Chapter 31: Little Monster

"Songbird…" a hoarse whisper woke me. A warm but trembling hand was at my back. I opened my eyes to see Heart-ears' agonized face and another, pale green gem sitting down next to her and rummaging in a bag. Heart-ears jerked her head back and gasped in horror struck surprise. "Oh my stars… Your face… your… your eye…." tears filled hers as she stared down at me. I tried to speak, but my mouth was dry as sandpaper. I swallowed hard.

"W-water…"

"Here, love, let me…" the pale green gem said and looked at me. "Oh… oh dear…" she inhaled sharply, her fine features twisting into a worried frown. "What did Holly do to her…?"

"Slapped her hard… twice… Because I wouldn't say… wouldn't say who gave her – " Heart-ears' voice broke and she started to cry, hissing out sobs. The green gem looked between me and Heart-ears as if not sure who to tend to. She set her jaw and something was pressed against my chapped lips. "Drink… slowly…" wonderful liquid flowed into my mouth, rehydrating my tongue. A warm fuzzy feeling filled my chest, taking some of the pain away and a lot of the tension in my mind just… vanished… She began to dab at my cheeks with something wet and cold. It became easier to blink somehow and my face didn't feel so… stretched. I adjusted my position slightly and let out a high pitched and shocked yip – my chest was agony – both the gems winced at the sound. "Oh fuck! How long has it been since she's been – " hands lifted my tight shirt and I whined loudly as my swollen, aching, throbbing breasts were exposed. They both stared down at them.

"Love…" the green gem said in a strained sounding voice. "Give… give me the Sepaterium injector… Quickly…" Heart-ears fumbled with something behind the green gem's back and handed a small cylinder with a bend in it to her. "L-little pinch…" a sharp prick on my thigh preceded a wave of relief and I panted as the pain in my chest – in my entire body – faded. "It won't last very long, love… I… I didn't think to bring a milking drone… I thought at least… at least Holly would allow… that…" she wiped her cheek hurriedly.

"It's OK, I've got it, Bean" Heart-ears murmured softly and moved to my other side, then rolled me onto my back carefully and bent down. She began to drink from my breast in long, slow, gentle pulls. The tension in my skin and the weight on my ribcage lessened considerably. She emptied my other breast too as the green gem opened the eyelid to my blurry eye and dripped something liquid into it – my vision cleared.

"We… we can't leave her here…" the green gem said quietly, looking up at Heart-ears with wrinkled eyebrows. "I can't understand how Holly can do this – L19 belongs to the Diamonds…"

"Bean…"

"She's been without food and water for more than thirty six hours!" apparently Bean hissed anxiously. "I'm not going to let another one die because of Holly's… Holly's fucking pride!" their eyes met above my head. "She'll know instantly if I take her to the med bay – or into the med staff quarters – I know she checks on the surveillance there often t-to keep an eye on… on Madam…" she trailed off. "I… I could ask Pins to keep playing the loop we set up – it's pretty good – Holly won't notice unless she actually looks at the feed for more than a few minutes and then… then maybe I'll finally have been able to convince her to send L19 into the zoo…" they looked at each other for a long moment.

"OK… I'll take her to the guard quarters, but… the others don't know we're doing this… I think they'd all help, but… With XJ and Shorty destabilized, they might not want to risk it… We'll have to keep the coms open at all times – if Holly even gets a whiff of what we're doing…"

"I know…" Bean leaned her forehead against Heart-ears'. "If we get going now Holly will still be busy with the aftermath of the Ball – I know Iolite and Emerald wanted a look at the surrogates… And with the state Holly's in – stars… I don't understand how she's even standing upright"

"Well…" Heart-ears' eyes darkened for a moment, then she blinked. "I think it's better if I don't tell anyone I'm bringing Songbird – they won't be able to say no when they see her face… Everyone'll miss her when she gets sent into the zoo, but… it'll be so much better for her in there"

"Convince them of that, love… I'll send Trix over later with some more ointment and things – she'll need lots of fluids and constant supervision. I need you to keep an eye on her temperature, and her actual eye… It should be fine, but if she gets an infection…"

"I'll do my very best, Bean"

"I know you will, love…" they kissed briefly. "Let's get moving"

"OK" Heart-ears picked me up gently, cradling my head to her broad chest, then she began to walk. They were silent now, moving hurriedly through the corridors. Heart-ears held me tenderly and looked down on me every so often, her face worried and stern. I didn't understand what was going on other than that it didn't hurt anymore. And that I wasn't alone.

Bean split off after a while, they kissed goodbye and Heart-ears gripped me a little tighter.

"We'll be there soon, Songbird… And then you'll get to sleep on a nice bed, with pillows and everything…"

"P-pillows…" I mumbled against her chest.

"That's right… big soft pillows…"

A few minutes later I heard the familiar sound of the guard quarters doors opening and closing. Heart-ears took a steadying breath and moved quicker as gasps and whispers rose around us. After half a minute I was put down on something soft and a warm blanket was put over me. I looked up at Heart-ears – but she had turned her back. I moved my head to see the other gems approaching cautiously, looking frightened.

"Heart-ears – what did you do?!" someone asked in a worried voice. "Have you lost your fucking mind?!"

"Listen – guys it's – " Heart-ears began but was interrupted by someone else.

"Holly's going to shatter you! She'll shatter all of us!"

"Oh come on, she wouldn't – who would that leave to boss around? The peridots?" someone snapped.

"Guys – " Heart-ears raised her hands in a calming gesture, but the others kept talking over her.

"What? Are you just going to leave her on the bed?"

"Holly is going to find out!"

"And who's gonna tell her? I won't!"

"Maybe we should tell her…?"

"No! It's not like she'd just shatter Heart-ears for it! Everyone in this room will be destroyed!"

"You think so?"

"Why did you bring her here? And where has she been?"

"How is she?"

"Does she know Holly whipped Shorty and XJ back into their gems?!"

They were getting too loud and I whimpered, afraid their raised voices meant I was going to get hit again. Everyone fell silent at my pitiful little noise and they gathered around my bed warily.

