything out loud or touch her specifically despite her seeming to be fine, but I don't have to. We can understand by the looks we give each other what the other person means and just being near her is enough of a comfort.

No matter what the guy's intentions, he didn't seem to do anything that freaked Haruhi out too much. She even subtly shifts her body to lean against me. I feel a huge surge of protectiveness run through me.

Of course I feel defensive of those I care about in my life, but basically all of them are older and can fend for themselves. I'm not saying she can't but me worrying for her is a different feeling than the others. It's kind of similar to what I would think an older brother would feel. The only thing somewhat similar is when it comes to my fans, but it's definitely not the same thing.

The more I hear this guy talk the dumber both he and the entire situation seems to me. I mean, come on, the guy didn't even realize where his kid goes to school and that this was very obviously the wrong place.

Eventually instead of letting others deal with it, we get him the best information we can and send him off on his way despite the circumstances.

As the others finish talking about if we even made the right decision and what happened I just pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. "It doesn't even matter now. It's out of our control and what happened, happened. Let's just get out of here so Haruhi can finish her fucking physical and we can be done with this."

These idiots actually seemed like they had forgotten the reason this whole thing started in the first place. If they hadn't left so quickly I'm sure the doctor and I would have beat them out of the room.

I sit back and laugh with the others after Haruhi and I finish telling the story at the dinner table.

"Are you two some sort of trouble magnets?" Viktor asks in awe.

Yuuri chuckles. "It sure seems like it."

"Oh shut up!" I groan at them. "We literally had nothing to do with this!"

"It's still pretty funny though," Haruhi's father admits.

"Our suffering is not funny!" I shout indignantly. "You didn't have to sit through that man's story! It was horrible."

"It wasn't that bad, Yuri-senpai," Haruhi says with an amused shrug.

I glare at them all. "You're all turning on me. I'm going to go call my boyfriend and hang out with my cat. They're far better company than you people."

I say that, but even Otabek laughs at me when I tell him over the phone later. It's okay though, I forgive him. Maybe only because I like the sound of his laugh...