Yes, this is humorous. Also, I do realize about the way Valentine's Day works in Japan. I'm just doing this the American way 'cause I feel like it. I really couldn't resist doing a V-day HYD fic you see so this is the result. Sue me. Fanfiction.net screwed up my scheme to put this up on Valentine's Day so it's early.
Dedication: To all the girls who sit at home on V-day and the only chocolate they got was the ones they mooched off their friends. ~_^
Disclaimer: I don't own Hana Yori Dango.
Warnings: Don't eat yellow snow! Just kidding, humor, language, fighting, and failed plans! Some character bashing, all in good fun people!
Operation: Happy Valentine's Day!
It had started innocently enough that day. Tsukushi grabbed her box of cheap Valentine's Day cards before heading off to school. Oh how naïve she had been to not realize that one card had fallen out it's box. She went to school anyway even though there was something about that morning that filled her with foreboding. Tsukushi thought perhaps she should have stayed home that day for a very simple fact:
Today was Valentine's Day.
Granted, most people enjoyed this holiday of pink and red. Of flowers and candies. Tsukushi just knew something was going to happen. She had bought the cheap Valentine's cards with Hello Kitty decorating them just to be in the spirit but there was something about this holiday that she didn't like. Perhaps it was the fact that she herself had never had a valentine of her very own. Just a bunch of friends giving each other candy.
Tsukushi sighed wearily as she opened her locker. There was a flash of red and Tsukushi instinctively flinched at the color. But then she realized what it actually was.
A dozen roses were in her locker.
This was quite out of the ordinary for our heroine. But of course when it came to Eitoku, nothing was ever really what one could refer to as 'normal.' So naturally she was puzzled. (Well that's putting it lightly, her jaw was dropped slightly and she looked rather akin to a deer in headlights as the saying goes.)
"Tsukushi!" Kazuya yelled happily as he ran up to his friend, concealing a small box of chocolates he was hoping to give to his brunette friend. His hopes of getting anywhere with the romantically-challenged Tsukushi went right out the window as he saw the flowers.
"Kazuya-kun…did you give me flowers?" Tsukushi asked as she took out the bouquet to examine it.
"No, but I-" Kazuya had planned to pull out his gifts hoping to distract her from the flowers but of course his luck was none too good because Tsukushi was still occupied with her flowers.
"Then who bought these?" Tsukushi frowned when she realized there was no note or message with the bouquet. She probably would not figure it out if the answer fell on her head in the form of a huge stone kanji but alas, no one said the main character was terribly bright about these sort of things.
"Hey poor virgin girl!" Soujirou's voice called out in greeting. Kazuya and Tsukushi turned to see him and Akira, as they were faithful companions, walking towards them.
"What'cha got there?" Akira asked even though it was pretty damn obvious to those of us with half a brain.
"Roses, but I don't know who gave them to me." Tsukushi answered because she was polite some of the time.
"You know, we did see Rui at the florist shop yesterday." Akira supplied, thus kindling a fire of pure disaster as Tsukushi's eyes lit up. "He got a dozen roses."
"They looked like carnations to me." Soujirou put in.
"They were roses, I think I would know." Akira said pointedly. (This isn't entirely true. Akira might recognize roses but at the distance they spotted Rui and the rate at which they drove by in a car I doubt they could really make him out, much less the flowers he was buying.)
"I'm telling you, they were carnations." Soujirou's voice was very dry.
"What are you, the floral expert? They were roses!" Akira insisted.
"They were carnations!" Soujirou and Akira were suddenly locked into a fierce super-deformed brawl. (Those are the deadliest kind, where only your cunning can keep you alive.)
"Okay…" Tsukushi trailed off. "So maybe it was Rui…"
"Hey Tsukushi-" Kazuya tried once more to give his friend his gift. Once more his typical bad luck came in once more as he was interrupted.
"I'll ask him and find out!" Tsukushi amended before turning and running off with her bouquet.
"Carnations!"
"Roses!"
Kazuya shook his head as the angry brawl continued next to him.
* * *
"Ow!" Tsukushi cried as she ran straight into someone. She looked up at the person to see which poor sap she had run into.
