"I fucking hate Valentine's Day," Hijikata said irritably.

"We know," Sanosuke, Shinpachi, and Souji replied in unison.

Saitō nodded.

"It's an overcommercialized, superficial, bullshit calendar holiday for jackasses who are either too stupid or too selfish to tell their significant other they love them the other 364 days of the year," he continued.

"What about leap year?"

"Shut up, Souji."

Souji snickered. They'd all heard this rant before. Hijikata went through the tirade every year.

"Candy and card companies and florist's evil money-making schemes aside, how does Chizuru feel about it?" Sano asked.

Hijikata's scowl softened slightly at the mention of his girlfriend.

The two had met ten months prior at one of the Shinsengumi fraternity's legendary parties. Everyone who was anyone knew they threw killer parties.

Chizuru had gone with a friend who was dating one of the Shinsengumi guys, and Hijikata had gone to see some of his younger fraternity brothers. As fate would have it, they'd hit it off quite well and started dating.

Fate my ass, Hijikata thought. More like meddlesome idiots.

Their meeting had been the result of some matchmaking machinations courtesy of Sen, Souji, and oddly enough, Sen's cousin, Kazama Chikage. Hijikata swore to this day he was just doing it to irritate him.

Asshole.

Saitō cleared his throat, and Souji snapped his fingers impatiently.

"Earth to Hijikata-san. How does Chizuru feel about Valentine's Day?" Souji repeated.

"Thankfully, she couldn't care less. She said she's neutral and happy to do whatever." Hijikata shrugged.

Truth be told, he'd been surprised at her ambivalent response. She'd merely smiled when he told her he loathed the day and said that she didn't really have any strong feelings one way or the other. That she was equally happy to celebrate or not.

"Yeah, yeah, she says that, but you know how girls get this time of year," Shinpachi said suspiciously. He'd been burned more than once by a girl claiming she didn't care, only to have it bite him in the ass.

"Frankly, I don't see where it's any of your damn business." Hijikata glared at them. "Now get the hell out of my office so I can write the quiz for tomorrow."

Sano groaned. "Hijikata-san, don't torture your students again this year. I know you hate Valentine's Day, and I know your doctoral committee is riding your ass, but don't take it out on your students."

His friends and former students alike knew how Hijikata's foul mood on Valentine's Day affected the classes he taught that day. His linguistics classes would absolutely be getting pop quizzes, and if he'd been given an Introduction to Literature class, they'd likely be reading something twisted, like "A Rose for Emily."

"Sano, don't you know that's how he shows his love for them?" Souji smirked wickedly.

"Shut it, Souji. I swear to God, one of these days I'm going to cut your tongue out."

"Promises, promises."

Saitō stepped between them and began shooing his friends out of Hijikata's office. With Hijikata's mood as it was, things could only escalate.

"I need to review my lecture notes before I teach this afternoon, and I'm sure you all have grading or your own coursework," Saitō said to his friends quietly.

Giving a quick wave to Hijikata, he closed the door behind them, following his noisy friends out of the building.

And thus, February fourteenth passed like any other Wednesday. Hijikata taught—some would say tormented—his students and worked on his dissertation, and Chizuru went to class and tutored in the student writing center at the library. They saw each other briefly on campus, and that was that.

February fifteenth was similarly business as usual during the day, and then that evening, Hijikata and Chizuru had dinner with Saitō and his wife, Sen, and Sano and his girlfriend, Kimigiku. Kimigiku worked as a hostess from time to time at a local restaurant, and she regaled them with amusing stories of Valentine's Day mishaps and insanity. She swore it was almost as bad as a full moon. Hijikata was silently happy to have what appeared to be someone who hated the holiday nearly as much as he did.

Midday on Friday, February sixteenth, Hijikata unlocked his office door, dropped his paper-laden briefcase on the floor, and flicked on the light.

And then stood stock-still in surprise.

On his desk sat a bottle of his favorite sake, a canister of his favorite tea, and a wrapped box.

But how did she get in… Never mind.

Souji.

He sat down, carefully unwrapped the box, and opened it to find new brushes, ink, and paper. Presumably for his calligraphy and haikus.

Which Chizuru had found out about courtesy of Souji.

In the box was a simple yet elegant card with sakura blossoms embossed on the front. Inside, it read:

T,
It's not a Valentine's gift if it's not the 14th.
I love you!
C

Hijikata smiled. He just couldn't win with her.

Checking the clock, he saw that it was a quarter past noon. Chizuru finished her classes at 3:50 pm. It would be tight, but hopefully just enough time. But he'd need help.

Fishing his cell phone out of his pocket, he texted Sen.

Hijikata: When you went shopping for your engagement ring, and Chizuru went with you…do you remember what she liked?

Sen: Yes! :-) Are you on campus?

Hijikata: In my office. Humanities building.

Sen: I'm going with you. Meet me out front in 10 min.

Hijikata grabbed his keys and locked up, the whole time unable to keep a grin off his face. I hope you're happy with me, Chizuru. Because I'm never letting you go.

THE END

Author's note: Thank you for reading! This is a totally silly quasi-crack fic courtesy of someone who doesn't care for Valentine's Day herself. But as plot bunnies are wont to do, this one popped up and wouldn't take no for an answer.
Also, a special thank you to impracticaldemon for both advising me and a quick edit. Without her, I couldn't have done it!