Of course, contrary to what he said, he did care. And in the most masculine of men, like him, the burden of caring about someone who's no longer with you is unbearable, because all those feelings that go along with it, the anger, the longing, the regret, cannot be funneled through tears or conversation. These two were certainly out of the question for Gage, so the feelings accumulated once again inside him, like a sickness, and the only way to give vent to them was through fury, through the desire to kill or hurt anyone and anything in his way. He went on like this for about a month, roaming Nuka World in a constant state of rage, always on the edge, like a mine that's about to explode at the slightest touch. Meanwhile, the Raider gangs had grown restless without an Overboss, with each of the leaders itchy to sit on the now unoccupied throne and eliminate the rest. It was all a big mess and he had grown tired of playing the referee. Eventually, and in view of all these, like a Psycho addict's will submits to his habit, his ego got smashed under the force of his longing, and he decided to get out and look for her. Maybe, he thought, maybe he would be able to turn things around; maybe he would be able to make her see things like he wanted her to see them. Even if this failed, however, at least he would lay eyes on her again, and hopefully touch her skin one more time.

During their time together, she'd told him that after she had decided to get out of the Vault where she was born, and roamed around a bit, she had finally settled on a place called Little Pine. She would sometimes reminisce about her peaceful life there, about the friends she had made, about growing the land, and shit like this that made his stomach turn. He would mock her by calling her friends "a bunch of sheep in need of a herder," and then she'd be angry and shut up. But she was rather cute when she got angry and that's mostly why he did it. So anyway, he figured that she would probably go back to that ridiculously named place, and he headed there.

After three days walking under the relentless Commonwealth sun and asking around, he finally found it. How he longed for one them big, fortified settlements, like the one in Bunker Hill, where you could find some fine food, 'cause he was sick and tired of eating grilled molerat all the time; instead, he arrived at a small shitty shantytown that reminded him of the one he grew up in. But if this is what it took to find her…

There was just one pimply boy up on a crudely made guard post to greet him. If all settlements are as poorly guarded as this one, taking the Commonwealth will be a walk in the park, he thought.

"I'm only here to find someone! A girl named…" he yelled to the boy who was pointing his rifle towards him.
"Just… just hand over your heat, mister!" he snapped, leaving him mid-sentence.

He unslung his shotgun from around his neck and gave it to the kid. He followed him with stern eyes to see where he'd store it. He was almost tempted to say, "Don't fucking get it wet, or I'll break your neck," but he restrained himself, not wanting to create a fuss just yet, and then his chances of seeing her would be really slim.

He walked along the main street of the little town. It was early afternoon and everything was really quiet, there were hardly any people around. He saw an old man in a torn leather hat sitting on a wooden platform, resembling a porch of some kind.

"Hey Pops, you know if a girl named Lo lives here? Tall, brunette, half-shaved head…"
"Lo? As in Dolores?"
"Yeah, that's it."
"As in… Lola? Lolita? Dollie?" the old man went on, before he burst into drunken laughter. Jesus, he thought, I'd have half a mind to shoot his head off if I had my heat. Instead, he tried to keep his calm and said:
"D'ya know where I can find her?"
"She ain't here, boy. She's out with th' others, tradin'. But she'll come along, don't ya worry now," he said, adding a little cough-laughter.

Gage just stood there, looking around, not knowing what to do with himself. Last time he was in a settlement with some of the boys, it was for looting and scaring those sheep off into giving them more of their yield. Every time he did that, he felt accomplished in life. He used to see Raiders scare off his own family when he was a kid and he'd sworn he wouldn't end up weak and cowardly like they were. Being now in a position to trample those pathetic farmers down with his boot meant that he'd achieved his goals.

But here he was now, just standing in the middle of that shitty town, like a green kid. Let's hope this is gonna be worth it, he thought.

"Hey, boy, d'ya have a drink? A smoke?" the old man behind him asked.
"Sorry, Pops."

Gage looked at him. He must have been, what? In his sixties perhaps? It was very very rare that he would see a man this age and he thought he could take example from him.

