Hi guys!

First of all, some warnings: THIS FIC CONTAINS SAKURA MYSTERIOUSLY GROWING A DICK. So if you don't like it, please leave now because you'll just get upset. Seriously.

Second of all, to the people who are up for that: I hope you guys enjoy! This fic is something that's been on my mind for a while, but I never had the courage write because I have no idea how to write about penises (LOL).

It's kind of like a challenge to myself, to take such a foreign situation (in this case, body part) and write it into the canon-verse in a way that's true to their characterizations and whatnot. This is an adventure as much as it's an exercise for me, so if you have any tips, any comments or corrections, please feel free to let me know via a review. It will really, really be appreciated.

This fic will likely span around 4-5 chapters, so I hope you all stick around! PS I don't own Naruto.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope."

"This is… this is some kind of sick joke, right?"

"I can at least guarantee that it won't be permanent."

"For… how long?"

"Two weeks at least, a month at most?"

Sakura wanted to bang her head against the office wall. Who cares if she struck hard enough to demolish the entirety of the Hokage Tower? Kakashi-sensei seemed bored with his 'Hokage-duties' lately; it might give him something to do.

She felt her other mentor lay a hand on her shoulder and give her an almost-amused smirk.

"Tsunade-shishou, it's not funny." Sakura huffed.

"It kind of is." The sannin grinned. "At least have fun with it!"

Sakura flushed pink from head to toe. "N—No way!"

"Surprise us." The elder woman laughed outright.

"I knew going to Orochimaru's lair was a bad idea."

The blonde woman nodded in agreement. "He sure had some pretty interesting experiments."

'Interesting' was quite the understatement. That completely ingenious freak was dabbling into research which was so… she didn't know, was it even surprising at this point? She decided they should have probably expected it; who else would spend so much time developing serums with such—what would be a good term? Ah, unanticipated—effects on one's anatomy.

A perfect example of which is the uncomfortable bulge in-between her legs.

The anomalous mass of tissue was disconcerting and fascinating at the same time—a circumstance which ended up with Sakura in the Hokage's office, facing both of her mentors. Kakashi, who had been quietly observing up until this point, finally spoke up.

"How did it even happen?"

"I had a gash in my arm from a shuriken. When I was closing in on the rogue-nin raiding Orochimaru's lab, he tried to distract me by grabbing a handful of vials and throwing it right at me. My guess is that a serum was introduced directly into my bloodstream. Interesting effects indeed." Sakura explained with visible irritation.

"You're taking this surprisingly well." Kakashi noted on a good note.

"She already took it out on the rouge-nin. Kept healing the poor guy so she could pound him in again." Tsunade almost looked proud.

"He had it coming! He got me stuck with this—this thingy!"

"Don't worry." The Hokage had another smile showing through his eyes. "I'm sure your thingy is impressive nonetheless."

"Sensei!"

"Shizune and I will be right on it." Tsunade reassured her. "Think you can live with one of your Jonin slightly incapacitated, Kakashi?"

The silver-haired Hokage sighed back into his chair looking like he couldn't believe it himself.

"No problem so long as you can fix it."

Sakura groaned for what must have been the hundredth time.

"But, Sakura." Her silver-haired sensei looked dead serious. "Are you sure you don't want to just keep it?"

"K—KAKASHI-SENSEI, YOU PERVERT!"

"Naruto-kun, you are officially the most dickless member of Team Seven."

"Sai, you fucking asshole! I swear I'm going to—"

Whatever Naruto was going to say, it was too late; Sakura already landed a clean blow on Sai. He recovered fast enough ("It seems I've grown used to your punches, Sakura-chan."), and was flashing another one of those god-forsaken smiles—but it was different. Genuine. Normally, a smile like that from Sai would be a nice thing—but this time it was a little infuriating because it meant he really did find this whole ordeal hilarious.

Maybe she should punch him again?

"I feel like you two aren't taking this as seriously as you should be!" Sakura growled.

"But we are!" Naruto said in between slurps of his ramen.

"You've turned it into a running gag." She dropped her head down to the counter.

"So you have a dick! Big deal!"

"Apparently, a much bigger deal than yours, Naruto-kun." Sai quickly pointed out.

"Stupid piece of sh—"

Sakura sighed, exasperated. "This is exactly what I meant. I think I'm just going to lock myself up at home until Tsunade-shishou and Shizune figure it out."

"Oh that's gonna be hard." Naruto gave her a critical look. "Especially during the mornings, you'll be stuck in there and you're gonna wanna rub it out so mayb—"

"Too much information!" She shrieked.