It's doubtful if anyone would describe Doumyouji Tsukasa as a 'poor sap.' Maybe a 'rich sap.' Or perhaps just 'sap.' But poor being used in reference to Tsukasa was just weird.
He was standing there with a rather smug expression, one eyebrow slightly raised, leaning slightly on the railing next to him.
"Excited to see me?" And at that moment, hell's fury chose to rose up in Tsukushi. She hated that look on his face.
"Like I'd be happy to see a big idiot." Tsukushi snapped at him.
"Idiot?" What kind of thank you is that?" Doumyouji's face twisted in irritation. Things were not going his way. But by now the curly haired boy should have realized that when it came to Tsukushi, things rarely went his way.
"Thank you for what?" Tsukushi folded her arms, still holding her bouquet. "Ruining my morning 'cause you came to school today?"
"Don't you know?" Doumyouji asked in exasperation., grabbing her bouquet from her. (While it may be obvious what Doumyouji was referring to, but as we all well know, Tsukushi has been a little slow in this area.)
"Hey!" Tsukushi protested immediately as he looked frantically among the flowers. "That's mine!"
"It's not here!" Doumyouji did not look happy and small wonder. "Oh no…"
"What's the matter with you?" Tsukushi grabbed back her bouquet.
"Don't you know who sent these?" Doumyouji asked looking ten seconds from ripping out his hair.
"No, I was going to ask Rui if he had given them to me." Tsukushi told him slightly bewildered.
"Well he didn't." Doumyouji said grumpily before stomping off in a pout.
* * *
"It was the perfect plan!" Doumyouji hit his fist down on the table in frustration.
"It was?" Soujirou quirked an eyebrow at the curly-haired young man.
"Well a lot of things just went wrong." Rui supplied. "Otherwise it would have all gone to plan." (Rui was actually very knowledgeable about this sort of thing.)
"The note fell out of the bouquet!" Doumyouji felt like pounding himself upside the head. "It was all perfect! Dammit! What do I do now?"
"Tell her you'll give her a million yen if she'll sleep with you." Akira suggested. Doumyouji looked like he was going to kill Akira. "But, um, Tsukushi's not that kind of girl and it was a, er, joke?" Akira guessed at the right thing to say looking rather nervous.
"I've got a solution." Soujirou put in. "Buy her more flowers."
"Don't take Soujirou with you, he doesn't know the difference between carnations and roses." Akira remarked.
"They were carnations dammit!" Soujirou yelled in protest before they got into yet another super-deformed wrestling match.
"What's with them?" Doumyouji asked Rui who shrugged in reply.
* * *
"So to get this, simply divide the-" The teacher was cut off from a man coming into the classroom, scratching the back of his head and frowning at his clipboard. "Yes sir?"
"Sorry to interrupt but we've got a hundred roses to be delivered to one of the students." The man explained, he was holding a clipboard.
"To whom?" The teacher asked.
"Well that's kind of the problem. We've got a room number but no name down." The delivery man told the teacher in confusion. "Well, which one of you girls think someone sent a hundred roses to you?"
"Oh it's probably me." Asai announced looking pleased with herself. Tsukushi rolled her eyes. "This sort of thing always happens."
"To someone else." Tsukushi muttered but it was clear from the look on Asai's face that she had heard it.
"After all, unlike some people I have class and am very sought after." Asai shot a nasty look towards Tsukushi.
"By who?" Tsukushi retorted.
"Well I guess they're yours then young lady." The delivery man shrugged. "They are from a Mr. Doumyouji Tsukasa and they are holding them at the office for you." Asai's face was glowing as she couldn't believe her luck even though there wasn't any proof that they had been sent to her. Tsukushi didn't really think about but did wonder why Doumyouji who had never shown an interest in Asai before decided to give her a hundred roses.
"Okay then, let's get back to work then. So to…" The teacher droned on about math, the class going back to it's half listening stupor.
* * *
"I heard you gave Asai a hundred roses!" One female student who was practically swooning told Doumyouji enthusiastically. "It's so romantic!" The F4 all turned to their leader who was turning an interesting shade of green.
"Doumyouji, you gave Asai a hundred roses?" Akira asked in disbelief.
