Do I Have to Say the Words?

A knock on the door startled Sasha out of her thoughts, it was late so it could only be one person

"you know who you wish it really was though" that nagging voice she'd been trying to ignore whispered in her mind.

Opening the door, she smiled and leaned forward to kiss her beau, startled when James ducked his face, stepping past her into the dimly lit room.

"Ok, mind telling me what that was all about?" Sasha motioned with her hand "we've spent the last few months enjoying what I thought was a relationship, and now suddenly you can't bear to kiss me? Avoiding me?"

James ducked his head, looking suitably chagrined, she was right he knew, and it made what he'd come here to do all the harder. Sasha Cooper was an incredible woman – crack shot, spoke multiple languages, strategized better than a 5-star general, and bloody gorgeous.

So, remind me why you're letting her go? His inner voice grumbled Because I'm tired of being second best! He shot back.

"Sasha darling, we really need to talk" he replied "and yes I have been avoiding you, I'm sorry, we promised to be honest with each other, didn't we?"

Sasha nodded, not trusting herself to speak, whether it was from anger or pain, she wasn't quite sure because she knew where this conversation was going. If she was being honest with herself, it had been coming for a while, pretty much since they'd rescued Tom Chandler. Seeing Tom again had proven to Sasha she'd never really gotten over him, stopped loving him, or being mad at him, but she thought she'd done a better job of hiding it. Looking across the room at James's handsome face, she could see the hurt, the pain reflected back at her, and felt the anger she'd felt only a few minutes ago, slip away. He might not be the love of her life, but James deserved better than being loved half-heartedly.

"Did I ever tell you about my niece Jaimie? She loved Mercedes Lackey's, gave me one to read, just before I left London, Burning Water I think it was" James told her, leaving Sasha feeling a little confused, was he breaking up with her or just rambling? "It had a line in it that's quite relevant to us as a matter of fact"

"Go on" Sasha replied, still none the wiser.

"If you can't be with the one you love, don't settle for being with the one you're with" James returned "and that's what you're doing with me, Sasha darling, settling"

He reached out and caressed her face gently, hating the fact he was hurting her, hurting them both, but he couldn't lie to himself anymore. Not after what he'd observed over the last few weeks, he'd always suspected there was something causing Sasha to hold part of herself back. It was not so much as what but whom James had realised, a certain US Navy captain that held Sasha's heart, though he knew neither had acted on their feelings. They were both so damn loyal, she wouldn't make a move whilst she was still in a relationship with him, James, and Chandler would never make a move on someone else's partner. It hadn't taken James long to realise that he would never be first in Sasha's heart, and he was damned if he'd settle for anything, so he'd come to the conclusion he had to be the one to end things, before the relationship died of its own accord, slowly and painfully.

"We both deserve better than settling darling, I've watched you with your Tom – that's the man you love, so I'm letting you go, sweetheart – like I said, we both deserve better than settling for someone" James told her, the pain in his eyes felt like a knife to Sasha's heart, but she couldn't deny the truth of his words.

"I'm sorry James, I never meant to hurt you "Sasha replied "and you're right, you deserve more than I've given you"

James smiled at her sadly, wishing he could accept what she was willing to give, but he knew himself too well - he'd end up hating himself, and Sasha, in time. No, a quick, clean break was best, however much it hurt.

"I've no regrets darling, you're an incredible woman, and you deserve to be happy, we both do" He said, kissing her gently before leaving the room, closing the door behind him quietly.

Sasha stood there for a moment, the tears running silently down her face. She knew Azima would be back soon, her watch due to end in the next half an hour, and whilst she'd come to enjoy the Kenyan woman's quick witted sense of humour, Sasha knew she wasn't ready to share her heartbreak with her. Azima had never understood what Sasha had seen in James as a romantic partner, though she knew her friend had nothing against him as a person. Grabbing her jacket, Sasha left the cabin and made for the one place on the James she knew she wouldn't be disturbed, right now she wanted, no needed solitude. Sasha moved quickly through the corridors of the destroyer she'd come to know like the back of her hand, so totally focused on her destination that she didn't notice Mike as he made his way to the bridge.

