Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

He was covered in sweat and dirt (and a little bit of blood). Hell, they both were, and it felt disgusting. He could go for a couple hours straight under the spray of a shower with the glorious invention that was soap, but it was still better than being locked in a government prison for almost committing a crime that they didn't almost commit.

Midnight was coming soon, and he knew what that meant. It'd be time for him and Sam to say goodbye, and there was no way in Hell that he'd let Sam be the one to die. It was Dean's idea, so he figured it made sense for him to deal with the price.

Not that he had any delusions that Sam wouldn't do his best to offer himself up over Dean. They'd done this dance a hundred times, and it always ended with the world landing right in the middle of another supernatural crisis.

But hey, at least they managed to always return to being alive and fighting the good fight, so why should this time be any different? In The Empty or not, if anyone could find a way to get a soul out of there and back to Earth, it'd be Sam.

They stopped the car on a bridge just before midnight, as the signs of Billie's presence started. The lights flickered in the same way they would with a demon nearby, and maybe Billie was a demon in her own right. Making deals and taking souls. Wanting to see the Winchesters removed from the land of the living permanently.

He got out with Sam, Cas and Mary followed in confusion. They'd opted to not tell them the plan, Cas and Mary would have spent the final car ride with all of them together despairing and looking for a way to break the deal or find a loophole. It would be the same way Sam acted during the year before Dean went to Hell, and Dean wasn't sure he could deal with that again. It was exhausting trying to hold someone together when he was the reason they were falling apart.

There was a lot that he would regret, like not being able to see what the final plan was for the British Men of Letters. He didn't trust that they were being honest, but he did trust that Sam could handle it along with Mary and Cas, now that it looked like Mary was coming back.

He'd never get to really know her. But he'd gotten four years with her, so Sam deserved to have his turn to experience having a mother.

Billie was as enthusiastic as ever to be present with the purpose of reaping a Winchester once and for all, and the shock and disbelief on Mary and Cas' faces hurt to see as much as he knew it would.

Dean explained their escape, and how they needed Billie.

And Mary did the last thing he expected.

She pulled out her gun, cocked it, and pressed the barrel to her head. "I'm a Winchester," she said. "Take me."

"Works for me," Billie said.

Dean stepped forward, but he was thrown back.

Sam landed beside him.

He had to stop his mom, but getting up was a struggle. Billie hadn't just thrown them, she made it feel like they were weighed down, too. Every motion took more effort than it should.

"I love you," Mary said, her voice strained.

Dean couldn't see her face, but he didn't need to. He knew that she was close to tears, if a few hadn't spilled over already. He knew that tone of voice, because it was the same one that Sam used at his most upset ever since he was a child.

He remembered that Sam babbled to him once about how 'seeing everything in slow motion' wasn't just a saying. When the brain was under a great amount of stress and receiving too much information to process, it perceived events as happening slower. Part of evolution, or something.

Dean just nodded and didn't give it much thought, but now he experienced the phenomenon for the first time.

Sam surged forward right as Mary was about to pull the trigger and grabbed her arm so the gun no longer pointed at her, but her surprise made her fire it regardless.

Dean barely saw Billie's smile fade as Cas' angel blade protruded from her chest with a dull, blue glow, not with his mom and brother nearly blocking the path. But it was hard to focus on that small victory when Sam was falling backwards.

Dean got up and had his hands on Sam's shoulders, anything to slow his descent, but Sam was dead weight and they both ended up back on the ground.

"Sam?" Dean asked.

Mary fell to her knees next to them, and Cas followed, but Dean was focused on the blood pouring down Sam's neck.

Dean pressed his shaking fingers to Sam's pulse, but couldn't find one.

Sam had stopped their mother from shooting herself, but when he grabbed her arm, the angle of the gun made the barrel point straight up at Sam. Mary's shot in surprise sent a bullet into Sam's head from right under his chin.

If they took him to a hospital, it'd look like just another suicide.

In a way, maybe it was. The night was supposed to end with one of them committing suicide anyway, even if it wasn't in the traditional sense.

The problem was that it should have been Dean.

"Cas, fix him," Dean said.

He saw his own tears falling onto Sam, but he didn't feel them at all. He didn't feel anything at all.

"Dean, I can't," Cas said. "I'm sorry, but he's already gone."

"No, he can't be," Dean said. "He isn't in The Empty. Billie is dead, she didn't take him there."

"He might not be in The Empty, but his soul is no longer in his body. There's nothing I can do."

"No, no, no, no, no," Dean said. "You brought me back once. You brought Bobby back once. Now, bring Sam back. Please, Cas. I'm begging you, man."

"Dean, I don't have the power to do that anymore. I would if I could. I swear I would."

"I'm so sorry," Mary said. Her words were soft whispers that broke through quiet sobs. "I shouldn't have… I should've… I'm sorry."

"Mom, don't," Dean said. "We knew that this night would end with one of us dead. The was part of the entire plan. I just… It was supposed to be me."

He chuckled, but it sounded so choked and distorted that he almost didn't recognize it as his own. "But I should have known better. Sam's always been a self-sacrificing idiot," Dean said. "It was always my job to look out for him, but I never could. Now, we're running out of favors and options, and this might really be it."

Dean finally looked up at Cas and Mary. Mary's face was a blotchy red and tears streamed down. Cas looked sad in his own right, and Dean wondered if angels could cry at all.

"What if this really is the last time?" he asked. "What if Sam can't come back again?"

They didn't answer him.

Cas helped him get Sam into the car, and he started the drive back to the bunker with Mary in the passenger seat.

Dean sat in the back with Sam's body, and he tried to fool himself into believing it was just another trip home after a tough hunt where Sam fell asleep in the car.

But no soft breaths escaped his mouth this time. He didn't shift or mumble in his sleep. He was too still. Too peaceful.

Because he wasn't there. Not really. What made Sam into Sam was gone, and Dean wasn't sure that he could find a way to get it back this time.

"We'll figure it out, Dean," Cas said. "We always have before."

But this wasn't like the times before. He didn't know how to fix this, or where to start. Billie was dead, and wouldn't have dealt with him anyway. He was pretty sure that no demon would let him trade his soul for Sam again. Cas no longer had the power to resurrect. Chuck and Amara were off on their vacation and probably had their versions of Angel Radio turned off.

What options did he have left?

All he could do was whisper apologies that would never reach Sam's ears.

Author's Note: I felt like their escape was way too easy and clean. The episode needed some more drama, so I've decided to write my own version of it. This will be a very short story, but I will leave no story unfinished. That, I can promise (with the exception of a sudden, horrible death or accident).

Please review and let me know if you enjoyed the start!