"I forgot to give her NAME!" Doumyouji punched a nearby wall with a fist. "I sat there arguing with the guy on the phone for half an hour just to make sure he got them today! DAMMIT!"
"At least you didn't buy her carnations." Akira patted Doumyouji's back comfortingly.
"Screw you Akira, they were carnations." Soujirou shot back.
"Were not!" Akira protested.
"Were too!"
"Were not!"
"Were too!"
"Were not!"
"Were too!"
"Can you two shut up?" A frustrated Doumyouji glared at the arguing duo.
"Why don't you get her chocolate? Girls love that stuff." Soujirou suggested immediately once they had stopped arguing.
"As long as you don't get her carnations." Akira quipped smugly.
"THAT'S IT!"
* * *
"Here's yours Sakurako." Tsukushi gave the pretty girl a card. Tsukushi, Makiko, and Sakurako were sitting around a table at lunch.
"'Let's be friends?' That's cute." Sakurako tossed the card into a large bag already full of assorted flowers, candy, teddy bears, and assorted cards. She had acquired quite the collection this year. "I heard you got flowers senpai, who from?" Sakurako asked curiously.
"Oh, I don't know." Tsukushi shrugged. "Maybe it was an accident, maybe it was the wrong locker." Tsukushi was looking through her box to see how many she had left to deliver. She saw Yuuki's but there wasn't anymore. It was strange because she knew she had made one out to Doumyouji but it wasn't there. It was gone. She knew she hadn't given it to him so where could it be? Tsukushi decided she must have left it at home.
"Sakurako, what do you plan to do with all that?" Makiko asked, gesturing towards the collection of valentines.
"Eat the candy, throw out the cards, and give all the teddy bears to an orphanage." Sakurako ticked the items off on her fingers as if talking about the weather. "It's the same thing every year."
"You give the bears to an orphanage? That's really nice Sakurako?" Tsukushi couldn't believe that self-serving as Sakurako could be she'd do something so generous.
"Well…" Sakurako giggled. "There's this really cute guy who works there."
"I should have known you'd have an ulterior motive." Tsukushi rolled her eyes.
"Want one?" Sakurako opened a box of chocolate and offered it around.
"Sure." Tsukushi took one. The chocolates began to disappear rather quickly after that.
* * *
"So it's got a note?" Rui asked once more for confirmation.
"This plan can't fail." Doumyouji told him confidently. Of course one would think he shouldn't have said that as it made the plan seem like it would fail from the beginning.
"Here she comes." Rui warned him before Doumyouji shut Tsukushi's locker and back away, hiding behind the corner. He had come to come back out from behind the corner and grab Rui but Tsukushi didn't see a thing. Except maybe the floor.
"Oh Tsukushi, I think we had too many." Makiko groaned as her and Tsukushi were both trying to hold each other up. Sakurako didn't look much better but was trying to lead the other two.
"We ate too many." Sakurako reaffirmed, clutching her stomach.
"Just get me to my locker." Tsukushi moaned. They made their way there before opening the locker up.
"This might cheer you up, you've got a secret admirer." Sakurako took out the heart-shaped box of chocolates and handed them to Tsukushi. "There you go senpai."
"Urghhhhh…" Tsukushi groaned before taking one look at the box and proceeded to puke all over it.
* * *
"There's something against me!" Doumyouji squashed a small cake with his fist.
"That's not helping." Soujirou told him. "Plus it was mine."
"Doumyouji, why don't you just tell her you love her? You've done it before." Akira moved his cake closer to him and further from the flailing arms of the frustrated Doumyouji to save it from the same squashed fate as Soujirou's.
"It's Valentine's Day! It has to be a big gesture so she won't be able to resist or hold back her feelings for me." Doumyouji explained as if he were far smarter than everyone else.
"Don't get her-" Akira was cut off by Soujirou.
"I swear if you finish that sentence, I will strangle you. And…THEY WERE CARNATIONS!" Soujirou finished, breathing hard.
"What's wrong with them?" Doumyouji asked Rui.
"Um…good question." Rui pondered.
* * *
"I feel better now." Tsukushi told the other two.
