This piece of fiction contains mature themes and detailed scenes which could be potential serious mental health triggers. Please consider that before deciding whether this is an appropriate story for you to engage with. This will be the only warning.

It had been three weeks since Mason died in Spokane, and they'd started their training sessions again. Rose had needed to get back into a sense of normality, but more than anything she'd needed Dimitri. Things had been difficult for Rose since they got back from the Ski Lodge. Lissa had been preoccupied with helping Christian with what he'd been through, and while she was trying, she was struggling to know how to connect with Rose after everything that had happened. Eddie was dealing with his own grief about losing Mason. Mia had left the Academy, and even Adrian had returned to Court after Mason's funeral . That left Rose alone, and there weren't enough words to describe how messed up things were with her.

So Dimitri had restarted their training, and things started to feel normal again. They'd had a good first day. Running followed by weights, some new attack techniques and then they'd sparred. By the end of it, she felt good. Almost herself again. Their second day had been even better. In the afternoon, they'd sat in comfortable silence side by side next to the sparring mat, and she'd reached over to hug him, putting an arm around him and pulling herself in against his side and chest. "Thank you, Comrade," she'd said, affectionately. "I've needed you."

He'd pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes, and said, " Roza, I've needed you, too." And then he pulled her chin up with one finger and kissed her. A kiss that made their other stolen kisses look poor and mean by comparison. They'd shared more passionate kisses before, so that wasn't what set this one apart. This was different because for the first time he'd intentionally kissed her with love.

He'd smiled and taken her hand. Picking up his duster but leaving their bags he'd guided her out the back door of the gym; the one that led towards the woods. He'd taken her deep within the trees until the exterior lighting of the gym was barely discernable in the distance. Wordlessly he'd thrown down his duster onto the snow, sitting on it before he'd pulled her onto his lap, continuing what he'd started in the gym.

His lips were soft and warm and seemed to be all over her neck and face. They allowed our hands to wander freely, one of his snaking its way under her hoody and stroking her breasts through her sports bra.

"Not here, milaya," he'd mumbled, his voice thick, "But very soon I'm going to kiss you everywhere."

She'd moaned, overcome by the thought of his lips and tongue on her. Fantasizing about him taking her swollen nipples into his hot wet mouth. It was more than she could take, and she'd shifted on his lap, straddling him. Bringing her lips back to his they'd stepped up the intensity of their kisses until they were kissing with complete abandon, his hands on her hips pushing her down against him as she ground herself against the huge bulge in his pants.

"Dimitri! I want you inside me," she'd gasped.

He'd groaned loudly, closing his eyes and rocking his hips upwards as though he was thrusting into her.

"Soon, Roza. I promise soon. But not here. Not like this," and with a tortured gasp he'd lifted her from his lap, sitting her down on the open duster beside him as they both drew ragged breaths and tried to calm themselves. Finally composed, he'd pulled her to face him, cradling her in his arms and laying them back on his jacket. It was cold out. Not snowing but very crisp. However, she was warm curled up in his arms. They lay there talking for almost five hours. He'd been so effusive. It was as though now he'd made the decision to let himself go he was willing to talk to her about anything. It was almost midday when they'd walked back to her dorm.

"What will we say if anyone asks us what we're doing out?" she'd asked nervously, as they collected their gym bags and walked across campus.

"I'll think of something," he'd laughed, all sign of his usual reserved guardian mask gone.

He'd used his guardian keys to disable the alarm on the door at the foot of the fire stairs, letting them into her dorm block without having to pass the matron guarding the front desk. He'd walked her all the way to her door, waiting while she found her key and let herself in. With a careful look up and down the corridor to make sure they were unobserved, he'd pulled her hard against him, kissing her with passion and love.

"I love you, Roza. I'll be dreaming of you," he'd said giving her a final kiss before he turned and walked back down the corridor.

She'd smiled, leaning back against the door for a minute. He was at the end of the hallway when it sunk in what he'd said.

"Dimitri!" she'd whispered.

He'd stopped and turned back to her.

"I love you too!" she'd whispered.

He'd grinned , blew her a kiss and took off down the stairs, presumably to his bed and his fantasies.

She didn't know what to expect the next morning. Would he pretend it hadn't happened? Would he even be at training? In the past when they'd gotten closer than he was comfortable with he'd retreated – withdrawing back into his shell, being brutally professional and indifferent, so she steeled herself ; preparing for him not to be there, or to bark orders at her if he was. What she hadn't anticipated was to be pulled into his embrace and kissed gently.

"Good morning, Roza. Did you have pleasant dreams?"

She couldn't wipe the smile from her face. They trained as normal, each of them smiling when they passed a piece of equipment to the other, and when Dimitri held Rose's ankles as she did her sit-ups.

"Do you have any plans this weekend milaya?" he asked innocently enough when they'd finished for the morning.