"The plan is…" Heart-ears began and no one interrupted her this time. "To convince Holly to send Songbird into the zoo. Alpha 2XB and the other peridots are on it, but we couldn't leave Songbird in the isolation block… She hadn't been fed or milked since we last did…"

"But that was like… before Holly's raid…" XT said with a worried wrinkle between her eyes. "Oh… fuck…"

"Yeah. And Holly is keeping an eye on the med bay and the peridots' quarters, and Alpha 1XA, so… this was the only place to take her. I know some of you might not… want or dare to help or whatever because of Shorty and XJ but… Just look at her… she looks better now than when me and Alpha 2XB found her, but… Look at what Holly did to her eye… to her face… She was just going to let her stay in isolation – I don't even know how long she's going to be mad about this! But we've bought some time. A few days, maybe a week – if we can just keep her hidden she'll recover and then she can just be in the zoo where she belongs… Where she should have been all this time…"

"Heart-ears is right, you guys…" it was Skinny's voice. "We've got to take care of our girl… It's not fair that she's being punished for what we did – she didn't ask us to bring her those things" she came into my field of vision and knelt down by my shoulder and stroked my hair gently. "Hey p-pretty one… Oh, my sweet girl…" she pulled the blanket up to my chin and kissed my forehead carefully.

"Skinny…" I mumbled.

"How in the cosmos are the peridots going to convince Holly to put her in the zoo?" someone asked.

"I don't know" Heart-ears said quietly. "But they're on it. We just have to do our part – keep Songbird secret and safe until they succeed"

"Maybe they'll tell her Ambrosia needs to be pregnant or something? To keep up with demand for her offspring? 6XT told me there have been sixteen pre-bookings…" Twinkle Toes said.

"Whatever they tell her it'll be better for her in the zoo – much better. She'll have human friends and they'll get to play and romp and all that…"

"I'm going to miss her though…"

"We all will, but… is it really fair to keep her with us… with Holly – because we don't want to… miss her?" Skinny asked the room in general, stroking my cheek now. Silence followed her statement, then a soft murmur of conversation broke out and I closed my eyes.

It was maybe a day later and I was lying in XO's big warm lap, her hand stroking my belly softly. I was drifting in and out of sleep, listening to her deep, steady breathing. There was a commotion over by the door and XO quickly covered me with a blanket. Her body was very tense for a moment, then she relaxed.

"Oh my fucking stars… I thought we were in trouble there for a second" she chuckled as she lifted the blanket and met my gaze. Laughter and woops and loud enthusiastic talking was coming from the group of gems on the other side of the room. I looked over there, seeing more gems hurrying toward them. "What's going on?" XO wondered aloud. "Hey, XU – what's up?" she called to XU as the gem ran over there.

"Dunno! Gonna find out!" I watched her go and join the others. After a few minutes she turned to us. "Hey XO, Ambrosia, get over here! This is awesome!" XO grinned and then looked down at me.

"You want to go have a look?" she asked me excitedly. I felt a little unsure – I really just wanted to sleep. But she was looking so upbeat – it made me happy to see something other than worry on her face. I smiled weakly and nodded. "Alright, up we get" we walked over there slowly.

"You guys won't believe this" XU grinned broadly at us. "Hey, let 'em through!" she pushed XR's shoulder to get her to move. The crowd parted a little and I peered a little curiously between them. They were all standing in a circle around… a very short purple gem. She had her back against me and looked to be smaller than Shorty.

"XO, cutie pie – meet 8XM!" Twinkle Toes said enthusiastically.

"8XM?! Are you serious, Twinkle Toes?!" XO gasped from behind me.

"Twinkle Toes? Cutie pie? Pff! You guys have some weak ass nickna – " the tiny gem had turned around and the grin she had been wearing slid off her face. "E…?" she asked me with wrinkled eyebrows. I looked at her, feeling confused. She walked up to me slowly. "It is you!" she threw her arms around my waist suddenly and gave me a rib cracking hug. I gasped at the unexpected embrace and at the way her head bumped my sore breasts.

"Off… off!" I whimpered – large hands pulled the tiny gem away and Skinny and XO stepped in front of me protectively.

"What the fuck? Get off me!" the small gem exclaimed, staring around at the gems holding her arms. Twinkle Toes bent down to pick me up and stroked my back soothingly.

"You OK, cutie pie?" she asked quietly. I put my arm over my chest and winced. Twinkle Toes wrinkled her eyebrows in sympathy.

"What's with the attack-hugs, 8XM?" Skinny asked in an icy tone. "She's sensitive – can't just do that without her permission"

"Not cool dude" XO stated firmly.

"What?" 8XM looked really confused. "Erica what the hell?" she was looking up at me in Twinkle Toes' arms and wearing an expression of utmost confusion.

"Her name is Ambrosia" Twinkle Toes said testily. "Well, she has many names, but none of them is Eri-ca"

"Uh, yeah it is?" 8XM said sarcastically. "Her name is Erica Katheryn Brooks, you fuck wad" the gems took on slightly more threatening poses now and she looked around at them all like they were crazy, then realization seemed to dawn on her. "Oh yeah… Steven said your memory was all fucked up… Shit, you don't remember your own name?" she looked up at me uncertainly. I wrinkled my eyebrows at her.

"S-Steven…?" that name was familiar…

"Yeah, Steven! Um… Do you remember him? Or… me?" she was talking softer now and the gems looked confused at the change in her tone. I shook my head uncertainly. "Shit… I thought the others were going to be the ones to find you. Ugh! This is such a Pearl thing to deal with! Oh – do you remember her? Pearl?"

"Yellow… pearl…?"

"Uh, no" she scoffed.

"Blue… pearl…?"

"No! Our Pearl! Gem on the forehead? Pale as a ghost? Ballet?"

"What are you talking about?" Skinny demanded, getting tired of this nonsensical babbling.

"Erica is my friend! We live in Beach City – on Earth!"

"Home…" I said quietly, my forehead creased in concentration. It was so hard to think…

"Yeah that's right! Home! You and Jasper have a house and a Cake-cat together"

"Cake… Kitten…"

"Yes! Your cute little kitten, with the studded collar – hey why the fuck is she wearing a collar?!" 8XM glared round at the other gems.