"That's good…you ruined that box of chocolates." Sakurako smothered a giggle. "I wonder if your admirer will be upset?"
"I think it was Doumyouji." Yuuki put in. Sakurako and Tsukushi bother turned to her, Tsukushi looking stunned and Sakurako looking dismayed. "Well, he does like Tsukushi."
"Nah, Doumyouji would do something really stupid. Besides didn't he get Asai a hundred roses?" Tsukushi immediately countered.
"We don't actually know that those were for Asai. I'm willing to bet they are really yours." Makiko commented.
"Yeah but where would I put a hundred roses? How would I get them home? You're right, it does sound like Doumyouji, never thinking about things…" Tsukushi trailed off actually for once looking a little wistful. "Oh! I just forgot I need to get home really fast so could you guys cover for me?"
"Oh okay." Makiko shrugged. "Why?"
"I forgot some Valentines." Tsukushi explained. "So, Makiko do you have a Valentine?"
"Are you kidding?" Makiko shook her head. "Of course I don't."
"I don't really have one, rather I have lots of boys who eventually add up to something like a valentine." Sakurako explained to them.
"That's kind of weird…" Tsukushi scrunched up her nose.
"Well until Doumyouji-sama realizes that I'm the better catch, it's just the way it is" Sakurako began laughing in her own odd way.
"I'm gonna run home, cover for me." Tsukushi waved before running off. She wondered why it was so important to get that one valentine for Doumyouji but it just was.
* * *
"She's not here?" Doumyouji asked looking ready to start breaking things. Again.
"She's just being sick in the bathroom still. She's here." Makiko lied nervously.
"Stop scaring people." Akira told the curly haired boy.
"Okay, why was I forced to carry this?" Soujirou tried to ask around an enormous teddy bear.
"You were conveniently there plus you still won't admit that they were roses." Akira explained to him matter of factly.
"Hey you guys!" A girl ran up to them. They all immediately recognized it as Yuuki. The thing that put them off was the fact that Yuuki didn't go to their school.
"Hey Yuuki!" Soujirou waved enthusiastically over the teddy bear. "Happy Valentine's Day!"
"Hi Soujirou!" Yuuki ran up to her boyfriend in excitement. "Did you get that for me? It's gigantic!" Now here's were things really started to go down hill fast. Poor absent minded Soujirou had forgotten a present for Yuuki. He was hoping to buy one after school and then go and find her. He decided to do something to save himself from having a really ticked off girlfriend of Valentine's Day.
"Yeah, I hope you like it." Soujirou handed it to her, happy to get rid of the thing. Doumyouji looked as though he was going to blow a fuse.
"Tsukushi must have told you I was cutting class to come visit you guys didn't she?" Yuuki asked them suspiciously. "I knew she would!" Doumyouji was about to protest about the teddy bear when Asai walked up to them.
"Hello Doumyouji…I got those roses." Asai was beaming still. "I just knew they were for me."
"They weren't for you!" Doumyouji exclaimed in exasperation. "They were for Tsukushi!"
"Tsukushi?" Asai made a face. Then it turned rather nasty. "The same Tsukushi who was seen earlier leaving school?"
"Leaving?" Doumyouji turned to a rather sheepish looking Makiko and Sakurako.
"She said she had to get something from her house." Sakurako immediately explained.
"She LEFT?" Doumyouji yelled. He sighed loudly at his many defeats so far that day. "I'm going home."
"What? Why?" Akira asked him in surprise.
"I need to think of a strategy without you idiots around." Doumyouji stomped off not for the first time that day. Of course this was rather dumb of the curly haired boy because fifteen minutes later, a rather breathless (She had run the whole way) came running through the halls but stopped when she saw the big group plus Yuuki standing there.
"Hey you guys! Is Doumyouji here?" Tsukushi asked.
"He just left." Soujirou explained.
"Oh okay…where'd you get that gigantic teddy bear Yuuki?" Tsukushi asked as she saw it. "I would just love to have one!"
"So do you feel bad yet?" Akira asked Soujirou quietly.
"Let me think…" Soujirou seemed to be thinking about it hard. "No."
