A/N: I don't use misspelling to display accents. Numbuh Four has an Australian accent. Please use your imagination to compensate.
Disclaimer: I'm not an owner, I'm just a random shipper.
Four Reasons Why
On an average day after an average mission, Numbuh Two and Numbuh Four sat at the bar at Lime Ricky's, as they often did.
"Boy, you shoulda seen the look on Nightbrace's face when I busted through the door and kicked him in the stomach!" Wally chuckled.
"Yeah, well Mr. Boss was..." Hoagie trailed off as he caught sight of a pretty girl he didn't know taking a seat at the end of the bar.
"Numbuh Two?" Wally frowned. He followed his friend's eyes. "Oh, no. Now, don't-"
"Watch my root beer." Hoagie said confidently. Wally slapped his hand over his eyes and grumbled inaudibly to himself as the larger boy got out of his seat and headed toward the end of the bar. He didn't bother to look up at the scene unfolding before the other patrons of the bar: After all, he'd seen the same thing countless times before. He instead turned his attention toward his own drink.
Less than a minute later, Numbuh Two resumed his seat, sporting a new, angry red starfish on his cheek.
The two sat in comfortable silence for a while, pretending nothing had happened, but as the minutes wore on, Wally's face began to take on a troubled look.
"Hey, uh, Numbuh Two?" He finally started nervously.
"Yeah, Numbuh Four?"
"I been thinkin'. You hit on every cruddy girl you ever see that's our age, and even a few that aren't. How come you never hit on Numbuh Three or Numbuh Five? Or Numbuh Three? Is it 'cause she's...I mean 'cause they're your teammates? Like, you won't date in the team or somethin'?"
Numbuh Two gave a sly grin, then wiped it away quickly, a nonchalant look on his face. "Nah, that's not why. The reason's totally different. Not that it matters. It's not important, anyway, right?"
"Yes! I mean, No! I mean...nah, it's not important at all. I was just a little curious, is all. Heh, heh." Numbuh Four looked even more troubled now.
Hoagie laughed and slapped his buddy on the back. "Relax, Numbuh Four, I'll tell you so you don't drive yourself crazy tonight thinking about it. The reason I don't hit on Kuki is pretty obvious. If you pay attention to my pattern, even though it seems like I hit on everyone, I'm actually very careful never to hit on a girl who's already taken."
"Oh, so that was it." Wally said in relief. The both sipped their sodas. Then his face made a quick series of changes, from comprehension, to horror, to fury. "Wait, what do you mean, 'taken'? Kuki has a BOYFRIEND?!" He grabbed Hoagie by the shirt and shook him. "Who is he?! I'll kill him! I'll kill his cruddy dogs! I'll-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I said relax, buddy!" Hoagie laughed even harder as he threw up his hands in surrender. "She's not actually dating the guy! When I said 'taken', I just meant that she has someone she likes who also likes her back. That's taken enough, as far as I'm concerned."
"Oh." Wally slowly released Hoagie and turned back to his drink despondently. He stared into his cup without taking a sip. "So...so Kuki likes someone, huh?" His hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly. "So who is the guy? Just, you know, out of curiosity. And stuff."
Hoagie eyed his buddy with amusement. "Here's a hint. He's a teammate, too."
"Numbuh One?!" Wally's eyes widened "But he's...I mean sure, he's kinda...but...but...
"Come on, Numbuh Four. Think for once. Nigel's already dating Lizzie, remember?"
"Oh, yeah." The wheels started turning again. "Someone on the team. There's Numbuh One, and..."
"It's not me, either."
"So it IS Numbuh One!" Wally said in a mix of anger and sadness.
"No."
"Well, then I don't know what you're talking about!" Wally exploded. "Start making sense, already! You say it's someone on the team, then you say it's not you or Numbuh One. There's somethin' wrong with your math."
Hoagie just stared at his friend in amazement. "Wow. I feel sorry for Kuki. She's got a looooooooong, hard road ahead of her."
"What the crud are you talking about!?" Wally shouted.
"Nevermind. Let's just say I don't hit on Numbuh Three 'cause she's not my type, okay?" Hoagie said in exasperation.
"Oh. Well, why didn't you just say so?" Wally gave a relieved chuckle, but his face immediately darkened. "Wait, what do you mean she's not your type? What's wrong with her?"
"Geez, you are such a pain sometimes! Um," Numbuh Two thought, then answered with exaggerated sarcasm, "It's because she's too pretty. I like girls who are less pretty than Numbuh Three. Which is all of them."
"Yeah, that makes sense." Numbuh Four agreed happily. "Uh, not that I notice. Or think so. I just know that some other people to think so." He finished with a concerned glance around to make sure no one else was listening.
"Riiiiiiight." Numbuh Two shook his head in annoyance.
They both returned to their drinks, a little relieved that the harrowing conversation was over, though each for different reasons. But Wally began to look troubled again, though not so troubled as the last time.
"Hey, Numbuh Two."
"Yeah?" Hoage asked through gritted teeth.
"You never did tell me about Numbuh Five."
Hoagie sighed a long sigh. He'd hoped the conversation was over, but as usual, Wally's memory seemed to work properly only when Hoagie really didn't want it to. He said the first thing that came to mind. "It's cause she's a teammate. I don't hit on teammates."
Wally's brow furrowed. "But you just said-"
"Alright, fine! I don't hit on Numbuh Five because...when she shoots me down...it actually hurts." He finished in a whisper.
Numbuh Four had leaned in to make sure he heard every word, but he didn't understand at all. He sat back in concentration, aware that for some reason his buddy didn't want to talk about this anymore, but still wanting to know. With no other option, he put his considerable intellect on the case.
Finally, his face cleared as comprehension dawned on him. "Ah." He nodded his understanding. "Yeah. So that's how it is, huh?"
"That's how it is." Hoagie replied.
"Yeah. Numbuh Five is pretty strong, huh? I bet a slap from her wouldn't fade in a couple minutes like the one from that sheila at the other end of the bar, huh?" He said, proud of his critical thinking skills.
"Oh, yes. Whether she means to or not, Abby leaves scars that last a long, long time."