Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any of its characters

A/N: Another story that seemed to pop out of nowhere. This one was so persistently stuck in my head that I needed to write it down :) I promise I will start working on the last chapter of Paying Debts soon hehe. Oh, and viewer discretion is advised. There is some coarse language as well as some trigger scenes.

It was just a normal Tuesday afternoon at the one six precinct. Amanda and Carisi were the only ones in the bullpen at that moment and both of them were waist-deep in stacks of unfinished paperwork that they had to get through by the end of the week.

"Hmmm" Amanda mumbled as she twisted her back in her chair to crack her spine. "This is never ending, I can't wait until I can just take a nice long bath at home, unfortunately, that has to wait until Jesse falls asleep" she finished as she sighed and leaned forwards to rest her head on her desk.

"A bath uh," Carisi said as he looked at her thoughtfully "I can't remember the last time I took a bath"

"Really, Carisi?" Amanda smiled at him "I thought you've been smelling lately" she teased.

"Haha, Rollins" the Italian detective responded in fake amusement "I mean my apartment doesn't have a bathtub, just a shower. Besides, if I'm going to relax I'm going to do it right by watching a scary movie, one of the classics like the exorcist."

"The exorcist? That doesn't sound relaxing at all" Amanda shook her head while rolling her eyes "last night I ended up watching one of those cheesy horror movies on the SciFi channel, stupid thing had me dreaming about killer dolls all night" she finished as she recalled her previous nightmares.

This time it was Carisi's turn to laugh at her "Dolls! You're scared of dolls" he continued to beam "thank god a doll can't assault someone then, or you would have to face your worst fears. Besides, I thought you only watched cheesy reality t.v, was there nothing on?"

"Don't laugh at me. A lot of people have fears of dolls," Amanda said as she crossed her arms in front of herself definitely. "So then what are you afraid of Mr. Tough Guy?"

Carisi took his time in considering this "I wouldn't say that I am afraid of something in particular, but if I had to choose then I would pick spiders"

"Spiders?" Amanda repeated in disbelief

"Yeah, some can be poisonous you know, and they can just hide under objects when you pick them up and you don't realize it until it's too late" Carisi tried to explain himself, it was a logical fear he believed, unlike that of dolls. "Plus, they just plain freak me out"

Amanda laughed at his explanation. Growing up in rural Georgia she became used to the little creepy crawlers at a very young age and found his problem with them humorous. "Your fear is worse than mine" she finished with a smirk.

Before Carisi could retort to Amanda's comment, Olivia walked into the bullpen. "Carisi, Rollins, I need you two to interview Johnson, Fin just confirmed Gary's alibi so he's at the top of our list again" she finished as she stopped in the middle of the room to look at her two detectives "meet him at the bank, if you ambush him at work he'll have no choice but to talk to you unless he wants his coworkers to see him dragged out by the cops"

"Rodger that Lieutenant" Carisi said as rose from his chair and swung his coat around himself. Amanda was slower in her actions to rise, but she still managed to grab the squad car keys first to drive.

It did not take long for Amanda and Carisi to arrive at the bank, especially the way Amanda drives. Unfortunately for them, Johnson had just left work due to a family emergency, his Uncle had a heart attack.

"So we drive out here to surprise him and we end up being surprised that he's gone?" Carisi said as he and Amanda pulled away from the reception desk.

Sighing Amanda pulled out her phone and called Benson. The elder woman did not answer on the first ring, so while she waited the blonde detective took in the sites of the old bank. The door was revolving glass that let a lot of light in, but other than that there were no other large natural light sources. The few windows that it had were high and almost to the roof. The place was cramped and ornately designed, with a gilded look to everything. Despite it's old, but sophisticated, appearance the building was up to date on all security features.

"I've always hated this gothic style," Amanda said to Carisi

"Really? I kind of like them" he responded right before Olivia answered the call.