"Information you need, Sakura-chan." Sai said informatively. "I can accompany to you a section of the library which has books on the male physique and sexuality."

Pushing her bowl of ramen forward, Sakura cringed. "No thank you, both of you. Also, I think I lost my appetite."

Naruto stopped mid-way through his noodles and looked at Sakura with unsure, narrowed eyes.

"What?" She growled.

"This is going to be so weird but… can we see?"

Needless to say, he got the Kyuubi punched right out of him.

When the meal was finished (and Naruto's broken nose was repaired), the trio paid their bill and walked out of Ichiraku sated. Naruto was a man on a mission: his best friend needed guidance and he was all too happy to help.

"You need different clothes." He said with his usual energy. "You can't keep wearing your skirts or shorts unless you want a tent setting up camp down south."

"It's still so weird to think about that." The kunoichi mumbled, feeling more embarrassed by the second.

"Perhaps I can lend some of mine?" Sai innocently asked. "Naruto-kun's pants are likely to be too large and baggy, but I've always preferred my clothing to be tighter."

Naruto nodded his agreement. "Also, use the pants that come with your official Jonin uniform. And ask for a crotch guard! Goodness. Ask for one. You can live without the experience of getting kicked in the nuts."

"Enlightening."

"Hm. Aim when you pee. Shake out the last bits and—"

"I have to shake it?" Sakura squealed.

"It's uh… hard to explain. Cross that bridge when you get there." Naruto shrugged. "What else, Sai?"

"Be careful with pant zippers."

"Yes!" Naruto shivered. "And don't cross your legs all the time, I know you're used to doing that but you gotta give your little guy some space to breathe."

"It gets even weirder when you guys personify it."

"Should I be thinking of a nickname already?" Sai smiled.

"Pick a room number in the hospital, Sai. You'll end up in it if you so much as even try."

"I think will spare myself the pain of Sakura-chan's monstrous strength." Sai held up his hands in defense.

Naruto held in an undignified snort.

"What is it?" Sakura glared, fist at the ready. Naruto was able to put two and two together: Sakura was going to punch him if he didn't tell; and she was going to punch him anyway if he did—so he might as well.

"The Jackhammer!"

Hinata sighed, and it almost looked like she rolled her eyes. "Naruto-kun is in the hospital. I'm passing by to bring some flowers and food."

Shino and Kiba shot her a sympathetic look, the latter huffing in annoyance.

"The fuck did your boyfriend tell Sakura this time?"

"Forehead."

Sakura did her best not to groan. After the exhausting afternoon she spent with Naruto and Sai, she did not need Ino's shit right now.

"Hey. I'm talking to you."

"Yes, pig?"

"Where have you been?" Ino took the liberty of taking the empty seat across Sakura. The pink-haired kunoichi was hoping to have a peaceful and very much solitary dinner out at the Yakiniku, but a flash of blonde and blue meant she wasn't going to have that luxury tonight. "Seriously, did you resign without telling us or something?"

"I just asked for a quick break," Sakura grumbled, playing with her food. Ino, the ever-observant best friend, picked up her unease like a dog on a scent.

"Spill it. Did Sasuke come back and are you in love with him, again?"

"Does it always have to be about Sasuke?" She snapped back.

"Down, kitty!" Ino held her hands up, although she didn't look as offended. "I was kidding, god. Now I definitely know something's up."

"Nothing is up,"—aside from inside my pants. "Shouldn't you be with Choji and Shikamaru anyway?"

"I was, but we just finished and I spotted you sulking alone on this table on our way out," Ino leaned forward on her elbow, her chin on the back of her hand as she inspected Sakura.

"You aren't going to go, are you?" The medic sighed.

"Nope. Why are you so mopey?" A poke to the rhombus on her forehead. "It's on unlike you—these days you're either a ball of sunshine or an angry, destructive little monster."

Sakura was ready to fire back, but the banter was so familiar and childish that she found herself chuckling.

"Aaand, she's back!" Ino grinned. "I am amazing."

"And annoying."

"Whatever, love you me." Ino leaned back, crossing her arms and looking pleased with herself. "Anyway, what's with the break? Did something happen?"

A parliament of mini-Sakuras had formed inside her head: there was a full-on debate with herself as prosecution, defendant, judge and jury—should she tell Ino? Why shouldn't she if Naruto and the others already knew anyway? Would she be weirded out? For someone who seemed so judgmental, Ino actually wasn't at all—that didn't seem to be a problem. However, perhaps it was easier to tell Naruto and Sai because they were boys who knew what Sakura was dealing with.