"Uh… Because Blue Diamond gave it to her, duh" XP said, rolling her eyes.

"That's her! That's who kidnapped you!" 8XM said agitatedly. "You and Greg and Steven were out looking for some broken down old gem stuff and – hey where are your lights?"

"Her what?" Twinkle Toes asked.

"Her lights! The butterflies and the lightning and the sparkly memory clouds!" 8XM waved her arms.

"Memory… clouds…" I lifted my hand to touch my collar. I had made clouds with the Diamonds when they took it off. "Makes them… not happen…"

"Why is she so weird?!" 8XM exploded in frustration. "That's not the E I know!"

"She's not weird! She's wonderful!" Twinkle Toes snapped and kissed my forehead. 8XM stared.

"She's affected by the suppressors in the food" Skinny said defensively. "Makes her talk a bit slow, yeah – but so what?"

"'Suppressors'?"

"Yeah, keeps the humans calm and stuff. Happy go lucky" 8XM made a disgusted gasp.

"Well, un-suppress her then! We've gotta get a move on!"

"Get a move on where exactly?" Skinny asked.

"Back home!"

"Earth?"

"Yes!"

"Home… Want… want to go… home…" I said, nodding, feeling very strongly about this.

"What? But you are home…" Twinkle Toes said, sounding hurt. I squirmed out of her arms and approached the tiny gem.

"Take me… home…? To… Cake-cat?"

"Yes, that's why we're here, E! To get you and Greg and go home" 8XM nodded emphatically. "Jasper and the others have to be around here somewhere, that Holly ick-gem took them off somewhere, like on a tour or something?"

"Jasper?" Twinkle Toes asked.

"Yeah – oh man… She's been so worried about you…" 8XM looked suddenly sad. "Hasn't slept or eaten properly since you guys got nabbed… She kept telling me there's no point without her little monster…" something… broke free in my head at the phrase 'little monster'. Some memories trickled back to me…

"B-beast…?" 8XM looked up at me, delight in her eyes.

"You do remember! Yeah, your big buff beastie! Oh fuck what else do you guys say… uhh… Oh!" she cleared her throat and began to sing. "Who are you, who are you? That I must bow so low. Only a cat of a different coat, that's all the truth I know"

"A… coat of… gold… A coat of… red… A lion still has… claws…" I sang back and 8XM beamed at me, the other gems staring at the both of us. "And mine are long and sharp my lord, as long and sharp as yours…" I paused for breath in the silence that followed. It was still so hard to think but… I knew this little gem… "A-Amethyst…?" a big grin spread across her face now and she nodded, looking distinctly teary eyed. "Amethyst…" names flooded my mind. "And Steven… and Pearl… Peridot… Garnet… Jasper… Jasper… My big… beautiful Jasper… Not Yellow Diamond's Jasper… Not Pink Diamond's Jasper… Your own Jasper…" I remembered her scent… Her impossibly soft hair… Her warm hands on my belly… Our bed… Our house… Our Cake… I began to cry and fell into her arms. "Amethyst…" I sobbed.

"See! She's my E! Jasper's little monster! And we are going home!"

"Are you sure about this, Skinny?" Bean asked in a whisper.

"No, but… isn't this better than the zoo? If she can go home… Even if it might not be around for long, she'd be… free… Maybe she could live a good long life before it's destroyed…"

"Get on with it already!" Amethyst said agitatedly. "And the earth isn't going to be destroyed, we handled that mess!" Skinny stared at her, stunned.

"8XM, you're sure she's… nice? Without the suppressors?" Bean looked down at Amethyst, rolling the injector between her fingers nervously.

"Yeah she's nice in general but I'm pretty sure she's going to be pissed the hell off – but that doesn't fucking matter because this bullshit mind-control drug thing ends right fucking now!" Amethyst grabbed the injector and put it against my arm before anyone could react. There was a sharp prick and I winced – everyone stared in shock. For a moment, nothing happened and then… Things started coming into focus… My vision cleared, my mind cleared – I could think! Finally I could think!

"About motherfucking time…" I said and rubbed my temples, then clicked my jaw loudly. All my memories came rushing back and I staggered as the heavy, dark, depraved things that had happened to me since I got to this place slammed into my consciousness. Nausea gripped my guts. "I'm gonna hurl..."

"Well that's certainly E" Amethyst said quietly, sounding oddly proud. "Get her a bucket or something!" something was pressed into my hands and I dry heaved a few breaths and then my stomach turned itself inside out – I tried my best to not remember how much fucking sperm I had been forced to eat or drink or whatever to call it – but that just made me more nauseous. When my belly was empty the back of my throat tasted of bitter bile – and even though it was awful – at least it didn't taste like cum. Or cubes.

OK, I thought in my spinning head. I closed my eyes and shut everything else out. I've got to decide right now… Are the guards my friends… or my rapists? Even if some part of me – Ambrosia – had wanted to – and she had wanted to – have sex with them, I hadn't been able to give consent because I was drugged... I hadn't been myself. I had been her… But they had been nice… Taken care of her and by extension me… fed me… taken me to the med bay to get help… and to have my eggs harvested… And they had comforted me… Held me after Holly had so sadistically violated my body time and time again. Holly was most definitely a rapist… And what about Madam? Oh, Madam… 6XT? 5XF's little impromptu licking of my pussy while I was not only drugged, but sedated as well? It was too confusing… I vomited some more.

At least… everyone except Holly had showed me some kindness… They had cared for me. Cared about me. Helped me… In their minds they hadn't done anything wrong… They had seen me as a pet? A friend? A… sub? A slave? All of the above? Maybe it was too much to try to decide on now… But could I trust them – the guards – to help me and Amethyst find the others? I needed to go into action mode… There wouldn't be any me left to work out my feelings if we couldn't get away from this fucked up place… Action mode. Don't get afraid, get angry… Don't overthink… Just use the anger to get home and then… break down. Get home. The only thing that mattered. The beast inside me sniffed the air expectantly. Not off the chain yet, but… Almost…

I took a deep steadying breath and stood up straight, rolling my shoulders. Ambrosia had walked differently than me – a little hunched over. I twisted my back so that it cracked and some tension left me. I reached up and unbuckled the collar and let it fall to the floor with a clunk. Now I could breathe… I opened my eyes and looked down on the clothes I was wearing and grimaced. I was practically naked… My eyes focused on the diamond necklaces. I yanked them off and dropped them on the floor too. I turned around and sound came back to me.