"Benson, he's not here. He went to Mercy due to a family emergency. Should we head to the hospital?" She asked the elder woman

"A family emergency huh," Olivia repeated "No, just head back. We'll take another run at our Vic to see if she remembers anything more about her attacker before we speak to Johnson again" the SVU Lieutenant finished

Before Amanda could respond, five masked men ran through the revolving glass door with assault rifles in hand. The commotion causes Amanda to drop her phone and her and Carisi instinctively reach for their guns. This left Benson to hear everything that was happening on the other line.

"Don't even think about it!" the first robber yelled as he raised his gun at the two SVU detectives "I will blow you away before you can even pull your guns!"

Amanda and Carisi stood still, they cast each other a quick glance to determine what the other was going to do. They were not responding fast enough, however, as another robber came up and also yelled "if you don't put your hands up now we'll start killing people!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Carisi said as he raised one hand in surrender "we don't want any trouble," he said as he raised both hands and looked at Amanda to see her doing the same "we just want to make sure that everyone gets what they want"

"Monday, Wednesday, zip tie these two," The second robber said "I want them kept separate from the rest, right here next to us"

"On it, boss" Monday responded as he pulled Carisi's hands behind his back and tightly zip tied his hands together, while Wednesday did the same for Amanda. The three remaining robbers corralled the rest of the bank's occupants in the corner. Then the leader pulled the bank manager and took him in the back.

"Son of a bitch!" another of the robbers yelled as he leaned close to the revolving door to look outside

"What is it Tuesday!" Wednesday yelled

"The cops are here! I thought we took care of their alarm system! How in the hell did they come so fast!" he was shouting as he backed up from the door and came to stand next to the others.

"It doesn't matter how they're already here," the last robber said as he went back to grab their boss

Amanda and Carisi shared a look. They knew it had to have been Olivia, who was on the other line as the robbers came running in, who called this in. Amanda looked at her phone only to see it destroyed as one of the robbers stomped on it. "Thursday grab everyone's phones" the boss yelled as he threw the manager back with the rest of the banking staff and patrons. "They won't come in here, not while we have all of these hostages"

"You're right, Friday," Monday said in relief "we still have the upper hand"

Amanda and Carisi knew that these guys were amateurs. They were sloppy and unprepared, whatever their initial plan was it changed, now they were acting out of instinct and that was dangerous.

"What about these cops?" Wednesday asked as he gently tapped the side of Carisi's head with the barrel of his gun

"They're our most valuable hostages," Friday said as he kneeled in front of Amanda "the cops won't do anything to endanger one of their own". Friday then began to place his hands inside of Amanda's coat, she tried to squirm away but the cool steel at the back of her head caused her to freeze, just as the robber wanted. "Here it is" Friday smirked as he pulled her badge from her person, although he did take the opportunity to feel around other places as well. "Sex Crimes" he laughed as he tossed her badge to Thursday.

"So we have the rape police here" Thursday laughed as well "They're about as useful as a spoon in a sinking boat. They're no threat to us"

Once Olivia realized what was happening she immediately sent the whole department on alert. Fin had just arrived in the squad room when he saw Olivia running out "hey, what's wrong?" he asked in confusion. In all of his years working with the brunette, he had only seen her this flustered a handful of times.

"I sent Rollins and Carisi to Johnson's bank, but now it seems they're being held hostage while the banks being robbed," she said quickly still heading for the door

"Son of a bitch" Fin said back as he followed his Lieutenant

Olivia and Fin arrived at the bank faster than it had taken Amanda and Carisi. They made a beeline for the cordoned off area, but a uniformed officer tried to stop them. "I'm Lieutenant Benson, two of my people are in there. I need to see who's in charge" she said as she held up her badge.

The uniformed officer nodded and waved them through "Lieutenant Nolan is the hostage negotiator, he's in charge of this scene" the young officer explained. Olivia didn't know Nolan personally but she knew of his reputation, he was old school and did whatever it took to save as many people as possible. In his world, there was no black and white, only shades of gray. He believed the old paradigm that the good of the group took preference over the good of the individual. They made their way to the mobile command vehicle that had just arrived with the hostage negotiator inside.