* * *
Doumyouji was suddenly startled by a maid gently waking him up. He didn't remember falling asleep at all. He had gotten home and he must have just passed out on the couch.
"Um sir, your dinner is ready." The maid bowed a little.
"NO! What time is it? I was going to go surprise Tsukushi when school got over with!" Doumyouji jumped up and began running towards the door.
"It's 6:30." The maid told him making him stop dead in his tracks.
"Well I'll be back for dinner later!" Doumyouji started up running and went out the door. He had a plan. He was going to go to Tsukushi's place as that was undoubtedly where she'd be.
* * *
"Are we out yet?" Yuuki whined. "Soujirou's going to take me out tonight. We're going to do something special!" Tsukushi and Yuuki were both working that day at the dango shop as usual.
"Yep!" Tsukushi finished what she was doing and they both went in to take off their work uniforms.
"So did you ever meet up with Doumyouji?" Yuuki asked. "It seems weird that he was talking about you but hasn't done anything yet for Valentine's Day."
"It's not really that big of a deal." Tsukushi shrugged with a half smile.
"Are you sure? You look kind of sad…" Yuuki trailed off.
"Of course I'm sure? Why would I be sad?" Tsukushi's voice faltered a little even though she couldn't figure it out. (Yes I know, it's unbearable how dense she can be sometimes, but it is all in good fun kids.)
"Never mind." Yuuki and her left the dango shop. Yuuki ran off with Soujirou and Tsukushi, our poor valentine-less heroine was forced to walk by herself. She was walking along on the way to her house not really paying attention to where she was going and in all animes we know this involves walking straight into someone.
Tsukushi looked up and had a suddenly weird hopeful feeling as her eyes traveled upwards.
"Watch out." Rui told her, tapping her on the forehead with his index finger. "Hey did Doumyouji meet you at the shop?"
"No, why?" Tsukushi asked.
"Oh well, I saw him coming from your place and I said that you could be at work so that's where he went." Rui explained. "You better hurry up or you'll miss him."
"Why would that matter?" Tsukushi asked him.
"Don't make me poke you again." Rui sighed. "It matters because it's important to him. And you." (Despite his often random and odd ways, Rui knew far more about what was going on then anyone else on the show. Well granted everyone knows more than Tsukushi but still…)
"I'll go see." Tsukushi turned and went back towards the dango shop.
* * *
Doumyouji began walking home. He had gone to both Tsukushi's house and the dango shop only to find both places devoid of Tsukushi. Doumyouji heard footsteps behind him and he turned, his happiness welling up inside of him.
"Hey Doumyouji." Akira greeted him.
"Hey Akira." Doumyouji called back, his face dropping of course because it was not his beloved Tsukushi.
"Found her yet?" Akira asked already knowing the answer.
"I have no clue where she is." Doumyouji felt his frustration rising up again.
"I saw her talking to Rui. Maybe he knows." Akira suggested. Now, you see, this was a rather stupid thing for Akira to say at this moment. Doumyouji, who could not find Tsukushi was already running through all the reasons he could not find her which included anything from her drowning in a mud puddle to being carried off by large pigeons. When Akira said this it dawned on him that Tsukushi could already have a Valentine.
"Rui? Shouldn't he be with Shizuka?" Doumyouji asked suspiciously. "I'LL KILL HIM!"
"Woah calm down man! Tsukushi ran off after talking with him. It's not like they went on some romantic cruise together and eloped." Akira told the curly-haired young man.
"Hmmm…" Doumyouji was still slightly suspicious of Rui and made a personal note to keep a close watch on him in the future lest he steal his girl. Again. "So you saw her?"
"Yeah." Akira shrugged. "I don't know she was going though."
"Great." Doumyouji rolled his eyes. "How the heck am I suppose to find her?"
"Stay in one place. She'll come to you." Akira suggested.
"Wow, that was kind of deep." Doumyouji began to see that Akira had a serious side.
"It always works in clubs." Akira informed him. Doumyouji once more decided that Akira was an idiot.
* * *
"Where IS he?" Tsukushi stomped her foot as she realized no one was at the shop. It was kind of cold outside considering it was February.
"He should be at his house." A voice came from behind her.