"Amethyst, let's get the fuck out of here" blue and green sparks accompanied my words. The guard gems and Bean jerked their heads back in surprise.

"Now we're talking!" Amethyst said with an approving grimace.

"Are you going to help us… Or stand in our way?" I looked at the other gems warily as the blue and green sparks faded, my body tensing up. The gems looked at each other uncertainly and Amethyst stepped up next to me, taking my hand and raising her other to her gem in preparation.

"Her voice is different…" Twinkle Toes said quietly.

"Ambrosia, we – " Skinny began.

"I'm not… Ambrosia anymore…" I said in as a controlled a voice as I could manage, looking her squarely in the eye. "Or cutie pie, Songbird, duchess, sweet girl or kitten… I am Erica Katheryn motherfucking Brooks and I am going home… If you ever truly cared for me – I mean – for Ambrosia, you will not… try to stop us leaving…" faint tendrils of blue and green light arched through the air. They all stared at me, looking apprehensive.

"We're… not going to stop you… Eri-ca…" Skinny said, sounding hurt.

"Great! Let's go then!" Amethyst said loudly. "I think the best idea is if we get to the ship and just wait there"

"Which… which bay was it?" Skinny's voice was a little hoarse.

"Uhh… the one where those two were guarding" Amethyst pointed to XR and XP.

"Bay six, Skinny" XP supplied.

"Aren't… aren't you going to say goodbye?" Twinkle Toes asked meekly. I turned my head to look at her.

"I'm… sorry but I don't know how to feel about all of you" all the gems looked confused.

"But…" XO began.

"I know you did things, nice things mostly, to and with… Ambrosia… But that wasn't me… You don't know me… If I had had a choice – if my mind had been clear and I could have decided for myself I might have gone as far as snuggling with you because… because you are nice and kind and you did take care of me – of her and all that but… I wouldn't have had sex with you… I would never do that to Jasper – it just not me…" they all looked really hurt now and it tore at my heart to break their little bubble. Puffs of green and black left me. I wouldn't lie to make them feel better about… effectively raping me for more than a month…

"They made you have sex with them?!" Amethyst demanded, glaring at the gems.

"They didn't make me… Ambrosia wanted to and when she didn't want to, they respected that but… Oh, this situation is so fucked up!" my resolve broke suddenly, anger being replaced by fear and pain. "I'm practically nude! I've been kidnapped, drugged, kept prisoner, my body used by I don't know how many people, my eggs harvested, and I've been beaten, starved, pimped out, experimented on and fucking milked! I can't deal with all of this, it-it's too much!" red, purple and black poured out of me and I grabbed my head in both hands, feeling like it was going to explode with all the stampeding traumatic memories. "S-sometimes… s-some crimes… go slipping through the cracks… but these two… gumshoes… are picking up the slack…" I forced myself to sing my calm down song and Amethyst hugged my waist. It took several minutes for me to reach some sort of calm. I told myself that I'd just have to hold on until we got to the ship, and then I could break down properly. When I was back in Jasper's arms… I took a deep, ragged breath and looked up at the gems. They looked… worried and confused now.

"Hey, E…" Amethyst looked up at me worriedly too. "We'll get you home and everything's gonna be OK… You're strong, you can get through this biz too…" I hugged her back, ignoring the tension in my breasts.

"Um… Eri-ca? We're… sorry if… that we… hurt you…" XO said quietly and I looked up at her. "We didn't know… We've never really got to be around a human before – certainly not a wild one… Like actually get to know them… I know that we um… got to know Ambrosia instead of you or however to put it, but… we never ever wanted to hurt her… Or you, now…" there was a chorus of quiet and careful ascent and nods. Many of them looked… ashamed.

"Were we like… were we like Holly to you?" Twinkle Toes asked with tears in her eyes.

"What? No!" I said before I could stop myself – the air filled with green, red and purple sparks. Oh, this was fucking agony – I didn't know if I wanted them to hurt and feel bad or not. They should, right? They should feel guilty and ashamed! But… they didn't know what they had been doing was wrong… so wrong… "You're not like Holly…" wait… Weren't they like Jasper? Like Peridot? Told the world was a certain way and with no other source of information, no one to contradict the skewed view they were force-fed – how could they have known…? I felt so torn…

"Um… we were going to give this to you tonight but… seeing as you're leaving…" Skinny stepped away a moment. When she returned she was holding something in her arms. "Cory showed me how to put it back together before she left. It's not… pretty like it was but… it's whole" she held out my hoodie to me hopefully. I stared at it. Skinny was wearing a faint smile that faded when I didn't take it immediately. "I'm sorry…" she looked extremely dejected and lowered the garment.

"Th-thank you…" I took the hoodie and put it on slowly, then put the hood up. That made me feel better – less naked. Protected. Skinny smiled tentatively. "We should… get going…"

"R-right" Twinkle Toes said quietly. I could hear sniffs coming from some of the gems now. My heart ached to hear that.

"We'll take you" XR said, setting her face and squaring her shoulders, giving XT a nudge. "We're supposed to be guarding bay six – if Holly finds we abandoned our station…"

We were hurrying through the maze like corridors, XR leading the way. Amethyst and I were holding hands. Running was painful and I had to put my other under my aching breasts to keep them from bouncing too much. Had they never heard of bras? I probably needed to be… milked… But that was a problem to be solved later. When we were safely on the ship and heading home. My heart was beating fast and I felt so exposed out in the corridors like this. After a while we arrived at a big square door.

"It's just through here" XT said quietly, then tapped at the panel. The door slid open and we ran inside – it was a huge and long room, full of roaming eyes.

"Which ship did you come in?" I asked Amethyst nervously.

"That one over th-"

"Shh!" XR shushed us, looking suddenly panic stricken. "Eri-ca! Hide!" she waved her hands at me and I ran to hide behind a pillar.

