Well, here it is folks. The beginning of the end. The first chapter of the final installment of my exciting Wander over Yonder Epic. Seems like just yesterday I was writing The Game for a contest on DA. Oh well, no point in dragging this out. Wander over Yonder is owned by Disney. Enjoy.

P.S. This chapter picks up right where the last story left off; give or take a few hours.

The Final Problem: Chapter 1.

Suburbia 17.

The smallest and least visually appealing planet in the entire Low-Rent System.

Although, calling this dinky little rock a planet is perhaps being too generous. For in actuality, said 'planet' was less than one sixteenth the size of a small moon. In fact, Suburbia 17 was so small, that it contained just enough landmass to hold two single-story housing units and one solitary strip of asphalt to keep them separated.

To put it bluntly, it was not the sort of place any decent person would ever want to live.

Which is why it was the perfect hiding spot for someone trying to keep a low profile.

Within the tastelessly furnished living room of House S17-A, that's the one on the left just in case you were wondering, a familiar cloaked skeleton sat in darkness upon a comfortable but hideously upholstered couch; waiting impatiently for his loyal Second to finish his appointed task.

"Ugh! Are you done yet?" he asked childishly. "I've been waiting for hours."

"Sir, we've been over this at least a thousand times. The Leaderboard. Is. Down. And refreshing the homepage every five minutes isn't going to make it come back any sooner." Replied Peepers indignantly as he continued to type away at his somewhat new laptop. "Besides, you already know you're in last place, so what's the point of even looking?"

"Uh, duh, Peepers! To scope out the competition. If I'm gonna rebuild my evil empire, then I'll need to know whose butts to kick."

"Sir, I admire your passion, but I'm afraid it's not that simple. Without the Skullship and the other Watchdogs, we're just not setup for conquering planets right now; let alone picking fights with other supervillains. So for the time being, I need you to focus all your excess energy on staying alive. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." The dark lord said immaturely, before muttering something that sounded like, Stupid, know-it-all, eyeball.

"Good." Replied Peepers, apparently overlooking the mumbled insult. "Now if you don't mind, I need to finish updating my resume. There's an opening for a security guard at the local bowling alley, and the pay is just enough to keep us off the streets."

And with that, a sudden awkward silence fell over the room.

For the benefit of those just tuning in, please allow me to shed some light upon this most unusual scene.

After the destruction of over 95% of the Galactic Villain Community, the remaining 5% assumed the worst and… well, they all sort of panicked. Apparently, someone started a rumor a while back that a fanatical religious organization was plotting to exterminate all the evildoers in the universe, and the sudden drop in the local ne'er-do-well popular quickly gave it some credibility. So, in response, many of the surviving no-goodniks opted to either fake their own deaths and go into hiding, or publicly renounce evil and get real jobs. In either case, these random dropouts created such confusion within the GV Community, that the admins running the GVLB were forced to shut the site down until they could make sense of all this madness.

Five weeks later, and still no Leaderboard.

To make matters worse, when the other Watchdogs stationed across the galaxy learned of their fearless leader's supposed demise, they too reacted rather hastily. In their case however, they merely looted everything they could get their grubby little hands on, and fled the galaxy in a mass exodus.

By the time Lord Hater was finally released from the hospital, he was almost completely broke. Fortunately, years ago, Peepers had nagged him into creating an ultra-secret, off world account for just such an emergency. Unfortunately, the dark lord had forgotten about said account long ago, and thus hadn't put any money into it in quite some time. So when the time came to dip into the emergency fund, the two former conquerors barely had enough scratch to rent their new 'base of operations' and keep themselves fed.

There, now that you're all caught up, we now return you to your regularly scheduled story already in progress.

"Look, Sir, about earlier. I'm sorry if I was too harsh." The Grand Watchdog said after an uncomfortable period of silence. "I'm just under a lot of stress right now, but I promise, this whole situation is only temporary. Once we raise enough capital for a new ship we can start hiring some new foot soldiers, and then everything will be just like it was. You'll see."

"Yeah… whatever." The dark lord replied listlessly.

"No, really. It should only take about… a year… or two. But hey, just imagine what you can accomplish with all that free time."

"Like what?"

"Well… you could… take up gardening. Or… maybe develop an appreciation for opera. I don't know. Just… do something constructive."

"Yeah… whatev…"

PING!

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That ping just a second ago."

"I didn't hear anything."

"Well, it was probably the computer. Go and check the leaderboard again."

"But, Sir, we just checked it…."

"Just do it!"

"Alright, alright, but it's not gonna… Oh, what do you know. It's back up."

"Ha! I knew it! Okay Peepers, what am I up against?"

"Hold on, let me just… oh…"

"What? What is it?"

"Sir, you're really not gonna like this."

"What?"

"Well… it looks like there were more deserters than we thought. Including you, there's only three names on the board."

"Who cares! Just tell me who my competition is!"

"Okay, okay. Let's see… in third place, with zero planets, there's you. Then directly above you, with a grand total of three, we have Something the So and So. Then, last but not least, in first place, with a whopping one hundred and ninety-six planets, we have… oh…"

"What? Who is it?"

"Uh… say, how do you feel about having pizza tonight?"

"Don't change the subject! Now tell me who's in first!"

"Well Sir, it's uh… Ted."

"Ted?"

"Yes, Sir… Ted."

"Ted. As in, my old accountant, Ted? As in, the guy who embezzled a huge chunk of my fortune and stole at least fifty of my hard-conquered planets? THAT TED?"

"Um… yes."

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" screamed the dark lord; taking the news much better than Peepers had expected. "That's it! I quit!"