"Uh?" Tsukushi whirled around to see Akira standing there with a big smile on his face.
"Go to his house, he's waiting there. I told him to stay put and you'd come." Akira shook his head. "It's better then you two chasing each other all over the city."
"Okay! Thanks Akira!" Tsukushi waved good-bye to the wavy haired boy before running off in the direction of Doumyouji's house.
* * *
"Akira's an idiot." Doumyouji told himself as he headed back towards Tsukushi's apartment. Doumyouji decided that his plan of going to see if Tsukushi was home by now was much better.
He arrived at the apartment that she stayed at by herself and knocked on the door. No answer. In fact there was no movement coming from inside. He ran out of the building and saw that there was no light in the windows too. Doumyouji sighed, he was never going to find her.
* * *
"I'm sorry miss, the master left awhile ago." A maid explained to Tsukushi at the door.
"Akira's an idiot." Tsukushi told herself. She decided to just go, after all, she was never going to find him. She walked home, slowly trudging there because she was sick of walking.
She kept walking until she saw something walking on the sidewalk towards her. They were both walking in the same fashion and that struck her as funny. Too people meandering to their destination.
Then the person got into the view of the streetlight just ahead of her.
It was Doumyouji Tsukasa.
"Doumyouji!" Tsukushi ran up to him, excited at finally finding him. He looked up at her in surprise and then grabbed her in a huge hug. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"You have?" Doumyouji pulled a little bit away. Tsukushi backed all the way out of his arms trying to get to her pocket.
"Yeah, see…" Tsukushi tried to think. Why had she been following him? In her pocket was the valentine. The cheap piece of paper with Hello Kitty on it. "I forgot to give you your card." Doumyouji took it from her and unfolded it.
"'Bee Mine.'" Doumyouji read. His face melted into a huge smile. "You got me a valentine…"
"I got a bunch of them and well…" Tsukushi bit her lip trying to think of something good to say. "I thought you might want one. Not that you wouldn't get any anyways but I thought maybe…maybe…"
"Maybe what?" Doumyouji prompted her looking thoroughly excited.
"Maybe you'd want one from me." Tsukushi finally finished. "I know that probably sounds lame-" Doumyouji suddenly kissed her, cutting off her words. He pulled away from her.
"All day I've been trying to sweep you off your feet with some big gesture and I just realized that there's only one way to sweep you off your feet." Doumyouji quickly picked her up before she could protest.
"Doumyouji!" Tsukushi exclaimed in surprise. "What are you doing?"
"I love you Tsukushi." Doumyouji told her. Tsukushi looked up at him with wide eyes. It was hard to think when someone was carrying you and looking at you with big hopeful eyes.
"That's not fair…you cheated." Tsukushi finally got out. "How the heck am I suppose to say no?"
"That's the point." Doumyouji grinned down at her. "Come on, let's go to my house." They began heading towards his house. "Oh Tsukushi, by the way…"
"What?" Tsukushi asked him curiously.
"Happy Valentine's Day." Doumyouji was wearing a grin a mile wide. "Feel free to say it now."
"Happy Valentine's Day?" Tsukushi quirked her head to one side as she looked up at him.
"No, what else do you want to tell me?" Doumyouji apparently knew the answer. Tsukushi figured it out pretty fast.
"I love you Doumyouji." Tsukushi confessed.
"I knew it." Doumyouji nodded his head. "It was only a matter of time before you fell for me."
"Well aren't you just a bucket of brains?" Tsukushi fired back. "Speed it up I'm hungry."
"I'm the one carrying you!" Doumyouji countered.
"Heehee…I know, I just like teasing you." Tsukushi reached up and touched his nose with her index finger. She was glad her Valentine's Day had ended so well.
* * *
Unbeknownst to our favorite couple, Rui and Akira were watching them, while hiding behind some bushes.
"So Rui, yesterday when you got flowers, they were roses right?" Akira asked the question he had been meaning to all day.
"They were daffodils." Rui told him. "Their Shizuka's favorite."
"Oh."
* * *
Please R&R! GAHHHHHHH! I have to put this up! I meant to have it up three hours ago! Gomen ne! Okay well I hope you all enjoyed this! I've got to go update everything else!