" – wonderful to have you, your Grand Clarity! Blue Diamond will be so pleased! Three new humans in less than two months – we haven't had that many in the last century!" that was Holly's voice. I felt sick.

"It was my pleasure. Pearl, go start the ship" was that… Sapphire?

"Yes, your Grand Clarity…" that was Pearl's voice! I peered out from behind the pillar. Pearl was walking hurriedly toward one of the roaming eyes.

"Do have a safe trip and don't hesitate to visit again – so sorry you missed the Centennial Ball"

"I was destined to miss it"

"Ah, yes. See you at the next one perhaps?"

"Yes, I surely will attend" Sapphire sounded a little strained. "I will take my leave. Goodbye"

"Goodbye, your Grand Clarity!" there was a thump and a whine from XR or XT. "Salute the Sapphire as she departs, you dirty cunts!" Holly hissed icily.

"Yes, Holly!"

Holly marched away, the sound of her heels fading into the distance. My shoulders relaxed, but I told myself to wait until the door had closed. Sapphire, Ruby, Amethyst and… and Jasper – oh my fucking gods… there she was – she looked different – her hair was shorter, she was shorter, and she was wearing the uniform I had found her in, but the diamond insignia on her chest was white – the door slid shut finally and I was just about to run out from behind the pillar when it opened again.

"Steven! Oh thank the stars!" Ruby said, sounding enormously relieved.

"Guys! I think she's coming back! Let's go!" everyone started running.

"Erica, come on!" Amethyst shouted at me. For a moment I stood frozen, terrified to face them all. Then I swallowed the fear and darted out, holding my chest as I ran to catch up with the others. They were just a hundred or so yards ahead of me – Jasper was standing by the door to the ship, hurrying the others along – then she met my gaze – and changed back into the shape I knew and loved so very, very much.

"Beastie!" I shouted, the relief and happiness bursting forth within me almost overwhelming. Butterflies in orange, pink, gold and white and red sparks streamed around me as I ran, my eyes locked on her exhausted, smiling face. I would be in her arms in seconds! My beastie, my sweetheart, Melamin… Then her smile faded to be replaced by a look of horror. My stomach filled with cold as her eyes fell on something behind me – time seemed to slow as she began running toward me, shouting something I couldn't hear over the blood pounding in my ears. Then something wrapped itself around my ankle and I fell to the ground with a crash.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Holly bellowed at the top of her lungs. "What is L19 doing out of confinement?!" I was being dragged across the floor on my back in jerks, stunned from my fall – I could taste blood in my mouth. I looked back to see Jasper charging toward me, her helmet flashing into existence. "What do you think you're doing?! Stand down!" Holly snapped indignantly and dragged me into the air by the front of my shirt. It felt vile to be held by her and I started to panic – 'Open'… 'Your ass is starting to like this' echoed in my mind and images, snatches of grunts and vague and horrible sensations overwhelmed me. I whimpered pitifully, tears stinging my eyes.

"LET HER GO!" Jasper roared. Holly looked from Jasper to me and then back to Jasper. I struggled to get free, my brain finally kicking into gear at the sound of Jasper's voice.

"Why do you want... this?" Holly hissed, her grip tightening, making it hard to breathe. Fear was swarming around in my mind. No… Fight back… Cold dead… Cold dead, INSIDE! No, please, I've got to fight… fight her…

"I SAID LET HER GO!"

Holly shifted her grip so she was holding me by the scruff of my neck instead – the hoodie rose around my throat and started to choke me. Jasper was standing twenty yards away, panting and looking beyond furious. "This human belongs to Blue Diamond, she is not for sale. And I will not have her stolen!"

"SHE DOESN'T BELONG TO ANYONE YOU CUNT!"

"Amethysts! Detain that jasper!" footsteps approached from behind.

"No – !" I wheezed. XR and XT appeared in my field of vision, they both looked terrified. I didn't know who they were more afraid of – Holly or Jasper.

"I said detain her!" Holly bellowed, cracking her whip loudly. Both XR and XT flinched, then ran toward Jasper. That did it – the shock of seeing my love, my beastie attacked, knowing how much she must have worried and agonized over not being able to help – it sent an explosion of anger through me. I growled and twisted around, sinking my teeth into Holly's wrist and biting down as hard as I possibly could. For a split second mine and Holly's eyes met – there was shock and pain in her face – then she dropped me to the floor. It's my turn now – the creature inside demanded and I… gave in to it… And then finally, finally… the beast was off its chain. Rage filled my veins with fire and my chest inflated as I drew in an angry breath. I glared at Holly.

"You!" I snarled, spitting red and blue sparks. Holly took a step back, looking alarmed. "You sick fuck!" Holly gasped at the thunder that rolled at my words. Gods I hated her!

"Step back you little shit!" she shouted at me, raising her whip as I approached.

"NO!" my breath was blue vapor and sparks – Holly took several more steps back now.

"L19 I'm warning you!"

"That's not – my – FUCKING – NAME!" I roared – the thunderclap was deafening and the bolt of lightning that issued from me struck Holly square in the chest – she was thrown off her feet and fell hard onto the ground, but scrabbled upright, a look of fear in her eyes now. That's right – you should be afraid of me… the beast inside me snarled triumphantly.

"Guards!" she shrieked, backing up further.

"You kept me as your slave!" another, louder roll of thunder and a bigger bolt of lightning shot out of me, striking Holly's shoulder and making her spin around. I kept moving forward slowly, forcing her up the stairs. Herding her…

"GUARDS!" her voice was higher pitched now.

"You drugged me!" the lights turned red, hitting her other shoulder. She lifted her whip in terror. "You tortured me!" she had her back up against the door and the bolt hit her in the stomach, shoving her into it with a loud clang.

"Please!" she pleaded – momentarily the beast was confused – I had never heard her voice sound like that. 'Please'? "I was just – just following orders!" fire filled my veins at her false words.