"Nope. I'm up to date on my homework. I've even done my washing," she laughed. A gargantuan task, it was something she usually left until she had nothing left to wear but she'd done it a couple of days ago. With no training and Lissa spending every waking moment with Christian, she'd had a lot of hours to kill.

"Good. I think you need to brush up on your survival skills. The others did a three-week camp while you were away. You can't be that long from your studies, but I was going to ask Alberta if you could have a couple of days away practicing your camping and outdoor living skills."

"Camping? I can't think of anything worse!" she snarked.

His face fell a little. "Even if it was with me?"

"Just you?" she whispered, her eyes widening.

"Just me," he confirmed a loaded look passing between their brown eyes.

"I could do that," she uttered, suddenly breathless. Her face flushed and her lips parted in anticipation, it was clear she knew what he was suggesting. "It's snowing out there, should I pack warm things?"

"Pack warm daywear," he directed. "We might do some hiking. Don't worry about warm nightwear; we'll sleep in the cabin."

Smirking at her expression he wished her a good day, heading off to Alberta's office to suggest Rose would benefit from a couple of days off campus and that they could head to the Academy's campsite for the weekend.

"She's still fragile after what happened," he explained to Alberta. "Every time she starts to open up about what occurred she has to go to class, or we're interrupted. She needs to brush up on her outdoor living skills, but maybe while we're hiking she'll talk to me about how she's feeling?"

Alberta thought about it. Belikov had a point. She'd been worried about Rose. It hadn't escaped her attention that while Christian had Lissa and Eddie was talking with the counselor, since her mother left Rose had isolated herself from everyone. She'd been relieved when Belikov had started their training sessions again; Rose seemed to connect with him.

"It will be cold. Possibly too cold to sleep in tents?" she thought out loud, "And there's only one cabin..."

"Alberta, I believe that you forget where I'm from. In Siberia this would not be called cold," he chuckled. "I will put Rose in the cabin, and I will sleep in the tent. If it storms, I'll sleep on the sofa in the cabin. I recall it folds out," he explained.

"Make sure you travel in daylight," Alberta said, giving her grudging approval. "The campsite is warded, but I'll have the wards renewed today. See if you can get through to her on a personal level," she implored.

Dimitri felt a surge of guilt at deceiving the older woman. But he and Rose needed this time alone together. What had grown between them couldn't be denied any longer. Almost losing her at Spokane had been the kick in the ass he'd needed. It was time to live in the here and now. After class at training, he'd shared the good news with Rose.

"Friday after classes we have no training. You're to sleep if you can. We leave at 10 am Saturday to go to the Academy's campsite an hour away. We'll stay Saturday and are due back late Sunday."

"Just the two of us?" she whispered in disbelief.

Dimitri looked around, and noticing they were alone he picked her up and swung her around, giving her a quick kiss.

"Just you and I, milaya," he beamed.

She wasn't sure how she made it through the following twenty-four hours. After stealing more kisses, she and Dimitri had finally parted, and she'd gone to her dorm room to start packing. He'd said they'd be hiking, so she put out her combat boots, her warmest pants, warm tops, and thermals. Then she'd stared at her meager selection of underwear. Mostly old and faded sports bras and crop tops, she had a couple of regular bras but nothing that could be considered pretty.

Not like Lissa's overflowing underwear drawer. Since she and Christian had started getting it on just before Christmas, Lissa had used her never-ending trust fund to amass a never-ending supply of alluring underwear.

And just like that Rose's mood plummeted. All this sneaking around to get one night together. All she wanted was to look desirable for Dimitri. But there was no time to buy something nice, and no money to in any case. She flopped onto her bed, closing her eyes as her fists balled in anger and frustration. Was it too much to ask? Just something for herself? For as long as she could remember, it was 'They come first.' Taking deep breaths, she forced the envious feelings back down. It wasn't Lissa's fault she was free to love whoever she wanted, while Rose wasn't free to love at all.

This anger was coming more and more often. Others had started noticing it and assumed it was a reaction to what had happened at Spokane, but she knew better. It had started before then. It had begun around the time Lissa had said the tablets weren't working so well and she was feeling closer to her magic. Suddenly Rose's mind was catapulted back to something Adrian had said when he'd dream-walked her in Spokane. 'Everyone has light around them, except for you. You have shadows. You take them from Lissa.' She hadn't had the time to think about what he'd meant until now, but it confirmed what she'd already suspected. Lissa's magic came with a price. A darkness. One that she took from Lissa. A darkness that caused these feelings of rage.

Telling herself to suck it up, she plucked her least ugly bra from the pile, digging around until she found some matching panties. Hopefully, Dimitri would be so excited they could finally be together he wouldn't notice what she was wearing, she thought with a small smile.

"You're going away this weekend?" Lissa said with a frown at lunch on Friday. "Tasha's visiting Christian to see how he's going. With Tasha to keep Christian busy, I thought we could spend the weekend together – it's been ages since we've caught up."