Mike watched Sasha as she strode past him, wondering what had caused the look of distress on her face. If he didn't know better, he'd half suspect she'd had an argument with James Fletcher, whom he knew she was seeing, but he couldn't see Fletcher getting that kind of reaction, the relationship seemed so…dull. Like Azima, Mike had no idea what his friend saw in the British agent, but as long as they kept it professional whilst on duty, Mike chose to look the other way. He also knew Sasha and Tom were in no way over their feelings for one another, in fact, from the covert glances the two gave each other when they thought no one was looking he'd say quite the opposite! Truthfully Mike wanted to lock his two friends in a room together until they either screwed each other's brains out or killed one another – anything other than the current situation! Spotting his friend in the commissary, Mike made a spur of the moment decision and let events take their course.

"Hey Tom any idea what's up with Sasha?" he asked, hoping his friend would take the bait. Tom frowned at Mike's words, trying hard not to react, but knowing he still cared too much about Sasha Cooper to profess disinterest.

"Not a clue, why do you ask?" Tom queried, waiting for Mike to fill him in.

"She just flew past me in the P way, looked pretty upset if you ask me" Mike replied, nonchalantly.

"That right? Any idea where she was going?" Tom returned, pretty sure Mike knew exactly where Sasha had headed off too.

"Probably that same bolt hole you use when you need to clear your head" Slattery informed him, trying not to smirk as Tom thanked him for the information and wandered off in search of the woman who still haunted his dreams.

Sasha leaned against the rail, uncaring of the tears that rolled silently down her cheeks. What was wrong with her that she couldn't forget the one man in the world who had rejected her not once but twice? James was a good man who had loved her, yet her heart refused to love anyone but Tom Chandler.

"Sasha – sweetheart, don't cry, please" Tom said, before he could stop himself, he hated seeing her cry.

Sasha swung around only to see the one person she tried to tell herself she didn't want to see. Liar! Her mind jeered at her, and she knew it was true, even now she still wanted him.

"Don't! You don't have the right to call me that! You gave that up remember?" Sasha hissed "Tell me one thing Tom, Why?"

"Why?" Tom asked her, confusion evident on his face.

"Why wasn't I good enough for you? What did I do wrong?" She asked, the pain evident in her voice.

Tom looked at Sasha, stunned for a moment, realising that not once had he ever explained his reasoning to her. So much of their communication was unspoken, it was one of the things he'd both loved about their relationship, the way she just seemed to understand without explanation. It had its downsides too Tom thought belatedly, sometimes the words were necessary – like now.

"It was never about you not being good enough, Sasha, never that!" Tom told her fiercely.

"Then what the hell was it about Tom? I'm not a bloody mind reader!" Sasha shouted back, not caring who could hear them.

"All my life, my professional life, I've put my career first, Darien, my Dad, they made sure I could, but then the virus, Shaw – changed all that" Tom snapped back "For once in my life, I had to put the kids first, they needed me to pick up the pieces, truthfully, I needed them too, I needed to just be Dad"

Sasha looked at him, silently berating herself, she'd been so hurt, feeling rejected not to mention angry at his perceived mistreatment of Kat, she hadn't once thought to look at things from his perspective. Everyone had looked to Tom to lead, as she'd said herself in Asia, he did it with such grace, never shirking his duty or asking others to do what he wouldn't ask of himself. No one though, herself included, had given a thought to the burden of that leadership, the weight of so many hopes and expectations on his shoulders. No wonder he'd walked away, needing desperately to just be Tom, Dad, and nothing more.

"I'm sorry Tom – I never once thought how heavy it all must've been, all of us looking to you for answers" Sasha replied softly, reaching out to take his hand, squeezing it gently.

"I'm sorry too – for not explaining how I felt, it…it's not something that comes easy to me" Tom returned quietly "but it was never about you not being good enough, why would you think that?"

"Well gee, might have something to do with the fact you walked out on me, and now James has dumped me!" Sasha muttered, turning away so he wouldn't see how much she still wanted him, even now – she had her pride.

"Fletcher dumped you?!" Tom asked, startled "Stupid Brit! He wasn't good enough for you anyway"

"Oh, and you are I suppose?" Sasha shot back, still facing away from him, her posture rigid. Tom walked up behind her and slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her against his body. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want her back and if it meant taking advantage of this situation, then he was going to do exactly that.