"Pity…" the old man said and spat a gob of phlegm.

On second thoughts, the man was a wino and a dotard. He wanted to live long, but not end up like this.

"Say now," the old man went on, while Gage was kicking dust with his boot to pass time, "ya got the hots for our little Dollie? Got yourself a taste for synth flesh, haven't ya?" He laughed.
"What?" Gage turned to face him wide-eyed. "What did you say?"
"Haaaha… But ain't she fooling us all? Just like a real girl, she is…"

At that point Gage's hand found itself at the old man's throat, pinning him at the wooden wall behind him, despite him being an old guy and all. There had to be some respect for people who had reached that age.

"What did you say, you old fart? You're lying! You're gonna regret this!"

The old man went 'Grrrrlllgglll…" and suddenly Gage felt various hands on his shoulders and round his waist, pulling him away. He released the old man's throat, whose face had turned purple by then, and got free from the hands with a couple of elbow back strikes.

"Stop it!" he heard a familiar voice say.

He turned and saw two men standing in an invisible circle around him, gawking at him as if he was a Deathclaw. He also saw her, on the side of the dirt road. She gave him a glance, but she ran quickly to the old man who was down on his knees on the floor, coughing his heart out, and started yelling, "What did you say? What did you say, you old fool…?" The old guy muttered a weak "I'm sorry, Dollie," in-between the coughs. She then turned to the two guys and said, "It's OK guys, I know him. He's… an old friend." So they let them be. The sun was about to set by that time. "Let's go home," was the only thing she told him. He said nothing. He just followed her.

When they reached her small shack and went inside, she turned to him and said, "I'm so glad to see you," different emotions passing through her glistening eyes. In his eyes, though, there was only rage, and he could barely contain it by a thin thread.

"Is this true?"
"What?"
"Stop fucking playing with me! What the old man said. He said you're a synth. Is it true?"
The corners of her mouth drooped downwards and she got a desperate look about her face. And after a pause of five seconds, which seemed to have lasted a lifetime, she said:
"Yes, it's true."
"You fucking told me you were a Vault dweller!" he yelled exasperatedly.
"Well, what else could I have said? I was trying to survive… I knew I looked different, this was the only plausible story I could come up with. Listen, Gage…"
She tried to touch his shoulder with her hand, but he moved away.
"Don't fucking touch me!" He passed his hand over his face. "Jesus… And to think I came all this way here, for… I don't fucking believe this, this can't be happening…"
"Does it make any difference?" she asked, half-ashamed, half-angry. "I'm just like you, I bleed, I hurt, I… feel. I'm not a machine inside. I was just not born like humans are… That's the only difference."

"I've been thinking of you all the time…," she added.

Gage wasn't looking at her. He was looking down, on the small shack's wooden floor. He suddenly turned around and headed towards the door.

"Don't go…," she said.
"You fucking liar…," he replied, under his breath. He opened the door and went outside, on the dirt road. It was almost dark now. Don't look back, he said to himself, don't you fucking dare to look back at… this thing. He gazed at the road ahead, beyond the settlement's entrance. It was silent and quiet. Like he would be; alone, once again. No body to keep him warm at night, no person to talk to after a day had passed and he was still alive. Surrounded by idiots and with no one with half a brain to understand him.

How could this even be possible? I saw her blood, I even fucked her, for fuck's sakes. And I wasn't able to tell the difference, any difference…

He looked back.

He saw her behind the glassless window of the shack, sitting on a chair and crying, her face buried in her hands. What machine cries like this? She doesn't even know I'm standing here looking at her. He searched in his back pocket and found one cigarette. All these were too much for one day.

Dolores heard the wooden floor creaking. Then she saw two black boots, smudged with dried dirt, standing in front of her.

He crouched to be at her eye level, put the cigarette in his mouth, and asked her, "Hey, you got a light?" She looked up at him, her eyes puffed and red from the crying. These ain't machine eyes, he thought. Pretty eyes. Hazel, like mine.

Thanks for reading this! :)