"LIAR!" I was so lost in rage now the next strike landed on the door, and not Holly's terrified face. I stood panting a few yards from her. "ASSUME THE POSITION!" I bellowed sparks that singed her boots and cape. Lighting seared over my hands at the same time and she cowered and turned slowly, putting her hands up against the metal. "ON YOUR KNEES!" she knelt down, shaking in the shower of sparks, patches of her uniform smoldering. "So you do understand what I'm saying…" I hissed at her. "That's funny…"

"O-of course I understand! But what could a human ever have to say that's important?!" she blurted, then tensed up, looking terrified at her own words.

"You… sadistic… fuck" I growled out red, blue and black buzzing sparks. I was so disgusted! The memory of her shoving her cock up my ass in the corridor screamed across my mind – she had understood me! And she had kept going, pretending to think it was Shorty who had giggled! I stepped up behind her and put my hand on her gem – she twitched.

"What are you doing?! Get your dirty little paws off my – " I grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head against the door – she grunted and I leaned forward and whispered in her ear;

"You belong to me now… You wretched… twisted… RAPIST!" she shut her eyes at the blinding light of my red rage and I closed my lightning wrapped hand around her gem, put one foot in the small of her back and pulled. My thunder-accompanied growl of effort was overtaken by her surprised, shrill cry of pain as my lights skittered and leapt around her head – then her body disappeared in an explosion of white smoke and my hair and clothes billowed in the sudden gust of wind – the mangled doors buckled and fell – the entire guard squad stood right behind it, jumping out of the way as it clanged to the ground. The sound echoed through the corridor as I panted red and blue tendrils of light, my breath ragged and the stench of burning flesh filling my nostrils. Holly's gem was in my bloody, blistered and blackened hand. I stared at the mess with revulsion. The memories of what she had done to me – no, to Ambrosia – swirled in my head, the noises and physical sensations almost making me stagger. I steadied myself with a hiss of blue sparks and red lightning. Holly didn't deserve to live… She was a savage sadistic slave driver… I raised my hand to throw the tear shaped gem onto the floor –

"Erica – don't!" I stopped jerkily, the voice reaching inside of me, beyond the anger and into my true self. It was so innocent… He was so innocent… I turned around, my chest still heaving, the pain caused by my anger creeping into my consciousness. Steven stood a little way away from me. "Don't shatter her…" he said with a pleading expression on his face. Rage rose inside me like a wave.

"Why the fuck not?!" I spat sparks and tendrils of red light.

"Because we don't shatter gems! Not even really, really bad ones like her!" his words were beseeching and he took a step toward me, holding out his hand. "I know what she did to you… I know how she v-violated you… You don't know how sorry I am, Erica!" his eyes were suddenly streaming, great big tears of pain and regret rolling down his cheeks. "This was all my fault! If I hadn't wanted answers so badly, none of this would ever have happened!" he looked devastated… Compassion kicked anger aside – I hated to see him so broken…

"You… didn't do this, Steven…" I said croakily. "Holly did this…" we both looked at the gem in my burned hand. I could see the bones of my fingers…

"Erica – your – your hand!" he ran up to me, licking both his palms and grabbing my red blistered wrist carefully. "Please work, please work, please work" he mumbled quietly, closing his red rimmed eyes tight. I felt warmth flow from him and into me – not warm and fuzzy – his warmth… Rose's warmth… All my aches disappeared except for the pain in my chest and the skin on my hand turned slowly pink again as healthy flesh grew back. Steven held out his own hand and met my gaze. He wouldn't take the gem from me. I had to decide what to do. A choice… I had a choice.

I stood irresolute for a moment, my anger fighting to regain control over my body, but my true self held it off easily. It was over… It had done its job. Now it was time for me to be the real me. No more rage. No more drugs. Just me. And what would I do? No… what couldn't I do? I couldn't kill Holly in front of Steven. Even though I wanted to. All of me wanted her to die. But I couldn't do that to him… And would I be able to live with myself knowing that I had truly and forever ended someone else's life – on purpose? No… I wouldn't and couldn't do that to myself. Not even for someone like Holly.

Steven waited with his hand held out to me. I could see the others approaching from behind him. My love, my friends… I wanted to go home…

I took a deep breath, then put the blue gem in Steven's hand.

"Thank you…" he said and gave me a warm smile. "I knew she didn't destroy you…" he threw his arms around my waist and hugged me tenderly. And then they were all around me – Jasper's strong arms around my shoulders, pressing my head into her chest – Pearl's thin frame against my back, Ruby and Sapphire embracing both Steven and me, Greg and Amethyst joined in on the hug too somehow. Something… broke inside me. The dam just… burst and I began to cry. All the arms around me tightened and I felt my knees give way – but they were all holding me up.

"My little – little monster…" Jasper sobbed, her soft lips kissing my forehead and the top of my head, then she buried her gem in my hair and wailed… I had never heard her cry like that. Her powerful, ragged breaths shook all of us. "I've missed you so much! I love you, I love you, I love you…" the fact that she was showing this level of emotion not only to me, but to everyone else – including the entire guard – made me realize just how much she must love me, and how scared she must have been…

"I l-love you too, beastie…" I whimpered. "I love a-all of you… Thank you… Thank you for coming to get us…"

"There's absolutely no way in hell we'd leave you in a place like this" Pearl said indistinctly from my left shoulder. The others agreed.

"I waited so long for you to come into the zoo…" Greg said hoarsely and I pulled him closer to me, holding onto his neck with a trembling arm – I was so relieved to see him, touch him... A flash of the moment we had been separated, the rage and fear I had felt as we were pulled apart in front of Blue Diamond leapt across my mind, but was quickly shoved aside by the more urgent relief I felt at being back in the arms of my friends. We remained in the embrace until we were all out of tears – it took a really long time. I could stand on my own two feet again. After we had extracted ourselves from the lengthy group hug I turned around to see the guards still standing behind the fallen door, they were looking stunned and were whispering to each other. In front of all of them stood… Madam…

"Hello… Erica Kath-eryn Brooks…" she said with a small smile. "Don't worry, I'm not here to stop you… Not that I could… I would just ask you to leave… Holly Blue Agate with us… I give you my word that she will not be… shattered… I am not in the business of ending lives, as you know…" she took a dignified few steps toward us and the gems around me tensed up, Jasper summoning her helmet, Steven his shield, Amethyst her whip and Pearl drew two spears from her gem, holding one out to me.

