Chapter 1: Eyes

I twirl a piece of my blonde hair carefully around my finger. It's been a while since I got a trim, I'd started growing it out when I was fifteen, but now it's just getting in the way when I skate and it kind of makes me look like a girl. I push it back out my eyes and cock my head at myself in the mirror. My pale reflection bores back at me, my green eyes stay dull and unblinking.

"Yuri Plisetsky had the unforgettable eyes of a soldier." His voice echoes in my head once again.

I sigh and drop my hand, the hair falling back swiftly. That day is always on my mind. I look down at my hand, still faintly remembering his firm grip. Otabek. He'd asked me to become friends with him that day in Barcelona before the Grand Prix Finals, saying that he thought we were alike. I wanted to deny it, but the look in his eyes made me believe that he was so sure about what he was saying. It gave me a sense of hope, that maybe I wasn't so different from everyone else. We stayed in touch a little after the finals, but after a few weeks we just stopped talking all together. Yet, I still cannot stop thinking about what he said to me, how we cheered each other on, and the connection that I felt with him.

I was fifteen though, and really dumb, maybe I was overthinking everything. He'd only asked to become friends, that isn't really anything special; but, that had never happened to me before. I was always alone, kept to myself and only focused on my skating. I'd look at my competitors as enemies, except for Viktor who I strived to be one day, and Yuuri Katsuki who I respected. But everyone else, I hated them all. If I lost to them, it felt like I was being stripped of who I was and what made me happy. So when he'd asked to become my friend that day, I was scared and caught off guard, but I knew his intentions were good. He looked at me like no other person had seen me, he saw me as a soldier instead of a fairy, he gave me a confidence I didn't even know I had.

He was my first friend. Even here in Russia I never had friends, still don't to this day. They're just a distraction to me, and I've been skating since I was a young boy, all of my time is invested into mastering my routines. I never had the chance to make a connection with anyone, and then Otabek came along and pretty much forced me to make one with him.

I feel a smile tug at the edge of my lips. I wonder what he's up to now.

My cat Piroshki strides quietly into the washroom then and nuzzles my ankle. I pick him up and head downstairs, making sure to grab my jacket and sports bag before I do. My grandfather, Nikolai, is in the kitchen flipping pancakes and singing a song that I don't know. I've been living with him for a while now, I don't know who my father is and my mother is barely ever in the country. He's really my only family.

I sit down at the table and run my fingers through Piroshki's soft fur. "Hey grandpa, I'm gonna be heading out soon, can you save breakfast for me?" I ask him.

"Whaaaattt? Are you serious? But I wanted to sit down and eat with my Yuratchka today!" He pouts.

I smile and shake my head. "Sorry grandpa, but I need to practice. The new skating season is coming up soon, I can't waste my time lazing around."

"Hey," He walks over with a plate stacked high with pancakes. "Eating with your dedushka is not a waste of time young man."

I stand up, placing Piroshki carefully onto the floor. "I'm sorry, maybe tomorrow? Feed Piroshki for me when I'm gone too OK?" I feel him watching me as I slip on my jacket, I glance back at him. "What?"

He shrugs. "Oh nothing, it's just that everyday you're looking more and more like your mother."

I sneer, tugging at my long hair. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

He sighs. "Are you still angry at her for missing your birthday this year? It wasn't her fault you know, she's a very busy woman." He cuts a piece of the pancake and gives it to Piroshki. I watch him quietly as he chews then nudges his leg for more. "What a greedy cat." He mutters.

I pick up my bag, slinging it around my shoulder. "It doesn't matter if she was busy, I'm her only child, she could have at least remembered my eighteenth birthday. I'm not saying she had to come all the way here and give me a cake or something, but a call would have been nice." Even though she did forget, I'm not angry at my mom for that right now. It's her fault people are always telling me I look like a beautiful woman. I don't want to look like that, I want to look like a strong ice tiger; like a soldier.

My grandpa chuckles. "I guess you're right, that was pretty unfair of her."

I sigh. "I'm gonna get going."

"Oi, greedy cat! Get off of the table!" I hear him shout as I walk out of the door. It's cold out today, and pretty dreary too. I wonder if anyone will be at the rink when I get there, hopefully not, I feel like skating alone today, just want to clear my head.

Snow falls softly from the light grey clouds as I walk. I pull my phone out of my pocket, there's two new messages from Viktor. One is a picture of him, Yuuri, and his poodle smiling together, the other is a message asking: "Aren't we cute?"

I roll my eyes, if he sends me another stupid family photo again I'm going to flip my shit.

"I'm going to delete your number." I text back, then shove my phone back into my jacket. I reach the rink a few moments later, there's a car in the parking lot, I think it might be Mila's. Great, she's the last person I wanted to see today. I pull my hood up over my head, slinging my bag further up onto my shoulder as I push through the front doors.

I stop at one of the vending machines to get some chocolate milk, when I hear laughter come from the rink. Is there someone else in there with her? I open the bottle as I near closer, tipping some into my mouth. I see Mila skating on the ice slowly practising figures, there's another person watching closely near by. I choke on my drink when I realize who it is.