Had Ino even seen one before? Ugh! Good god, why am I even thinking about that.

"Uhm…" Sakura faltered. "I promise I'll tell you another time."

It looked like it took a whole lot of Ino's self-control but she deflated, sighing in defeat as she muttered, "Fine."

"Thanks," the medic said sincerely. "It's just been overwhelming for me and I'm still trying to adjust to what happened—I promise to keep you in the loop when I've caught up with all of it myself."

A shadow of worry passed over Ino's features, "it's nothing—terminal… is it?"

"No!" Sakura felt her spirits lighten. Yeah, it could be worse. "It's nothing like that… it's just super weird and uncomfortable."

"Now I'm just dying to know," Ino pouted.

It was kind of cute, Sakura noted at the back of her mind. And—oh shit—something inside of her baggy Jonin pants seemed to agree as well. Tsunade-shishou had warned her about this. Her appendage was relatively new, and she should expect that sometime soon it was going to start acting up during inopportune moments—which was now. Sakura could feel herself go red out of embarrassment. Was this seriously happening right now? Seriously? On the flipside, she was relieved to find out that it didn't suddenly go rock-hard out of nowhere; it was more of a little throbbing pulse going downwards—as if there was a pump somewhere and each press made her a little bit stiffer.

"Okay, now I'm worried. Sakura, holy shit. You look red as tomato." Ino began fussing, and Sakura cursed every neurotransmitter in her body that decided now was the time to wake the dormant hormones up.

Couldn't it have waited until she woke up in the morning? Naruto said that's what happened most of the time! Think, Sakura. Logical, medical solutions. You are not going to run to the bathroom to jack-off—you don't even know how!

"I'm okay," Sakura instinctively closed her legs. Bad idea—she felt it going harder. "Ino, c—could you had me a glass of water?"

"Got it," her friend had lost the usual teasing in her voice. "Sakura, are you running a fever? Here, I put some ice; the cold might help."

Cold! Sakura had an epiphany. I need a cold shower!

Ino nearly yelped in surprise when Sakura bolted upright, stiff as rod—pun intended. The medic hastily shuffled through her purse, fishing out a bill and slamming it down the table to pay her due. "I have to go—now."

"Sakura, what the hell? That's it—I'm sleeping over."

"Ino, please, I just need to deal with this on my own!"

"No, you don't!" Ino held her ground, staring back at Sakura's solid glare with an equally intimidating gaze. "Look, I may give you a lot of shit but I worry and I hate that you aren't telling me what's wrong."

"I'm just—"

"If you're embarrassed or something, then I'm offended." Ino growled. "I don't give shit a what it is; it's freaking you out and you're going to do something stupid if I let you deal with this alone at your house."

Sakura hated it when Ino was right.

"I—I really need a cold shower."

"Uhm… what?"

Ino's reaction was painfully predictable.

After an initial bout of shock, there was concern (which Sakura appreciated). However, once all of Sakura's physical functions were well and accounted for, Ino's shock and concern had slowly melted into a convoluted mixture of amazement and hilarity. This was apparently painfully entertaining.

"Are you seriously laughing at me?"

Ino was almost turning blue. "Please don't hate me—but it is kind of funny."

"Shishou said the exact same thing," the medic sighed.

"You should have seen the look on your face!" Ino giggled, "—seriously. And the way you said you needed a cold shower!"

"I am this close to kicking you out of my house, Ino-pig!" Sakura felt a vein pop at her forehead.

"I'd apologize, but…" the blonde grinned.

Sakura resigned herself to the fate she got herself in and prodded over to her shower without another word. Yes, finally. Relief. She really hoped this would work because the stiffness was a little uncomfortable—it probably got painful when it was fully-erect. She brought a change of clothes with her because Ino was probably doing her nails on Sakura's bed, and walking out there naked was out of the question. Slowly, one by one, her garments fell away and the exposure pleasantly cooled her. Still, she had a feeling she wasn't going to enjoy this. She preferred the warmth of a steaming shower—she turned on the tap and goosebumps had immediately risen at the first sign of contact. This was more like a super-cold shower. She stayed still for a moment, allowing her body to adjust to the temperature before she began to lather the grim and sweat of the day off. It wasn't all the bad, she realized, except that the problem between her legs was still very much a problem. She thought it would kind of just go limp or something. Maybe not, ugh. What am I going to do?

