Cradle Him

Authors Note/Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Game Of Thrones, that credit is due to go to the writers/creators.

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Summary: She would cradle him once.

One Shot

Catelyn Stark looked down at the baby sleeping in the crib, watching the chest of the child rise in deep slow breaths. In other circumstances she would have reached out to caress the baby's cheek, taking a moment to be memorized by the sight of a sweet innocent soul. However this was different, this child was not a Stark by name, only by blood. Ned's blood, not hers. A bastard. It could not be forgotten nor erased from her mind. He had been at war during her pregnancy leaving her alone to care for a newborn babe, and when he returned it had not been at all as joyful as she had anticipated. Ned had rode through the gates of Winterfell with a month old babe in his arms, a boy, a bastard, brought to life by another woman.
Anger had been the emotion that replaced the joy she had anticipated. He had vowed to love her, to never stray but he had. He had fathered another and instead of leaving the little babe with its mother he chose to bring him home. As the months passed by, she tried to forgive Ned to accept the child he bred but the anger resurfaced every time she laid eyes on the babe.
Jon.
It only served her rage to know that he named the bastard after the man he thought a father. It should have been given to child that she would bare him. Her child, Robb, named after the man Ned thought to be a brother. A sweet tender child of one, three months older than his half-brother. She detested the word; Robb should only have had full blooded siblings birthed by her.

The rustle of the furs drew her attention to the child now staring up at her, eyes wide. Cat had tried to love him, to accept him but how could she love a child that was not hers? "If only things had been different. If you were born before your father married me. Maybe then I could have accepted you as he never would have broken his vow to me."

"You must know I never intended for this to be Cat."

She startled, turning to see her husband leaning against the doorframe. He had caught her for a second time standing over the crib. "Yet you did. This could have been our baby, Ned, if you had just came home to me instead. I would have given you another child."

"Oh Cat, it was not about that. I told you, it was a drunken mistake that I do not remember," He crossed the floor to her. "I do know that you despise the child but please do your best to remember that he did not chose the way he was brought into this world."

"If only that was enough to make the anger fade."

Ned placed a hand on her shoulder. "In ten months I have not asked this of you, never have I dared. Perhaps the best way to move forward would be for you to hold the child. Cradle Jon like you would do Robb."

"Ned!" She gazed at him appalled by his sudden request. "Absolutely not!"

"It may help you to see that he is nothing but innocent."

Catelyn stared at the child, unable to make her hands move instinctively like they would do for Robb. "I cannot."

Ned breathed deeply. "Please contemplate it. I am going on a hunt, I shall be back before supper." He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek before leaving her alone once more with the baby, the little one that he claimed a son to keep safe.

Catelyn looked down upon the child once more as the door closed behind her husband. "I wish I could hold you but you must understand why I cannot," She turned to leave invoking a small wail from the child. "Hush now." She turned back to him. "It shall be like I was never here. Sleep." Again she turned yet it only invoked a distressed cry from the little babe, she stopped in her tracks not turning around but waiting to see if he settled yet his crying only seemed to get louder. She could not handle the distressed sound of his cry but the alternative which would be to pick him up did not appeal to her. Walking away seemed like a decent option but the sound of his cry was so similar to Robb's that it was as though it was drawing her in. "What am I to do?" She spoke the words in a whisper to herself, Ned's plea still clear in her mind as she listened to the wail of the baby. It terrified her as much as it repulsed her, if she picked him up to cradle him and the anger faded then she would feel nothing but guilt for having hated him and if she picked him up and the hate intensified then she was scared she would do something to the child that would be in her arms.
The crying got louder and she turned to stand back over the crib, his crying soothed to whimpers and she was surprised to feel her heart flutter a little at the knowledge that she had soothed him just by being in his view. "Perhaps I shall make you a deal, I will cradle you just this once, if we connect then I shall try not to hate you. If we do not connect then in the years to come you must keep your distance. You are my husband's bastard son." She hesitantly reached down to grasp him, her hands shaking as she lifted him into her arms at first holding him away from her chest unsure of whether it would be suitable to hold him close. Jon's eyes had widened, staring at her unblinking. Catelyn knew he didn't understand the way she was around him, he was just ten moons old, not able to comprehend what she battled in her mind.

Catelyn stared down into the eyes of the child, taking in the sight of his features. It was undeniable that he had the Stark blood running through him and for a moment she detected no trace of the mother and that made her feel relieved, if he didn't look like the woman then perhaps it would be easier to tolerate him.
Crying. Nuzzling.
She jumped when she felt him nuzzling her arm trying to get closer. "I am not too sure about this, little one," She pulled him closer to her chest, feeling the zip of electricity run through them. "Oh."

"Ba!"

The sound, the first sound she had heard him make in the time she had been watching over him. "I am not sure what you are trying to say."

"Ba!"

Catelyn reached up and brushed her hand over his black her. "I have felt worse. This isn't as bad as expected. One step at a time I think. Shall you sleep now?" Catelyn watched as he nestled into her arms properly. This wasn't what she had expected when picking him up, she didn't feel hate, no hate, yet she didn't feel love. it was different, like a sense of peace. He was innocent. Holding him made her realise this perhaps a little more time with him and she would begin to tolerate his presence though she made no promises. "Let us sit a while, Jon Snow. If you do not cry then perhaps we have a chance to bond."
A chance, she would give it a chance, for Ned.

Thoughts?

Much Love. x