"Who are these people?" The negotiator said once the pair entered the vehicle. Once again Olivia introduced herself and Fin. "I understand your concern Lieutenant, but you have no authority here, you'll just get in my way"

"I'm not leaving while my people are in danger," Olivia said pushing back at the negotiator.

"Fine, but you're staying in the background. We're all trying to get everyone to safety" Nolan said before he was interrupted by one of the tech people.

"Sir, we have the security feed up," the tech guy said as he pulled up the video on the four monitors in the command center. They could see the whole of the front part of the bank as well as the back, where the money was kept. There were a few blind spots but, for the most part, they could see what everyone was doing inside. Olivia's gaze quickly scanned the four monitors until she found her detectives bound on the floor at the feet of the robbers.

"Those your two?" Nolan questioned as he pointed at them with his hand-held radio

"Yeah" Olivia simply said, not taking her eyes off of them.

The group in the mobile command vehicle all tensed when they saw one of the robbers suddenly lift Amanda to her feet, not all that gentle, and yell "get your people to leave!"

"I can call them, but I don't think I can just get them to leave. They'll want to make sure everyone's safe and able to go home" Amanda said over the monitor

"Well, start off by calling them. Then we'll see if everyone can go home tonight," the robber said as he handed her his cell phone.

"Did he really give her his personal cell to call from?" Fin questioned aloud "these guys have no idea what they're doing" moments later Olivia's cell phone started to ring.

"Amanda" Olivia answered instantly "are you and Carisi okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay for now, but they have demands," Amanda said as she looked back at Friday. "They want..." she looks at them for indication.

Frustrated Friday grabbed the phone from her "I want you guys to leave us alone"

Nolan snapped his fingers for Olivia to hand him the phone, the elder woman hated that gesture but begrudgingly handed him the device regardless. "I know you want that son, but it's not as simple as that. See all of those people in their have family that's waiting for them. We can't just leave them like that" the negotiator said calmly as he watched the screen for the robber's body language. "How about we talk this through a little but first let me introduce myself. I am Lieutenant Nolan with the NYPD, to whom am I speaking with?"

"Just call me Friday," he said annoyed "and I don't want to talk. I want safe passage for me and my boys... uh, I want a bus that will take us to..." he paused as he began thinking. He didn't plan for any of this so he only knew what to ask for from the movies "the airport, yeah the airport and a private jet to take us to Cuba"

"That's a tall order to just ask," Nolan said in response "that'll take several hours to get ready"

"That's fine by me," Friday said confidently "We're not going anywhere"

"Alright, I'll get things started, but I'm going to need a show of good faith first. Can you release the hostages?" Nolan asked. By his count, there were around thirty hostages inside, including Amanda and Carisi, and if he could get even 10 of them out, then all the better.

"Do you think we're idiots?" Friday yelled back, if I do that then we'll lose all the leverage we have.

"Okay fair enough" Nolan responded calmly "but can you give us something? How about you release all of the women?" there were about 14 women inside the building, and that was a decent chunk of people out of harm's way.

"I can do that" Friday answered after a few thoughtful seconds, but that limits your time to four hours "after that people start getting hurt, oh and we're keeping the female cop. She's very valuable and we won't let her go that easily" he added as his men started separating the woman from the hostages and sending them to the revolving doors.

Amanda watched as Friday hung up the phone and the last of the female hostages were sent out the front. She was glad, or as glad as one could be in that situation, that they had decided to keep her because she would not have let Carisi stay behind.

Carisi, on the other hand, was greatly disconcerted that they had opted to keep Amanda with them. He would rather her at least be out of harm's way, and he didn't appreciate the way the robbers kept leering at his partner.