"O-Otabek?" I cough.

He turns around, dark eyes widening in surprise at me. "Yuri, hey."

Mila waves frantically. "Oh! Hey Yuratchka!" She grins.

I stand in the entrance and stare at them blankly.

She skates towards me. "Hellooooo, Earth to Yuri, are you deaf or something?"

I snap myself out of my daze quickly. "Uh, s-sorry, I just got distracted for a second." I peek at Otabek, he's skating over as well. His hair grew a bit longer and it's tied back into a small pony tail. He's wearing a sweatshirt that has the words "Russia" scrawled across the front and baggy sweatpants. Mila follows my gaze. "Oh! Did you notice the sweatshirt I bought for him at the airport?" She hugs him tightly when he comes off of the ice. "He looks cute right?"

A lump surfaces in my throat. "Wait, I'm confused, why is he here?" We make eye contact for a split second, he has a wary look in his eyes. I look away quickly.

Mila scratches the back of her neck awkwardly. "Oh yeah, come to think of it, I haven't really told anyone about this have I? I was planning to telling Yakov today after I showed Beka the rink, but I haven't gotten to it yet."

"Tell Yakov what?" I press, cringing at her nickname for him. Why do I feel so desperate to know? Why do I even care?

"Um," Otabek moves in then, putting his arm carefully around her waist. "I actually moved in with Mila a couple of days ago. I was planning on training here for a bit too."

I stare at him. "Wait, so, you guys are-"

Mila nods eagerly. "Together? A huh, we hooked up after the finals; I thought I told you about this, I guess not. But anyway," She flashes me her hand then, there's a diamond ring twisted around her finger. "We dated for like a year, and then he proposed. We're getting married!" She squeals happily.

The chocolate milk slips suddenly out of my hand and hits the floor with a thud. "Oh shit," I mutter as I bend down to clean it up.

"Hey! Be careful, you know Yakov is crazy about his carpets!"

I take my hood off. "Yeah, I know, um, I-I think I have some tissues, in my bag-"

Otabek's hand touches a piece of my hair softly. "Wow, your hair is so long now Yuri, it looks really nice." He smiles. I look at him in surprise, feeling my face turning hot. "Uh, oh yeah, I-I'm growing it out actually."

"Doesn't he look like a beautiful fairy?" Mila cooes.

I sneer at her.

"Actually, I think he looks more like a knight."

I snap my head towards him, he's giving me a soft, reassuring gaze. I try not to smile.

"OK whatever, I'm gonna go back out on the ice, Yuri clean that mess up already." Mila skates off.

I rummage through my bag for the tissues, then bend down to dab the milk up slowly.

"So, you're eighteen now right?" I hear him ask but I'm barely paying attention. I can still feel his fingers on my hair.

"Yeah." I stand up, throwing them in the trash behind me.

"I've seen you in a few competitions after the finals, you've gotten a lot better, I didn't even know that was possible." He laughs.

I watch him quietly. He looks back at me with a small smile. "Sorry for not staying in touch by the way, that wasn't OK of me. But things got really hectic after the GPF, my grandmother passed away, and then there's Mila..." He glances over at her with a lusting look in his eyes. My heart skips a beat in my chest, I look down at the floor.

"It doesn't matter, don't worry about it." I manage to say as I sit down on the bench, removing my sneakers slowly. We both had a life to go back to after the GPF, there's nothing we could do about it.

"It doesn't matter? Wow, that's kinda hurtful, I thought we were pretty close back then." He chuckles softly.

I glance up at him. "Yeah, I guess we were, but that was three years ago. Stuff happened, and there are more important things we should be focusing on now."

His watches me for a long time, then drops his head. "Heh, yeah, I guess you're right."

A sickening feeling wrenches itself into my stomach at his words. "You're right, I am."

It falls silent between us, a deep, irritating silence.

"Beka! Come skate with me before we leave!" Mila calls to him suddenly.

He nods at me before striding onto the ice, I ignore him and push down the lump that's not leaving my throat. It's funny how someone that I once considered to be a good friend, is now a complete stranger. I wonder what he thinks of me now. Did he look into my eyes and see a soldier still? Or did he see the weak and pathetic person that I've been all along? He says that he sees a knight now, I'm really not sure if that's better or worse.

I tighten my skates and stand up. It's obvious that I'll never know, and I doubt he even cares. So why, why can't I stop thinking about it? Why do I give a shit? My eyes fall on them smiling and skating together, a look is in his eyes that I'll never understand. It makes me angry and annoyed. Who even is he anymore? He's definitely not the same guy that I came to know back in Barcelona. He's changed so much, while I've been stuck here going nowhere.

Mila glances at me. "Hey, are you gonna come on the ice or not?" She shouts.

"I'm coming!" I call back. I step out onto the rink and skate over swiftly. Otabek is watching me, and there's now another look in his eyes. It's there for a split second, but I could see it.

It was nostalgia.