"Quit?" the Grand Watchdog repeated the word as if it were gibberish. "What do mean you quit?"

"Just what I said! I quit! I'm done! I don't want to live in this galaxy anymore!"

"B-B-B-But Sir, you've worked too long and hard. You can't just give up on villainy now!"

"I'm not quitting villainy, stupid. I'm quitting this whole stinking galaxy!"

"What?"

"Peepers, I refuse to live in a place where I'm outdone by an indecisive whatsit and a backstabbing accountant. I could take losing to Dominator. Heck, I could even take losing to Awesome. But this! This is too much! So start packing your bags, we're starting fresh in a brand-new galaxy!"

"Sir, do you have any idea how insane you sound right now? We can't just pack up and go to a new galaxy."

"Says who?"

"Says the laws of physics! We don't have the Skullship anymore, and your van isn't designed for intergalactic travel! We'd run out of fuel long before we even get close to a new galaxy. And that's assuming we don't starve to death or run out of oxygen first!"

"So, what? You're saying I should just lie down and accept all the crap being thrown at me?"

"For the time being, yes. I'm sorry, Sir, but we just don't have any other options."

"Well, now, I wouldn't say that."

Suddenly, both men's eyes were drawn to the far end of the room, where the owner of the mysterious new voice, a familiar, camo clad, purple skinned female, stood casually in the open archway.

"Ripov?" said Hater; sounding both confused and delighted. "Where did you come from?"

"Oh, you know. Around." The purple huntress replied as she casually sauntered into the room. "Just happened to be in the neighborhood. Noticed your window was open, so I figured, why not drop in."

"Yes, well, that was very considerate of you, Ripov. But Lord Hater and I were in the middle of a very important discussion. So I think its best that you just shove off before I …"

"Peepers, where are your manners?" The dark lord cut him off suddenly. "Ripov came all this way just to see us, and now you wanna throw her out? For shame, Peepers. For shame."

From the Grand Watchdog's perspective, his master's intensions were as transparent as a Trzylian Fizzle Snake. But since there was no apparent danger, aside from a sudden spike in his blood pressure, he elected to hold his tongue; if only for the moment.

"Say, Ripov, you look a little tired. Why don't you come have a seat next to me?"

"Well thank you, Killer. Don't mind if I do." She replied graciously, as she plopped down on the couch beside him. "Ah~ That's the ticket. Anyway, I couldn't help but overhear that little screaming match you guys were having. Do you really wanna leave the galaxy that bad?"

"Are you kidding? I'd give my left arm to get out of this star swirl of suck."

"Well then good news, Killer. Cuz I got just what the doctor ordered." Ripov said swaggeringly, as she pulled a small object from out her back pocket and held it up for the two of them to see. "Ta-dah~"

To Hater's untrained eyes, the object appeared to be nothing more than an ordinary pair of scissors; albeit one made of solid gold and covered in rare black opals. But to Peepers, however, they were so much more.

"Are… are those Dimensional Scissors?" he asked, already suspecting the answer. "Those are rare in this part of the universe. Where did you get them?"

"Found 'em in the wreckage of Dommie's old battleship. Reckon she had some big plans for 'em somewhere down the line before she lost her home base. Oh well, her loss is our gain."

"Our gain? What our? There is no our! You are not a part of this team!"

"Oh yes I am. These Scissors are mine, and if you want 'em, then you gotta take me too."

"Who says I want them. I've already got a plan to put Lord Hater back on top."

"Oh yes, your brilliant plan to work at a bowling alley until you can afford a new ship. Get real, Peeps, at minimum wage it'll take you twenty years to raise that kind of scratch, and that's if you're lucky. But with these, you can skip all that crud and get right back to business. And all it will cost you is a heartfelt invitation."

"No way! It was bad enough working with you in that stupid alliance! You couldn't pay me to relive that nightmare! I don't care how many pairs of Dimensional Scissors you have!"

"Oh, but these aren't just ordinary Dimensional Scissors. These are special. They're called Traveler's Scissors, and they have the power to destroy an entire universe."

"I don't care if they can turn frogs into rocket fuel! I will never, I repeat NEVER, let you join this team!"

"Well then it's a good thing it's not your decision." Lord Hater spoke up suddenly; sounding very much like his old, pre-Wander, self. "Last time I checked, I'm still the boss around here, Peepers, and I say she's in."

"What!"

"Sweet!"

"Sir, you can't be serious!"

"Oh, I'm dead serious, Peepers. Those scissors are my ticket to ultimate power."

"But Sir, Ripov's a lunatic. She could be up to something. This can't be a good idea."

"It's probably not a good idea. But if I can use those things to wipe everyone I hate off the face of reality, then it's not a bad idea either."

And with that, Peepers merely let out a miserably sigh of defeat.

His master was far beyond the point of reason now.

"So, Rip." The dark lord said in a tone that could only be described as flirty. "How exactly do these… Traveler's Scissors work?"

"Funny you should ask, Killer." Ripov replied, treating the cloaked skeleton to a flirty tone all her own. "As it turns out, these puppies have quite the history."

"Really? Do tell."

"With pleasure." She said delightedly, pausing for only a moment to clear her throat. "Once upon a time, in a land far, far, far, far, far, far away from here, there lived a great and powerful being known only as the Queen of Darkness."

End Notes:

The Queen of Darkness is also owned by Disney. Just in case you didn't already know. Anyway, that's the end of Chapter 1. I hope you all liked it. And please don't forget to fav, follow, or leave a review before you leave. Until next time, Peace.