"So what do we do now?" Wednesday asked the ringleader "just wait and do nothing for four hours, we don't even have a television to pass the time"

"Hey, do you guys have cable?" Thursday yelled over at the remaining male hostages in the room. The few employees left quickly shook their head.

"We have a screen in the break room but it only gets local channels" the manager answered tentatively

"Ah, there's nothing on at this time of day," Monday said as he waved his hand in disgusts.

Amanda couldn't help but think that the news would be on at least, covering their very situation. She had to stop herself from shaking her head in disbelief at their ignorance. They may not be very intelligent, but they had extremely dangerous weapons on them and they didn't look too concerned about using them either.

"Come on guys, there is much more to life than watching t.v" Friday spoke up and kneeled in front of Amanda and Carisi "for one thing, we're doing something most men only dream of" he smirked and looked them over "we're going toe to toe with the cops in a battle of wits"

This time it was Carisi who had to bite his lip, he wanted to ask what wit they were using to dig themselves this far into the hole. "You're right, this is something that doesn't happen every day," Carisi said instead, trying to keep them talking. If they were talking, perhaps seeing them as people, the robbers would be less inclined to hurt the innocents.

"You say so?" Friday said as he turned his attention toward the Italian detective "and what would Mr. Sex Crimes know about bank robberies? Shouldn't you be interrogating some innocent guy that's only crime is not calling the woman back" he taunted

"Yeah, you guys must feel out of your element" Thursday laughed as he leaned against the wall resting his gun next to him.

"Thursday, you're a genius," Friday said as he got the biggest grin on his face "pick up the woman and hold her still," he told Monday who was right behind Amanda. "Why don't we make the situation more comfortable for them, by giving them something they're more used too, and more interesting for us" he smirked as he looked Amanda up and down, the rest of his boys started to understand where their boss was leading them.

"Don't touch her" Carisi nearly growled as he realized the insinuations the other man was making. He was quickly reminded that Tuesday was still behind him as he felt a slight tap on the back of his head in warning.

"What? You don't like your partner being the center of attention?" Friday laughed as he stopped right in front of Amanda "well tell me detective does this make you feel comfortable" he mocked as he groped Amanda's breast

"Hmmp" Amanda nearly grunted as the man before her squeezed hard. She tried her best not to react, but couldn't help turning her head away.

"Stop it, you're only making your situation worse by doing this" Carisi pleaded, he couldn't stand them touching her, and he didn't even want to consider what more they could do to her.

"This bothering you lass?" Friday asked Amanda but she didn't answer him. He used a little more force with his hands and repeated the question.

"No" Amanda grunted out. Of course, she didn't want them touching her, in fact, if she could she would lose no sleep in shooting the man on the spot. But, she knew better and had to give the answer that would cause the least harm to the other hostages in the room, and that included Carisi.

"Hear that boys she likes it" Friday laughs as he returned his gaze to Carisi only to realize that Amanda and the young Italian detective were making direct eye contact, the look they were sharing seeming more than just one between colleagues. "Wait a second? Are you two together?" he says the question he had just been thinking.

"What? No" Amanda quickly answered, She was surprised by the question but didn't want their focus to shift onto Carisi for his sake.

Carisi didn't answer though and continued to give a death glare to the robbers. "You are dating" he smirked "I can see it in his eyes, or at least he wants to date her". Friday turned back to Amanda "so have you fucked him yet?"

Amanda was silent for a few seconds and the robber began to get frustrated again, but this time he slapped her in the face as he repeated the question. "No, we're not together" she finally answered "he's my partner for work"

"Just your partner..." he looked between them "I can see something more, or there could have been". He looks back over his shoulder at Carisi bound and still on his knees. Friday then steps behind Amanda, making sure that he could still see Carisi, and undoes the top button of Amanda's pants. Amanda instantly knew what he was trying to do and started to get away but the two other robbers helped Friday hold her in place.

