-CALLIE'S POV-

"Calliope, I don't understand why we have to invite her?" I sigh in annoyance, we have had this discussion several times over the past few weeks since we got engaged and it never ends well and after a twelve hour shift, I just don't have the energy for another argument.

"Penny, please I have told you before that I don't like being called by my full name, can you not just respect that?" I ask, hoping that I could change the conversation direction, but I know instantly as soon as her nostrils begin to flare, that I have probably just made things worse and the argument has now been solidified. I can literally feel every muscle in my upper body tensing as I await the explosion I know is coming.

"well SHE called you Calliope" my fiancé snaps and I have to make a conscious effort to not roll my eyes at her over pronunciation of the word she.

"SHE has a name, and SHE is the mother of my daughter and although we don't talk that much these days SHE is still one of my best friends and is an important person in my life" I snap, I know that I shouldn't rise to the bait she laid out for me but I cant help myself but defend Arizona, Penny only refers to Arizona as 'she' when she's angry at me and is goading me into an argument, but if my fiance wants me to actually marry her then she needs to accept Arizona's position in my life and get on board, I'm not going to cast her aside just because Penny is a little jealous of my ex-wife.

"Well SHE is your past and I am your present, surely that has to mean something... how about I invite all of my ex's to our wedding?" Penny almost sneers in anger and I cant help but scoff at her, I can feel my resolve to not argue dwindling quickly, and I can just feel that this argument is going to end up causing me to sleep on the couch, but right now, I actually don't care, I'm sick of having this same argument.

"Penny... Arizona may be my past in the sense that she is my ex-wife, however she is the mother of my daughter, she is one of my best friends she is still a part of my present and will always be a part of my future, if you cant accept that then perhaps we shouldn't get married. And for the record, if you wish to invite your ex's to celebrate our wedding, that's fine, just give me the names and addresses so that we can send them some invites" I smile sweetly, knowing fine well that I'm calling her bluff.

"Callie, she is your EX-WIFE! Do you honestly think I want your ex-wife there on my wedding day? It's just weird! And how do I introduce her to my parents? 'oh hey mom, hey dad, this is Callies ex-wife, she's here today because MY WIFE apparently cant do a single thing without her ex-wife's consent and attendance even on my wedding day'?" Penny spits at me and I can see the red flush of anger spreading across her cheeks. The double use of 'my wedding' doesn't slip by me and I cant help but feel annoyed that she is making it all about her.

"You know what Penny, I'm going to make this really simple for you, because I'm sick of this argument, I'm sick of your jealousy over Arizona... if you want me to be there on YOUR wedding day, then my EX-WIFE will be sitting there to support me. If you cant accept that and be supportive, then it looks like the

engagement is off" I snap, I know, I know, it's harsh and I know it sounds unreasonable of me, but I have always been an independent and strong willed person, when something is important to me I don't back down, and Penny knows this and still asked me to marry her, so she is going to have to play ball or lose out. Callous I know, but im not backing down on this.

"You know what Callie, fine, if you have to have her there then fine. But just so you know, I wont be holding back on my affection for you because it may make her uncomfortable, and you can explain to my parents why she is even there" Penny growls, literally growls, something I have never heard her do before.

"That's fine, I will happily introduce your parents to the mother of my child, I have nothing to hide, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about her presence in my life" I state, ignoring her threat about the affection, I'm not an overly affectionate person with Penny in public anyway, it just doesn't seem to be a part of our relationship dynamics.

"Fine Callie" she growls again, and I know from that growl that she must be really pissed off with me as she turns on her heel and storms towards our bedroom. I let out a sigh of relief that our argument seems to be over and begin making my way towards the only place I want to be right now, my bed, so I can sleep off this exhaustion. I barely make it five steps before Penny reappears in the door hole and throws my pillows in my direction before challenging me with an icy glare, I cant help but scoff at her immature antics before I hear the bedroom door slam, the apartment literally trembles with the power of it and in all honesty, I'm a little relieved that at least I know the argument is over for the night and I can just pass out on the couch and get some sleep.

It has pretty much been like this since the moment we moved to New York, there is always something we find to fight about, but as frustrating as it is, the make up sex is always great, so I cant complain really.

As I lay on the couch I cant help but ponder over how I got to where I am right now, I mean... I do love Penny, it's not that I love her less or more than Arizona, it's just a different type of love, and Penny does make me happy, we have a lot of arguments but we also have a lot of good times, we laugh and smile and although nothing will be able to replace my Seattle family... the people I work with in New York are nice enough... they just aren't... MY people.

In the years that I worked at Grey Sloan Memorial I bonded with the people there, Bailey was always the hard ass... I mean you cant be nicknamed the Nazi without being a hard ass, but once you got to know her you could see the loving and sentimental side of her which she reserved for people lucky enough to be included in her inner circle, and I am proud to have earned that right to be there. Mark was one of my people, and I hate that he isn't around anymore, I have found myself many times wondering if Mark was still alive if I would even be in New York right now, whether he would have given me a pep talk, or Arizona, or both of us... whether he would have found a way to help us find a way to survive all the crap that tore us apart. Christina was always a rock for me too, although she was one of those people that I would never have imagined being one of my friends, she became a very close friend and confidant, even Mer. When I first met Meredith Grey I couldn't stand her, I gave her a chance for George, but I didn't like her, but she grew on me and became one of my closest friends. Then there is the chief. Well Richard. He became almost a father figure to me. Of course there is Arizona... there is always Arizona, and I miss her so much. I find myself at several points throughout each day just wanting to talk to her...

sometimes it's about something that's happened in my day and I want to share it with her, other times the need for her guidance or support overcomes me, sometimes it's something as silly as something a patient or colleague says and I want to share it with her as I know it will make her giggle in that way that always made my stomach flutter like there was tiny butterflies in there, I miss that feeling, I can remember the last time I felt it and it was far too long ago, and I cant help but long for an excuse to make her giggle so that i can feel that flutter and the rush that comes with it, the rush of knowing that the only person who can create that sensation is my soulmate.

I sigh in frustration when I realize that once again my thoughts have turned to missing Arizona, I need to just push through this, Arizona is my past, despite what I say to Penny, she is my past and I need to let it go. I will never meet anyone that I will love as deeply as I did her, I will never share that connection and bond with anyone else, and I do love Penny, just not in the hopelessly requited way that I will always love my ex-wife. But I cant be with Arizona, in fact the last I heard, she had a girlfriend and they had been together for a month or two, I cant say that I'm not jealous, but in honesty, deep down, I am happy for her, she deserves to be happy and she deserves to be with someone that can make her happy and safe in a way that I failed at. No, I love Penny and she does make me happy, and if Penny wants a wedding and wants to get married then I'm not going to deny her of that just because I don't believe in marriage or happy endings anymore, I mean after being divorced twice and once to my soulmate, who could believe in all that stuff anymore? Penny makes me happy and I do love her, so if she wants a wedding I will give her that, I mean I have already told her that I don't want anymore children, I don't want to have a child that isn't with my soulmate, I can compromise on the wedding but not on a child's life and Penny says that she is ok with, that. No I will marry Penny and I will force a smile on my face and make it the best day that it can be for her, i just hope I'm not making a huge mistake.