The Suckering of the Pirate King: How Luffy Married Hancock

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Author's Note: Inspired by Youtuber rogersbase's vid on the Volume 84 SBS, where he mentions that apparently Hancock has become really good at cooking meat, and a conversation I had with the awesome Namibean about it. xD (And if you haven't checked out her SanNami stuff, you should!) Been having some trouble with my other in-progress fic over the past week so this was a good way to take a break from it.

May you, dear reader, find this idea as amusing as we did. ^^

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Trafalgar Law watched Luffy as he ate his lunch. The Pirate King seemed to be eating well, but all the Straw Hats – the ones present, anyway – insisted that he wasn't eating as usual.

"He only ate five pieces of chicken!" Usopp had said.

"And one hamburger – only one!" Chopper had cried. "Usually he eats three!"

"Something is bothering Luffy," Brook had mused aloud. "Perhaps it is the food."

Nico Robin had chimed in, saying, "Ah. He probably misses Sanji's cooking."

"Then get him to come back," Law had muttered. "Why bother me with this?"

"Good question," Roronoa Zoro had said, as he downed a bottle of beer.

"We can't disturb our amazing navigator and cook on their honeymoon!" Franky had declared. "Besides, you're his new suuuper best friend! We thought you might have some ideas."

Law's left eyelid twitched at the memory of that conversation. Since when had he become Monkey D. Luffy's new best friend? Merely being his ally was exhausting. He had an idea that being a best friend of the new Pirate King would be the death of him.

He had invited the Straw Hat crew to his submarine for a meal, just so the others would stop dropping hints. He supposed it would be better to at least pretend to do something about it.

But to his eyes… Really, Luffy seemed to be eating about as much as he always did. Law had never kept count of how much he ate or drank. He ate and drank "a lot" and that was as far as Law's observation went. Luffy's crewmates insisted that it wasn't the normal amount, however. Law had to wonder exactly how much food they had carried with them on their travels. Luffy seemed to have a literally bottomless stomach.

When Luffy had finished eating and had gone off to explore the submarine with Bepo and Chopper, the others turned as one to Law and waited expectantly. For some reason, Law felt horribly cornered. But then an idea crept into his head. "Fine. Let me try something."

… … …

SEVERAL DAYS LATER

Usopp tossed the beach ball in Luffy's direction. Shachi tried to intercept the ball and fell onto the sand in a tangled heap with Luffy (and when Luffy was involved, the phrase "a tangled heap" always became literal as his elongated rubber limbs always seemed to trip people up and proceed to tie themselves in knots).

A faint sound – like a horn – came to Usopp's ears, carried on the sea breeze. He turned towards the horizon and saw three small shapes on the water.

Hmm? Ships?

He whipped out his telescope and adjusted it for the correct focal distance. Then his jaw dropped.

"L-Luffy…"

Luffy's head appeared over the mass of flailing limbs (Chopper and Penguin and several other Heart Pirates had joined the fray). "What?"

Usopp, eye still glued to his telescope, pointed towards the approaching shapes. "I think you have a visitor. It's the Kuja Pirates."

… … …

Luffy let out a huge burp. "That," he said, "was AWESOME! Hancock, your cooking is great!"

Hancock's response was barely audible. She sat opposite him, blushing furiously.

"I didn't know you could cook this well!" exclaimed Luffy. "Man, that meat was so good – almost better than Sanji's!"

Hancock looked like she was about to faint. Her sister, Marigold, held her up with a discreet hand on her back. "W-we are so glad you like it, Luffy," said Hancock faintly.

"I haven't had food this good in days! I was so sad when Sanji and Nami went off on their honeymoon, and Robin wouldn't let me call them back, but then you showed up and made up for it! This is soooo good!"

Sandersonia beamed down at her sister. "Our sister worked hard to learn to cook. She has learned from the best on Amazon Lily."

"I could totally eat more," Luffy looked satisfied and yet forlorn as he cast a longing gaze at his empty plate.

Marigold gasped. "Are you demanding more, Monkey D. Luffy? Can you not give a thought to our poor sister? She has been cooking for you the last two days! I am sure she's tired –"

"We shall make you more!" Hancock seemed to revive immediately and got up. "Would some barbecued sea king suit you, Luffy?"

"Ooooh. That sounds amazing! Thanks, Hancock!"

Hancock, every bit a queen despite the apron tied round her, headed for the kitchen and called for someone to bring her raw sea king meat.

Luffy reached for an apple, not noticing the glances exchanged between Sandersonia and Marigold. Then, in a flash, the sisters seated themselves on either side of him.

"Our sister cooks extremely well, does she not, Luffy?" said Marigold.

"Very," he replied between munches.

"You know," Sandersonia said thoughtfully, "she can cook even better dishes than these."

"Really?!" Luffy's eyes went wide.

Sandersonia and Marigold nodded.

"She specialized in the cooking of meat – meat of all kinds." Sandersonia reeled off the list of different types of meat.

"Amaaaazing!"

"She is truly a queen," said Marigold. "We are privileged to be her sisters."

Luffy was quite in agreement with her. "Hancock's cool!"

"Ah, you do not quite understand, though." Marigold seemed smug.

Luffy threw her a questioning look, tossing the apple core to the side.