"Stop it!" Carisi yelled as he watched this unfold before him "don't touch her" he tried again in vain

"What, you don't like the fact that I'm getting more from her than what you'll ever get" he taunted him. "I would even bet money that she's a good fuck" he sneered as he eased his hand under Amanda's pants. The Blonde detective withered against his touch. "You know what boys, I have a better way to waste the time we have left," he said looking at his fellow robbers "I saw a comfy looking couch in the break room, let's go have some fun with this skank"

"What about the hostages?" Wednesday asked "who will watch them?"

"Great thought" Friday answered "Wednesday and Thursday, you guys stand watch while the rest of us have some fun, you can get her on the second round"

"Thanks a lot," Thursday said to Wednesday as the other three laid their guns against the wall and began to lead Amanda to the back.

"No!" Carisi said as he pushed his way to his feet "you can't do this! I won't let you hurt her"

"You won't let us hurt her?" Friday repeated "you don't have much of a choice, besides, I think she's going to enjoy herself quite fine" he looked Carisi up and down again. "But maybe I'll give you a choice. Right now it's all about power for me and watching someone suffer. You can take her place and let us ram a dick in you"

Carisi blanched at his proposal, he didn't know what to say. The young detective's shock and lack of answer caused Friday to give an evil sneer. "I knew you weren't man enough," he said as he punched Carisi in the gut knocking the wind from his lungs and sending him to his knees again. "It doesn't really matter, either way, if it was you or her, I bet we'd find a pussy regardless" he spat and turned away.

"No" Carisi groaned in pain as he tried to regain his breath. "Don't take her!" he said with his head on the floor but his hand reached up in the air. His eyes were tearing up from the blow and the fact that he couldn't save Amanda from those men. In his mind, he was a failure as a cop, as her partner, as a man.

"Oh, so you want some more?" Friday said as he stepped back and prepared to kick Carisi

"Stop it! Please, don't hurt him" Amanda yelled and tried to pull away from Tuesday and Monday's grasp "I'll do whatever you want. Please don't hurt him" she pleaded in earnest. She couldn't stand to see them hitting Carisi, and she was willing to sacrifice herself if it meant protecting him.

"Fine" Friday huffed as he turned away "I should save the pounding for you" he finished as he smacked Amanda's ass and walked in front of the group to lead them to the break room.

"No, no, no" Carisi kept on repeating as he could do nothing but watch them take Amanda away. The tears continued flowing freely down his face at his pathetic state of helplessness, unable to protect her. Forced to listen to the beginnings of their assault on the for whom he cared the most about.

Olivia and Fin could only watch in horror as the scene played out before them, the people inside the bank having no idea that those on the outside could see and hear their every move. The moment the robbers started touching Amanda they demanded that Nolan send in the SWAT team. The negotiator refused, saying that it would be bad timing to send them in like that. He did try to call the robbers again using the same number, but every call went unanswered. They knew that Friday's cell must be on silent causing the man to be completely ignorant to the fact that the cops were trying to reach him.

"Do something!" Olivia yelled as she watched Friday punch Carisi and send him to his knees "they're hurting my people! They're going to rape my detective!" she finished in rage. She wouldn't just sit back and watch Amanda get raped. She would rather jump into the situation with her own gun ablaze then know that she failed to protect one of her subordinates. In Olivia's mind, this was her fault. She sent Amanda and Carisi in their in the first place. Anything that happened to them would be on her.

"You don't think I know that!" Nolan snapped back "I've tried communicating with them, but these idiots are too preoccupied with their little game. SWAT is in position now, they're just waiting for my signal, and I won't give it until I know the time is right"

"And what time would that be! When they're raping my partner!" Fin yelled back getting in Nolan's face

"Step back detective or I will have you removed from this scene" Nolan pushed back "I don't like this any more than you do, but these are the facts. Three of the five armed robbers just laid down their guns to assault your detective in the break room. This could be the best scenario, it leaves us with only two armed hostiles to deal with while the others are distracted"

"They already put their guns down, what are you waiting for then?" Olivia demanded as she looked back to the screen to see that they disappeared with Amanda somewhere where there is no video feed.