"To be honest, Sasha, I've never been able to see you with anyone but me" Tom whispered in her ear, as he ran his fingers down her arm, lacing his fingers through hers as he reached her hands. She would either accept, or tell him to go to hell, and right now he wasn't sure which she'd do.

"Are you serious Tom? Please…. don't mess with me, I really couldn't take it right now" Sasha replied, closing her eyes, having him walk out on her a second time would just about kill her.

Slowly he turned her around in his arms, so she could see his face – read the unspoken words in his eyes. But just to be sure, he spoke them aloud – no more misunderstandings!

"I've never been more serious, I want you back in my life, and I'm playing for keeps this time" Tom replied firmly, and backed up the words with a kiss, dropping one hand to thread it through her hair, cradling her head as he deepened the kiss.

Every fibre of his being roared in triumph as she moaned into his mouth, pressing her body against his as they lost themselves in one another. Eventually the need for air drove them apart, and for a moment, Sasha buried her face in the crook of Tom's neck, savouring the feel of being in his arms once more.

"So, does this mean you'll give me a second chance then?" Tom asked hopefully, praying she'd say yes and that he hadn't screwed things up between them completely. She laughed shakily, and stepped back, smiling as she reached up to caress his face, and the beard he currently sported.

"Yes, Tom, I will, but give me a little time, I don't think it's wise to step from one relationship straight into another – I need to….deal with things" she replied, brushing her lips against his. Tom heard the words she wasn't saying – she needed to grieve the end of the relationship with James, a sentiment he completely understood.

"Yours is the next move then Sasha" He said quietly, hoping she wouldn't make him wait too long. There had been so much time lost between them already, he didn't want to waste anymore, but he respected her desire to work through her emotions over the breakup with Fletcher. Tom watched as she walked away, smiling when she turned briefly to blow him a kiss as she left – Sasha always had to have the last word!

In the end, it was nearly a month before Sasha let him know she was ready, via a note slipped under his door, written in her neat copperplate handwriting.

Hey Sailor!

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, fancy a date? I got us a reservation for 20:00 hours at the taverna in the main square, I'll pick you up at 19:30 – don't be late!

XO Sasha

PS: Ditch the beard – sorry sailor, but its gotta go! I don't do facial fuzz!

Tom couldn't help but laugh at the last line – he'd gotten rather fond of the beard, so left it in place, just to see what she'd do. True to her word, Sasha knocked promptly on his door at nineteen thirty, and to say Tom was pleased was an understatement! Goodness knows where she'd found them, there weren't many clothing stores on this Greek island, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Sasha's long, shapely legs encased in black skin tight jeans. She'd capped it off with a form fitting blue t-shirt that enhanced her crystal blue eyes and left nothing to the imagination – and Tom could imagine plenty! Sasha smirked at Tom's blatant ogling - it made her glad she'd caved to Azima's nagging to trade their last few doses of the cure for the outfit. Her friend thoroughly admired Tom and was more than happy to help Sasha's date end well.

"Like what you see sailor?" Sasha purred, smiling suggestively "and I thought I asked you to ditch the fuzz?"

Tom leaned against the doorframe, smirking back at her in a challenging fashion as he rubbed his fingers over his beard.

"Sorry" he replied with a regretful tone, but his eyes said what are you going to do about it then? He was somewhat startled when she pulled a razor out of her jacket pocket, along with what looked to be a travel sized can of shaving foam. Before he could protest, Sasha pushed him back into the rickety wooden chair, straddling him as he sat down.

"Good job I came prepared, then isn't it?" she murmured, and proceeded to apply the shaving foam, before getting rid of said beard.

Tom had never thought of shaving as a sexual act, but the way Sasha shaved him was one of the most erotic experiences of his life. From the way she caressed his face as she applied the foam, to the way she rubbed her crotch against his growing arousal as she wielded the razor, it was a wonder they made it out of the room before Tom gave into the desire to simply abandon dinner and take her right there – but he didn't think the chair would last. Spending Valentine's Day in sickbay getting splinters pulled out of his ass wasn't what he had in mind for wooing back his lady. All through dinner, Sasha toyed with him unashamedly, rubbing her foot up and down his leg under the table, reaching across the table to touch him suggestively every chance she got, and damn if she wasn't enjoying every second of his discomfort! When the waiter came over to ask if they wanted dessert, Tom ignored Sasha's sputtered protest, and paid the man as he all but dragged her out of the restaurant.

