McCoy calls Pavel into medbay for a physical and they talk a little in the process. McCoy doesn't say it but he's still a little worried about Pavel's mental health. He hasn't gone more than a week or two without seeing his son since Ender was born and McCoy can't help but wonder if or when he'll crack. Pavel was used to seeing Ender all day every day for most of his life and McCoy thinks he won't be able to adjust as easily as he thinks he can.

"You missing Ender?" McCoy asks, already knowing the answer. He needs to get a certain conversation starting with Pavel and he needs to do so carefully.

"Dah, of course I am. I miss him like crazy. It's just weird without him…"

"How do you think you're going without him?"

"Better than I expected, I guess. I thought I'd be a lot worse. It hasn't been long though, just over three weeks yes? I might feel differently in a month's time, you know."

McCoy nods. "You know how you were asking me if you had separation anxiety?"

"Yes," Pavel says quietly, a little confused.

"It is possible. I'm worried that you're not going to be able to deal with not having Ender around. Not properly anyway. I know you Pavel and you're a gifted man but you don't handle grief or stress in a healthy way. I think you're going to start needing to consult with someone as time passes."

Pavel nods, he knows better than to argue. "I feel like I'm alright with though. So far, at least. He's on my mind a lot, I won't deny that but isn't that normal for a parent?"

"Yes but I'm worried you're not looking after yourself. You're too busy focusing on him. Have you been sleeping and eating properly? In all honesty?"

Pavel bites his lip. He hasn't slept as much and he finds himself forgetting to eat a lot more than he should. He's lost a little weight as well. McCoy gives him his 'I told you so' look and puts his PADD down. He offers Pavel a few tablets for sleep and Pavel takes them, telling himself he'll get himself back on track.

With some effort, Pavel manages to get himself into a slightly healthier routine. He eats and sleeps better, mainly in an effort show McCoy he doesn't need therapy. He tells himself he's fine without his son, that he can manage his own life and it's harder than he expected. He feels a lot more alone without his son around and he misses having someone to talk to, even if they don't respond much.

After a rough patch in space, the ship gets shaken up a little and Pavel finds his room quite disarranged. He isn't overly bothered by it until he finds his little shrine to Ciara on the floor. The picture frame her photo is in is cracked and the xenocrystals Ender collected as a child are on the floor, scattered into smaller broken pieces. He leans down to gather them up and finds his hands shaking a little bit. He picks up the pieces and collects them in his hand, re-erecting the photo when he finishes. He finds himself tearing up and he doesn't know why, looking at the photo and the broken crystals. He replicates a glass bowl and places all the crystals into them, sighing to himself. He replicates another frame and gently takes Ciara's picture from the broken one. He looks at the picture for a while and tells himself that he's fine. He doesn't know if he believes it or not.

Pavel's on the bridge when a message pops up from Ender. He looks at it and reads through it, frowning a little. The message is in Russian, something Pavel would never expect from his son. It's a simple message, just saying he's finished his exams for the term but Pavel can't shake the feeling something is wrong. He messages back asking why he's using Russian and gets a response saying that his lecturer told him to practise. Pavel's glad his son is finally interested in Russian even if it took over a decade and a half. He replies in Russian and goes back to his console, looking out into space.

"Ender?" Sulu asks, a sly grin on his face.

Pavel nods. "He's using Russian for the first time ever. I'm so used to him replying in English. It's kind of weird, really."

Sulu smirks. "I never spoke to my parents in Japanese. I only replied in English. My Japanese is still pretty terrible."

Pavel smiles weakly, "I'm glad you're here to stop me from stressing out over stupid things."

"Hey, I'm the same with Demora. Kids make you a little irrational."

"You're right there," Pavel mutters, turning back towards the viewing screen. He thought after so many years he'd get sick of looking at the stars but it's not a thought that's ever crossed his mind. He doubts it ever will. There's something beautiful about tiny little lights twinkling in the vast blackness. Galaxies floating past his windows, stars just beyond they glass and metal of the Enterprise. He finds it quite beautiful.

Ender continues messaging his father in Russian on a regular basis. Pavel enjoys it a lot more than he thought he would. He asks again for a picture of Camilla but Ender seems to ignore the request. Pavel asks again and Ender eventually caves. The photo is the two of them, obviously taken by her. Camilla is gorgeous, just as Ender had described. She has stunning green eyes and short black hair. She contrasts well against Ender's blonde curls and Pavel smiles fondly at the photo. He's glad his son is happy.

A few days later, Pavel shows Sulu the photo of Ender and Camilla and they grin at it. Sulu reckons Ender looks a lot older than from when he last saw him. He asks if Ender has kissed a girl before and Pavel nods, telling him about Nadie. He mentions he saw them kissing and Sulu laughs, knowing Pavel wouldn't be used to affection.

"At least you're not around them now. You could walk in on things a lot worse than just kissing."