"We don't have eyes in the break room, we need to wait a few minutes for them to get warmed up to storm the place or else they may be able to get back to their weapons" Nolan explained with an authoritative voice.

"The hell, you're going to sacrifice my detective and wait for them to rape her before you send in the cavalry!" Olivia yelled back in horror

"If it means saving the rest of the hostages, then yes, I'll sacrifice your detective's virtue. Don't worry, I'll recommend she get some commendation for her efforts here" he said making it seem like that would make everything alright.

"The fuck you will!" Fin yelled and was about to grab onto the negotiator, but Olivia beat him to it.

The SVU Lieutenant grabbed Nolan's hand-held radio and gave the signal for SWAT to move in. Seconds later they heard SWAT breach the perimeter. "Bitch, what the hell do you think you're doing" Nolan yelled "I will have your shield for this"

"I'm doing your job, making sure that everyone comes out fine, and don't think I won't go to 1PP and tell them how you planned to let a detective get raped for several minutes before you wanted to send in SWAT," Olivia said in anger and defiance. They heard the all clear over the radio and they knew that the situation had ended. Olivia and Fin quickly ran from the mobile command center to the bank to check on their coworkers.

They ran inside to see Carisi still on his knees, but next to him was the two dead bodies of his guards and a SWAT team member helping the Italian detective to his feet. "Carisi!" Olivia yelled as they came up to him

"Forget about me, find Amanda!" he yelled as he rubbed his hands after they were cut free of the zip tie that was holding them together.

Olivia nodded and took off down the hallway to the break room to find her youngest detective, hoping beyond hope that they didn't hurt her. The elder woman's heart dropped however as she turned the corner into the recreational room to see Amanda on the floor in nothing but her panties rubbing her bruised wrists while also tried to cover her chest. "Amanda," Olivia said with heartfelt sympathy as she finished the few steps it took to reach the younger woman. "Are you alright?" She asked as she took off her coat and draped it around her youngest detective's shoulders to help cover her exposed body.

Amanda didn't answer her question, but instead just kept her head down and nodded.

"Baby girl," Fin said using his pet name for her "you need to go to the hospital" he finished knowing that she was going to fight them on that issue. For as long as he knew her, she hated hospitals and nearly always refused to get checked out.

"I'm fine they didn't hurt me..." Amanda said in a voice only stronger than a whisper while still refusing to make eye contact. "How's Carisi?" she questioned, needing to know that the other two robbers didn't hurt him.

"He's no worse for the wear, with all thing considering," Fin said with a sad shrug.

The paramedics entered the room at that moment. They quickly set their medical bag down and tried to inspect Amanda's condition. "Don't touch me," the young detective hissed as she pulled away from them and scooted closer to the wall "I fine". At her words, the paramedics stopped and gave Olivia a concerned stare. They knew who they were, these particular EMT's had been called to several crime scenes that SVU was also called to. They also knew that a potential victim of any kind of sexual assault had to be treated with care and given space when asked.

"Amanda, let them do their job. We only want to make sure that you're okay" Olivia said in a soothing voice as she stayed kneeling next to her youngest detective.

"I'm okay, why can't y'all just take my word for it" she answered back instantly, finally making eye contact "I just want to go home to Jesse. Please, Liv, Fin, why can't you get that"

"I do get that, Amanda. I really do, but we need more than what you're feeling. You're in shock right now and the adrenalin you're feeling could be blocking you from even knowing that you're injured" Olivia explained as she gently reached for Amanda's hand. The elder woman was half surprised when Amanda didn't pull away.