"It's… OK…" I said quietly, putting a hand on Jasper and Pearl's shoulders. "Ma – hah – Alpha 1XA is… not like Holly…" the blue gem gave me another, warmer smile, apparently not intimidated by the bristling gems in front of her.

"With Holly… indisposed… I am in command of this station… And I hereby declare L19 and K52 deceased… They passed away from a virus carried by… the zoo inhabitants… Which means that… No new humans can be added to it for fear of the virus… mutating and possibly causing another… accident…" she indicated Holly's gem in Steven's free hand. "And it will be my recommendation… That all your genetic material be purged… to spare any child the slow and painful death that claimed… the one should never have been their mother… in the first place…" I looked at her in astonishment, then bit my lip. My eggs…

"Give me your word" I said intensely, low thunder rumbled out of the air and the guard gems looked frightened. "That no child of mine will be born or made here… Or genetically fiddled with or added to your genepool in any way, shape or form. No stem cells. No blood. Nothing will remain" I stared hard at Alpha 1XA and she took a step back, her smile faltering a little. "My babies… our babies will be born and raised on earth, by me and Jasper. And my… family… " I squeezed Pearl's shoulder and felt her back straighten proudly. Jasper let out a growl for emphasis – adding to the rumble of thunder – it made the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end. "Your word" Alpha 1XA stood up straighter.

"I… Facet Alpha-H8J, Cut-1XA… Swear on – "

"Not the diamonds" I interjected.

"I… Facet Alpha-H8J, Cut-1XA… Swear on my honor that everything you left here will be destroyed… Except for the memories you gave us…" she said it in her soft voice, but her stance was professional and rich in dignity.

"Your word is your bond" I said seriously, she nodded and we exchanged a look that made me feel as if she truly understood the importance of my demand. It made me feel extremely relieved. "Steven… give her the gem… I trust she'll put it somewhere safe. Where Holly can't do any more damage to anyone. Ever" I said quietly.

"As you say…" Alpha 1XA nodded slowly. The tension dropped as my shoulders sagged a little. Both Jasper and Pearl were standing close to me, as they relaxed I felt one small cool hand between my shoulder blades, and a large warm one on my right hip.

"N-no more Holly… ever?" XL asked uncertainly.

"Precisely…" Alpha 1XA said, a smile appearing on her face again, now that I was no longer glaring at her. "The records will show her… untimely demise the unfortunate consequence of L19's… viral infection… And since Holly so unwisely and against regulations kept L19… out of the zoo… She only has herself to blame… A story anyone who ever interacted with Holly… would easily believe…"

"But you're not actually going to shatter her?" Skinny asked apprehensively.

"No… You are known as Skinny, correct…?" Skinny nodded in response. "No, I have a rather… fitting solution in mind… We need a gem to power the outer ring… Or… perhaps the waste management processor… could use a fresh one… Maybe it'll knock out a few... kinks…"

"Hah! Second option please" I said with a hoarse bark of laughter and a burst of ragged red and blue butterflies and sparks. Steven walked up to Alpha 1XA and handed over the gemstone carefully. She encased it in a pale blue bubble and tapped the top.

"I will deal with her… when time permits…" Alpha 1XA looked rather pleased.

"Like seriously… no more Holly?" XG asked incredulously.

"Oh my stars, she's gone… Like for sure gone!" XU whooped and picked a stunned looking XF up and swung her around. I looked at Alpha 1XA and struggled with my feelings about her. But I had to ask… I'd always wonder if I didn't. I took Jasper's hand in mine and she held it tightly as if she never wanted to let go of it again. It gave me strength.

"Alpha 1XA…" I said quietly. Alpha 1XA looked at me and took a step closer. Jasper's hand tightened further around my fingers.

"Yes… Erica…?"

"Are you… alright?" she raised her eyebrows at me. The guards seemed to have understood Holly wasn't suddenly going to pop out of nowhere and were cheering and hugging.

"Yes I am…" she said, a slightly strained expression coming over her features. "I didn't understand your… message at first… but then it became very evident it was not you… and I could disengage the receiver and… activate the defense mechanism… And Holly hadn't been able to… subject me to her promised 'severe punishment' yet – having been very much… affected by my… safety precautions… So yes, I am fine… And thank you… for sparing me what was sure to be… a very painful and humiliating experience…" she smiled at me gratefully. "Keep… my gift, if you wish…" she said very quietly and my cheeks heated up. I had completely forgotten about my – or was it only Ambrosia's – dick. Before I could answer, Jasper held out her closed fist to Alpha 1XA, then opened it to reveal XR and XT's gems.

"Take them before I change my mind…" she said in a low growl – her voice settled the guards' celebration.

"Oh fuck me! That is Beta-XB!" XP yelled suddenly. "You were right, XE!"

"No way! 'The Kindergartner that could'!"

"What?" Heart-ears stepped forward slightly.

"Oh man, that's really her – oh my stars!"

"Shit – I get it now!" Twinkle Toes shouted, her eyes wide, pointing at me and Jasper with her large pink hand. "You told us – you told me and Skinny – your lover, she was tall and safe – looked like me but like Skinny! A big jasper – of course you have a thing for jaspers – oh my stars… you… you were wanting her this entire time… Oh, and Heart-ears… Oh…" her expression was soft and she looked about to start crying. "Oh, cutie p-, I mean… Erica… Aw… Please don't hate us… We… we didn't know it wasn't… wasn't you we got to know…"

"She is your… oh, fuuuck…" Skinny groaned from somewhere in the crowd.

"Whatever you want to do, I'm behind you, Melamin…" Jasper said in a low voice. "Fight, talk… or run…"

"Fuck, that's really her…" XU said in awe.

"They… they did the best they could… under the circumstances…" I said quietly, looking at all the guards, feeling torn. "They… didn't know what they were doing was… wrong…" everyone had fallen silent. The guards all looked at me with mixed emotions on their faces. Some looked dejected and worried, some wore sad smiles and some, like Twinkle Toes, were crying. A few even looked terrified.