She chose to ignore it for several more minutes, but the sensation was persistent. Somehow, she wasn't surprised. Sakura could feel the tendrils of curiosity slipping into the back of her mind. How would it… feel? She was no foreigner to the male sexual organ, she was a doctor—she knew that it got hard because of an extensive network of blood vessels, she knew that there was a mass of pleasure-sensitive-nerve-endings scattered across the organ, but knowing all this just made her more curious. What would it feel like if she—ah. Oh, dear. Thinking about it had sent another pulse down, hardening it significantly more. The cold shower was not working and maybe it wouldn't hurt if she… oh, yes. She was going to. Her body was moving faster than her mind could protest, and slowly but surely, her calloused hand was wrapping itself around her member. Oh, kami-sama. Her breath shuddered. It was so fucking warm and—and good. She slowly squeezed—fuck—her free had darted forward to support her weight against the bathroom wall. She kept her other hand where it was, firmly wrapped around herself, and she heaved to steady her breathing. She reluctantly slid her hand up and down, and immediately stopped. It wasn't unpleasant… but it wasn't pleasant either. Perhaps the running water was poor lubrication, the area was so sensitive that rough friction hurt.

Sakura felt exasperated, hot and bothered. The shower didn't work—now it was just harder. Not knowing what else to do, she closed the tap. She dried herself and dressed before forcing herself out of her own bathroom.

"I'm going to go ahead and assume the shower didn't work," Ino's amused eyes were not on Sakura's face.

"It isn't as funny when it's your problem."

"Lighten up, at least Tsunade-shishou promised it'll go away."

"Not fast enough," Sakura said miserably. She walked around her bedding, carefully lying down on the space Ino wasn't taking up.

She wouldn't say it out-loud, but she was thankful that Ino insisted on sleeping over. Unwanted physiological anomalies were quickly forgotten in favor of hospital staff gossip and childhood reminiscing. It didn't matter how many times the two girls took a trip down memory lane—it was hilarious and heart-warming every single time.

"Naruto really is different now, isn't he?" Ino chuckled.

"We dissed him so much back then—I kind of feel bad."

"I think your countless life-and-death experiences together kind of make up for that,"

"Do you ever feel like that with Shikamaru and Choji?"

Ino paused. "I don't think so, actually."

"Why not?" Sakura turned her head, curious now.

"I mean, even our dads were teammates, you know? It was like that right from the start—we already knew. So, twelve years later it isn't exactly a super-big surprise that we've reached this point."

"Fair enough." Sakura smiled, idly. "Twelve years ago, we were too deep up each other's assess to have a sleepover."

Ino laughed. "God, we were idiots for fighting."

"You still are, pig."

"Oh, don't start."

"Too late—ouch." Sakura winced.

"You okay?" Ino lazily looked over, noticing the strained expression on Sakura's face through the dim glow of her nightlight.

"Yeah… just a little," She was blushing so hard, she was red even with the lack of lighting. Sakura gestured downwards "Sore."

A witty joke was at the tip of Ino's tongue, but she held it down—Sakura had a fucking bulge. The silhouette was faint, but the stiffness was unmistakable. She almost completely forgot about it because of the conversation they were having, but suddenly Ino realized that Sakura hadn't been able to relieve herself. She knew from her medical studies that at this point, it was probably painful and straining against her clothing (which was made for women, no less).

Against her better judgement, the Yamanaka heir spoke up. "Sakura."

"Y—Yes?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Duh," Sakura was distractedly trying to find a comfortable enough way to lie down.

"Listen—do you trust me?" Ino held her gaze. There was a determined glint in her eye.

The medic stopped squirming. "Uhm. Yes, I do. What's going on?"

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

Sakura swallowed. "Yeah."

"Okay. Don't freak out, forehead?"

Sakura was freaking out. "Don't tell me you're going to—"

"Yes—"

"But then why would you—"

"You weren't able to do it on your own, right? Come on, it's a freak accident, you're never going to be able to sleep if you can't attend to it."

The sheer professionalism in Ino's voice both impressed and bewildered Sakura. This day is way too crazy for me.

"But how is it going to be different from when I tried to do it myself?"

"I don't know. It just might help that it's a different hand."

"I can't take this seriously."

"You and I both," Ino laughed dryly. "Now shut the fuck up. I'm trying to help you without making it super-awkward."

"If you manage to make this not super-awkward, you deserve an award."

"Just shut up. Are okay with it?"