The young detective was silent for several seconds before she finally gave in. "Fine, I'll go to the hospital, but you're not touching me" she gave a pointed look at the paramedics "and someone needs to be with Carisi right now, I'm worried about him"

"Okay, Amanda," Olivia answered her "Fin will stay with Carisi and I'll go with you to the hospital" with a nod Fin left the room to tend to their other colleague

"You don't need to do that, you're going to have enough to deal with already with all of this chaos," Amanda said with a sigh. Without waiting for a response she tried to lift herself off the floor but faltered on her unsteady limbs in the attempt. The jacket she was holding around herself almost falling open.

"Whoa, I got you," Olivia said as she reached out for Amanda and helped her up. The younger woman didn't say anything in response but also didn't pull away either. After some coaxing, Amanda finally agreed to lay on the gurney and let herself be covered by their blankets. The ride to the hospital was quiet and uneventful, with Amanda still refusing to let the EMTs touch her. Once at Mercy, Olivia had to wait in the waiting area while hospital staff attended to the young blonde.

"How is she?" The SVU Lieutenant asked the moment she saw Dr. Walker heading her way.

"A few abrasions, especially around her wrists, and contusions on her breasts and hips," The African-American woman said with a voice of professionalism that came with years on the job "but, she will be able to go home today"

Olivia nodded slightly as the results were given to her, she was relieved that there had been no major injuries, but she still didn't know how far those men were able to go with Amanda. "Was she raped?" Olivia decided to ask point blank, she didn't feel like beating around the bush at that moment.

"All I can tell you is that she denied having a rape kit done" Dr. Walker explained "now if you excuse me, I have to return to my rounds"

Olivia sighed at the Doctor's words. She had to speak to Amanda.

"Come in," Amanda said as Olivia knocked at the hospital room door "I just finished changing" she had been given some hospital scrubs to put on, they were a size too large and made her look even more fragile.

"Amanda, I just spoke to Dr. Walker" Olivia explained as she entered the room

"Good, then you know I can go home" she responded instantly, not wanting this conversation to go on for long

"Yes, I was told, but I was also made aware that you denied a rape kit," Olivia said not deciding to pull any punches "it would be best to document what they did to you"

"They didn't do anything" Amanda snapped back "they didn't get the chance, okay, SWAT came in before they could"

Olivia nodded slowly, she could tell that Amanda was being on the defensive with this "Okay, Amanda, they didn't rape you" she said, but her tone of voice indicated that she truly didn't believe her "but, they did sexually assault you and we need to gather that evidence as well... you know this..." she was cut off by Amanda

"What's the point, Liv," she said as she pursed her lips, exhaustion playing on her features. "They're already going down for life for their stunt at the bank, and two of them were killed at the scene. So tell me, what's the point in putting me through the embarrassment of going through a rape kit when they didn't completely rape me"

"Completely rape you?" Olivia repeated, catching onto Amanda's strange choice of words.

"I..." Amanda sighed knowing she messed up. "I don't want to talk about it" she cut off abruptly, but Olivia just kept giving her that compassionate stare that told Amanda she wouldn't leave until she got the truth.

"Amanda" Olivia began "you know how important it is for victims to talk about what they've been through. What it can do for their healing process"

"I'm not a victim, okay! Don't call me that, I let them do what they did so they wouldn't hurt Carisi. I wasn't weak this time" Amanda said defiantly with anger lacing her voice.

'Wasn't weak this time' Olivia repeated in her head, and then it clicked. Amanda was referring to her assault from her old Deputy Chief in Atlanta. "No, Amanda, you're right. You were not, you did something not many people could have done... and I was wrong to call you a victim because you're not. You're a survivor, but please know that doing a rape kit or talking about what they did to you won't make you weak. It will only make you stronger. I should know, I had to do it twice before" she finished as she referenced her time with Lewis.

Amanda thought about her boss' words for a few seconds "okay" she finally sighed "I'll do the rape kit, if only to prove that they didn't rape me. But I don't want to give a statement about what they did do to me, please" she said with an almost pleading voice "they're going to plead guilty anyway, I don't want my own statement to be taken down when it won't be needed anyway"

"Amanda" Olivia began, she knew that even if the robbers took a plea deal, Amanda's statement was important to have on record.