"F-for what it's w-worth… we're really sorry…" XO said tentatively. The others nodded silently. Now I felt even more torn. A part of me wanted to go hug them and the other parts… Just wanted to go home… If I had not been drugged into… Ambrosia… then the guards would have listened and not forced themselves on me, just like they respected a 'no' from Ambrosia… But would that have made everything Holly did… worse? The drugs had kept me from being scared, most of the time… It… it would have been indescribably bad without the drugs…

"You were not like Holly… and… thank you for the good things…" I said, forcing myself to look Skinny in the eye. I wouldn't have been able to put up with what had happened since I got here. Ambrosia had gone through it all instead… Who was she? Someone innocent… Like some sort of… drunken, childlike mind state with no inhibitions and a humungous appetite for… anything that took her fancy. And she cared… She really was – and I groaned internally – a sweet girl… I squeezed Jasper's hand and she stopped glaring at the guards and turned to look down on me instead.

"A-are you really… really living on earth, XB?" Heart-ears asked, taking a tentative step forward. Jasper looked up a moment, then her eyes widened.

"XC?" she looked shocked.

"Yeah…" Heart-ears took another step. "Been a long time…" she wore an uncertain smile.

"Yeah…" Jasper sounded completely stunned, then a grin spread across her face. "Prime's got – "

" – nothing on this Beta" Heart-ears completed the sentence and beamed, then they both drew their heads back and slammed their foreheads together – helmets appearing and making a loud rocky clang. Both seemed completely unaffected by the collision and Jasper chuckled while Heart-ears blushed and smiled. Skinny let out a tutting sigh and folded her arms.

"See you haven't changed, XI" Jasper turned to her with a cocky grin.

"You obviously have…" Skinny said, looking confused, afraid and impressed.

"Thanks to my little monster…" Jasper looked at me, her expression softening. "Be happy about that. You know I'd have pulverized you if it weren't for her asking me not to. Not that she'd need any help with destabilizing any of you" she smirked confidently, giving me another warm look. Despite everything that had happened today – and the last month or so – I felt my ears heat up and my heart swell at her words.

"Darling… Let's go home…" I said, longing to lie down in our bed and just sleep for days, her strong arms around me and my nose buried in her soft hair. And Cake snuggled in between us…

"I'd like nothing better…" she said and stroked my cheek.

"Yeah let's blow this popsicle stand!" Amethyst said loudly. We turned around and started to head toward the ship. Everyone went inside and I was just about to do the same when someone cleared their throat behind me.

"Take care, alright?" Skinny said a little nervously. All the guards had followed us into the bay.

"Yeah, take care and… and thanks" XO smiled with wrinkled eyebrows. "This place is going to be so much better without Holly"

"You could say that again" XL agreed. I regarded them thoughtfully. They all looked a bit like a bunch of kicked puppies. Was I mad at them? Or grateful to them? Could I be both?

"Stay… stay safe" Twinkle Toes said worriedly, her eyes full of tears.

"Yeah, watch out for those things… Bees? They were a menace as far as I can remember" XG advised, her eyes over bright too.

"And have fun!" XU said and waved with a big but slightly sad smile.

"Enjoy the rain and the sky for us, OK?" Skinny said, clearing her throat again. I smiled slightly at them. If we had met under different circumstances I was pretty sure we could have been… friends. Maybe… maybe I would miss them a little, even now.

"Goodbye" I said and gave them a tentative wave. They all chorused 'goodbye' back and my eyes fell on Alpha 1XA standing in their midst. She bowed her head and blinked at me slowly, a pleased and faintly proud smile on her lips. I went inside the ship and the door shut behind me immediately and locked tight with three loud clunks. I took a deep breath before turning around. They were all standing there, looking at me with mixed expressions of relief, exhaustion and joy. Jasper approached me with a warm smile and misty eyes. She embraced me tenderly.

"You ready, honey?" she asked me softly, putting her gem in my hair and drawing in a huge breath. The scent of her filled my nostrils and I felt so… loved…

"Yes, darling… Let's go home…"

The end

Dear readers:

Thank you for reading all the way through to the very end. And this is the end – I will not continue the story from here – at least not from Erica's point of view...

I started this on the 28th of January and right now at the time I'm writing these words, it is 17:08 on the 3rd of March. Holy fuck balls. That's almost five weeks on the nose. 236 pages and (at present) 120,808 words in total (including this bit). I need some god damn sleep… And then I'll draw until my wrists hurt. For those who have read this on fanfictionDOTnet – there is a version with illustrations on Ao3. Just google Evilsnotbag + Ao3 and it'll pop up. Otherwise the art can be found on my Deviantart. Evilsnotbag is my username there too. And on twitter as well. *Hint hint*

Thank you everyone who has reviewed or commented! Please keep them coming – it means so much to me to read what you think and it really brightens up my day when I hear that 'plong' noise and it's not spam.

As for Stay – the story isn't over – not by a long shot. Big things are coming and the Pink Diamond Zoo might just get its own arc there too – a different one than this obviously.

To those of you who haven't read Stay before Heavenly Ambrosia – check it out! It's really, really long. And you'll find out how Erica got her powers… In a more detailed way. And the origin of 'little monster' and 'beastie'. And you'll get to meet Cake of course.

To those who might be disappointed by this ending – the way Erica reacts is true to her established character in Stay. It was hard to not end it on too happy a note, let me tell you. And it was even harder to write it so Holly didn't get shattered. But having her power the waste management processor is a fitting punishment I think. Let her be the slave for once.

I have played with the idea of making this into a graphic novel but… It'd be too much work for no money whatsoever lol. I might add on more pictures as time goes on though. And I have a feeling this won't be the last we get to see of Madam.

Update 20/03/2017:
And there we have it. Last edit on the text. One last picture to make. And then that's it. This strange ride is over. Honestly I feel a little sad. I've really grown to like the characters. Especially Madam. And Twinkle Toes. And Skinny. And XO. All of them, OK? Damn it. I probably won't be able to leave them alone. The Madam story is rolling around in my mind as we speak. But I really need to get back to writing on Stay. Erica's birthday is coming up :)

That will be all. For now.

Sincerely, Evilsnotbag