Dear Ruka,

It's just another average day.

Remember that outside hut by the music room? The one near the amphitheater? Some students set up a memorial for you. I don't know who, but they must feel pretty good about themselves.

They put two white collapsible tables by the usual benches, draped paper over them, put out sharpies, and placed an enormous blown-up portrait of you in the center. I recognize that photo. It was when we went on that field trip during our first year. You saw a duck statue and wanted a picture next to it.

But they don't know that. They only chose that photo because it was your Facebook profile picture.

Some people saw me staring at your memorial setup as they scribbled shit on the papercloth. I remember one girl who finished writing and smiled at me and said, "You should still write something, even if you don't know him."

It took a lot to refrain from doing anything to her.

.

Oh.

Remember the ugly transfer student I told you about? She's just not rude. And inconsiderate. She's also annoying. She keeps pestering me about this and that with demands of an apology. I have to lock myself on the rooftop to keep her jabbering mouth from reaching my ears. I hate her for disrupting my peace.

And today, she went too far.

She sat in your seat without asking for permission. I told her to get out, but she wouldn't budge one inch. I just remember her demanding for a stupid apology. I told her multiple times to move her ass. Why does she have to take yours?

I finally yanked her out of the seat and flung her aside. But Jinno came in at the exact moment and dragged me out into the hallways.

Berating.

Shouting.

Whacking.

Repeating disappointments.

I went to the principal's office. My mom had to come for the first time in her life.

I wonder if she was shocked.

She looked hurt and crestfallen as she entered the room. She sat down, talked to the principal, shook her head, and finally led me out of the room with a sigh.

Dad also came. He took one look before slapping me.

More berating. Shouting. Whacking. Repeating disappointments. It is a never-ending cycle.

I hate that transfer girl.

I'm so tired.

I want to sleep longer.

.

.

.

Was that what went through your mind? Wanting to sleep longer? Hating everyone? Being tired of everything?

.

I never felt so alone.

Were you this lonely? Even though I was there for you?

.

.

Was I that terrible of a friend?

- Natsume