Rose could feel the guilt through the bond. Lissa knew she'd been neglecting Rose, but Christian had been so distressed by what had happened at Spokane she'd had to focus her attentions on him. Besides, Rose was always so strong and able to deal with things. She didn't need support in the same way Christian did. Without parents, Christian was all alone. He needed her.

Rose tore herself from Lissa's internal dialogue, feeling the anger and darkness unfurl within her again. Yeah Lissa, because my family is just flocking around, she thought bitterly. Her mother had left the day after Rose received her molnija. This time Rose thought they'd made progress; her mother had seemed to care. But now she was gone again, and things had fallen back to the way it had always been. Out of sight out of mind.

"Sorry. I still have to catch up with everything I missed if I'm going to have any shot at graduating," Rose said, a hard edge to her voice. "So that means outdoor survival training this weekend."

Turning back to her lunch with a scowl, Rose took pleasure in Lissa's guilty start. Even if Lissa didn't comprehend the price Rose paid for her using her magic, that wasn't the only cost of Rose putting her first, and it didn't hurt Princess Perfect to be reminded of it occasionally. Yet almost as soon as the vengeful thoughts overcame Rose, a feeling of shame followed.

"I'm sorry we won't get the chance to catch up," Rose added softly. "I've missed you," she said honestly. She'd said it to try and make Lissa feel better, but it had the opposite effect. Now Lissa felt bad for neglecting Rose and for being the reason she had to train and study so hard to make up for their two years away.

"When's Tasha due?" Rose asked to change the subject.

"She's traveling in daylight, so her plane is arriving in Missoula at 9 am. Guardians are collecting her from the airport so she should be here by eleven."

Rose smiled. She and Dimitri would miss her by an hour. She wondered whether he knew she was coming and whether that had influenced him scheduling the trip or the time of their departure. In the end, she decided she didn't care. He'd said no to Tasha; told her that his heart was elsewhere. And it was Rose he was taking away for a weekend, not Tasha.

The thought cheering her up considerably, Rose was in a good mood for the rest of lunch, and her mood brightened, even more, when she and Lissa walked into Animal Behavior and Physiology in fifth period and saw Dimitri was one of the guardians scheduled to guard their class. He had his detached guardian face on as he surveyed the room, ever vigilant, but she didn't miss the fleeting look of excitement in his eyes when he spotted her. She felt a warmth in her chest and other parts of her. Closing her eyes for a second, she imagined later tonight. When they'd be together, alone at last; no one and nothing to interrupt them.

That thought alone was enough to get her through Precalculus, Moroi Culture 4 and then she had last period free. It used to be Slavic Art with Lissa, but after Natalie had killed Mr. Nagy, the class was discontinued. Lissa had been made to pick up another elective, but because Rose was so behind academically, she got to use the period for study hall. But not today. Today she shot out of Moroi Culture like psi-hounds were after her, racing to her dorm. Jumping into the shower, she shaved her legs, under her arms and scrubbed until everywhere was pristine. Her hair took forever to dry in this weather, so she'd done it yesterday. Still, she braided it carefully before yanking her blinds shut, pulling her pajamas on and climbing into bed, setting her alarm for 9.30 am.

She tossed and turned, not used to being in bed so early. After half an hour or so she managed to fall asleep, waking in surprise and confusion when her alarm went off at 9.30. It took her a second or two to remember why she was waking up at a time she'd typically be starting to think about bed. But as soon as she remembered, she was out of bed and carefully dressing.

Unbraiding her hair, Rose took the time to brush it out until it lay in long loose curls down her back. Just the way Dimitri liked it. She also put on a tiny bit of makeup. Mascara, a little eyeliner, and her favorite lip gloss. The one he'd bought for her. She finished herself off with a subtle spray of perfume. Amor Amor - the one she'd kept from the box Adrian had given her. She stifled a grin at the irony of wearing the perfume Adrian had bought her when getting herself ready to make love with another man. Meh. He'd never know.

With a final look at herself in the mirror, she shouldered her duffel and walked down to the front of the dorms. She'd only been standing there a minute when Dimitri drove up in the same Honda Pilot they'd taken to her Qualifier. He was dressed in casual clothes, his wet hair and the subtle scent of his aftershave evidence he'd also come straight from a shower.

"Rose," he said quietly, his eyes drinking in her form. She knew he wanted to kiss her, but at 10 am the chance of someone seeing them was just too great. He took her bag, slinging it into the back of the car. A quick look revealed the trunk was filled with camping equipment and food. Settling herself into the passenger seat, her stomach was fluttering as Dimitri climbed into the driver's seat beside her.

"Are you ready, Roza?" he asked her softly, his brown eyes staring into hers with undisguised love and anticipation.

"I can't wait," she whispered back, returning his adoring gaze.