"Boa Hancock can produce even more delicious meals than what you have just eaten – and what she is preparing for you now. But… You will never taste the best of her cooking."

"Why not?!" Luffy was truly shocked.

Sandersonia said, "Well… You see, Luffy, according to the rules of Amazon Lily, only the family of the empress may have the privilege of tasting the very best and most special meals made by the empress herself. No one else is allowed to do so."

"Eeeehhhh? But why?"

"It is tradition." Sandersonia put on a solemn expression. "An inviolable tradition."

Marigold nodded sadly. "You are a very great friend, but alas, Monkey D. Luffy, you are not family."

"So you can never taste our sister's most wondrous dishes! And they are wonderful indeed," added Sandersonia.

Luffy stared at the empty plates before him. "Awww."

"Unless…" Marigold trailed off, and looked at Sandersonia.

"Unless…? Ohhh!"

Luffy, catching a glimmer of something interesting in their tone, looked from one sister to the other. "What? What is it?"

"Well, I," began Marigold. "But no, you – well, never mind."

"What? Tell me!"

"Tell him, Mari," said Sandersonia. "It will do no harm, I think."

Marigold seemed hesitant. Luffy put on his most persuasive puppy-eyed face.

"All right," said Marigold finally. "As I said, Luffy, you are not family. But… you could be."

"Huh? I could be? You mean you'll adopt me?"

"No no no! I meant that… You aren't family now, but you could…"

Luffy waited expectantly until she continued.

"You could marry her," finished Marigold.

"Marry Hancock?"

"It is an option," Sandersonia said, glancing at the kitchen door. "If you married our sister, you would become part of the family."

Luffy looked doubtful.

Sandersonia went on, "There are also special dishes that are only reserved for the husband or the parents. The Most Special Dishes. Even Marigold and I would not be able to taste those!"

A fascinated look came into the Pirate King's eyes.

"You like our sister, don't you, Luffy?" asked Marigold.

"Yes," said Luffy.

Marigold thanked the gods of the sea that Hancock wasn't present to hear that because she would definitely take it in the most extreme romantic context and probably would drop to the floor in a faint.

"Then marrying her wouldn't actually be a problem, would it?"

He stared blankly at them for a moment. "I'm not getting married."

Sandersonia cut in gently. "But our sister is a pirate too. She would not hold you back or keep you from sailing. She knows what it's like to want to go on an adventure."

The door opened and Sandersonia stopped talking. A most tempting smell wafted in through the open door. Marigold noted that Luffy was practically salivating at the mere smell of Hancock's cooking. The Pirate Empress came in with a plate piled high with the most delicious-smelling meat. She placed it on the table with a flourish and said, "Barbecued sea king just for you, Luffy!"

"Whoa! Thanks, Hancock! You're amazing!"

Hancock's shy expression, downcast eyes and rosy cheeks would have knocked any man over without a single mero-mero required. Only someone like Luffy could have resisted it. But, thought Marigold, if that if there was ever a way to Monkey D. Luffy's heart, it was certainly through his stomach.

"We still have some roast chicken on the way! It shall be brought to you shortly." And with that, Hancock hurried away, hands clasped to her cheeks.

Sandersonia and Marigold watched Luffy attack the barbecued sea king with gusto.

"You eat like you haven't eaten in days, Luffy," remarked Marigold.

"I have," mumbled Luffy with a mouth full of meat, "but it wasn't this good!" He swallowed. "Haven't had food this yummy since Sanji went on holiday." He took another bite, slightly slower this time, and munched it sorrowfully. "Sanji and Nami won't be back for another week. Robin said so. Chopper said he'd kill me if I made them come back early for no good reason. And Franky said it would be super uncool." He cast a hopeful look at the Boa sisters. "How long are you guys staying?"

"Mmm, I think our sister plans to stay for several days at least. Right, Marigold?"

"That's right."

Luffy reached out for another piece of meat. "Can you stay longer?"

"Perhaps…?" said Marigold, folding her arms and looking at the ceiling.

They let Luffy eat in peace for a few minutes. Then Sandersonia said, "Think of this, Monkey D. Luffy – if you marry our sister, she will always be at your side as your wife. You will always have good stuff to eat!"

Marigold eyed the rapidly-emptying plate and observed that it was also a good thing that Hancock was the Pirate Empress and queen of Amazon Lily and could easily provide food for Luffy.

Something sparkled in Luffy's eyes. "Ooooh. "

… … …

The den-den mushi on the table buzzed insistently. Nami glanced at it sleepily and nudged her husband.

"Sanji-kun, it's been ringing for quite a while now. We should answer it."

Sanji mumbled something incoherent, but he rolled out of bed all the same and trudged towards the den-den mushi on the other side of the room.

"Hello?"

Nami closed her eyes, but kept her ears open. She wondered, with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance, who'd dared to disturb them on their honeymoon and why.

"Robin-chan? What is it? Has something happened? Ow!"

Nami frowned and looked over at him. Sanji was holding the den-den mushi farther away because the voices suddenly amplified, like several people were shouting into it. Now Nami could hear it from where she lay.

"You won't believe this!" That sounded like Usopp.

"Sanji Sanji Sanji! Nami! It's crazy! You've gotta come back!" Was that Chopper?

"LUFFY'S GETTING MARRIED!" chorused Usopp and Chopper.

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