No sooner were they back inside the dimly lit room Tom had called home for the last few months, he pushed her up against the wall and kissed Sasha fiercely, thrusting his tongue into her mouth as he reached under her shirt to cup her breasts. Sasha moaned lustily as he trailed a series of kisses down her neck, taking the opportunity to undo his fly and caress his growing hardness. This wasn't going to be slow, sensual lovemaking, too much time and emotion had passed between them, not to mention she'd spent much of the evening deliberately trying to make him loose control like this. Clothes flew in every direction as they stumbled towards the equally rickety bed, tumbling onto the sheets and ignoring the protests of the ageing bedframe as they did so.

Tom thumbed her nipples before drawing one into his mouth and sucking, laving it with his tongue, causing Sasha to arch her back in invitation, running her fingers through his shortened hair as he repeated the move on her other breast. Wasting little time, he kissed his way down her toned stomach, the insides of her thighs, before running his tongue along the edge of her folds, delighting in the hiss of pleasure as he did so. Parting her folds with his fingers, he began sucking and licking her clit, draping Sasha's legs over his shoulders, listening to her moaning loudly as he thrust 1, 2, then 3 fingers into her slick channel, driving her over the edge as her release rippled through her body. Crawling back up her body, Tom kissed her again, grinning in satisfaction at the look of sensual satisfaction on her face.

Sasha noted the satisfied little smirk on his face, and before he could stop her, flipped Tom onto his back, deciding what was sauce for the goose was quite definitely sauce for this gander! Following the same path, Sasha savoured the salty taste of his skin, the groans of satisfaction as she reached her goal, caressing his hardened shaft as she drew it into her mouth. She drove him wild as she stroked his erection with flingers and tongue, the guttural sounds of pleasure he made told Sasha he was close to the edge. Rising to her knees, she positioned his shaft at her entrance, and sank down, whimpering softly in satisfaction at the feel of him inside her, glorying in the look of sheer lust in his eyes as she began to rock her hips, the friction driving them both mad with desire.

Tom watched the look of sensual delight on Sasha's face as she rode him hard, she'd never been shy in bed nor about letting him know what pleased her. He watched as she touched herself unashamedly, rolling her head back as she cupped her own breasts, stroking her nipples to hardened peaks again. Unable to deny his alpha nature for long, Tom rolled Sasha beneath him and began to pound into her, the sound of flesh against flesh, the sounds of their pleasure filled moans filling the air as they rocked towards their release. Suddenly, Sasha arched her body as her orgasm raced down her back, causing her to scream loudly. The soft fluttering of her walls around his turgid shaft triggered Tom's own release, as he collapsed in her arms, nuzzling her neck as the tremors coursed through his body. Withdrawing from her body, he pulled her into his arms, savouring the feel of being with her, making love to her like this – she was no blushing violet, and he loved her for it. Just as he turned to confess his feelings to her, profess his commitment to their relationship, the aged wooden bedframe gave up the ghost and collapsed beneath them, dropping the startled couple to the floor. For a moment, Tom and Sasha looked at one another, and burst out laughing, not quite able to believe what had just happened.

"Did…did we really just break your bed?!" Sasha giggled, as she snuggled into his arms.

"Yup, 'fraid so" Tom drawled, brushing a kiss across her forehead, chuckling quietly.

Looking into each other's eyes, they read the love each felt for the other clearly, neither bothering to hide their feelings for the other.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Sasha" Tom murmured softy "and just so we're clear, I love you"

"Happy Valentine's Day Tom, and so we're clear, I love you too" she replied, sealing their declaration with a kiss, as they drifted off to sleep. Both knew things weren't going to be easy for them, but they'd been given a second chance – one they were determined not to waste, and breaking a bed would make a great story to embarrass the kids with.

THE END!