"No, Liv, I won't budge on this," the younger woman said firmly

"Fine, but I'm going to make it mandatory for you to speak to a counselor, and not just the department counselor who will clear you for duty, but a different one who will be looking out for your best interest and not the departments" Olivia declared leaving no room for negotiation.

Amanda begrudgingly agreed to her terms, knowing that Olivia only wanted to do right by her.

Several days had passed since the incident at the bank. Amanda and Carisi had been put on leave until they could be evaluated and cleared by a therapist. Usually, Amanda would have been railing against such a decision, but this time the young blonde simply enjoyed the time she had with her daughter and dog. The nightmares were coming every night like she expected them to, but they weren't all consuming. Amanda was just grateful to be able to be with Jesse.

The young mother still had several mandatory visits left to the therapist before she could return to work and, in truth, she was coping better than she thought she would be. She would never tell anyone this out of her own pride but Olivia was right, talking to someone did help.

Amanda had just put Jesse down for a nap when there was a knock at the door. The young blonde detective didn't think twice before going to answer it, thinking it would be Fin or Olivia. The two had been there for her more than she would have ever expected. They were almost constantly by her side if they weren't at work and usually she would feel smothered, but they were both respectful of the space she needed at the same time. Always picking up on the subtle hints when Amanda just needed to be alone.

The person she did not expect to see at her door was the very person she had opened it to, Carisi. The young Italian detective and she had not seen or spoken to each other since the incident. She had asked about him to Olivia and Fin, and she assumed that he did the same but the two did not speak directly. Once the door was open they stood there in awkward silence for several seconds each waiting for the other to talk first, until Amanda finally broke the silence. "Carisi... um, why don't you come in. Have a cup of coffee or a bottle of scotch" Amanda added trying to lighten the mood but failing.

Carisi just entered the apartment in silence and made his way to the kitchen counter and leaned against it. Not knowing what else to do Amanda began to prepare two cups of Coffee while she waited for her partner to gain the courage to say whatever he needed to.

"I lied" Carisi blurted out suddenly causing Amanda to stop her task.

She looked at him in confusion "Carisi, what are you talking about?"

"I lied, that Tuesday before the bank, I lied when I said that my biggest fear was spiders" he paused and gave Amanda a pained look "my biggest fear is watching you get hurt and being powerless to stop it" his voice cracks as he said this. Tears begin to stream down his face and the pure emotional pain is visible in all of his features. "I should have switched places with you when he asked me. I shouldn't have been so weak. I don't deserve to be your partner anymore. How can you trust me to watch your back again when I could only watch them hurt you?" he continued to say as he broke down in front of her.

"Carisi," Amanda said softly as she got closer to him. She began to shush him as she leaned her head against his chest and gently rubbed his back. Without thinking Carisi instantly wrapped his arms around her as well. "Carisi, even if you offered to take my place, I wouldn't have let you do that, and don't even for a second think that I don't trust you to watch my back. In fact, I'm not sure I could trust someone else to watch it as well as you could. So don't even think about asking for a new partner when we return to work"

Carisi just stared at her blankly after she finishes. "How can you say that, Amanda, how can you still trust me?"

"Simple" she replies and leans up close to him

"Simple?" Carisi repeated

Amanda nodded and gently kissed his lips before pulling away "you're one of the few people I can trust absolutely, with my life and..." she kisses him again and this time he kisses her back. They stay together like that for several seconds longer, and for the first time since the incident, they both felt truly at peace.

A/N: Well I hope you guys liked this story, it's the longest one-shot I've ever written :) I have been having a really rough past couple of days so I just wanted to hurt something, in this case, Amanda and Carisi (I hope the attack wasn't too graphic or disturbing), but then I also wanted to give them a somewhat happy ending :) Thanks for reading.