"Oh god," Pavel mutters, realising his sixteen year old son would be completely unsupervised with a girl. "What have I done? I've left him on another planet with a girl and he's…"

Sulu can see his friend freaking out a little and pats his back gently. "Pavel, Ender isn't stupid. He's not going to do anything crazy. He'll be fine."

"He won't be fine, what if he gets her pregnant?"

"He won't get her pregnant, Pavel. Have you given him the talk yet?"

"The talk?"

"You know, STI's, contraception, that sort of thing."

Pavel looks at him, concerned and a little on edge. Sulu tells him he worries too much but Pavel feels no more at ease. He takes his PADD and quickly starts composing a message to Ender. He uses English instead of Russian in the fear of misconveying something. He simply asks if his son is being safe and he gets a question mark in response.

"You're being safe, yes? With Camilla. You're looking after yourself and looking after her, aren't you."

Ender still doesn't really get what his father's trying to tell him and Pavel just gives up and goes for a more direct route.

"You're using or planning to use contraception, right?"

There's a pause between the next response and he get back "Seriously dad…."

"Please tell me you're thinking of these things. I don't want grandchildren yet. Just please don't get her pregnant."

"I won't get her pregnant, we're not even doing anything. Please can we not talk about this."

Pavel sighs and feels like he can't really do much more. He's glad that they're not starting anything yet. He isn't entirely sure how he'd deal if Ender had said otherwise but he tries not to think about it.

"Just be safe, okay."

Pavel can basically feel his son rolls his eyes through the screen but Ender reassures he will. He looks across to Sulu, still with a gentle grin. He has his 'I told you so' look again. Pavel rolls his eyes a little and Sulu claps him gently on the shoulder. He asks when the last time Pavel had a drink was. Pavel says too long.

A half bottle of scotch later, Pavel finds himself a little more drunk than he wanted to be. He blames Sulu. He kept topping up Pavel's glass but never his own. Sulu's still pretty sober but his Russian friend is fairly out of it. He's laying on the floor beside Sulu, a little dizzy but grinning like an idiot.

"You know, I haven't gotten laid in seventeen years. Seventeen years, Mister Sulu."

Sulu laughs at the formalities his drunk friend is using. The last time he was drunk he kept using 'Mister Sulu' too.

"Jesus, Pavel. Seventeen years? I think I'd explode. We need to find you someone."

"Ay, it's not like that. I don't even care about sex anymore. I just want someone to love. I don't want to feel this alone forever."

Sulu frowns at the sudden dejected tone in Pavel's voice. Pavel doesn't always show when he's sad, something that worried Sulu for a long time. Even with Ciara around as a ghost, Pavel was a lot worse mentally than he said he was. He would brush everything off as nothing or tell people he was fine. He worries that Pavel's doing the same thing now, seeming like he's fine but hiding everything else. Sulu fills his drink again in the hopes he can find out what's really on his mind.

"You're not going to be alone forever. You'll find someone Pavel. I know you're nervous but I don't think you need to be."

"What if I can't love her like I loved Ciara? What if I never truly get over Ciara? And what about Ender? What he gets assigned to another ship? How am I going to cope with that? What if something happens and I can't be there? Jesus, I'm scared."

Sulu sits Pavel up and puts his arm around him, helping him to the couch. "There's so much on your mind Pavel, why didn't you ever tell me? You can talk to me you know, you don't have to bottle things up or brush them off."

"Ay, I know but I don't like talking about these things. Maybe I'm just drunk enough to now…"

"I'll have to get you drunk more often then."

Pavel laughs, taking another sip. He honestly doesn't think it's a bad idea but doesn't want to start relying on alcohol to feel better. He messages Ender when Sulu's in the bathroom and through Pavel's bad spelling and half Russian almost incoherent mess, Ender picks up that his father isn't functioning as he normally does. Ender asks what's wrong and Pavel tells him he's had a little too much to drink. Ender hasn't even seen his father tipsy before and he's not really sure how to react. He asks if he's okay and Pavel replies honestly; that he's got a lot on his mind and that he doesn't think he's dealing with them well. Ender's not used to his father admitting he's struggling either but he's glad he is.

"You know you can talk to me, dad. I'm closed off you to you sometimes but it doesn't mean you have to be closed off to me. I do care about you."

Pavel feels himself tearing up a little and he knows it's probably the alcohol but he lowers his PADD for a few seconds to wipe his eyes. Sulu's in the kitchen looking at him and Pavel gives him a weak smile in return. Sulu goes to ask if he's okay but doesn't, knowing the answer.

"Talking to Ender?"

Pavel sniffs and nods, sitting up. He goes into the kitchen and gets himself a drink of water, figuring he should go to sleep before he gets more emotional. He tells Sulu he's going to bed and apologises for the night. Sulu tells him he'll check on him in the morning and Pavel nods, thanking him quietly.