Holy shit. Sakura's mind had finally caught up to what was actually going to happen, and she felt her pants tighten just a little bit more. It really was starting to hurt.

"O—Okay."

Sakura took a deep breath, shutting her eyes and keeping her expression as neutral as she could. After a moment of stillness, a tentative hand held her through the fabric of her sleeping shorts. Sakura didn't dare open her mouth. She was sure that Ino heard the little gasp. The waistband of her shorts was awkwardly pulled down, and she hissed when her member snapped up to attention, suddenly exposed to crisp air. She kept her eyes closed. I wonder how Ino's looking at me right now—disgust? Intrigue?

All reasonable thought flew out when Ino wrapped her hand around Sakura.

"Oh, shit."

"Sorry! Did I—"

"Just do it," Sakura commanded much to Ino's surprise.

They were suddenly hyper-aware of certain facts: that Sakura's room was dark and the little nightlight accentuated all the right details, that the blanket they shared was pushed halfway down to their waists, that Sakura's body-heat was sky-rocketing by the second, and that Ino's hair was lovely when it was let down and messy. Of the countless sleepovers they've had, this was definitely a first.

But back to the matter at hand—Ino needed to get something done for her friend. Slowly, she pumped up and down, surprised that every time she reached the head, a little bead of white would escape from the slit. When it dribbled down, it was slick and a little sticky, but the pre-cum seemed to be helping Sakura feel better. Perhaps it was the lubrication. She tightened her grip a little more and resumed her actions.

Sakura could not believe it. Ino was giving her a hand-job it felt so fucking good. It felt better than her measly attempt in the shower—it felt better because she'd been so stiff for so long and she did nothing to alleviate it. Now every pump, every inch of skin that Ino put in contact with her member—it drove her further onwards. "Oh, fuck," she moaned, voice quivering. It was all the encouragement Ino needed and she carried on with more vigor, bring her thumb up to slide across the slit of the head every time it was near it. A little bit more of Sakura's pre-cum would ooze out, lubricating the shaft further. Ino noted, with mild amusement, that Sakura was thrusting her hips by now—and by the gods, it might just be turning her on. She felt compelled to work harder. This was for Sakura's own good… right? So, it was perfectly reasonable to lean forward into Sakura's personal space and bring her lips to ears to offer some 'encouragement'.

"Just relax," Ino whispered—she bit Sakura's earlobe. "That's good. You're doing great—get off for me?"

"Damn it, Ino." Sakura panted, eyes closed and writhing—it was so good that she wanted to kiss her. She held onto fistfuls of her bedcovers and Ino was afraid that she might break something. The blonde began to stroke faster; Sakura tensed all over, her hips jerking irregularly while her neck and ears flared up the deepest of shade of red.

"You're going to make me cu—"

Something snapped. Suddenly, Sakura was moaning in a way Ino never thought she'd be the cause of. Ever. Not in this life, at least. White liquid flowed out in spurts, hot and sticky and dirty on her hand and Sakura's abdomen. Ino gently squeezed, as if to coax the rest of the liquid out of Sakura's cock while the other woman continued to jerk and groan—holy fucking shit. Did that just happen?

Sakura looked completely enraptured by the pleasure. "Shit," she mumbled, her eyes far away and her chest heaving. "Ohmygod—Ino. How are you so good at that? Nevermind—I don't want to know."

Ino shot her a look. "Excuse me, no. That's purely book-based knowledge."

"That's one hell of a book,"

"How do you feel?" Ino probed.

Sakura was still panting. "I—I kind of can't believe that just happened, but it was amazing."

When Ino helped Sakura clean up, she had been so casual about it that there was no time for awkwardness to brew. It was exactly as they talked about: she just needed to help Sakura out with her temporary problem. It happened once and that was that.

That's right, Sakura thought to herself while she pulled the blanket over her previously-exposed body, it was a simple act of lending a hand—nothing else to it. She was still trying to come to terms with how pleasurable the experience was, and she was hoping that Tsunade would work fast. She could see why doing this was addictive behavior; there was no other way to describe it but as obscenely good.

"Ino-pig," she called out into the darkness of her room.

"Mm?"

"Thanks… I guess?"

There was a chuckle. "Uhm. You're welcome?"

A/N: And that's a wrap for chapter 1! If you felt awkward reading it - then it worked! :P Another factor I'm trying to explore is learning how to write the development of sexuality and romantic feelings between these two. I'm going for something that blooms slowly over-time, so it's gonna start bumpy but gets smoother towards the end.

I hope you enjoyed and can let me know what you think!